License to Spill

by Lisi Harrison

  What an SPF15 kind of day.

  That book was a nail-biter.

  Divorce is quitting.

  See the difference?

  Wonder Bread Words tamp out the flavor and make that which they are describing seem bland. This is why I itch when a Wonder Bread Word is used to describe me, my academic career, my world in any way. I must have flavor.

  Ver? I know Lily wants the flavor too. Everyone does. My guess is that she’s afraid of trying and failing again. I was about to test this theory on her during lunch, but Blake joined us and we moved on. In hindsight I’m glad we did.

  This way Lily will be totally surprised when I tell her what I did. I know. I know. I know. It’s wrong. It’s illegal on every level. But it’s foolproof. Mrs. Martin will be gone for the rest of the school year and she doesn’t even have a replacement yet. Besides, it’s not like I took us from F’s to A’s. More like B’s to A’s for me and B+’s to A’s for Lily. I owed her two, and this will feel more like three.

  Happy Thanksgiving, Lil!

  Nov. 21.

  I get a call from Randy’s Exotic Pets during second period.

  I figure I’m getting busted for saying I live there so I shoot the call to voice mail.

  Turns out my sugar glider is in.

  They want me to pick it up before Thanksgiving. It needs love and won’t survive the long weekend in a cage.

  I skip Chemistry and bike over.

  Randy is there when I pull up. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen the guy.

  I pictured a hairy Harley-riding kind of guy with a denim vest and eyes so squinty you wonder how he sees.

  Wrong.

  Real Randy is skinny and hairless as a stick bug. His mouth is pulled wide like a lizard’s and he doesn’t blink his bulgy brown eyes the whole time I’m there.

  Me? I blink like crazy when he says all these high schoolers have been dropping cans of food at his door for Thanksgiving.

  LIE #77: I wonder why?

  He says his store got flooded during the hurricane and everyone is pitching in. That’s the kind of community we live in. We’re lucky.

  –I agree, I say.

  LIE #77.5: I don’t agree. Not completely, anyway. I do agree that we’re lucky to live here, but any community that’s not whipping T-words at me makes me feel lucky. But the food he’s getting is for me. People at school have been donating it because they think I’ll be alone with the pets over the holiday.

  Randy steps into the back and comes out with a palm-sized rodent.

  It has Randy’s eyes, a pink nose, and a skunk stripe down its back.

  I try not to make those sounds girls make when they see babies and kittens, but the thing is pretty cute so I go, heh.

  –Got a cage for it? I ask.

  She’s a marsupial, Randy says. She’d rather be in your pocket.

  LIE #78: Cool.

  But it’s not cool because I rode my bike and I don’t want to squish her.

  –That’ll be two hundred and fifty dollars, Randy tells me.

  I give him my Visa and then ask for a bag.

  Randy laughs a booger right out of his nose. It lands on his sleeve. We both pretend it didn’t.

  –You can’t put her in a bag. We do sell bonding pouches and sleeping sacks if you’re interested.

  –I am, I say.

  I bike off like I’m Elliott with E.T.

  Last thing I need is to be spotted talking to a mouse in a glitter purse so I go straight to Audri’s.

  I call her and tell her to meet me at her house.

  She doesn’t even have to think about it. She doesn’t care if she misses class. She just says yes because she trusts me. I lo-like that about her. It also makes me feel bad.

  I’m sitting on the steps when she gets there.

  Sugar is inside the purse, which is inside my shirt.

  I’m wearing it like a necklace so the pouch is against my bellybutton.

  Every time Sugar squirms it tickles.

  Audri asks why I’m giggling. I say because I’m happy to see her. Most of that is true so I’m not counting it as a lie.

  She unlocks the door. I follow her inside, taking long sniffs of her vanilla perfume. It’s been a while since I smelled it.

  Too long.

  Ignore the mail, she says. Mom has been working so much lately. I swear we’re going to get our power shut off if she doesn’t start paying those bills.

  Girls love explaining their messes. So I look at the pile like it matters.

  Then I see it. An envelope addressed to her mother. The return address says Legacy, but address below is mine.

  Audri’s mom got the Ponnowitz family holiday card.

  LIE #79: Is it thirsty in here?

  Audri giggles and leaves to grab us some waters.

  I take the card and stuff it down the back of my jeans.

  I wanted to make a big deal out of Sugar, but now my heart is pumping fight-or-flight feelings through my entire body and I can’t think straight.

  So I pull out the pouch when Audri gets back and say, here.

  Audri tries to look excited about a pink felt glitter purse.

  Open it, I say.

  She does.

  Then makes those girly sounds.

  She doesn’t know who to hug first. Me or Sugar.

  She chooses Sugar.

  I’m glad.

  My heart was thrashing, I didn’t want her to feel it.

  Audri puts her hand in the pouch.

  Sugar flies out.

  A hairy square with dangling feet.

  We chase her all over the living room.

  It’s hilarious because we can tell she wants to play.

  She flies around the couch, through the kitchen, and into the pantry.

  We follow her inside and shut the door to trap her.

  She lands on Audri’s shoulder.

  We’re panting and laughing and making girly sounds.

  Then the front door clicks open.

  Audri freezes, then mouths, Mom. She slides a finger across her throat to let me know she’s dead if she gets caught skipping school.

  We try not to move.

  I wish my heart would slow down so I can hear what’s going on.

  Then it does.

  And I hear.

  There’s a man with her.

  They’re fumbling. Kissing. Mumbling.

  Audri’s eyes fill with tears and I know it’s the man who has been dating her mother.

  The man who broke up her parents’ marriage.

  She whispers, Wreck-It Ralph.

  She wants to open the door and bust them.

  She wants to know who he is.

  She needs to know.

  I stop her.

  I say she doesn’t want to know. Not like this.

  Maybe it’s my dad, she tries. What if they’re getting back together?

  It’s not.

  How do you know?

  LIE #80: I don’t.

  –Let’s peek.

  –Audri, no.

  –I need to see him.

  –Audri!

  She pushes me away from the door and cracks it open.

  Sugar nestles into Audri’s hair.

  We peer out.

  The man is in a navy-blue business suit. He is tall and fit. Neatly combed dark hair. His alligator briefcase rests on the back of the couch.

  –See, I say, tucking us back inside the pantry. It’s not your dad.

  A giant claw grips the inside of my stomach and twists.

  Tears spill out the bottoms of her glasses.

  I ask if she’s ever seen that man before.

  –No, she says. Have you?

  LIE #81: No.

  I have.

  His name is Richard Ponnowitz IV.

  He is the CEO of Legacy Hygienics. The family values company.

  He is my father.

  Epilogue

  Hello, Partner,

  I trust you’ll find this a more satisfying pla
ce to stop than last time? Less abrupt? More closure? I hope so.

  Duffy is all paid off and on his way to becoming a celebrated ladies’ man. Sheridan is on the fast track to stardom. Lily is the soon-to-be-leader of the Pub world. Vanessa has an unobstructed view of the top. And Jagger is about to score some major bargaining power with pops.

  It’s comforting to see our future Phoenix Fivers on the rise, isn’t it? That’s because you know we’re not bad people. We’re good people who made bad choices. Not because our lives depended on it, but because our dreams did. And young people are supposed to follow their dreams. We’re encouraged to pursue them at any cost. So we followed and pursued without stopping to check the price. Because sacrifice is the ugly side of success and who wants to see that?

  I wish I did…

  Until Next Time,

  Acknowledgments (for Real)

  Real acknowledgments TK

  62 Literally. I have 159 awards.

  63 Doesn’t that sound like a real quote?

  64 I bet there’s a prize for being honest; like a Metal of Martyrdom or a Ribbon of Reform.

  65 She threw her salami sandwich in the trash. I thought of the Haitian orphans who make my SWAPs. What they wouldn’t have done for a bite.

  66 Following Lily to Algebra.

  67 The colloquial term for a juvenile detention center.

  68 Mom is working late, Dad is still in Las Vegas, and A.J. and I are craving hot wings and cheesy bread.

  69 More on him in a second.

  70 I know, really creative, right? Are the members named Singer, Guitarist, Drummer, and Bassist?

  71 Très Paris street style and did I mention short-sleeved?

  72 Smarter + Harder = Smarder

  73 I need to humble-brag about this term.

  74 Machiavellian: The end justifies the means.

  75 I think it’s safe to assume the event would be recorded.

  76 Me.

  77 Me again.

  78 Yep, all me.

  79 Not a bad phrase considering my mood.

  80 F for Fake.

  81 Source: WebMD.com.

  82 “Perhaps you should steer away from personal goals and Deepak Chopra quotes. Post details that your peers will find relatable. For example: favorite study snacks, news on a clothing sale, baby animal pics.”

  83 Perfect grades, ABC soap opera star, teen ambassador for homeless women, winner of statewide poetry slam. I asked her what the fifth person did. She said she was still talking about the first. I said I had heard enough.

  84 I like this word.

  85 Ms. Silver, this means “retweeted.” It’s a Twitter thing.

  86 Once by Blake.

  87 Including Blake.

  88 I know. Too far.

  89 When people get anxiety attacks they over-breathe. This lowers the level of carbon dioxide in the blood and makes them feel worse. Breathing into a paper bag for a half dozen or so breaths builds up the carbon dioxide in your body again, so you should immediately start feeling better. Read more: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/mentalhealth/205625.html#ixzz2ixeBhSyf

  90 Not showing up at school that night to change her grades. Stealing Blake. Ignoring her at school. Not wishing her happy birthday.

  91 My initials.

  92 I thought it was Lily!

  93 What if Lily cut the wires?

  94 It’s been four minutes so far. Where is she?

  95 She gets cranky in loud restaurants.

  96 I said “hands” and not “hand” because I am ambidextrous.

  97 1. Blake’s kiss was stiff and cold. My lips felt like they were stuck to a frozen pole. 2. I hate when A.J. is right. 3. Blake has not tried to kiss me since. 4. He has declined all recent invitations to study together. 5. He swears everything is fine and that he’s just not big on PDA, yet his public display of hand-holding borders on obsessive.

  98 Hyperbole. I didn’t find the note until bedtime.

  99 We didn’t even say goodbye.

  100 I let that one go. That’s how unequivocally upset I was.

  101 Ha!

  102 Note: Ms. Silver, I made this term up, therefore I am not citing it.