The Doctor's Outback Baby

by Carol Marinelli

  They bumped backwards in angry silence, finally locating the turning which, Clara realised, unless you knew it existed, didn’t exactly stand out.

  Well, she wasn’t going to apologise!

  ‘Do you want a quick look at the notes?’ Clara offered instead, but Timothy shook his head.

  ‘I had a read before we came and Ross bought me up to scratch. This is the lady with breast cancer and cerebral metastases who doesn’t want any further treatment, right? She’s having trouble sleeping and I’m to—’

  ‘No!’ The force behind her voice came as a surprise to them both and Clara took a couple of deep breaths before she carried on talking. ‘This is Eileen Benton, happily married, mother of two wonderful children, who dabbles in ceramics and also happens to have breast cancer.’

  ‘Hey, Clara!’ Slamming on the brakes again, Timothy pulled the handbrake on and turned to face her. ‘What’s your problem this morning?’

  ‘I don’t have a problem,’ Clara retorted. ‘I’m just pointing out that Eileen isn’t merely another diagnosis. She also happens to be a beautiful young woman—’

  ‘I’m sure she is,’ Timothy broke in, ‘and no doubt I’ll find that out for myself in a few minutes. Is that what this is about? Do you not think that I’m qualified enough to be treating your precious patients?’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Here.’ Pulling out his prescription pad, he scribbled furiously on it. ‘Temazepam 10 mg—that’s what she needs isn’t it? Ross said she was having trouble sleeping. As you clearly think I’ve little to contribute, why don’t you go on ahead and see her? And I’ll wait in the car.’

  ‘Timothy?’ Swallowing hard, Clara realised she’d gone too far, that she’d taken her rather pensive mood out on him when it simply wasn’t his fault and an explanation was called for. ‘It’s not you I’m upset with.’

  ‘Isn’t it? You’ve made it blatantly clear you don’t want me along this morning. I’ve been trying to talk to you the whole way here and you’ve completely ignored me, which is fine. If that’s how you want to work then that’s your right, but when it comes to the patients’ care don’t take your bad mood out on me. I was merely attempting to check I’d got a handle on her diagnosis before I walk in there. Now, if I’m not quite up on all the patients marital statuses and pastimes it has nothing to do with me being an unfeeling bastard and everything to do with the fact I’ve been in this town less than a week.’

  ‘She’s a friend.’ The catch in her voice took the wind out his sails for a moment. She heard his sharp intake of breath, saw his knuckles loosen their grip slightly on the steering-wheel. ‘I know practically everyone in this town, but Eileen really is a good friend. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding, I delivered her babies…’ Swallowing hard, Clara fought back her tears—the last thing she wanted was for Eileen to see her with red glassy eyes. ‘That’s why I’ve been quiet in the car.’ She gave a small shrug. ‘Rude even. I just really don’t want to do this.’

  ‘Did you tell Ross?’ he asked gently. ‘Maybe Shelly should be the one to look after her.’

  ‘I asked Ross if he’d mind sending Shelly, but apparently she got upset when she heard that Eileen was refusing any further treatment…’

  ‘So did you,’ Timothy pointed out, but Clara just gave a wry laugh.

  ‘Ah, but I don’t have children that are around the same age. Apparently it makes it worse.’ Leaning over, she checked her reflection in the rear-view mirror, then blew her nose again. ‘I’m probably being a bit unfair. I’m sure if I’d reminded Ross just how close Eileen and I are he wouldn’t have sent me. I should have stood up for myself a bit more.’

  ‘Do you want me to go in,’ Timothy offered, ‘by myself? I could walk to the house from here and say that I got a bit lost. She won’t even know you’re here.’

  Clara shook her head. ‘I’m fine now.’ Jumping out, she pulled out her bag and waited as Timothy got out, a shy smile on her lips as he walked over. ‘And I’m sorry about earlier. I’m actually really glad you’re here.’

  ‘Clara! I’m so glad it’s you.’

  Stepping inside, Clara’s misgivings were instantly dispelled. The warmth of Eileen’s welcome, the obvious delight that she was there, told Clara there and then that the pain of nursing Eileen would be worth it. Nursing mightn’t be the most glamorous job in the world but the relationships forged with patients were always special and none more so when they were friends.

  Agony though this journey they were embarking on would undoubtedly be, Clara vowed at that moment that they would travel it together with dignity and affection, strengthening their friendship as they faced the unknown together.

  ‘Happy birthday!’

  ‘Eileen!’ Clara let out a small moan of embarrassed protest as a brightly coloured package was thrust at her. ‘You shouldn’t have.’

  ‘Why on earth not? It’s your birthday after all. So, what else did you get—anything nice?’

  Clara gave a small shrug. ‘Nothing yet,’ she mumbled, quickly changing the subject. ‘Eileen, this is Timothy Morgan, he’s the new doctor in Tennengarrah,’

  She waited as they shook hands but Eileen hadn’t finished embarrassing her yet. ‘Are you trying to tell me that no one even remembered your birthday? What about Bill, Ross and Shelly, Kell—’

  ‘I hate a fuss, you know that,’ Clara broke in. ‘Ross and Shelly will do something tonight, no doubt, at Kell’s leaving do, he’s got his head in the clouds—I’ll fill you in on all that later. And Bill’s hardly in a position to go shopping. Did you hear he had the operation in the end? He’s doing very well apparently.’

  ‘Is that a lecture I can feel coming on?’ Eileen’s smile never faltered, but there was a notable tension in the room as Clara fumbled with the wrapping paper. ‘I know you, Clara, and I also know where you’re leading. Bill changed his mind and just look how well it’s all worked out.’

  ‘I’m not here to lecture you, Eileen,’ Clara said softly, staring at the small bowl covered in bright ceramic pieces, a glorious picture of the sun and the moon and hundreds of tiny silver stars. It would have taken for ever to make and, given Eileen’s fragile health, it made it all the more special. ‘This is beautiful, I’ll treasure it.’

  She’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t cry, sworn that she’d get through this without even a hint of a tear, but looking up at her friend Clara realised she wasn’t alone with her tears as Eileen sobbed quietly. She wished she could go over there, put her arms around her friend and tell her she thought she was doing the right thing, but she couldn’t.

  Couldn’t watch Eileen give up on her life with hardly a fight.

  ‘You’ve been having trouble sleeping since the metastases were diagnosed?’

  It was Timothy who spoke, his voice so strong and clear that for a moment it sounded as if it didn’t belong and Clara felt a stirring of anger for his apparent callousness, which she quickly fought to check, reminding herself that it was the diagnosis that was callous, not Timothy.

  ‘I slept well at the hospital,’ Eileen gulped. ‘In fact, that’s just about all that I did! It’s just since I’ve come home that I’ve been having trouble. I get all worked out about silly things. I’m fine during the day, I just get on with things…’

  ‘No doubt you’re busy.’ Timothy gestured to the pile of toys in the corner. ‘How old are your children?’

  ‘Seven and four. Rhiannon’s at school, Heidi’s having a nap at the moment—you’ll see her soon, no doubt. Like I said, during the day I’m fine…’ Her voice trailed off and Clara ached to fill it, didn’t want Timothy to push yet she knew he had to.

  ‘But at night?’ Timothy said gently as Eileen buried her face in her hands, the weight of the horrible cloud that hung over her too heavy for her thin tired shoulders.

  ‘I make lists.’ Eileen’s voice was a strangled whisper. Pulling a piece of paper from the coffee-table, she held it in the air and a strangled sob followed. Clara
felt like joining in, but she sat quietly as Timothy made his way over, joining Eileen on the settee, not remotely awkward, not uncomfortable, just tender and gentle and infinitely patient as he took the paper and read it quietly.

  ‘Rhiannon loves cucumber in her sandwiches, but she doesn’t like the skin,’ Eileen said softly as Timothy carried on reading. ‘And Heidi can only sleep if she has her favourite blanket. Jerry knows that, of course, but she doesn’t just like it over her, she likes the top part tucked under her cheek, and even though she says she doesn’t want apple juice in the morning, she wants it really.’ Her voice was shaking, her hands too as she took the list back from Timothy. ‘It probably seems stupid. I know they’re all going to be fine, that they’ll be well looked after. I know I can’t put everything down on paper, can’t sum up their little personalities in a few pages. It’s just…’ Her voice trembled. ‘It’s just that…’

  ‘Maybe you’re not ready to hand them over yet?’ Timothy suggested softly, as Clara held her breath, watching in awe as Timothy gently pushed further. ‘Are you having second thoughts about cancelling the treatment?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Eileen’s voice was almost angry. ‘I just don’t know if I can go through it all again, and more to the point I don’t know if I can put Jerry and the kids through it again. The last lot of chemo was hell on earth, but at the time I figured it was worth it. That I’d beat the cancer and get on with the rest of my life. Now I’m being told I need radiation treatment, possibly surgery and if I’m very lucky I might even get a follow-up round of chemo to top the whole lot off. And for what? A few more months?’

  ‘It might be a lot more than that,’ Timothy said, but seeing Eileen shake her head he looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before changing tack. ‘Suppose you’re right, suppose that the worst-case scenario comes to fruition and all you get out of this is a few more months, what would that give you?’

  Eileen looked up at him puzzled.

  ‘Where will six months see your family?’

  ‘Heidi would be at school,’ Eileen whispered.

  ‘I don’t have children,’ Timothy volunteered, ‘but, from what I’ve heard, that makes a big difference. Once they’re off at school during the day things get a bit easier, don’t they?’

  Eileen nodded. ‘If the worst does happen, even though Jerry says he’ll manage, I know that at least if both the girls were at school it would make things easier for him.’

  ‘For the girls, too, perhaps,’ Timothy suggested. ‘Routine can be very comforting. What else?’

  Eileen gave a small teary smile. ‘Rhiannon’s eighth birthday, our tenth wedding anniversary.’

  ‘Worth fighting for?’

  Eileen nodded, but her face was lined with indecision. ‘Is it fair on them, though? I’d have to go to Adelaide for all the treatment—a half-hour appointment is a three-day round trip.’

  Clara saw Timothy frown and broke in. ‘The air ambulance only takes patients while they’re unwell. When Eileen has her radiation treatment she’ll qualify, but if it’s just a follow-up visit or a regular consultation she has to take the bus. That’s a day there and a day back for a half-hour appointment.’

  Eileen nodded. ‘And if it doesn’t work, that’s time I could have spent with them.’

  Retrieving the list, Timothy read it again closely, not answering her question at first. ‘You’re wrong, Eileen, there’s nothing stupid about this list, I happen to think it’s beautiful. This is the type of thing the children will treasure one day. One look at this and they’ll know how much you love them, and hopefully you’ll be around to read it with them. They need you, Eileen, and you need them.’ His voice changed. Snapping back into doctor mode, he handed her over the bottle of pills. ‘One at bedtime. Only take one, mind, because if you wake up in the night and can’t get back to sleep you can take another one. They’re pretty short-acting and won’t leave you feeling groggy the next day, but I’ve a feeling you won’t be needing them once you make up your mind. Do you want me to get Ross to speak to the specialists in Adelaide?’

  When Eileen didn’t answer straight away, he carried on talking. ‘Just because you start treatment, it doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind later. You’re still in control here and Clara and I will support you in whatever you decide.’ Looking over, he smiled as Clara stepped forward.

  ‘Why don’t you talk it over with Jerry? I’ll call back tomorrow,’ Clara suggested gently, holding back the sigh of relief as Eileen finally nodded.

  They didn’t talk about it in the Jeep. He seemed to sense she was just too raw to go over things, but far from the strained journey earlier this time, when Timothy made small talk, Clara responded warmly, even managing a laugh or two at his appalling jokes. And later, as they ran the mobile clinic, as she watched him interact with the locals. Not once did she need to interrupt, not once did she take him to one side and warn him the way things were done out here.

  A strange well of pride, a flutter of excitement grew in her stomach as she watched him work. A junior doctor he might be, but Clara knew that it was only a matter of time before he found his feet and the world would be all the richer for having him. Timothy was a true doctor in every sense of the word. He had it all—tenderness, compassion, wisdom and all topped with that generous smile, and Clara wondered how she could ever have thought him awkward.

  Timothy Morgan was going to be one helluva doctor.

  They lay on the rug, laughing immoderately at Timothy’s silly jokes, and Clara didn’t mind for a moment having the new guy along with her, didn’t mind sharing her picnic lunch or the quiet time she normally adored.

  In fact, she relished it.

  ‘That would have to be the best picnic I’ve ever tasted,’ Timothy groaned. ‘Did you make it?’

  Clara shook her head. ‘I know I moan how much work I get, but Shelly hasn’t lumbered me with the lunch duties and cleaning the clinic yet. June takes care of all that, you’ll meet her soon enough.

  ‘You did great with Eileen.’ Her change of subject went unacknowledged for a moment or two, Timothy sensing this was hard for her. Flinging some crumbs, they watched for a moment as the ever-hungry galahs who had been hungrily watching them bravely swooped out of the trees and devoured their impromptu feast.

  ‘Look how close they come,’ Timothy sighed. ‘I wish I’d brought my camera.’

  ‘They’re practically tame,’ Clara said, ‘I feed them all the time.’ Her voice grew serious. ‘I meant what I said about Eileen—I mean, I don’t think I could have changed her mind and I know Ross has tried…’

  ‘Look, thanks for the vote of confidence,’ Timothy said modestly, ‘but I really don’t think her change of heart had anything to with me. It was more a timing thing.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ Clara admitted, ‘but you really were great with her.’

  ‘Because I’m not close to her, it makes it a lot easier to be objective. And don’t put yourself down. It was you she wanted to see and I don’t doubt for a second it will be you doing most of the legwork if she does go ahead with the treatment.’

  Clara nodded. ‘I know she’ll have to go to Adelaide for the radiation treatment and the surgery but Ross says that she can have the chemo at home this time—it will make all the difference.’

  ‘It’s a lot of work for you, though.’

  Clara shrugged. ‘I’m used to it. And it really isn’t that much extra work. I just have to go and set it up. It’s a small syringe driver that delivers the drug in a measured dose, so she can have it strapped to her and she can walk around with it, do the housework, whatever. I just hope she doesn’t get so sick this time. That’s if she decides to go ahead.’

  ‘Let’s just wait and see, huh?’ The galahs had finished feeding now, fluttering back to the treetops and eyeing the visitors suspiciously. ‘People and emotions I can deal with,’ Timothy sighed. ‘I’m just dreading a big emergency, especially somewhere like here…’

  ‘You’d be fine,’ Clara sa
id assuredly, but Timothy just let out a long sigh.

  ‘Doesn’t anything scare you, Clara? You just seem so calm about everything. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever be that assured.’

  ‘Of course you will be. It’s just experience. Mind you, I still go cold when there’s a car crash. We had a big one here a few weeks back.’

  ‘The bus crash?’ Timothy checked as Clara nodded. ‘I saw it on the news.’

  ‘It was awful.’ Taking a sip of her water, she fiddled with the water bottle for a moment or two before carrying on. ‘That’s how my parents were killed.’

  The silence around them was loaded. She could feel his eyes on her, knew that he was waiting for her to elaborate.

  ‘Their injuries weren’t that bad?’ Looking up, she registered the confusion in his eyes. ‘If medical help had been nearby, they’d both have lived. Mum had a pneumothorax, a chest tube would have saved her, and Dad had internal bleeding. By the time the Flying Doctors arrived it was too late.’

  ‘Is that why you went into nursing?’

  Clara nodded. ‘Not for a few years after the event, though. I was only fifteen when it happened but, as Mum said, I was always going on forty.’ Clara grinned, but her eyes were shining with tears as she explained. ‘I was always a really sensible kid, so it wasn’t hard to buckle down and concentrate on my schoolwork to get the grades for uni.’

  ‘Who looked after you after they died?’ Timothy asked. ‘Have you got a lot of family?’

  Clara shook her head. ‘There was only me. I’ve got an aunt in Melbourne who said I could stay with her, she’s got loads of kids and she said that one more wouldn’t make a difference—in the nicest possible way,’ she added, registering Timothy’s taken-aback expression. ‘But I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving everyone and everything I knew, so I decided to stay here.’

  ‘On your own?’ He couldn’t keep the shock from his voice but Clara just shook her head.

  ‘I wasn’t on my own for five minutes.’ Clara smiled. ‘It’s like one big extended family here. I stayed with Bill and his wife for a while after it first happened and they were great, they always have been. Then when I was ready I moved back home, but I was never left alone, everyone pitched in.’ She gave a soft laugh. ‘I don’t think I cooked a single dinner for two years.’ Standing, she shook out the rug, the conversation definitely over, but Timothy knew there was a lot of hurt there, a lot more to be said.