Jared knew she had a lot to work out and that she was hurting. But after three days of no real conversation, he knew something had to be done. When he suggested she resume seeing Dr. Huntley, the therapist she had seen in the late eighties, Nicole was quick with a firm no.
One evening before leaving his office, he called her mother and expressed his concern. Her mother called immediately. When Nicole saw her mother’s number on the caller ID Jared had recently purchased, she figured she might as well get the conversation over with.
Her mother was blunt and to the point, as usual. “Nicole Marie Springer-Stovall, you need to get over it! You’re acting like a little spoiled brat who didn’t get her way. I told you moving back to New York was a bad idea.”
Nicole didn’t respond as she listened to her mother on the speakerphone. The familiar voice sent a chill through her, and Nicole pulled the ivory cashmere blanket she loved close to her chin.
“Now, I know you’ve suffered terribly,” she said sarcastically, “and I’m sure you’re not the only one in the world to ever experience a little setback, but it’s time to get on with your life. It sounds to me like that acting thing has dried up and you’re providing your own little drama. It’s time to do what you should have done years ago. Start having babies.”
“Mama, that is something Jared and—”
Nicole’s mother interrupted her and continued. “You know Jared wants a child and you’re not getting any younger. Wasting all those years trying to be an actress. See where it got you? You should have listened to me, but no, I don’t know nothing. I think you need to count your blessings that you still have a husband, let alone a man like Jared. But you’ve always been so hardheaded. But a hard head still makes a soft behind. I hope them firing you will bring you to your senses.”
Nicole’s mother went on and on. Nicole just didn’t have the energy to fight her anymore. She stared at the phone as though her mother’s abrasive voice and hurtful words were poisonous snakes coming through the line. Finally she said, “Good-bye, Mother,” and hit the disconnect button.
When Jared came home that evening, he announced he had a business trip to Chicago and was going to check in on Raymond’s father and stop by Atlanta to check on his own mother.
“What happened with Raymond’s father?” Nicole asked.
“Nicole, don’t you remember? I told you his father had a stroke. He’s in a coma.”
“That’s horrible. I’m sorry about that. I don’t remember you telling me,” Nicole said softly.
“Did your mother call you?” Jared asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, and after she had her say, I hung up.”
“Nicole, what is wrong with you? You’re letting this thing eat you up. When are you going to snap out of it? It’s not like you to sleep all day. And hanging up on your own mother. What’s up with that?”
Nicole did not appreciate Jared’s accusatory tone. Wasn’t he supposed to be on her side? Didn’t he see how hard this was for her? She just needed more time. She didn’t know for what, but she knew she wasn’t ready to face the world. Let alone her mother.
“Why are you two teaming up on me?” Nicole cried.
“What do you mean teaming up?” Jared asked, briefly closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. He felt a terrible headache coming on.
“All my mother wanted to talk about was that tired old it’s-time-to-have-a-baby line again. She wants me to be a good little wife and mother now that my career is down the tubes, as she thinks. She’s the last person on earth who should be advocating motherhood!”
“Maybe she’s right,” Jared said matter-of-factly.
“What did you say?” Nicole asked as her eyes narrowed to a cold stare. She couldn’t believe he’d just said her mother was right.
“I mean, why not?” Jared persisted. “Why can’t we start a family now? Would that be so bad? I mean, you’re not exactly busy, are you? You haven’t returned any of the calls to your agent, so you can’t be that concerned about your career.”
“I just can’t take the rejection right now. Not from you or casting people,” Nicole said.
“How have I rejected you, Nicole? I’ve been patient with you while you pursued your career. I moved to a city I’m not particularly fond of for your career. I’ve been patient. I don’t think I deserve to see you dragging around here for days.” He took a deep breath and continued. “You don’t go out, and you haven’t been taking care of yourself. You’ve had that damn nightshirt on since you arrived home. I wouldn’t be a good husband if I stood by and watched you wallow in your self-pity,” Jared said, dropping his voice to a deeper tone.
“Why are you putting all of this on me? You didn’t say this when I asked you to move. Can’t I take a few days for myself where I’m not worried about how I look?” Nicole asked as she tugged at the hem of her nightshirt.
“Sure, baby. You can take a few days to get over this. But it doesn’t give you the right to be mean to your mother, and to act like I’m not even here. You haven’t listened to anything I’ve said. The encouragement I’ve offered. How many times over the last week that I’ve told you I loved you.”
“What if I can’t get pregnant?” Nicole asked as she looked away to the window. She was a mess, she knew, and Jared’s attention the past few days had barely registered. She knew what he was really after.
“Then we still have the surrogate route or adoption,” Jared suggested.
“Oh no. I’m not going through that shit anymore,” Nicole said firmly.
“What shit?”
“Adoption. Have you forgotten how those people wanted to pry into our life? Have you forgotten about how many times they had a baby for us, only to tell us later there was no baby? I can’t go through that. And if you want a child that bad, then maybe you ought to find someone else. I can’t take that pressure,” Nicole said, her eyes filling with tears. She felt everything around her was collapsing.
“I can’t believe you. Maybe I should leave tonight before I say something I’m going to be sorry for,” Jared said as he looked at his wife. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He knew he was looking at his wife, but the voice and words were those of a total stranger.
“Suit yourself. Go to Chicago. Maybe you can comfort Raymond and his family since you can’t do it for me!” Nicole said, and raced past Jared and into the bathroom, where she locked the door and threw herself to the floor as the tears began again.
It was late and Yancey was looking forward to a restful night of sleep alone when the phone rang. She unzipped her skirt and laid it on the dresser and grabbed the phone.
“Hello.”
“Hey, darling. How was the show tonight?” Ava asked.
“It was great! I just love playing Dena, and Chris keeps telling me what a great job I’m doing. He wants me bad,” Yancey laughed.
“Like I said, be careful. A cast member is one thing, but the director is another. If Miss Pretty hadn’t been so shady with this guy before, she might still be doing the role on her way to Memphis with you. What are you going to do about this Devin guy?”
“I think he’s getting the clue. Every time he suggests doing something I tell him I need to work on my new role, but he’s still sniffing around. But if he calls or comes by tonight, I might give him some one more time. But you can be certain I will give him the heave-ho before we get to Memphis.”
“That’s good. I want to make sure we get to spend a lot of time together. But I sure hate it that I won’t be able to see Nicole’s face when she finds out I’m your mother.”
“That would be fun, but I’m glad she’s gone. I can’t wait to get to Memphis. What day are you coming?”
“I’ll be there the first day. I don’t know if I’m going to drive or hire a car, and I plan to stay the entire week. It’s going to be wonderful; we can go shopping at Goldsmith’s and have some ribs at that place near the hotel. And we can visit the Civil Rights Museum.”
“I’m lookin
g forward to it. Did you take those announcements to St. Paul AME?” Yancey asked. She and Ava were going to blanket Jackson with the news that Yancey was starring in a show headed for Broadway.
“I sure did. I even put a couple of dollars in the church secretary’s pocket to make sure she put it in the bulletin. I contacted this girl I went to school with, who is president of Links, and they’re thinking about chartering a bus down to Memphis to see you turn it out. So it will be standing ovations every night.”
“That’s wonderful. Can you believe it? We got Nicole out before Memphis and New York. Ain’t life grand?” Yancey asked as she fell back on her bed.
“Yes, it is darling. Life sho is grand!”
46
A son can never take too many walks with his mother. So on a crystalline Chicago Sunday, mother and son walked hand in hand along Lake Michigan, as a thin October wind blew. The sky was a layered patchwork of red and bronze broken by stripes of gray.
More than a week had passed, and thankfully Raymond Sr.’s prognosis had improved. He was moved to a private room which gave the family greater privacy and freedom to come and go. He was conscious much of the time, though he still couldn’t speak. The left side of his body remained paralyzed, but in the last few days, some movement and feeling was detected. Kirby was able to turn his attention back to classes and football, while Raymond and his mother were able to leave the hospital each evening when visiting hours were over.
“It was good seeing Jared,” Mrs. Tyler said after several minutes of silence. Jared had made a surprise visit to check on the Tylers while conducting business in Chicago.
“Yeah, it was. I think it made Pops feel better also,” Raymond said as he watched a seagull scoop up something floating on the top of the water and then fly off.
“Is everything all right with Jared and Nicole?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, he just looked a little worried. Everything okay with him and Nicole?”
Raymond laughed and said, “Do you ever stop being a mother?”
“Can’t do it.”
“They’ve hit a bump in the road over when the babies start coming. But they will manage. I think I’ll give him a call when I get back to the hotel to make sure he’s cool. He was trying to be strong for us. But he’s a bit troubled,” Raymond said.
“And since you know I’m a mother twenty-four hours a day, I have a question. Is Trent going to come to Chicago before we take your father back home?”
“I don’t know. I think it depends on how long I’m here,” Raymond said softly.
Mrs. Tyler knew it was a difficult time for her son and that Raymond hadn’t talked with Trent often since arriving in Chicago. When Trent called, Raymond would only speak for a few minutes, often telling Trent he needed to get back to the hospital. Raymond would leave brief messages for Trent when he knew Trent was away from their Seattle home. His mother would also watch Raymond sit for hours looking at his father, unable to say what was in his heart. She knew that Raymond needed to make peace with his demons.
“You know, Raymond, I’m going to tell you something I swore I’d never tell you,” Marlee announced.
Raymond stopped walking and turned to face his mother before asking, “What, Mama?”
“Your father cheated on me once.”
“Pops?” Raymond said. “Pops cheated on you? No! Pops would never do that! And when I asked you before, why didn’t you tell me then?”
“It was our business,” Marlee said firmly.
“I can’t believe Pops would do something like that,” Raymond said, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Well, he did,” his mother said, “he most certainly did.”
“I’m sorry, Mama,” Raymond said as he hugged her tightly. “I know you wouldn’t lie to me about something like that, but it’s still hard for me to believe. I mean, the two of you always seemed so happy together. The one thing I always knew I could depend on was you guys being in love. What happened? How did you deal with it?”
“It was a very long time ago, Raymond. I haven’t really thought about it in ages. And, of course, it’s never happened again.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I know. We were so young then. You were just a toddler and your father had just hung out his shingle. It was tough going. He was trying to build up his practice and I had a little rascal like you running me ragged and I was teaching and working a part-time job. I told your father he should apply at some of the large law firms. I mean, he had finished at the top of his class at Howard, and if he wanted to be a judge, he needed that experience. But large firms weren’t interested in somebody your father’s color. The money was short and so were our tempers. We seemed to be pulling apart instead of pulling together.
“Anyway, one night he didn’t come home. I knew he was lying to me when he called with some silly excuse and it just about broke my heart. Not a day passed before he confessed that he’d been with another woman. Some out-of-law-school clerk who was helping him start his practice. It was like he couldn’t wait to rub my face in it. I thought he must be the cruelest man in the world.”
“Jesus, Mom. What did you do?”
“I did what you’re doing. I ran. Wouldn’t speak to him, wouldn’t listen to nothing he had to say. I just grabbed you and went to my mother’s. I was so angry, so hurt, I couldn’t see straight. But the pain, the anger, the hurt that I thought I’d left behind, followed me around until I had to do something. As bad as your father had made me feel, I loved him something awful. Yes, I wanted to fix him, get even with him, but I couldn’t imagine my life—or yours—without him. But my own mother pointed out that I had been partly responsible.”
“No way, Mama. How could you have been responsible? What he did he chose to do. No matter what, Pops shouldn’t have done that to you!”
The two of them walked toward some concrete steps and sat down, with the racing traffic of Lake Shore Drive behind them and the calm of Lake Michigan before them.
“Son, life is just not that cut-and-dry. People sometimes do hurtful things just to get the other person’s attention. And what I discovered was that I hadn’t been paying attention, or giving attention, either. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered why he hadn’t cheated sooner. Now, maybe he could have just come to me, sat me down, and told me what was wrong, but I probably wouldn’t have heard him. But it was my mother’s advice that meant the most.”
“What did she say?”
“She told me, ‘If you love him,’ she said, ‘really love him, then forgive him, forgive yourself, and move on with your lives.’ ”
“So that’s what you did?”
“That’s what I did.”
“Did it work?”
“Trust me, baby, it worked.” She smiled and grabbed his knee playfully. “It worked.”
“Forgiveness, huh?” Raymond said mostly to himself as he put his arms around his mother, buried his face in her neck, and gently kissed her.
Raymond went to the lobby of the hotel and called Jared’s cellular phone. Raymond didn’t want to disturb his mother, so he went downstairs to the lobby and called Jared. He picked up after a couple of rings.
“Hello, Jared Stovall speaking.”
“Hey, dawg. You miss me?” Raymond asked. He could hear the static of the portable phone in the background.
“Didn’t I just see ya?” Jared joked.
“Yeah, but you’ve been on my mind,” Raymond said.
“So you saw through me, huh?”
“And so did my mom.”
“Don’t worry, I’m cool. I’m down here in Atlanta enjoying Moms and my little sister and when I get home, Nicole and I will work everything out,” Jared said.
“OK. I just want you to know, despite everything I’m dealing with, I’m here for you,” Raymond said.
“I know that. And how are you doing? I’m still trippin’ on what you told me about Trent. I mean, man, I don’t know what I’d do if I ever fou
nd out Nicole was stepping out on me,” Jared said. He was shocked when Raymond, out of the blue, had said, “I thought the knowledge that my lover is lookin’ for dick elsewhere could be the worse thing that could happen and now this.” Raymond dropped the bombshell and then stated emphatically that he didn’t want to go into details. Jared had just deeply massaged his shoulders as Raymond stared out into space silently.
“Well, right now, my pops and you are my priority. I deal with Trent later,” Raymond said as he looked at his watch. It was almost midnight and he had thought about calling Trent just to check in.
“Well, I’m here if you need me,” Jared said.
“And you know that.”
“And I might have a solution to my problem,” Jared said.
“What’s that?”
“I still want my own children, and I know one day that will happen. But while I was on the flight to Atlanta, I sat next to this sistah who worked with Big Brothers and Big Sisters. We got in a conversation and I thought about what an impact Nicole and I could make in some of these children’s lives. And there is foster care as well. It will give us some training and help out some of the kids who need to know they matter,” Jared said.
“That’s a great plan. You’d be a great big brother or foster father. I know you’re a perfect best friend.”
“And so are you,” Jared said.
“Let me hang up before we both get too mushy,” Raymond said as he fought back the tears forming.
“I love you, Ray.”
“And I love you back.”
47
The last thing Nicole wanted was company. With Jared away on business, Nicole was enjoying her solitude by listening to the gospel song “Stand,” over and over. When she became ready to face the world, Nicole would have a new theme song.
As she crossed the living room to answer the incessant buzzing of the intercom, Nicole was startled by her own reflection in the framed mirror near the door. She looked bad. The intercom buzzed annoyingly again and Nicole pushed the talk button.
Abide with Me Page 25
