Enrage (Eagle Elite #8)

by Rachel Van Dyken

Dante caught my arm, his expression pained.

  “Let me go!”

  “Do you think I would ever intentionally hurt you?” He hissed.

  “You did! You are!” I finally pulled free and ran to the car as best I could. I wasn’t shaking from blood loss, I was shaking from something else.

  It felt a lot like fear and disappointment.

  Disappointment more than anything.

  I’d done the unthinkable and softened myself to the enemy, to the monster. It had been easy to forget about the violence against others — the killing — until it was directed at me.

  Until his chilly gaze took mine in and the gauntlet fell.

  The door unlocked.

  I jerked open the door and slammed it.

  Dante didn’t get in the driver’s side. He opened the trunk, and then walked over to my side and opened the door.

  “What? You want to finish me off?” I spat. “You’re just like him! Just like them! I can’t believe I ever thought—”

  “Thought what?” Dante interrupted. “Go ahead, what? That I was good? That I’m capable of it? That I care?” He laughed humorously. “I’m just as fucked up as they are, I shot their friend and I liked it—” I sucked in a breath. “I liked it,” he repeated as if he was trying to convince himself more than me. “This isn’t a fairy tale, and if it was, I sure as hell wouldn’t be the prince.”

  Dante dug into a small black bag and grabbed some antiseptic, then rubbed it down my long cut. White gauze followed until my entire forearm was wrapped up.

  It still stung but at least I wasn’t bleeding anymore.

  He slammed his hand against the car and cursed. “I had no choice.”

  “You mean you couldn’t have just said no? What? Too hard? Don’t want to lose your balls in front of them?”

  “You know…” His jaw ticked. “For being in the mafia as long as you were, you sure as hell don’t know how things work do you?”

  I crossed my arms and looked away.

  “It was either do what he asks, or leave in a body bag… Trust me, I did the calculations… I could maybe disarm him, shoot him before Maksim or Ivan made it over to me, but then it would be two against one and although I’m fairly confident I could take them — I have no idea if the rest of the students would be on their side, or mine. And then…” He swallowed back another curse. “Then, there was you. Maksim was two feet away from you, would he use you as collateral or charge me first? I did the calculations. In every scenario, you were dead. In every scenario, I failed you.” His breath caught. “So, I did the hard thing — don’t lie and say you wouldn’t have done the same.”

  He shut the car door.

  We rode home in complete silence.

  And I hated him all over again.

  For being right.

  And making me feel like a fool.

  But not as much as I hated him for making me burn for his touch — when minutes ago — I’d been on the receiving end of his knife.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Dante

  BLOOD PUMPED THROUGH my veins as I hit the bag again and again until my body dripped with sweat.

  “Rough night?” Chase interrupted as he swaggered into the room and grabbed the bag as I continued to hit.

  I kicked the bag then threw a left hook. “You.” Right hook. “Could. ” Right hook. “Say that.”

  Chase let me fight my demons in silence.

  The sound of my fists hitting the bag was the only soothing thing about living in that house. The fact that I could punch without having to worry about getting punched back.

  I finally sagged against the bag, pressing my forehead to the cool leather. “I think I lost her.”

  Chase let out a little laugh. “Wow, amazing you think you had her in the first place.”

  I glared. “I mean it, man. I’m stuck between trying to show them my loyalty and having her caught in the middle, I shouldn’t have let her go with me.”

  “Ah.” Chase nodded as if he understood. “Let me guess, you’re under the assumption she makes you weak.”

  I stayed silent.

  “I guess that could be true — only if you let it,” Chase said in that annoyingly bossy voice of his that reminded me of Frank more and more.

  And then before I could defend myself, Chase sucker punched me in the ribs, tripped me backward over his foot and had me pinned to the mat, his fist above my chin. “Listen closely.”

  I glared. “That was a cheap shot.”

  “No, you just weren’t paying attention worth shit.” He snarled. “No more talking only listening, nod if you understand me.”

  I stared him down then nodded once.

  “She’s your weakness if you allow it… but the women in our lives aren’t meant to be coddled, they aren’t meant to be a weakness, a target — they’re meant to be our strength. You do not exist outside of the person you’re with — you exist within them. If you feel weak when you’re around her, it’s because you feel helpless. And that, my friend, is a big difference.” He sighed, then pulled his fist back. “You feel helpless because you make it your job to protect her from everything — yourself including — which is funny since I don’t remember her ever asking you to do that, in fact, I’m pretty sure she’s well on her way to being with someone else entirely.” He stood and offered me his hand, I swatted it away. “Do yourself a favor… don’t mess with her feelings any more than you already have, not unless you’re willing to go all in — and by the looks of you — you’re too stupid to see what’s right in front of you.”

  “A dick?” I said helpfully.

  “Nah man,” Chase ran his hand over his hair and laughed to himself. “The one girl who’s capable of making you more… than this.” He did a small circle and then lightly tapped the bag with his hand.

  I don’t know how long I lay down on the mat, in my own sweat and filth. It must have been a long time since Chase finally came back with Nixon in tow.

  They both looked down at me.

  Nixon smirked. “Funny, I didn’t believe it when he told me.”

  “That I was star gazing in the gym?” I offered sarcastically.

  Nixon sat down so did Chase.

  I was in a Nixon and Chase sandwich. Kill me now.

  “That you actually liked her.”

  I groaned and covered my hands with my face.

  “She’s had a rough life.” Nixon just kept talking. “Don’t make it harder by making her think you’re capable of anything other than complete selfishness and jackassery on your end.”

  “Was that your version of a pep talk?” I asked.

  Chase just laughed. “Should have heard his pep talks before he had a kid… those were the best. Lots of guns, yelling, cursing. This, this is as close to Disney as you get, my man.”

  I glanced to my right, took in the giant of a man with tats all over his body, a lip ring on his face and a permanent scowl with it. “Yeah, just like Disney, what would you be Nixon? Tinkerbell?”

  Nixon glared. “Say it again and I’ll hand you your ass.”

  “Tink.” I ducked as his fist came flying.

  And that was how I spent the next hour.

  Fighting off both Nixon and Chase.

  I was finally exhausted enough to fall asleep, but not exhausted enough to wake up hard as a rock after dreaming of her mouth.

  I had two choices. I could try to go back to sleep, take a cold shower, or be the total pervert who gets off on a girl who doesn’t even realize it while she sleeps in the next room.

  I groaned, threw off the large duvet and stripped out of my boxer briefs, black, not white like Chris.

  That should help get rid of all arousal.

  Just think of Chris and his boring white walls, his Dateline, his inability to make El feel anything.

  Ah tiny penis.

  All better.

  Except I was thinking of El again.

  My body was completely out of control.

  It refused to listen to the si
gnals my brain was sending it, ones that said slow the hell down before you embarrass yourself for the first time since you were thirteen.

  I flipped on the cold water and jumped in, gritting my teeth as I let the cold water pelt my body in punishment for wanting to sink into her and—

  I slammed my hand against the tiled wall.

  Not working.

  Not even close.

  Still painfully hard.

  Something or someone whimpered. I shut off the shower and grabbed a towel just in time to hear El yell in her sleep. “Stop, I said stop!”

  I jerked open her bedroom door and ran over to her bed.

  Her fists went flying as I shook her awake.

  She gasped. Then slapped me.

  The sting of her slap made all happy thoughts down south reverse as I rubbed my cheek. “You wanna talk about it?”

  “You wouldn’t stop.” Tears filled her eyes. “And then your face morphed into his and I remembered and I just—” She wiped under her eyes. “I’m fine. It was just a dream.”

  “Shit, El.” I sat on her bed, ready to pull her into my arms when her eyes went wide. “What?”

  “Is there a reason you’re naked?”

  I quickly covered myself with my towel. Not that she hadn’t already seen every single inch of me. “I was showering.”

  She frowned and looked at her phone. “At four am?”

  “Early riser,” I lied.

  Her eyes narrowed. The longer I stayed the harder it would be for me to leave, and I was all too aware of how thin her pajamas were, all I had to do was drop a towel and we’d have a serious problem that my dick was only too happy to solve.

  “Well at least I didn’t wake you.” She licked her lips.

  Yeah she did, just not in the way she realized.

  She set her phone down.

  Tension crackled like a hot burning fire between us, we’d gone past smolder and moved directly into firestorm.

  “You scared me tonight,” she whispered. “But you were right. I don’t like it. I don’t like any of it. But I can see why you… why you did it.” She rubbed her arm. “I just — it reminded me too much of him.”

  “I know.” I grabbed her bandaged arm and ran my fingers over it. “But I’m not. Trust me, if I had you in my arms I’d beg you to look at me so you’d never have any doubt that I was the man filling you — making you feel that way.”

  Her eyes darted to my mouth then lower. I willed my dick not to conveniently shove the towel out of the way. “I know.”

  I wanted her so bad I could taste it. Taste her. But the fear, the fear was still there and I hated that it was directed at me, like she wasn’t sure if she could trust me anymore.

  “We’re friends, right?” I hated myself so much. So. Damn. Much.

  She frowned. “Yes, why?”

  “Friends give each other advice and shit?”

  “More advice than shit. But yes.” At least she was smiling now.

  I nodded to the phone. “Call him. He’s… safe.” I hated that word.

  “Yes. He is.” She sounded disappointed. “Hey, maybe he’s even better once you get to know him. You can come to the wedding, I’d like to see you in a tux.”

  What was this feeling? The one threatening to squeeze the life out of my chest as I tried to take oxygen into my lungs.

  “Yeah.” I finally got one word out after seconds of painful silence where a part of me felt like it was dying. “I bet you do.”

  Her smile was sad.

  It completely gutted me.

  I wanted her to yell at me again.

  I wanted her to fight.

  I wanted her to tell me that safe could go to Hell. Give me danger. Just give me you.

  She didn’t.

  And in the silence, I think we both had our answer.

  Our paths had crossed, never should they meet again.

  I kissed her head and stood.

  “Hey Dante?”

  I turned.

  “If you put on clothes, can you just lay with me for a bit just in case the monsters come back or something.” Tears filled her eyes again, and I knew it had nothing to do with the monsters coming — but the one leaving her room — her life.

  “Yeah,” I croaked. “Sure.”

  It took me eleven seconds to grab sweat pants and pull them on.

  Five to get back into her room.

  And an eternity to fall asleep with her in my arms.

  Closing my eyes seemed so final.

  Like death.

  And for the first time in my life — I didn’t crave it or the addicting darkness that came with it.

  I just wanted her.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  El

  DANTE’S CHEST WAS hot to the touch — I didn’t have any right to touch him, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from trailing my finger down his chest and following the little lines of his abs as his breathing deepened.

  Sunlight flickered in my room casting a glow across his massive body.

  If this was waking up — I never wanted to sleep again.

  Muscles bulged and stretched across his taut stomach, I ran my finger lower, lower — his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist before I could continue my exploration.

  “Hunting for treasure?” He said without opening his eyes, his firm grip still on my hand. “Or just curious from last night?”

  “Sorry.” I tried to pull away, he didn’t let me. “I just, you have smooth skin.”

  He smirked and opened his eyes. “Did you just say I have smooth skin like it’s a plausible excuse for you to touch it?”

  “Yeah.” I wanted to die. “I did.”

  Dante didn’t hand out smiles often, in fact, he smirked — a lot, but to see him fully smile. I didn’t have words for the effect it had on every single inch of my body or the way it made my heart pound in my chest stupidly like it had reason to believe the smile was for me.

  It wasn’t.

  He leaned in.

  I met him halfway.

  Just as a knock sounded on the door.

  Of course.

  “Coming,” I yelled while Dante made himself comfortable in my bed, the bastard closed his eyes like he was going back to sleep. “Dante! Get up!”

  “Staying right here, El.” His smile fell and the challenging look was back the one I liked almost as much as the smile.

  “Ugh.” I rolled my eyes. “Fine, your funeral.”

  I jerked the door open.

  Chase peered around me and shook his head. “Figured since his bed was empty he stole yours.”

  “I got scared,” I said defensively. “We fell asleep.” Why was I still talking? “Nothing happened.”

  Chase looked ready to laugh his ass of, instead he just nodded and sidestepped me.

  “Yeah sure, come on in,” I grumbled.

  “Comfortable?” He asked Dante.

  Dante put his hands behind his head. “Why is her bed softer?”

  “She deserves nice things.”

  Dante’s eyes narrowed. “And I don’t?”

  “Soft beds make hard men soft,” Chase explained, Dante gave him a confused look and then Chase swore. “Sounded better in my head, I just wanted to give you both fair warning that Chris is on his way over for breakfast. He texted this morning after not being able to get ahold of you last night.” El looked down at the ground. “I figured it would be best to give you warning, so you can make sure you’re ready and not still in bed with the devil.”

  “Watch it,” Dante snapped.

  “It was a compliment.” Chase stood. “Oh, and Chris wants to drive you to class too before work.”

  My stomach clenched.

  It was already happening.

  The separation.

  Panic set in when I met Dante’s gaze.

  He drove us to school.

  Dante.

  He walked me to my first class, not Chris.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and gave Chase a weak nod. “I’ll g
et ready.”

  Chase put his hand on my shoulder and patted it like that was going to make everything better, then shut the door behind him. My legs were wobbly like I was seconds away from collapsing.

  Dante finally stood, his muscled form made its way over to me. He stopped inches from my body, and then pulled me in for a tight hug. I fit perfect in his arms just like I knew I would.

  My heart steadied its beat.

  Like it was finally calm.

  Home.

  He was a danger my heart didn’t recognize — because sometimes the heart doesn’t give a damn if the person who holds it kills people — it just recognizes its soul mate and beats anyway.

  His eyes — those blue eyes would haunt me until I was dead and buried. I locked onto them when he pulled away and stared me down, drank me in like he wanted to memorize every inch of my face.

  He cupped my face, his right thumb ran across my lower lip before he moved away.

  He stopped in the bathroom doorway and hung his head. “Maybe it’s a curse.”

  “What?”

  “My family legacy. My name.” He didn’t turn around, just flexed his hands around the frame, his muscles taut like they were going to snap any second. “It’s a long story — maybe I’ll tell you before you leave.”

  “Tell me now.”

  “You should get dressed.”

  “Dante…”

  “My father had to die — in order to actually live… he was buried by her so at least… in his death he found his soul.”

  “What?”

  He looked over his shoulder. “Joyce Alfero owned Luca’s soul in life — and now, now he has it back in death. It’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard, the idea that he walked around on this earth with complete knowledge that she existed — but he could never have her. Not in the way they wanted.” With that, he walked off leaving me breathless.

  And wanting.

  Because every single time Dante walked out of a room, I felt a part of myself break off and crumble to the ground.

  He’d snuck past my defenses.

  He’d shown me his true colors.

  The face of a monster.

  And I wanted that monster — and the man.

  Suddenly sick, I slid down to the ground and told myself to be an adult about the situation.

  If he was that upset about me leaving.