Enthrall

by Vanessa Fewings

  I’d found her stash once. Luckily she caught me right before taking my first lick of the stuff. At seven years old that wouldn’t have ended well.

  I didn’t want to think about that old life now, not when the promise of love loomed on the horizon. Richard’s bossiness was so alluring, so protecting, and so addictive.

  Every morning I couldn’t wait to get to work just to be near him.

  Cameron strolled toward me, his dark sunglasses making him hard to read. I rose to greet him and he gestured he wanted me to sit.

  “Lunch.” He lifted the brown paper bag and handed me the Perrier water. “Hope you like sparkling.”

  “Thank you, Cameron.”

  “You can thank Richard.” Cameron joined me on the bench and handed me the bag. “It’s a chicken salad wrap. It’s from a deli down the road. They make everything fresh. Richard drove out especially to get it for you.”

  “Ooh, thank you.” I peeked inside.

  For me.

  We both stared at the pond and for the first time in my life the silence didn’t feel awkward.

  He crossed a long leg over the other. “I really should come out here more often.”

  That silence returned once more as though proving to itself as much as me that all its power had gone.

  “Five hundred dollars for your thoughts,” said Cameron.

  I giggled. “It’s a penny for your thoughts.”

  He twisted his mouth. “In my estimation if the saying dates back to the middle ages and we take inflation into consideration—”

  “That’s silly.”

  “What can I tell you? I’m good with numbers.”

  He had a knack for making those around him feel comfortable, that is of course when he felt inclined, and I forgave him for what he’d done to me in Chez Polidor, using me to arouse Senator Deluca’s penchant for punishment.

  “How are you feeling?” asked Cameron.

  “Do you think I need therapy?” I said.

  “Do you think you need therapy?”

  “I seem to have managed so far.”

  He turned to better look at me. “I quite agree.”

  “Do you always know what to say?”

  “Pretty much.” Cameron peered over his sunglasses. “So you and Richard kissed last night.” He gave a nod. “I approve.”

  “Nothing happened.”

  He arched a quizzical brow. “Trust me, something happened.”

  “No, we didn’t...you know.”

  “I wasn’t sure if it was possible for anyone to reach into that heart. Evidently it is.”

  “How do you know?”

  He eased his sunglasses up and rested them on his head. “Know what?”

  “That I’m in love with Richard.”

  He peered under dark lashes. “I wasn’t talking about you.”

  Though I stared at the pond I didn’t see it, not really, my mind was too busy racing with the possibility Richard may feel the same way about me.

  “Richard’s calmer,” said Cameron. “That was the first thing I noticed. You’d only been here a day. Of course he flew into a blind rage when he realized he had feelings for you.”

  “Why?”

  Cameron glanced at me. “He was pushing you away.”

  “Did Richard tell you this?”

  “That’s confidential.”

  “Like us now?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Last night, in Richard’s pool, he looked horrified that we’d kissed.”

  “You read him wrong.”

  “I don’t understand. Aren’t people meant to be happy when they realize they like someone and that person likes them back?”

  “Remember, we’re dealing with Richard Booth Sh--” He shook his head. “Shall we keep talking?”

  “Something bad happened to him, didn’t it?”

  “Bad happens to all of us.”

  “Yes, but it really does depend what that thing is.”

  He pursed his lips and I knew what that meant. I looked away, respecting his wish not to continue discussing it.

  “Hopefully by now you’ve come to understand Enthrall is more than it first appears,” he said.

  “People who don’t respond to conventional therapy use this place as a last resort.”

  “And some visit purely for pleasure, or pain, or both.”

  “Does Richard...”

  Cameron leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “It’s a lifestyle choice. Some people choose to drink every day despite what it does to their liver, some smoke, some overeat.” He shrugged. “Inevitably we all use a crutch.”

  I tried to think what mine might be. Yes, I liked the occasional drink, half the time I forgot to eat lunch, and, well, I’d never smoked.

  Cameron leaned back to better look at me. “When I took you into the dungeon I had no idea you were still a virgin.” He caressed his brow. “I’m kicking myself for doing that to you. After that daring performance in Richard’s office you had me convinced you had a thing for kinky.”

  I bit my lip and blushed.

  “Yeah, that doesn’t help either,” he said.

  “What was that thing you did to me in the restaurant?”

  “Can you be more specific?”

  “When you squeezed my thigh.”

  “Oh, that. I released endorphins into your blood stream.”

  “By causing pain?” I sunk lower, burning with embarrassment but fascinated at the same time.

  “It’s what we do here,” he said. “We control with pain. Bring pleasure with pain. Balance pleasure with pain.”

  “Huh.”

  “We banish pain with pain.”

  I tried to understand how that might work.

  “So you don’t hate me?” I said.

  “Never.” He stretched his arms out wide across the back of the bench. “Pain leads to the secretion of endorphins which in turn leads to euphoria.”

  “That’s why it made me relax?”

  He flashed a smile. “Amongst other things.”

  I broke his gaze, not daring to admit another part of me liked it too. “How did you know I wouldn’t scream?”

  “I’d profiled you,” he said matter-of-factly without even a flicker of an eyelash.

  My stare stayed on him, trying to see if he’d caught the weight of what he’d revealed.

  “You’re submissive,” he said. “Which makes you a perfect fit for Enthrall. There are more than enough dominants in this place. You provide a form of repose. Perfectly so, in fact.” His eyes locked with mine.

  “Do you like dominating me?” I said.

  “Nothing brings me more pleasure.” The corner of his mouth turned up. “If you were my submissive you’d be sitting on the ground right now with your head on my lap. I’d be running my fingers through your hair.”

  Invisible sparks flew out of my chest; the tingly what just happened there kind.

  “But potentially you’re Richard’s,” he said.

  “What about the ants?”

  He looked amused. “I like feistiness. It’s a trait I take pleasure in vanquishing in my submissive. Richard, however, desires someone more malleable. Sexually that is.”

  “Are you saying this to help me or warn me?”

  “Trust me, submissives are honored. You’d be spoiled rotten. Encouraged to reach empowerment. Given every opportunity to fulfill your potential on every level. We encourage our women to flourish.”

  “So I’d be allowed to be me?”

  “Goodness, yes.” His gaze swept the garden and settled on the pond. “Do you like these little suckers?”

  I swallowed, hard. “They’re very relaxing to watch.”

  “From what I hear it looks like you’ll have a few fish of your own soon. Along with a new address.”

  My head snapped round to look at him.

  “Lotte’s friend needs a house sitter and apparently you’re about to become Malibu’s newest resident.”

  “Really?” Excitem
ent flipped in my stomach.

  “Your rent’s going to be really low. Something ridiculous. Turns out Lotte’s quite the negotiator.” He stood and stretched. “We’ll have a welcome home party for you. Let’s see if we can freak out Richard with some more normal.” He chuckled. “It’ll be fun to watch him squirm.”

  Cameron made me laugh.

  “Mia, some things in life are best taken slow.” He pulled his sunglasses back on.

  I tried to read his face but the sun shone in my eyes.

  “For the record,” he said. “I’d never ship you off to Sicily. Or for that matter let anyone touch you.” He beamed a mega-watt smile. “That’s our privilege.” He nudged his sunglasses farther up his nose. “You’ll need help moving. I’ll get the girls on it.”

  I hadn’t even considered the need to pack. I let out a long sigh and watched him stroll back down the pathway toward the main building.

  Reaching for my phone, I saw I’d missed a call from Lorraine. I dialed her back, making a mental note not to bring up my new home until all the details were set.

  “How’s my girl?” Lorraine’s voice sounded extra husky.

  “Did you just have a cigarette?”

  “Jeez, Mia, I’m thousands of miles away and you’re still on my case.”

  “Sorry. How are you feeling?”

  “No more nausea, thank goodness.”

  “I’m so relieved.”

  “Me too. And I even managed to go to Mass last night.”

  “Wonderful,” I said. “How’s Aunt Amy?”

  “Big sis is coming through for me as always,” she said. “She might be able to get me some work up here. She has a friend who’s a waitress at this Bistro called Pastis. Apparently the tips are huge.”

  “You feel okay to go back to work?”

  “I’m not dead yet,” she said, her laugh screeching down the phone.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I do. We went wig shopping today and Bobbi bought me this lush brunette thing.” She sounded excited. “It’s taken ten years off me.”

  “Send a photo.”

  “I’ll get Bobbi to. I’m crap with this phone. I’m so sorry sweetheart, I forgot to ask how everything is with you?”

  The fish eyed me as though edging me on to tell her I’d met someone. Though that certain someone was Mr. Elusive. Even after what Cameron had just revealed it seemed that Richard had no intention of following up on those feelings.

  “You still there?”‘ said Lorraine.

  “Oh yes. Nothing new here.” I gave the fish a glare.

  “This is a little delicate for me to bring up, Mia.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Well, I forwarded that payment you sent me to the insurance company. The check was returned to me this morning in the post.”

  Paper ruffled in the background and I sensed she was looking at it as we spoke.

  “What do you mean?” I said.

  “They didn’t cash it.”

  “Did you call them?”

  “Yes,” she said, ‘But they went on about special grants and considerations and stuff like that. Quite frankly they lost me. Would you give them a call?”

  “Of course,” I said. “I’ll call them as soon as I get home. What exactly did they say?”

  “It didn’t make any sense. Something about my account being closed.”

  This couldn’t be happening. Had I messed up? I had been a little distracted lately. Ignoring this gut wrenching fear, I ran through a mental checklist of the last few payments I’d made. I’d only been late once but the billing department had given me an extra week to get the payment to them. Which I’d done.

  “Please don’t let it worry you, dear,” said Lorraine. “It’s probably me.”

  “I’ll look into it. I have the money.”

  “I’ve heard of insurance companies cutting you off. I hope to God they don’t do that to me.”

  “Please don’t worry yourself over this. I’ve got it.”

  “You’re such a good daughter, Mia. I don’t deserve you.”

  “Nonsense. I’m the lucky one.”

  “Don’t let L.A. ruin my sweet, beautiful Mia.” She kissed into the phone and hung up.

  I stared at my cell knowing I could never share with her my place of employment, or even the fact that the man who I worked for, the man who consumed my every waking thought, specialized in ruination.

  And I’d fallen head over heels in love with him.

  A WARM BUBBLE BATH awaited me.

  I’d taken Cameron’s words to heart. “It’s time to forgive yourself,” and had even promised to try and be a little kinder to myself.

  I decided to enjoy some luxuries that I’d never allowed myself before, such as taking this bath. I never made the time, I suppose. Firstly, I needed to get this call to Blue West Medical Insurance out of the way. I sat on the edge of my bed with my iPhone pressed to my ear, on hold with yet another adjuster who’d passed me along to yet another department. My bath water was getting cold.

  “Ms. Lauren?” came a friendly female voice on the line.

  “Yes,” I said, fearing the call might drop and I’d have to start over.

  “I’m Karen Allen. Sorry for the wait. I have your mother’s claim here,” she said, her voice peppy. “Looks like the bills are all paid up.”

  “That’s just it,” I said. “You returned my last check. I mean the one my step-mom sent in.”

  “She overpaid on the account,” said Karen.

  “I have a copy of the main bill right here. I still owe you guys thirty-four thousand dollars.” My throat tightened, having never before spoken the amount out loud.

  “Ms. Lauren, you’re all paid up.”

  “No, the last payment was only for six hundred dollars. You know, as part of that payment plan you set me up on.”

  “The balance on the account is at zero,” said Karen firmly.

  I could hear her clicking away on a keyboard.

  This was getting frustrating. Clearly she was not getting the issue.

  “Mrs. Lorraine Granger is my step-mom’s name,” I clarified. “We don’t have the same last name.”

  “I’m looking at her account as we speak,” her tone tensed.

  “The last four of her social security number is 4406. Can you check we have the right--”

  “Have the same one here.”

  “I don’t understand,” I said. “Who paid off my bill?”

  “Your step-mother’s account qualified for a special grant via one of our Cedars patrons,” said Karen.

  “Who was that?”

  “They remain anonymous. It’s our policy.”

  “Someone at Cedars paid off my entire step-mother’s medical bill?”

  “The funds came from one of our patrons here at Cedars, yes.”

  “Shouldn’t they ask my permission first?”

  Quiet filled the few seconds it took me to catch my breath.

  “Your mother is a very lucky lady,” said Karen. “Her entire debt is wiped clean. That really is something to be happy about.”

  “Can you send me that in writing?”

  “The letter is on its way, Ms. Lauren.”

  Lying back on my bed, I stared up at the ceiling trying to come to terms with the fact I was now free from all debt.

  And now if I really wanted to I could leave Enthrall.

  That was the last thing I’d ever want to do. Not now, not after I’d found somewhere I really felt like I belonged, was accepted for who I was. Had potentially found the one there.

  I rolled over onto my stomach and hugged my pillow. Wave after wave of relief consumed me that this ordeal was over; this far reaching responsibility of getting the best care for my step-mom was lifted. Who, I wondered, had paid off my entire debt at Cedars? Was Richard a patron? He was certainly rich enough. How would I ever be able to ask him if it had been him?

  Seriously, one chicken wrap and a bottle of Perrier and my imagination takes
off on its own to crazy-land.

  My bath would be a great way to celebrate.

  Steam filled the bathroom and the scent of vanilla wafted. My robe slipped from my shoulders and fell to the floor. Spending time around Richard made me feel sexy and so adventurous, and right now I wished I’d brought that toy home from work.

  Reaching low, gently easing apart my folds, I once again discovered my clit, feeling it swell beneath my touch as I imagined these were Richard’s fingers flicking away, bringing lustrous sensations over my entire body.

  Richard had admitted he liked our kiss but something told me he would never be mine, could never be mine. I’d never be worthy of a man like him. Though somehow knowing this made it easier to want him. Safer to fantasize about a lifestyle so forbidden.

  My orgasm building, my eyelids fluttering shut…

  My thoughts drifting, I wondered if I could ever live a life where I succumbed each day to a man’s desire to control me? Possess me? My pussy throbbed, feeling so hot and wet with the thought of that man being Richard. Him mastering me, disciplining me, sending me over the edge...

  Like my fingers did now, quickening, bringing me closer, those memories flooding back of him spanking me in the dungeon. That dark red walled playroom that promised hours of punishing pleasure—

  I wished these were Richard’s fingers, his masterful touch working me into frenzy. Nothing, no matter how much I tried, could I mimic the way he had touched me here, pleasuring me like this. His expertise was something I yearned for more than anything.

  Coming hard, consumed with thoughts of being bound and gagged and used merely for his pleasure, I found release with the longest moan and shattered into a thousand pieces.

  I collapsed in a heap on the floor.

  Easing into the warmth of the bath, soothing my tired limbs, I began to understand what it meant to lavish pure physical attention upon myself, wallow in the luxury of self-devotion. My self-loathing was slipping away. It felt like I was truly seeing myself for the very first time. All tension left my body and this deep ache in my heart lifted. I drifted off to sleep—