New and…Improved? & Andrew in Excess

by Jill Shalvis; Jennifer LaBrecque

“Anytime.”

  Halfway to her car, Bitsy turned around. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. When I went by to pick up the night-light, Andrew was watering your plants.”

  Hell’s bells. He was nurturing those plants. He really knew how to kick a girl when she was down.

  KAT AWOKE from a not-so-sound sleep to a pounding on the door. The numbers on the clock read 11:30 p.m.

  “Come on, Kat. Let me in. Ya gotta talk to me.” Her mystery guest was no longer a mystery.

  She padded to the door without turning on any lights. “Go away, Andrew. It’s late.”

  “I hafn’t talked to you in five days and three’n half hours. C’mon, honey.”

  Kat’s astonishment that he’d been counting the days—and hours, apparently—was quickly followed by the realization that Andrew’s usual precise diction registered less than precise. Downright slurred, in fact.

  “Have you been drinking?” She’d never even seen him tipsy. Not in any of the two and a half weeks she’d been married to him.

  “Jus’ a few beers with Eddie. He tol’ me to talk to you.”

  “Go home and go to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” And tomorrow Eddie just might face castration.

  “Uh-uh. It’s misable there without you. I need you.”

  Kat pulled her humiliation at his betrayal around her like a suit of armor.

  “You need me for your partnership. Go home.”

  She nearly jumped out of her skin when he began belting out “You Are the Sunshine of My Life” in an off-key tenor.

  Oh my God. Her straitlaced, Wall Street Journal reading husband stood drunk, and butchering good Stevie Wonder lyrics at the top of his voice.

  Kat jerked open the door. “Shut up—”

  Flashing blue lights racing down the road stopped her mid-sentence. Unfazed, unaware, uncaring—she wasn’t sure which one, perhaps all three— Andrew didn’t miss a beat.

  Horrified, Kat watched the police cruiser pull into the driveway behind a waiting taxi. A burly officer jumped out and rushed toward them, his weapon readied. Andrew finally seemed to figure out he wasn’t at a Kmart special and turned to investigate the flashing blue lights.

  “Wha’ the…?”

  “Freeze, mister. Ma’am, are you okay?” The cop barked.

  “Fine. I’m fine. Why are you here?” The revolver trained on Andrew froze Kat in her tracks.

  Unfortunately, it didn’t have the same effect on her inebriated husband. He took a step toward the man in blue. “Yeah, wha’s the problem, Officer?”

  “You seem to be, buddy. One of your neighbors called about a possible burglary in process.” The cop waved his gun toward the patrol car. “Spread ’em over there.”

  Andrew shambled toward the car, a grin splitting his face. “If it’s a strip search, could I request her, Officer? She’s ma wife, ya know. And I haven’t seen her in five day and three and something hours.” The glare of the headlights illuminated his skewed grin. “And she’s wearing my favorite nightie.”

  Kat tugged self-consciously at the hem of the lime-green T-shirt.

  “Buddy, in case you ain’t noticed, I’m not Dear Abby, and your ass is about to be arrested if you don’t spread-eagle against that car pronto.”

  Toto chose that moment to dash from the house and run gleeful circles around Andrew. Kat lunged after him. “No, Toto, no. Bad dog.”

  Andrew, unsteady on his feet, lurched against the officer and landed on top of him. In a moment of joyous reunion, Toto celebrated in his favorite manner, lifting his leg on both Andrew and the outraged officer.

  Quick as a flash the policeman slapped a pair of handcuffs on Andrew and yanked him to his feet.

  Andrew seemed much more interested in Toto than his new steel bracelets. “At least you’ve missed me, hafn’t ya, little guy?”

  Someone had to look out for Andrew, because he was doing a very poor job of it right now. Kat grabbed at the officer’s arm. “Wait a minute.”

  “This is none of your concern now, ma’am.” The burly cop shrugged her off, opened his back door and bundled Andrew inside. “Buddy, you’re under arrest for obstruction of justice. You have the right to remain silent….”

  ANDREW SAT ON A HARD BENCH in a holding cell and tried to block out the surrounding chaos. How the devil long could it possibly take for Eddie to raise bail and get him out of here? Nothing quite like being arrested to sober up a man. Fast. He and his arresting officer wouldn’t be getting together for a game of racquetball anytime soon.

  “Okay, buddy, let’s go.”

  Andrew glanced up in inquiry.

  A skinny young man in uniform smirked at him. “Yeah, you. Your fairy godfather just arrived. Better hurry before he leaves without you.”

  Andrew rose to his feet, ignoring the wiseass comment. He’d leave with a whole new perspective of the men in blue.

  Eddie waited for him in the processing area, trying to swallow a grin.

  “Don’t say a word until we’re out of here,” snapped Andrew.

  “Okay. And you’re welcome that I got out of bed and came down here at three o’clock in the morning to haul you out of the tank.”

  “Thank you. Now shut up.”

  “Why don’t you take it outside, fellows—unless you just happen to like it here?” Sergeant Smartmouth suggested.

  Andrew withheld comment until he and Eddie were out of the station and in Eddie’s car.

  In the close confines of his sedan, Eddie wrinkled his nose. “Jeez, you stink. Did you sit too close to a drunk or what?”

  “No, buddy.” That was a new name he’d learned to loathe this evening. “You’re smelling genuine dog urine. After Toto helped me body-tackle the policeman, he relieved himself on both of us.”

  From the driver’s seat, Eddie made a choking sound. Andrew showed remarkable restraint in not finishing the job for him. He hated to render his only sister a widow and his niece fatherless.

  Suddenly, bone weary, he laid his head on the back of the seat. “Edward, my life is out of control. My life has never been out of control. In the past three weeks I’ve been photographed publicly groping a woman, gotten married, had my eye blackened, had a room of three hundred think they heard me having sex with my wife, had my wife toss crystal at me like I was target practice before she left me, been double-crossed by my father, peed on by a dog twice and now arrested.” He didn’t throw in and fallen in love. It was too illogical for him to accept. “And do you know what I’ve done every night since Kat left?”

  Eddie held up a hand to stop him. “I’d rather not know if you’ve been seeing Mary Thumb and her four sisters.”

  Andrew shook his head. He’d resorted to several cold showers but not that. Not yet anyway. That couldn’t begin to compare to his memories of the taste, feel and smell of his wife that were driving him mad. “Oh, no. I go home after work every night and water her damn flowers.”

  “Congratulations!” Eddie blew the car horn for good measure.

  “What?”

  “Congratulations on joining the real world.”

  “Pull over.”

  “Why?”

  “You must be tipsy, and I’m not riding with anyone who’s been drinking.”

  “Um, I think that’d be you. When I told you earlier tonight—or I guess last night now—to talk to Kat, I didn’t mean right then. But think about it. You’ve lived more since you met Kat than you have in your entire lifetime. And you just wait until the baby comes.”

  Andrew recognized the truth when he heard it. But that didn’t mean that he had to like it or accept it. He countered, as much out of habit as conviction, “The law has always been my first love.”

  Eddie pulled up in front of Andrew’s house. “That’s a load of bull! Sometimes I can’t believe you managed to graduate summa cum dummy from Harvard. The law is the law, whether you’re practicing at Winthrop, Fullford, and Winthrop or Lawyers ‘R’ Us. But you know what? There’s only one Kat Winthrop, and I believe they broke the mol
d with her.” Eddie reached across Andrew and opened his door. “Now get the hell out of my car, and try not to get arrested in the next twelve hours. I need my beauty sleep.”

  11

  KAT BURIED HER HEAD underneath her pillow and willed the pounding to go away. Another minute and she realized it wasn’t her head. Reluctantly, she pulled herself out of bed. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, she shrieked at the face pressed against the bedroom window. Her mother appeared unrepentant as she motioned for Kat to let her in the front door.

  Kat made the increasingly familiar trek from bedroom to front door. She’d come to the beach house seeking solitude. This was more like Grand Central Station. At Thanksgiving. Maybe even Christmas. She opened the door.

  “I knocked and knocked, and when you didn’t answer, I thought maybe you were dead or something, so that’s why I was looking in through the windows.” Her mother sailed past her, backed up and gave her a quick hug. “I’m glad you’re not.”

  Kat hadn’t gotten back to sleep until Eddie had phoned her on his cell phone, assuring her that Andrew was home and the charge would be dropped. Sleep-and caffeine-deprivation scrambled her mother’s rambles. “Huh?”

  “Dead. I’m glad you’re not dead, dear.”

  Kat headed for the kitchen, or more specifically, the coffeemaker and hit the red On button. “Thanks. I consider that a bonus this morning.”

  She opened a package of Fig Newtons and offered one to her mother. With practiced ease, Kat managed to fill two coffee mugs and replace the glass carafe under the streaming liquid with barely a spill.

  Her mother gestured to a behavior modification tape. “What’s that?”

  Desperate, she now listened to several a day. “My new best friend.” Was that a problem when you became excessive with your moderation tape? She was too tired to think about it.

  Joining her mother at the table, Kat sipped the hot, strong brew. “Aah, nectar of the gods. Would you like to tell me why you’re here, Mother?”

  “Jackson spilled your beans, dear.”

  “I’m already not speaking to him for the rest of this life. He just screwed up the next one as well.” Kat paced to the deck door and back. “Can you request a particular reincarnation? I’d like to be a bulldog with rabies just so I can bite Jackson in the ass.” And she was only partially teasing. The idea held great appeal.

  “That’s blasphemous. I think.” Without blinking an eye, her mother picked up Kat’s coffee cup and emptied it down the sink. “Anyway, he did what he thought was right.”

  Kat’s mouth gaped open at her empty cup. “Why’d you do that?”

  “You’ve got to lay off the high-test if you’re pregnant.” Her mother opened the refrigerator, filled Kat’s coffee cup to the brim with milk and placed it on the table. “Now that’s just what our little zygote needs.”

  Kat shrugged in resignation. Sometimes Mother did know best. Would her little zygote think the same one day?

  “Kat, since you were a teenager I’ve tried not to meddle in your life. And maybe that’s been a mistake on my part. For years, I’ve felt guilty that I didn’t try to do anything about Nick. I knew he was wrong for you. And sure enough he wound up hurting you.”

  “Mom, you couldn’t have changed anything.”

  “Maybe not, but we’ll never know. But this time I’m not going to stand by and say nothing while you make another mistake.”

  Kat dunked a fig cookie into her milk. “Mom, I know Andrew’s a mistake. That’s why I’m here.”

  “Andrew’s not a mistake. That’s why I’m here.”

  “If Jackson spilled all my beans, then you know he, Andrew and Eddie deliberately deceived me. I need a straight answer, Mom. Are men genetically incapable of the truth? Or is there a sign on my back that says Fool— Play Me?” Tears threatened to spill over. Kat yanked herself up by her Fig Newtons. She’d never been the weepy sort. She’d made it through her Nick fiasco without shedding a tear.

  Her mother gentled a strand of hair behind her ear, much like she’d done when Kat was a small child. “It felt like the thing with Nick, didn’t it?”

  Kat nodded, managing a single word. “Worse.” Anything more and her waterworks would start up. No need to ruin a perfectly good breakfast of milk and cookies with salty tears.

  “I think Andrew’s taking the heat for Nick, too.”

  Kat opened her mouth to protest and shoved a cookie in instead.

  “You came home one day and Nick was simply gone. You were left with a public and private mess you had to deal with on your own. You never even had the chance to confront him.”

  How many times had she fantasized about throwing the contents of the china cabinet at Nick’s lying face? How much of the Waterford pitched at Andrew had also been intended for Husband Number One?

  “Maybe.”

  “Andrew’s not like Nick. Nick used and abused for his financial gain. And, honey, that bad karma’s gonna crawl all over him one day.”

  “I don’t care.” The words emerged without rancor and she meant them. She felt the tremendous weight of her anger at Nick slip away, freeing her. Kat jumped up and danced a jig around the table. Nick had been a pimple on the ass of her progress—and he’d been a very big one—but she’d finally let it go.

  Her mother’s smile echoed her own joy. “I do believe you mean it. Andrew just wants to protect his child. And I don’t care about all the contracts in the world, you and that young man love each other. It was plain as day to me and Vince. You and Andrew just need to figure it out.”

  Her elation over Nick vanished in light of her situation with Andrew. Deflated, she plopped back into her chair. “I have, but I think it’s too late. He reads the Wall Street Journal and even his blue jeans have creases. But last night I wouldn’t open the door and then he started to sing and I didn’t know what to do when the police took him away—”

  “The police?” Her mother interrupted her babbling with a screech.

  Kat gave her mother a rundown of the predawn debacle. “So, now my Harvard-graduated-soon-to-be-prestigious-law-partner husband has a police record. I’ve made a shamble of things.” The last syllable ended in a wail.

  “Katrina Anastasia Hamilton Devereaux Winthrop, pull your hormones together. I’ve always admired your grit. If you wanted something, then, by golly, you went after it. If you want this marriage to work, give it your best shot.”

  Kat reached for the last fig cookie. “You know I’ve never mastered that moderation thing.” The empty cookie container lent its own silent testimony. The tapes on the table stared at her in silent accusation. “And yes, I want him. To excess. Because that’s the way I do things. It’s either all or nothing and I can’t settle for nothing from him.” Despite her bravado, her heart thundered in trepidation. She wouldn’t allow herself to even consider the nothing alternative. She’d taken that route this week and it stank.

  Her mother tossed the empty cookie wrapper in the garbage with a smile. “That’s my girl. I checked before I came over this morning and tomorrow’s numbers showed something special.”

  Kat walked her mother to the door, her brain racing like a runaway locomotive. “I think I’ll give my husband today to recover from his jail time and hangover. But tomorrow morning, he won’t know what hit him.”

  Her mother threw out one last piece of advice. “Honey, invest in one of those home pregnancy tests. I believe I’m gonna be a grandma.”

  ANDREW LEANED AGAINST the stucco wall and aimed the shower of water at the profusion of pots flanking the front door. His reconciliation attempt with Kat last night had wound up an exercise in humiliation. Eddie’s words echoed in his brain like a litany. The life he’d had and the future he’d envisioned before Kat no longer meant anything. She’d turned his house into a home. She’d brought him into the land of the living. With gusto. The best sex in his life was mere icing on the cake—although he’d developed quite an affinity for icing.

  And if Kat turned out to be pregnant, he�
��d make the best damn dad any kid could want. Juliana and Toto liked him well enough, and weren’t kids and animals supposed to be the best judges of character?

  That was all just damn great except for the niggling detail that she wouldn’t even talk to him.

  He squinted against the afternoon sun as a car turned into his driveway. Claudia. And he’d thought the past twenty-four hours couldn’t get any worse. Even if he turned the water hose on himself he wouldn’t drown before she got to him. Too bad.

  He ignored her as she climbed out of her car and swayed down the walk. “You look like hell.”

  Aside from trading his dog-marked pants for a pair of shorts, he still had on the previous night’s clothes. He hadn’t shaved in two days. Nor had he combed his hair today and he knew his eyes were bloodshot. “I look better than I feel. I don’t know what you’re doing here, but go away, Claudia,” he growled in no uncertain terms.

  Claudia’s practiced pout came into play. “There’s no need to be nasty, darling. A.W. told me he thought your, um, circumstances were about to change. Then Mamie Prewitt told me she’d seen her out at the beach house all this week. I just wanted to let you know I forgive you for marrying that dreadful woman. I’m ready to stand by you.”

  Andrew fought to keep his expression neutral. Kat had more going for her in her little finger than Claudia did in her entire phony package. “Just satisfy my curiosity. How much is A.W. paying you?”

  “Now darling, don’t be that way. He’s just concerned about you,” she purred. Stepping closer, she trapped his arm in the valley between her silicone mountains. Her eyes narrowed to slitted seduction as her tongue licked suggestively along her lower lip. The perfected moves of a courtesan. “I believe I could satisfy much, much more than your curiosity.” She trailed a red nail down his chest to the waistband of his shorts.

  The thought of touching or being touched by any woman other than Kat repulsed him. He took a slight step back, eyeing Claudia cagily. She, in turn, took a larger step forward, wrapping her fingers around his arm, a seductive smile stretching her mouth into a red slash.