Until There Was Us

by Samantha Chase

  She nodded. The horn sounded again, and she thanked Ethan one last time before running out to the car.

  Once she was seated and they were on the road, she turned to Zach. “Am I crazy? I mean, am I completely crazy to be doing this?”

  He shook his head, but his eyes stayed on the road. “To be honest? I wasn’t sure what you should do. I’ve never seen this side of Alex, and as much as I wanted to be the one to help him like he helped me, I knew I wasn’t the one to do it.” He shrugged. And then he looked at her and grinned. “And when you said you wanted to—and you were willing to trek out into the woods to do it?” He chuckled. “Then I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wasn’t the one to do it.”

  “I still have no idea what I’m going to say when I see him,” she admitted quietly. “I’ve never had to handle a situation like this, Zach. I’m…I’m scared.”

  Sighing, Zach drove for a few minutes without saying anything. Finally, he spoke. “The mere fact that you’re showing up is going to speak volumes to him. And I think you are going to have to take your cues from him. There isn’t a speech you can prepare. I wish there was. He needs to know you’re there for him—that we all are. But you need to be prepared for some things too.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like he might not want to come home yet. He may need more time to come to grips with this situation.”

  “Oh.”

  They drove for a little while longer in silence. “When I met Alex, I had hit rock bottom. I’d pushed everyone away—doctors, therapists, friends, family…everyone. I didn’t think I’d get another therapist because I had fought with so many of them and figured no one would want to help me. Then Alex showed up.” He paused. “And he talked to me—he talked to me like there wasn’t anything wrong with me. He didn’t treat me like a patient or someone who’d suffered a trauma. We just talked—man to man.” He shrugged. “That spoke to me more than anything else anyone had done since the accident. That initial conversation, he just…he asked my opinion—he didn’t give his. Out of all the people I had been dealing with—and there had been more than I can even count, it seems—he was the first to try to get to know me, and he asked me what I wanted to do.”

  Her eyes stung with tears. “I never knew that,” she said quietly.

  She saw Zach swallow hard. “He gave me hope when I thought I had nothing left. But that’s just him—that’s the way Alex is. He has a gift, and when I think about him throwing that away—” He stopped and shook his head. “We can’t let that happen. He has too much to give.”

  Tears streamed down her face. “I know. He’s always there for everyone, and it’s hard to imagine him off and hurting like this all alone.”

  Zach squeezed her hand. “Now he won’t be alone. He has you.”

  “I feel very unqualified for this, but I’m not going to give up. If I have to camp out for a week, I’m going to do it.”

  Smiling, Zach pulled off the highway, and Megan saw the sign for the campground. It wasn’t until the car was parked that he looked at her and said, “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

  She tried to laugh at his attempt at humor, but she just couldn’t at the moment.

  “The selfish part of me wants to be the one to hike into those woods and help him. To save him. The way he saved me,” Zach said, his voice thick with emotion. “But then I realized that helping you get to him is going to be the best thing for him. That’s my contribution to this whole thing.” He hugged Megan close. “You’ve got this.”

  Megan hugged him back. Knowing that her cousin—her big, strong cousin who had overcome so much more than she could even imagine—had faith in her to save the man she loved gave her the confidence to do it.

  * * *

  The weather was perfect, the fish were biting, and everything was peaceful.

  And he was miserable.

  First he thought walking away from his job and the clients he couldn’t possibly cure was the right thing to do. Then he figured having the house to himself would help. But all that accomplished was him sitting alone missing Megan and thinking about all the things he was supposed to be doing to fill his time.

  That’s when he knew he had to leave.

  At least out here in the woods, the sights and sounds of nature distracted him.

  Reeling in another fish, Alex wondered if he should quit for the day. He’d already caught four. More than enough to feed him for the next couple of days.

  If he had refrigeration.

  “Idiot,” he murmured, removing the fish from the line. Maybe if he caught sight of any nearby campers, he’d offer them some. In the meantime, cleaning them and filleting them would help pass the time.

  Except he was super efficient at that too.

  Dammit.

  Wrapping the fillets and placing them in his cooler, he contemplated what to do next. He stretched, looked at the lake, and sighed. It was so quiet and tranquil, and on some levels, it was soothing. There was something to be said for getting back to nature without any disruptions or people who made you—

  “Son of a bitch!”

  Alex turned—not so much at the words but at the voice.

  Megan.

  He looked on in shock as she made her way through the brush looking like someone who had stepped off the pages of a Land’s End catalog. She huffed, pushed a tree branch aside, and jumped down from the small opening and onto the clearing where he had set up camp. When she spotted him, she looked incredibly relieved.

  “Thank God,” she murmured.

  Alex wasn’t sure which was the stronger emotion for him—shock or relief.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked. He was glued to the spot, thinking maybe this was a mirage and he was starting to lose his mind.

  And considering he’d slept maybe a total of twelve hours in the past week, that was totally possible.

  Closing some of the distance between them, Megan hefted her backpack off and let it fall to the ground. “I decided to give camping a try,” she deadpanned.

  As much as he didn’t want to, he couldn’t help but laugh at her statement. “How are you liking it so far?”

  “If I wasn’t carrying a small house on my back, I would probably like it more.” Then she crouched down, opened up the small cooler bag that was hooked to her pack, and pulled out a bottle of water. She drank half of it before looking at him again. “I could also do with a lot less branches to the face.”

  “There was a path—”

  Nodding, she stood. “And I followed it for as long as I could, and then some sort of wild animal was blocking the way, so…I had to get creative. No one told me I might need a machete.”

  Alex quirked a brow at her. “A wild animal?”

  “Yup. Wild. Possibly rabid.”

  “Rabid? Or do you mean rabbit?” he teased.

  She gave him a bland look and took another sip of her water. “It was bigger than a rabbit, and it had…attitude. I thought it was safer to fight my way through the trees.”

  It was hard to believe they were standing here in the woods talking like this. For months Megan had been adamant about never going camping, and yet…here she was. Last time he’d spoken to her, she was fully entrenched in her job and talking about how crazy things were and how busy she was and how much her father wouldn’t leave her alone, and yet…here she was.

  “Why aren’t you at work?”

  Her shoulders squared, and she whipped off her sunglasses and gave him a defiant look. “I quit my job.”

  Alex’s eyes went wide. “Um…what? When? Why?”

  With a careless shrug, she walked past him and toward the water. She peered at his fishing gear before looking at him over her shoulder. “Have you caught anything? I have a couple of sandwiches in my bag, but I’ve never had freshly caught fish.”

  This had to be a halluc
ination. The woman he knew would never willingly quit her job and hike into the woods. Uh-uh. No way. Shaking his head, he walked toward her and had to touch her to confirm whether she was real. Reaching out, he gently grasped her shoulders and pulled her close.

  “I don’t suppose you can catch lobster in a lake, can you?” she asked, her expression going a little soft as she looked up at him.

  He laughed softly. “Is this your way of telling me you’re hungry?”

  “I had a granola bar,” she commented, “but I was eating it when I was almost attacked, so I threw it at the beast and took off.”

  The urge to haul her in closer and kiss her was strong, but there was still an inner war waging within him. Maybe cooking some of the fish would be a good distraction.

  “Then allow me to be a good host and make you something to eat.”

  She must have recognized what he was doing because she took a step back. “I have a sandwich if you’re not ready to eat yet. It’s okay.” Without looking at him, she walked over to her pack and pulled out the food. She offered one to him. “There’s two. You know…just in case.”

  And that’s when he saw it—or…heard it. The vulnerability. She was here, and on the outside she looked completely confident and at ease, but inside? She wasn’t so sure.

  Taking the sandwich, he motioned to the log he’d been using as a seating area. He was expecting a comment or two on the lack of places to sit, but she didn’t say a word—she simply sat down and opened her lunch.

  He was halfway through his when he couldn’t take the silence anymore. “What are you doing here, Megan?” he asked quietly.

  Once she was finished chewing, she turned to him. “Do you remember when you flew to New York to be with me?” she began nervously.

  He nodded.

  “We had talked about all the ways it was impractical for us to be together—or at least that’s what I kept saying. And every time I would say it, you would challenge me and come up with reasons why it made sense. I kept putting up these barriers, and you kept knocking them down. And you know what? That’s what I needed. I just didn’t realize it at the time.” She paused and looked at him. “Now I’m here to knock down yours.”

  “Um…what?”

  “You weren’t willing to let me walk away from what we’d started,” she said. “You took a risk, you flew across the country and planned this amazing weekend for us—”

  “And you didn’t show,” he reminded her, but there was no anger to his words—he was simply stating a fact.

  “I know. And I regret that more than anything.” Her expression went from neutral to fierce in the blink of an eye. “I should have come to you. We talked, and we fought, and then we both gave up, and because of that, we lost two years. Well…I’m not giving up, and this is me coming to you. Maybe the gesture is two years too late, but it’s here. And right now, you’re the one having doubts, and I’m here to listen to you and talk them out with you and just…dammit, Alex, you have far too much to give to just walk away from it all.”

  “Megan—”

  “No,” she quickly interrupted. “You have too much to give to your clients, to your friends, and to us.” With that, she reached out and took his hands in hers. “I love you. I love everything about you! Your struggles are my struggles, and when you’re hurting, I’m hurting too. I know I can’t possibly understand the depth of what you’re feeling right now, but I’m here for you. I’m always going to be here for you.”

  Maybe she was still speaking, maybe she wasn’t. All he could focus on was the fact that she loved him. She had said the words when he’d been too afraid all along to say them. His brave girl was finally realizing her own strength. He knew how out of her comfort zone all of this was—quitting her job, hiking out into the woods, and expressing her feelings first. So if she could do it, maybe…just maybe…he could do the same.

  “I hate who I am right now,” he said gruffly. “I hate that I’m letting my friend down because I can’t seem to move on or move forward.”

  She squeezed his hand. “Alex, you have to allow yourself time to grieve! No one expected you to just get up the next day and carry on as if nothing had happened. Taking some time for yourself is a pretty normal thing to do.”

  But he shook his head. “It’s more than that. All those years I worked with Danny, and what did it do? You were right…that day when you asked who was I doing it for. It was me. I was doing it to try to ease my guilt about what had happened to him. So, really, I possibly extended his life—a life he didn’t want—for my own selfish purposes. What kind of person does that make me?”

  For a long moment, she looked at him, and he was certain she was thinking about taking her words back from earlier. Maybe now she was seeing the real him and was looking for a way out. And he wouldn’t blame her.

  “What was my cousin Zach like when you first met him?” she asked.

  “Excuse me?”

  “What kind of condition was he in when you first met him?”

  The image of his friend on that first day came to mind—he looked like some sort of mountain man and growled louder than a grizzly bear—which was exactly what he said to Megan. “Essentially, Zach was a complete mess.”

  “I wasn’t around much, but everyone in the family knew he wasn’t doing well. He shut everyone out and was refusing therapy. What would have happened to him if you hadn’t come along?”

  “He would have hired another therapist,” Alex said, but Megan shook her head at him, and he realized what she was getting at. No other therapist would have taken him on. At least not for long. “He probably wouldn’t be walking right now.”

  “Earlier today, Zach told me about your first meeting,” she said as she gently caressed his hand. “He said he had hit rock bottom. That wasn’t the life he wanted to live. And then you came along and changed all of that for him because you cared. You took the time to get to know him and gave him hope. Is he the only client you’ve ever had who was a success?”

  Alex shook his head.

  “Have you ever had a client whose injuries were so significant that they couldn’t regain use of their limbs?”

  He nodded.

  “And did you continue to work with them, or did you walk away?”

  It was hard to swallow past the knot in his throat. “I stayed,” he said, his voice low. “I always stayed.”

  Her expression softened, even turned a little sad. “And you stayed with Danny because he was your friend. It wasn’t about an ego thing for you. Anyone in your position would have stayed because of the emotional connection. You don’t walk away from the people you love when they can no longer walk or because they’re no longer physically capable of being the person we want them to be.”

  And deep down, he knew she was right. He knew that even if he wasn’t doing therapy with Danny, he would have kept going and seeing him every week because…that’s what friends do.

  “I never thought it would hurt this much,” he admitted, his voice catching. “All these years, I always knew this day would come, and yet…I wasn’t prepared for the pain. I keep thinking…hoping…”

  She pulled him in close and held him as he cried. It was as if the dam had finally broken because ever since the morning of his friend’s death, he hadn’t let himself cry to the point of it hurting—to the point of almost not being able to breathe. And the entire time, she held him, stroked his back, soothed him.

  Alex had no idea how long they stayed like that, but when he finally raised his head, he felt mentally and physically exhausted. He wiped away the moisture and was almost embarrassed to look at Megan. He never cried in front of anyone, and he hated that he had done it now. But when she cupped his face in her hands and gently forced him to look at her, all he saw in her eyes was love, understanding, and acceptance.

  “I love you,” he finally said. “I’ve loved you from the first ti
me I saw you. And the thought of ever losing you like—” But he stopped and shook his head. “It all just overwhelmed me.”

  “And it’s okay, Alex. You had so much to deal with. I want you to know you can talk to me about this kind of stuff. You’ve always listened to me go on and on about the things that scare me, and it’s kind of nice to know you get scared and overwhelmed sometimes too.” Then she gave him a small smile. “It’s nice to know you’re not perfect.”

  He laughed and rested his forehead against hers. “But I want to be. For you. Only for you, Megan.”

  “No,” she said softly. “I like this much better because I know I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. This levels the playing field. Besides, I think being perfectly imperfect is a good thing.”

  They stayed like that for a long time until Alex knew he needed more—and even if she wouldn’t say it, he knew the damn log was crazy uncomfortable.

  Clearing his throat, he said, “Um…you know…I have a tent right over there that’s got more than enough room for two people to lie down and get comfortable.”

  Her smile was knowing. “I have an extra sleeping bag for a little more padding if you’re interested.”

  Without a word, he stood and held out a hand for her. Together they picked up her pack, walked over to the tent, and set out her sleeping bag. Then he carefully tugged her inside, zipped the tent closed, and focused all his energy on showing her how much he missed her.

  * * *

  “I’m not going to lie to you—I really enjoyed that.”

  Alex looked at her and grinned. “I’m glad. Although I do wish it was a little fancier.”

  They were eating the bass he’d caught, and she genuinely was surprised at how much she was enjoying herself. “A salad would have been nice to go with it, but I’m kind of impressed at how you put together such a good meal with so little to work with.”

  “Well, had I known I was going to have company, I would have been better prepared.”

  “I still have my chocolate bars for dessert, and I’m willing to share,” she teased.