The Trash Tier Dungeon

by Kaye Fairburn

  “You can put your foot on that if you want,” Arden said as they passed the metallic jaws of a snare. “It won’t snap closed. The mechanism’s disabled.”

  Smokey did a poor job of holding in his squeal. “Amazing!”

  “Isn’t it? But, you know that you can’t tell anyone about what you’ve seen here.” Arden placed a finger to her lips.

  “Even the others in my flock? Them knowing about these changes could win them over.”

  “Your flock? No. I trust that you’re a diehard follower. You’ve stayed obsessed–ah, devoted–to this dungeon through the worst of times. I can’t say the same about anyone else. Leaking our secrets to the wrong people would be very, very bad, especially right now when we’re re-establishing ourselves.”

  “Understood.” Smokey placed his hand against the nearest wall. “I’ll do anything you ask of me.”

  Remembering the silly dance she made him do when they first met, Arden could believe it. His hand trailed the wall as they walked the rest of the way to Minette’s room. Turning the corner, Arden noticed Smokey’s limp worsening. It didn’t do anything to slow him down, though.

  “We’re getting close,” Arden announced. “How excited are you from one to ten?”

  “One hundred.”

  Arden witnessed what 100 out of 10 looked like when they reached Minette. Smokey promptly fell to his knees. He stretched out his arms and bowed his head, not making eye contact with his so-called Dungeon Goddess.

  If it wasn’t for the hiccupping sobs coming out of him, Arden may have missed the tears pouring down his face.

  Minette’s orb color changed into what Arden assumed was a blushing pink.

  Arden decided to do them both a favor. She handled the introductions. “Smokey, meet Minette. Minette, meet Smokey. This is probably a touchy-feely time for both of you, and I don’t do well with touchy-feely, so I’m gonna see myself out.”

  “Stay! You’re part of this, too,” Minette said.

  “I guess.” Arden flew to the far side of the room.

  “I have dreamed of this moment for years. Now that it is finally here, I don’t know what to say,” Smokey said. The crying caused his voice to deepen somewhat, the sound layered with emotion.

  “That’s okay!” Minette chirped. “If it helps you any, I don’t know what to say, either. I’m actually pretty nervous.”

  Smokey laughed. “You are as relatable as you are divine. Thank you for bothering to speak to someone as lowly as me.”

  “Oh, no, thank you for being so devoted and everything. It’s really nice knowing that there’s someone out there who doesn’t think I’m complete garbage.”

  “To me, you’re a treasure.”

  “Yeah,” Arden interjected. “There’s always at least one person who feels that way. You’re golden to somebody. And as long as you believe in yourself, then that will always be true.”

  “Wow, that’s such a nice thing for you to say.” Minette’s pink color intensified, shading a deeper color.

  Arden coughed. “So, Smokey, don’t you have some news and loot to deliver for us?”

  “Ah, right. I found Robin the Rogue in Kazzipur’s tavern. He’s trying to recruit townspeople to destroy you. I’m confident that it won’t happen. He won’t be able to get past your traps. The cattens will eat him alive!”

  “Cattens like wet food and kibble better,” Minette said. “I think eating Robin would give them indigestion.”

  “How are his recruitment efforts going?” Arden asked.

  “Terribly. It didn’t seem like anyone at the tavern was moved by his speech. His table had some extra people, though, besides Jennifer and Buff Dude. He said his name was Micah, by the way,” Smokey said.

  “What did the extras look like? Were they from Kazzipur?”

  “They didn’t look like Kazzipurrians, no. One of them had a bow and arrows, and the other one was brave enough to dress in all-white.”

  “An archer and a cleric, I’m assuming. Okay, go on. Anything else?”

  “Robin says he’ll be here in a few days. It will be a scouting mission. After that, he plans on destroying you. He’s not going to win.” Smokey’s hands tensed into fists at his sides. “He called you a blight, and you are anything but a blight. You are a bright spot in Bellstrang.”

  Minette gushed, “You’re going to spoil me with these compliments.”

  “Speaking of spoils, how’s the loot you found?” Arden asked.

  “Is it alright to dump my Inventory here? I wouldn’t want to clutter the sacredness of this place,” Smokey said.

  “Do it.”

  The items spun before they clunked to the ground, popped out of Smokey’s invisible Inventory.

  Arden pointed them out as they fell. “A wrench, two pieces of scrap wood, a ball of wax, some notebook paper, and a bundle of string. Yikes. If this is our loot, people are going to hate us.”

  “Let them hate us,” Minette said. “Maybe it’ll get them to go away.”

  “Our loot could factor into our review score,” Arden said.

  “Who’s reviewing you?” Smokey asked.

  “The Demon Lord Oiseau. He oversees the dungeons in this country. Think of him as our boss. If he doesn’t like our progress, then he’s going to smoosh Arden into pixie dust,” Minette explained.

  “How sad would you be if that happened?” he asked, glancing towards Arden.

  “Devastated,” Minette answered.

  “I’m sorry that I failed you.” Smokey slapped himself. “I won’t let it happen again!”

  “Hey, hey, no need for that,” Arden said. “We may be able to fix this with some creativity and snarky commentary. People like snark in their item descriptions. That’ll make up for their bad quality.”

  “I don’t like snark,” Minette said. “It’s passé.”

  “No one asked you,” Arden said. “Anyway, we’ve still got the weapons I picked up from our first haul. We can do something with those.”

  “If I hadn’t failed you wouldn’t be in this predicament.

  “You didn’t fail at all, Smokey. No worries! Thank you so much for bringing this to us,” Minette said.

  “Thank you, glorious Minette.” Smokey bowed.

  “I couldn’t help but notice that you seem to be injured. Sorry about the pit trap thing. We’ve got a Monster Lounge that might be able to help you.”

  Arden shook her head. “It won’t. He needs a potion and we don’t have any.”

  “But he’s our follower.”

  “Yeah. He’s not one of our units. He could take a nap there, but it won’t restore his health points. Sorry, that’s just how things work,” Arden said. “With that in mind, Smokey should probably get back to Kazzipur after he finishes his tour. He shouldn’t be here when Robin shows up.”

  “Maybe he can fight,” Minette said.

  “I’m not an adventurer, but I can try my best,” Smokey said. He one-two punched the space in front of him.

  “No, your skills are best used elsewhere.” Arden resisted the urge to correct his stance. “He needs to up his credibility in Kazzipur. The best thing for him to do is rejoin the community. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, you could also consider getting chummy with Robin’s group. It’ll give you more opportunities to spy on them.”

  “Ooh,” Minette squealed. “He can drum up support for us from the background. Y’know, convince everyone in town that we’re worth worshipping.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m thinking. We might not get religious fanatics from this, but in the end, our reputation should shoot up. We beat Robin and his group, and the Kazzipurrians will know that we’ve leveled up into something worth their notice.”

  “Smokey should be able to sway people after that,” Minette said.

  “All of it’s helpful. What do you think, Smokey?” Arden turned to him.

  “I can do it. I’ll forever be able to do anything that Minette requires of me.” Again, Smokey bowed.

  “N
ow, about that tour. Minette can see and talk to you no matter where you are. She’ll take over from here. I’m sure there’s some catching up the two of you would like to do,” Arden said.

  “What will you do?” Minette asked, now a calm blue hue.

  “I’ve got to come up with some descriptions for these items. What do you think of this for the wax ball: with this, now you can wax poetically and pathetically?”

  “I think…I think we should leave you alone to think,” Minette said.

  “Was it that bad?”

  “You don’t want to hear my answer to that.” She made a clicking sound. “C’mon, Smokey. There’s a hallway up ahead you can enter. I’ll lead you to where we keep our units.”

  Smokey shook his fists. “Yes! May I please see the spiny lynx?”

  “Of course you can see the spiny lynx. Talk to you later, Arden. Good luck with the loot descriptions.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Arden waved.

  At least she made a better tactician than an item describer.

  Excitement over the upcoming battle heated her cheeks.

  This time, you’re all going to die.

  Chapter 14

  Their preparations made, all Minette and Arden could do was wait for the adventuring party to show up. Cattens patrolled the halls. Paradiso the spiny lynx waited at the first chokepoint prior to the hall that led to the Dungeon Heart room. As an added precaution, two cattens waited by Minette’s orb.

  As this went on, workercats continued to gather shinies. Glowyrm collection was put on pause. The location was too close to the Warp Gate, and not only that but the glowyrm supplies were beginning to dry up. They’d need to find a new source soon.

  “We’ll go for rush tactics,” Arden said. “Mix them in with the traps and we’ll be sure to win this time.”

  “What do you think of their new people?”

  “They’re rounding out their party, sure, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be any better as a group. We’ve got them this time for sure.”

  The day before, they added another trap to their arsenal and created more cattens. At the time, Minette had been vehemently against it. Their rooms wouldn’t support having six workercats, 20 cattens, and one spiny lynx. The overall unit numbers put them over their 25 unit threshold.

  The strain showed in the lag the farm suffered when it needed to replenish its supplies. The units had to wait longer than they did before for new food to appear, but not by a horrible amount. It was a warning that they shouldn’t push their numbers too much further.

  Any delays in their workflow, no matter how short, were cringe-worthy. What if necessary units stopped for a quick bite to eat, then didn’t make it back to their stations in time because they had to spend extra time waiting around?

  If it wasn’t for having to train the units, Arden would’ve agreed with waiting to build more of them. She wanted the cattens sharp and ready for what was to come. Training didn’t affect their stats. The practical experience was helpful in other ways. It put attack patterns into their feet. It gave them situations to recall.

  Arden hoped that the cattens’ betterment would help fill any gaps in Minette’s Influence.

  [WARNING!

  One human adventurer has entered the dungeon.]

  “Here they come,” Minette said.

  “One at a time, though. I wonder what they’re trying to pull.”

  The lone adventurer turned out to be everyone’s favorite rogue, Robin. Leather vambraces covered his arms. His boots were higher than they were last time. If Arden didn’t know any better, she’d say that he got himself some better gear for the battle ahead. More interesting than those articles of clothing, though, was the golden pair of glasses he wore.

  “Welcome back,” Arden said, her voice loud for everyone in the dungeon to hear. “Where are the rest your friends? Did they realize how much of a slug you are?”

  Robin snorted. “I’m here to parlay, pixie. I did some soul-searching and I’d like to offer you a deal.”

  “You don’t have anything that we want, other than your skulls.”

  “There are two things you must do if you want to survive. Give me back my dagger. Kill all of your units. If you don’t agree to do this, we’ll find the Dungeon Heart and destroy it. You don’t know what kind of numbers I have in my guild. What you saw before was us going soft.”

  “I saw a complete disaster. You should be embarrassed of yourselves,” she said.

  “You’ll never win against us. This is your only chance.”

  “Hey, this is the dungeon speaking. You can take your deal and choke on it.” Minette laughed. “We’re not afraid of you.”

  Had Minette had a hand, Arden would’ve high-fived it. “Bring whatever army you’ve got. We’re ready.”

  Robin shook his head slowly. “’Tis a shame, a real shame. You’re going to look back at this moment and wish you’d made a different choice.” He backed up into the Warp Gate. The light absorbed him. He disappeared, teleported to the surface level.

  The resolve in Minette’s voice told Arden she didn’t need to double check her feelings on their decision. Moreover, they knew exactly what kind of army Robin had with him. The archer and cleric were mysterious to a point, but if they fought like the rest of their party, then they’d be nullified like the rest. Adventurers often reflected the company that they kept.

  [WARNING!

  Three human adventurers have entered the dungeon.]

  When Robin reemerged from the Warp Gate, his usual party mates flanked him. Micah, formerly known as Buff Dude, and Jennifer, formerly known as Generica the beautiful redhead with the magical staff, stood by his side. The archer and cleric were nowhere to be found.

  If anything was a real shame, then it was that.

  Speaking only to Arden, Minette said, “They’re probably saving them for the next attack.”

  “Yeah. That’s one less surprise for them to hit us with.”

  Robin made a bunch of gestures, then walked forward. He suddenly threw out his arm, Jennifer walking right into his back. Her face flushed red. She opened her mouth to say something. Micah placed a hand on her shoulder, calming her.

  “Pit trap right there,” Robin said. He pointed at the ground closest to the room exit. “It’s easy to step around. Follow me and remember not to run ahead.”

  They stayed close, one behind the other, as they headed down the first hallway. Jennifer’s staff flashed to light.

  “Enemy incoming,” she announced. Her Detection skill did its job. It didn’t lead her astray.

  A pair of functioning eyes would’ve done as well as the staff in that moment. One catten waited for them at the end of the hall, a fork in the path behind it. Taking in the adventurers, the catten’s nostrils flared. It drove its claws into the dirt, digging grooves into the ground.

  “More traps up ahead.” Robin adjusted his glasses. “There’s one against the wall and another one on the ground after it.”

  “Tricky, tricky, tricky,” Micah said. He tapped the top of his winged helmet.

  “They’ll be easy to destroy, just like the Dungeon Heart.” Robin threw a defiant glance at the ceiling.

  Sparks crackled, crawling along Jennifer’s electro-staff. “This one’s mine.” She swung the staff forward. A bolt of electric energy leaped from its tip.

  The catten doubled back, Jennifer’s attack unfortunately hitting its backend. Although it whined pitifully, it didn’t slow in its retreat. The adventurers didn’t move until the catten was well beyond the corner.

  Watching everything from the Overview mode, Arden lit up with excitement.

  “Since they’re a fan of surprises,” Arden said to Minette, “let’s give them what they want.”

  A great ax appeared in Micah’s hands. He tightened his grip on the handle. “Do we go after it?”

  “Don’t chase it,” Robin said. “I’m going to disable the trap ahead.” He leaned close to the wall, his arms stretched out. Once he reached the Projecti
le trap, his eyes and hands lit up with a bright blue glow.

  Just around the corner, green circles appeared beneath Minette’s first set of waiting cattens. The injured one was among them. The four units moved as one, their movements in sync as they rushed for the adventurers. Arden cheered for them.

  Jennifer stepped forward. She unleashed a volley of electro-blasts at the cattens. They split their formation, zigzagging to dodge the attacks. They weren’t all so lucky. One of them got hit square in the face and did a rolling tumble. The catten behind it leaped over it. The charge did not end.

  She slashed a horizontal line in front of her, her voice loud as she shouted something in a foreign tongue. A horizontal beam of electricity launched at the cattens. Those who ducked low avoided it, and those numbers only included the one that was currently on the ground. The other three took four points of damage.

  “Dammit. Keep them moving!” Arden called.

  Minette’s Influence pushed them forward. Jennifer’s next volley of electro-blasts exploded one of the cattens into glittery dust. Robin disengaged from what he was doing. His daggers materialized in his hands in time to block a catten from leaping into his face. Micah got into the action, his great ax swinging towards the other two cattens approaching Jennifer.

  “Relief effort,” Arden called.

  “Give them time,” Minette’s said, referring to the next set of cattens she had running down the halls. Combat holding them up, the adventurers didn’t know there was a secondary wave racing towards them. As Minette said, they needed time to make it there.

  Arden’s delight showed itself in the grin on her face.

  Micah’s ax missed the catten. It went for his leg, its claws ripping through his tights and skin. Micah’s ax came down again, this time over the catten’s tail. It howled before attempting to take another claw-full of Micah’s flesh. It only had 16 health points remaining.

  Jennifer cracked the other catten over the head with her staff. It was a measly amount of damage, but it perturbed the creature. It reared back to strike with its claws, Jennifer’s electric aura flaring around her body at the same time. Caught in the electricity, the catten yelped. 14 health points remaining on that one.