Captured Love

by Juliana Haygert

  “Yes!” He raised his voice, drawing the attention of students walking by. He cleared his throat and continued in his normal voice. “You know I always wanted more. I wanted a real, serious relationship. You’re the one who didn’t.”

  “I don’t know what to say besides I’m sorry.”

  He held my hand in his. “Be my girlfriend. My real girlfriend. Come to my house tonight. Have dinner with me and my family.”

  As gently as I could, I pulled my hand back. “I’m leaving Sunday morning for Lexington and I’ll be gone for three months. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything, that we are a thing. So, just to make it clear, you can date other girls, okay?”

  “No, it’s not okay.” He ran a hand through his hair. “We can make this work, babe. Give me a chance. I want to woo you. I know I can.”

  “Even if you can, Gavin, I’ll be gone for three months. That’s not fair.”

  “I can come visit you. Often. I promise.”

  I shook my head. “Please, Gavin, don’t do this.”

  “No, you don’t do this. I really like you, babe. Please, don’t break up with me.”

  His eyes filled with moisture, and I honestly panicked. I didn’t know how to react to that. It made me a bitch, but I had to end this right now.

  I stood. “Have fun this summer, Gavin. Goodbye.”

  Each time he called my name, I hurried my steps, getting farther and farther away from him. My eyes stung with unshed tears. I really was a bitch and I didn’t know how to fix that.

  ***

  Ryan

  I stopped shoving my pants back on when the girl in the bed moved. I even stopped breathing, lest she wake up and see me there.

  What would I say to her? “Hi, hmm, yeah, I don’t remember your name, or how I ended up in your dorm room.” No, that wouldn’t be nice. Not that I ever tried being nice. Actually, girls loved when I was bad. Nice did no good for Ryan Dawson’s reputation.

  The girl went back to snoring, wrapped only in her flimsy pink sheet.

  I put my T-shirt on and leaned closer. The girl was pretty, but the fact that my head throbbed and I didn’t remember anything about the night told me she was so boring, I had to drink my way to her bed. Not good.

  I looked around. The dorm was simple but with too much pink stuff. Pink pillows, pink notebooks, pink lamp, pink rug, pink slippers. On her desk, beside her pink wallet, I found a bill from one of the bars on Gervais Street, three blocks from the girl’s dorm. Those bars were packed with college students during weekends, packed with girls, most of them easy, which made my life easier. Some days I loved the chase, the hunt, the expectation. Of course, after sleeping with a girl once, I barely ever spoke to her again. But there were days when I just wanted to get in and get out, as simple as that. I loved college girls because they didn’t stay for long. Four years tops. My reputation wouldn’t ever get blemished.

  I left the dorm and headed toward Park Street, where I had left my car.

  I glanced at my wristwatch. It was already eleven in the morning. I sighed, already playing in my head the pep talk my father would commence with if I were late to his company’s annual summer barbecue. It was always the same thing. More responsibility, more studying, less drinking, less playing, less fooling around.

  Like I cared.

  I found my black Mustang on Senate Street. Really, how long had I been drinking the previous night?

  Before starting the car and driving toward Lexington, I fumbled through the glove compartment and the dashboard, but all the ibuprofen was gone, it seemed. The throbbing in my head would be my companion until I got home.

  Halfway down Highway One, my cell phone rang.

  I groaned, suspecting it was my father inquiring about my whereabouts.

  “Yeah?” I answered without looking at the screen. Damn, my voice didn’t disguise my hangover.

  “Ryan, it’s me,” Luke answered.

  I let out a relieved breath. “Hey, man. Tell me, did you stay at the bar until after I was gone?”

  “No. I left when you started to woo a blond girl. Why?”

  “Nothing. Just wondering if I did anything stupid.”

  Luke’s amused chuckle rang clear through the line. “Everything you do is stupid.”

  “If you called just to kid, then call me later. My head hurts too much right now.”

  The chuckle died on the other side. “I have something to tell you.”

  “Shoot,” I said, not too interested. Luke and his cousin, Jason, had been my best friends since we were little kids, and Luke always had stuff to tell.

  “I’m at my aunt’s house, you know, for Saturday family lunch.”

  I stiffened, gripping the wheel with too much force. “Yes.”

  What had he called for? To tell me old Paul had finally died? I would be happy if he did. I hated the man.

  “Jessica is coming back.”

  I buried my foot on the break. The tires screeched loudly and horns honked behind me. I had stopped the car in the middle of the road and almost caused an accident, but I didn’t care.

  “What?”

  “Aunt Corinne convinced her to come back. At least for a few days. Sorry, man, I thought you would like to know.” I maneuvered my car out of the road and into the driveway of a store, where I could catch my breath and process the info. “Ryan? Are you there?”

  “Yeah, I’m here.”

  “Are you okay?”

  I cleared my throat, pushing the painful lump down. “Yeah. I’m okay. When is she coming?”

  “Tomorrow. She’ll be here tomorrow.”

  “And Jason? Is he coming home too?”

  “Yes. He arrives next weekend, I think.” Luke waited a few seconds. When I didn’t say anything else, he asked, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, man.” I forced a chuckle, even though my chest hurt. “Thanks for letting me know.”

  “No problem. Uh, if you need to talk about it, you know where to find me.”

  “Yeah, thanks.”

  I turned off the phone and bumped my forehead on the wheel.

  All right, Jessica was coming back. I could deal with it.

  All I had to do was stay away from her. Stay the hell away from wherever she would be. It couldn’t be that difficult, could it?

  Chapter Three

  Jessica

  The flight was only three hours long, though it could have been thirty. I wouldn’t have noticed the difference.

  I tried reading my book again, but couldn’t finish the first sentence, even after ten or twenty tries. The only thing that seemed to pass the time was my pencil and my sketchpad. I let my mind wander and drew whatever it wanted.

  After a few minutes, I realized the landscape taking place on the paper—the center of Lexington Main Square. A memory played inside my mind and my heart beat faster.

  In the dark, I had snuck out after dinner and raced to the Main Square. From behind a tree, he stepped into the light of a lamppost, taking my breath away.

  “You came,” he said, his usually rough voice laced with a hint of pleasure.

  “You asked me to.”

  One corner of his lips turned up as he marched to me, his eyes on mine. His presence, his power, his smile, the intensity of his gaze—it was all too much for me. I could have melted in a puddle at his feet. Before I could visibly swoon, he halted half a foot from me and cupped my cheek with his warm hand. His gaze flickered to my lips and I stopped breathing again.

  When his lips brushed mine, I closed my eyes and leaned against his strong frame.

  The sound of the seat belt sign turning on brought me back to the present. I let out a deep breath, a whispered curse, and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. I blinked fast, willing my thoughts to push those memories back to the dark hole in the back of my mind where they had crawled off.

  It didn’t work.

  The airplane started descending, and I gripped the arms of my chair, my breathing shallow. I wasn’t afraid of f
lying, never had been, but I was afraid of what I would find once the plane touched the ground and I was forced to leave it.

  Who was I kidding? Why had I come? I wasn’t ready for this.

  If I could, I would have yelled for the pilot to turn around and drop me back in Cleveland.

  It was too late now.

  I grabbed my pencil and sketchpad, picked up my purse from the overhead compartment, and marched to the baggage claim area with the other passengers. I breathed through my mouth as if it could slow my racing heart and avoid a nervous breakdown.

  The wait for my luggage seemed even longer than the flight. I paced before the carousel, knowing that, if I looked through the glass windows behind me, I would see my ride waiting for me. Jesus, why had I come? Why?

  The carousel started moving and I jumped back, startled, my hand flying over my heart. A few strangers glanced at me with wary eyes. Self-conscious, I straightened, cleared my throat, and smoothed my tank top.

  I could do this. I could.

  Closing my eyes for a quick second, I drew in a long, deep breath.

  Nobody had forced me to come. It had been my decision. Not an easy one, not a quiet one, but, in the end, the last word had been mine. If anything happened, if it became too hard to endure it, too complicated, too emotional, I could leave. I could go back to my real home any time.

  My heart was almost at its normal speed.

  I reached for my luggage on the carousel, and placed it at my feet before taking another deep breath.

  Then, I turned toward the glass doors, ready to face the demons of my past.

  ***

  Mama waited for me outside the airport terminal, leaning against the same old, dusty green truck I remembered.

  I swallowed the sudden tears when she saw me approaching.

  “My goodness, honey, you’re so thin!” Typical. Four years without seeing or speaking to her and the first thing she mentioned was the lack of food in my system. Nevertheless, emotion took hold of me and, like a child, I dropped my purse and my luggage and ran to her. She embraced me with her strong arms. A sob shook my chest. “Honey, I missed you so darn much,” she whispered in my ear.

  “I missed you too,” I whispered back. Jesus, I had even missed her light Southern drawl. It intensified whenever she was angry or too excited.

  “Let me look at you.” She pushed me at arm’s length and turned me around. The wrinkle on her forehead deepened. “Isn’t your hair too long? For goodness sake.” She tugged a dark blond strand. “It’s almost at your butt, honey.”

  With a small smile, I shook my head, not believing she had chosen to complain about my looks.

  Then I looked at her. Really looked at her. She had been a beauty once. She still was, though age and stress were playing their part. Her round face had new wrinkles, and her smile didn’t touch her blue eyes. Her amber hair was cut shorter than I remember, and she was thinner too.

  “Hasn’t your grandmother fed you?” she asked, taking my bags from the sidewalk and placing them in the truck.

  “Don’t blame her. I like being thin.”

  We slid inside the truck. With a loud and strange roar, the engine came to life, and Mama drove us out of the airport.

  “It ain’t healthy to be too thin.”

  “Well, I could say the same about you. You lost weight too.”

  She sighed, her eyes on the road. “Things haven’t been easy,” she muttered.

  My heart wilted. The joy of seeing Mama again had erased the reason I had come from my mind.

  “How is he?” I asked, my head low.

  “Enduring.”

  We reached Highway One, and among the many new buildings and constructions, I recognized a few old ones.

  I turned toward her, as much as the seat belt around my torso allowed me. This question had been bothering me since she first called two months ago. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “Your father didn’t want you to know. Not yet. You know how hardheaded he can be. He was too proud to admit he wasn’t well.” Around the wheel, her knuckles turned white. “But he has been in the hospital for three months now. The doctors don’t think he’ll make it much longer. And, since he is unconscious most of the time, I thought it was safe to let you know.” She glanced at me, her eyes shining with tears. “To let you come home.”

  I averted my eyes and pretended to take notice of the familiar streets.

  Home.

  Lexington hadn’t been my home for four years. I didn’t think it would ever be again. I didn’t want it to be.

  I opened my mouth to let her know my mind on the subject, but reconsidered. My poor mama was already under too much stress. I didn’t need to add one more layer and risk having her collapsing too. It was summer. I had three months until I needed to return to Cleveland and to my classes. I didn’t want to stay that long, but I wouldn’t worry her with that right now.

  “Is Jason home?”

  A small smile took over her lips. “Jason went to North Carolina for a bike show. He should be back next weekend.” If my brother was at a motorcycle show, my cousin would be too. There was someone else who would probably be with them, but I tried not to think about him. “He’s attending college, you know.”

  “Really? What’s his major?”

  “Biology, for now. He’s gonna apply to med school next semester.”

  Wow, my brother in med school. That was shocking. Or maybe not that much. It all depended on how long my father had been sick, something I still didn’t know and wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

  Just then, Mama drove past the hospital.

  “Aren’t we going to the hospital?”

  “Not today. Your father will spend the afternoon on exams. We could stop by, but I doubt we’ll be able to spend much time with him.” She offered me a cheerful smile I almost believed. “Besides, it’s almost lunchtime.”

  She drove us to the outskirts of town, and entered the subdivision I remembered so well. Ninety percent of the houses here were white with brown doors and windows. On a corner lot, my parents’ house was a soft yellow with white doors and windows. A wide porch snaked around the two-story house, along with many flowers and shrubs. A large tree in the back provided a nice shadow to lurk in during the hot summer.

  Everything was the same. Except for the care. The house was still small and lovely and cozy, and could probably still win the most beautiful yard award, but I could see, here and there, that it wasn’t one of the priorities anymore.

  There were weeds in some spots in the grass, some shrubs in need of pruning, some flowers in need of watering, and the porch in need of a good broom.

  An old blue Honda was parked in the driveway.

  “Cadence is here,” Mama announced as she parked the truck beside the Honda. Mama got out of the truck and picked up my bags from the back. She halted at my door when she realized I had not moved. “Aren’t you coming?”

  Jason was out of state, so my cousin should be with him. Still, I had to ask. “Is Luke here?”

  “I don’t think so. He must be at work. Though I think Lindsey is.”

  So, he hadn’t gone to the show. Interesting. At least he had to work, and I didn’t need to worry about him just now.

  The breath I was holding escaped my lips. Okay, I could work with Aunt Cadence and my cousin, Lindsey. However, I couldn’t, I wouldn’t, put up with Luke.

  I stepped in the house and was caught and squeezed by Aunt Cadence’s heavy arms. If Mama had lost weight, Cadence had gained some.

  “I can’t believe you’re here!” she squealed, twisting me around.

  She let go of me. I was about to make a joke and complain about her warm and happy demeanor when I saw Lindsey at her side.

  “You’ve grown,” I muttered, staring her up and down. She looked so pretty, so sweet. I did the math in my mind and gasped, realizing she was now seventeen. A beautiful young lady. Her hair was long and fell in waves down her back. It was a couple of shades lighter than mine.
Her round hazel eyes mirrored the smile on her lips. She was tall, a little taller than I was, but not as tall as her brother. “Wow, girl, you’re beautiful.”

  “So are you,” she said as she hugged me.

  Aunt Cadence snatched me from Lindsey, and pulled me to the kitchen where many pots and pans seemed alive on the range and in the oven. I inhaled deeply. Sweet and spicy scents from my favorite dishes swirled around me. Jesus, I had missed their fine cooking. Nobody could cook like Mama and her sister.

  And this setting, this kitchen, with its rustic cabinets and wooden table and chairs, was where they cooked the best food. I had spent a good part of my life in this kitchen with them.

  “Tell me the truth. My mother didn’t feed you, did she? You look so thin,” Aunt Cadence said as she pushed me into a chair.

  “That’s what I said,” Mama commented. She opened the cabinets and picked plates and glasses from them. “I’ll have to call Mom and complain about it.”

  “As if you didn’t already,” I said. Mama gaped at me. “Do you think I don’t know you call at least once every two weeks and ask Grandma how I am? I’m not stupid.”

  A slight blush took over her cheeks. “Well, you’re my daughter. I have the right to know how you’re doing.” She placed the plates and glasses on the table while Aunt Cadence stirred a boiling pot. “Things might not have parted well between us, but that was many years ago. Plenty of time to put it all behind and start over.” Her tone was firm. She was hoping I wouldn’t argue. I decided I wouldn’t, so as not to upset her.

  Aunt Cadence was quick to change subjects. “How is college?”

  That I could talk about. “Great. I really like it.”

  “Architecture, right?”

  “Yes, at Kent State University.”

  “Fancy.” Aunt Cadence made an impressed face as she put a bowl with homemade bread before me. My mouth watered. “You’re on vacation now?”

  “Yes.” I took one slice off the bread. “The spring semester ended two days ago. I was going to take two classes during the summer, but I realized I can take them later.” I bit my lip. I had almost confessed that Grandma had convinced me I could take those classes later, that being here with Mama was more important. If it weren’t for Grandma’s wise words, I probably wouldn’t have come.