Abide with Me

by E. Lynn Harris

  Raymond was listening to the soft sounds of gospel music coming from the bedroom when the door suddenly opened.

  “Come on in and meet the lady of the house,” Peaches said.

  Raymond searched Peaches’s face for some clue as to what awaited him on the other side of the door.

  “Come on,” Peaches said, “she don’t bite!”

  A large four-poster bed dominated the tiny bedroom. The only other furniture in the room was a nightstand covered with all shapes and sizes of prescription medicine bottles and a long chest of drawers with four Styrofoam heads on top. Three of the heads flaunted differently styled and colored wigs. Someone had drawn faces on each head. One smiling, one frowning, one laughing, and one coquettish-looking face with lips puckered up for a kiss. The frowning head was bare.

  “Miss Kitty, I would like for you to meet my dear friend Raymond Tyler.”

  Miss Kitty was propped up on peach-colored satin sheets under a mauve comforter. A box of tissues lay alongside something Raymond hadn’t seen in years: a pink Princess phone with a rotary dial!

  Miss Kitty did not look well. She seemed sunken into the red kimono robe, and the frowning-face auburn wig now atop her own head was off center. Her eyes were dark brown and solemn.

  Her voice and mannerisms, however, were strong and brash.

  “Raymond, is it? It’s absolutely divine to make your acquaintance. Peaches has told me so much about you. She said you was good-looking, but she didn’t say you were phine, baby,” Miss Kitty said as she tapped the bed with her ruby-red polished nails. “Please. Do have a seat.”

  Raymond looked nervously around the room, to no avail, for another place to sit. “Here, sit here,” Miss Kitty said, patting her bed.

  “I can stand,” Raymond said as he tried to manage a friendly smile.

  “Well, suit yourself. I hear you’re going to help Miss Peaches save her place,” Miss Kitty said.

  “I’m doing my best,” Raymond said.

  “I just think they want her out so they can git rid of people like me. But they don’t know who they fuckin’ with, do they, Miss Peaches?” Miss Kitty said as she looked at Peaches.

  “You got that right,” Peaches said. “You feel like eatin’ sumthing, baby? I made some ham hocks.”

  “Yeah, make me a little plate while I sit here and talk to this man. I can’t tell you the last time I had a man in my boudoir, but that’s what got me in this mess anyhow.” Miss Kitty laughed.

  “Are you taking the new drugs?” Raymond asked.

  “Yeah, baby, I am when I can git ’em. They so expensive, though, and some of ’em make me sicker than I was before I started takin’ ’em.”

  “Why are the drugs hard to get?” Raymond wondered aloud.

  “They cost money, baby. And since Mommy can’t shake her groove thang and work, then I have to depend on my little disability check and Miss Peaches.”

  “What kind of work did you do?”

  “I’d do a little hair every now and then. And I did some of my good-good girlfriends’ taxes, ’cause Mommy was good at math, but mostly I was a performer. You know, impersonations. My favorites were Patti LaBelle and Tina Turner. Honey, I would work the kids’ last nerve when I was in my prime. I gave them fever,” Miss Kitty said in a high and pinched voice. She clapped her hands and clearly was enjoying the memory.

  “I bet you were something else,” Raymond said as he sat on the edge of Miss Kitty’s bed. Her laughter had made him feel more comfortable.

  While Peaches prepared Kitty’s plate, Raymond learned her history. Miss Kitty had been born in Columbia, South Carolina, and christened Kendall David Summerhill. Kendall had moved to New York when he was sixteen, after he was nearly beaten to death by a local football player who had unknowingly fallen for Miss Kitty’s beauty and charm, without knowing the young Miss Kitty was actually Kendall.

  Miss Kitty told a story of young love gone bad.

  “I used to dress up in my sister’s clothes and go downtown, away from my neighborhood, where nobody knew me. I would put on some of her best outfits and underthings and one of my mama’s many church wigs. I would put the things in my book bag, catch the bus, and go to the Greyhound bus station and change. That’s where I met Steven, and for almost a year, we would meet. He had no clue what I was packin’ between my legs.”

  Raymond couldn’t resist a question. “So I guess you guys weren’t intimate?”

  “Child, yeah, we were intimate. That’s why he tried to kill Mommy. I would tuck my stuff real tight between my legs and when Steve would feel down there it felt just like pussy. And since we would always be in the car, and it would be at night, he never knew. That is, until I got silly and let him go too far.”

  “So he was pretty mad, huh?”

  “You ain’t said nuthin’. But I packed up my beat-up face and I went back to that Greyhound bus station and caught a bus to New York City, to become a star, darling! And I was.”

  “What did your parents say?”

  “Those country-ass, low-life mutherfuckers didn’t have a chance to say nuthin’. After I was nearly beaten half to death, my daddy, who always smelled like he had fallen into a liquor well, tried to kill me too. Tellin’ me what a disgrace I was. I wasn’t having it. So one night when they were all asleep, I booked. And it was good riddance to small towns and small minds,” Miss Kitty said as her voice broke and her eyes welled with tears.

  Silence filled the room for a few seconds. Raymond didn’t know what to say or do. He realized how brave and strong she was. Miss Kitty/Kendall was thrust by fate in the front ranks of the gay rights movement, one of those gay people who were abused just because of their physical appearance and mannerisms. Raymond and Trent were never mistreated or disrespected by strangers because they were black gay men, because most hatemongers couldn’t tell they were gay by just looking at them. They had never been physically threatened because of their sexuality. Raymond knew Miss Kitty and others like her made him nervous because he had always been afraid that when he acknowledged that he was gay, people would assume he wanted to look and be treated like a woman.

  Now he wanted to comfort Miss Kitty, but instead he shut his eyes tightly and felt the emotions knotting up his stomach. Suddenly he heard Peaches’s voice.

  “Kitty, you ain’t scaring Raymond, are you?” she asked as she came into the bedroom carrying a plate on a TV tray.

  “Well, he still here, ain’t he?” Miss Kitty said as she took a tissue from the bedside supply and dabbed the corners of her eyes. After regaining her composure, she firmly placed her back against the pillows lined against the headboard.

  “Yes, he is. And ain’t that a blessing,” Peaches said, placing the tray over Miss Kitty’s lap.

  37

  For Raymond, Wednesday, hump day, had been a good day. He was making progress with a loan officer and the landlord’s attorney. He figured he could wrap up everything within the week and return home. Raymond discovered the workouts with Basil, or maybe just nervous energy, had helped him lose some pounds. The suit pants he had brought from Seattle were not fitting the same way. Now he needed a belt. The weight loss was further confirmed when he went out and bought several pairs of black, size 32 jockey underwear, which fit snug and sexy. He was almost back to his prerelationship weight.

  Raymond was even looking forward to an evening with his trainer/nemesis, Basil Henderson. He had decided to give himself his full five-step date-prep grooming treatment. Before he started, Raymond smiled and thought of Kyle and how the two of them had created their grooming prep when they were both single and heading out for a night on the prowl. First he splashed cold water on his face and then warm water. He took a buff pad and poured on a liquid cleanser and scrubbed his face. Next he took an ivory gel shaving foam and massaged it into his face, then took a blue disposable razor and shaved slowly. Raymond splashed more cold water on his face to close the pores and then put on a layer of Noxzema. He located an orange tube of a facial mask he once us
ed at least twice a week and laid it next to a dry white facecloth.

  While he allowed the cold cream to sink into his pores, he went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine. As he took his first sip of wine, he thought back to his subway ride from Cuts ’n’ Cobblers to the hotel, when he had been thinking not of the progress he was making for Peaches, but of his evening planned with Basil. He knew Basil was setting him up for the big seduction, and for the first time since he had committed himself to Trent, Raymond was open to being seduced. He was remembering how great Basil looked in the gym and at his apartment when Raymond caught a glimpse of him in his sexy underwear. He thought of Basil’s clean and masculine scent, how he smelled great even after a two-hour workout, the sweat and his body chemistry mixing beautifully. He thought of his dazzling, sneaky smile and that amazing body, which Raymond thought had gotten better with age. At this moment, the only question in Raymond’s mind was where the seduction would occur. Would they reunite at his hotel, or Basil’s spacious apartment?

  As he walked back toward the bathroom to remove the cold cream, the phone rang. It was Jared, and there was panic in his voice.

  “Raymond.”

  “Whassup, dude? You sound kinda breathless.”

  “I just got back from Grand Rapids,” Jared said.

  “Aw, that’s sweet, you miss your wife so much you went back,” Raymond teased.

  “I do miss her, but that’s not why I went back. Nicole was sick. She even missed a couple of performances,” Jared said.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Jared told Raymond about a phone call from Yancey telling him how Nicole had almost passed out before the opening night performance in Grand Rapids. When Jared finally saw Nicole, she had convinced him everything would be fine, it was just a mild case of food poisoning.

  “Maybe she’s pregnant,” Raymond suggested, knowing how badly Jared wanted a child.

  “I don’t think so. I think she’s back on birth control. We talked about it before we moved back to New York. You know the trouble she’s had with the pregnancies, and we both agreed to give her career a couple of years before we started trying again,” Jared said.

  “Is there anything you need me to do?” Raymond asked as he touched the now dry cream on his face.

  “Naw, just keep us in your thoughts and prayers.”

  “I’ll do that,” Raymond said.

  “Want to grab some dinner?” Jared asked.

  “Aw boy, I’ve made some plans.”

  “Anybody I know?”

  “You dipping … What about tomorrow?”

  “That’s cool,” Jared said.

  “Then tomorrow it is.”

  “Just give me a call either later on tonight or first thing in the morning.”

  “Deal,” Raymond said as he hung up the phone.

  Raymond went into the bathroom and rinsed the dry layer of cream from his face with lukewarm water. Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he thought about Jared and Nicole and how lucky they were to have each other. The “damn I wish I were straight” thing streamed through his mind for a moment, but the phone interrupted his thoughts.

  “Hello.”

  “You ready?” It was Basil, always anxious to see him.

  “Ready for what?” Raymond asked, trying to be coy.

  “Whatever happens, happens.”

  “Just about. Still got to shower, but I’ll be on time,” Raymond said.

  “You want me to come over and scrub your back or whatever?” Basil teased.

  “I think I can manage,” Raymond replied quickly.

  “You need me to pick you up?” Basil asked. “I’ve ordered a car.”

  Raymond thought for a few seconds before asking, “The restaurant’s on Eighty-sixth and Broadway, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Naw, it feels good outside. I think I’ll walk,” Raymond said.

  “Whatever suits you, but be on time.”

  “Then I need to get off the phone.”

  “I’m looking forward to this,” Basil said softly.

  “Me too,” Raymond said, and hung up the phone. He looked at the clock and realized he had less than an hour to give himself a mini-facial and shower. He went to the closet and pulled out a pair of black pleated slacks and a sky-blue cotton shirt and laid them on the bed right next to each other. When the phone rang again, he decided to let the hotel answering machine handle it. Raymond assumed it was probably Basil calling again, with something smart and sexy to say, or maybe it was Jared, who he knew would hang up and call right back if it was important. After he applied the smooth green algae to his face, Raymond checked for the red message light, which was dim. Whoever called hadn’t felt the need to leave a message.

  Raymond stepped into the shower and continued his pampering by applying a body polish touted as a skin-purifying exfoliant he had purchased at the hotel gift shop. He rubbed the grainy, oatmeal-like substance over his body and moved under the needles of hot water. He poured some of the hotel-issued combination shampoo and conditioner over his head. His thoughts drifted to visions of a nude Basil in the gym shower, his butterscotch-colored body glistening against the white tile. By the time he ended his shower, his sex had expanded and was demanding attention. As he dried himself off, Raymond thought that giving it the satisfaction it craved might make him less vulnerable to Basil’s seduction, but when he looked at the clock he realized there wasn’t time. Basil would have the upper hand.

  When Raymond walked out into the cool autumn night, he was greeted by two surprises. First, even though it was close to theater time, there wasn’t a long line waiting for taxis outside the hotel. There were only two couples in front of him. As he watched the first couple, two sixtyish-looking people, enter a taxi, Raymond noticed the comfortable look they had with each other. He couldn’t help but think about his own parents when the tall, bespectacled bald gentleman gave his wife a little peck on the cheek before sliding into the cab. The next couple in line were closer to Raymond’s own age, and couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. Raymond wondered if they were a happily married couple or two people engaged in a torrid affair. Either way they looked happy and in love. Looks like everybody’s getting some but me, Raymond thought. Suddenly Raymond’s train of thought was broken by the doorman saying, “Sir, it’s your turn.” He opened the taxi door, and Raymond moved down the steps and stood directly behind the doorman, allowing the current passenger to exit. As the passenger leaned over to pay the driver, the trunk popped open and a bellman suddenly appeared to remove several pieces of luggage and set them on the curb. The instant Raymond recognized the black leather duffel and matching garment bag with the gold initials TMW, Trent stepped out of the taxi. Trent handed the bellman a tip and turned to see a startled Raymond looking at him.

  “Raymond!”

  “Trent, what are you doing here?” Raymond asked.

  “I came to see you, boy,” Trent said as he hugged Raymond enthusiastically and kissed him on the ear. Raymond, in his semishocked state, hugged Trent back lightly and tried to force a smile of excitement.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Raymond asked.

  “Aren’t you glad to see me? Man, you’re looking great. What have you been doing? Looks like you’ve lost some weight. Where are you on your way to?” Trent rattled off a string of questions. The doorman looked at Raymond and asked if he still wanted the taxi, since another couple was waiting.

  “No, that’s okay,” Raymond said. He then turned and headed up the steps back into the hotel.

  “So you didn’t answer me,” Trent said as he followed behind Raymond.

  “Answer what?” Raymond asked while walking through the automatic sliding glass door. He was looking at the bellman in front of him instead of at Trent. He told him to take Trent’s luggage to his suite.

  “Aren’t you glad to see me?” Trent repeated.

  “Of course, I’m glad to see you … it’s just that I wasn’t expectin
g this,” Raymond stuttered as he retrieved Trent’s bags and led him toward the elevators.

  “That’s why it’s called a surprise! This is a nice hotel,” Trent said as he stepped into the walnut-paneled elevator. As the two of them stood side by side, Raymond’s stomach was suddenly filled with nervous energy. Trent asked about Jared and how things were going with Peaches and her problems. Raymond told him about the progress he’d made and how Jared seemed to always be working. As the elevator reached the twelfth floor, Raymond was thinking about what he would say to Trent and wondering if this was the time to confront him about the bookstore incident.

  When the two of them entered the suite, Raymond walked quickly into the bedroom and placed Trent’s duffel in the closet. Trent was standing in the parlor section as he called out, “Where you running off to?”

  “Hold up,” Raymond called back. He took a deep breath and walked into the area where Trent was standing with a big smile. Trent walked toward Raymond and put his arms around him, then kissed him warmly on the lips. Trent’s arms slowly started to slide down Raymond’s body, as his sex pressed into Raymond, whose sex, which had been so full before, now felt nonexistent.

  “Are you all right?” Trent asked as Raymond pulled away.

  “I’m fine. Are you hungry? Do you want to get something to eat?”

  “I’m okay. They served us about three meals on the flight over. Were you on your way to dinner?”

  “Yeah.”

  “With Jared?”

  “Yeah, with Jared,” Raymond lied. He suddenly thought about Basil and realized he needed to call him at the restaurant. Raymond walked over to the blond-wood desk, picked up the room service menu, and started thumbing through it. Trent was talking nonstop about South Africa and its beauty and how he was going back to Seattle for a couple of days before stopping in Mobile to pick up Trent Jr., and how he had gotten special permission for him to miss a week of school so he could travel to South Africa. Raymond put down the menu and pretended to listen and sound interested when Trent came toward him and said, “I love you, and I’ve missed you so much.” Something suddenly went through Raymond when Trent professed his love, and from nowhere the words shot out explosively, “Is that why you’ve been unfaithful to me? Is that why you’ve been having sex in bookstores?”