“That did not seem disinterested,” Declan said mildly.
“Oh hush.”
Chapter Twenty-eight
“What’d we miss? Were you guys making out? Did you have a fight? I sense something here,” Bianca said immediately upon opening the door, circling one finger in the air at the both of them.
“I’m hungry,” Sasha said, pointing at the bag Bianca held, “And I get cranky when I’m hungry.”
“Hmmm. I’m doubting that is the case, but I’ll leave it be for now,” Bianca said and tossed a package of biscuits at Sasha, who immediately tore them open and crunched down without even looking at the flavor. Anything to distract from where her mouth just had been – and still wanted to be.
Maddox opened the door and eyed her, and she reluctantly slid across the seat until she was just a hint away from being pressed against Declan. Ignoring him, she offered Maddox a biscuit. It took all her willpower not to kick Declan when he looped his arm loosely over the back of seat so that his fingers hung lightly on her shoulder.
“Sorry to be a downer, Sasha, but I feel like we kind of need to unpack the parent stuff,” Bianca said, turning to give her a sympathetic smile. “I know it might be a weird thing to delve into, but there was a purpose for that whole set up.”
“I’ve been thinking about that, actually. I feel like when there was a turning point in our conversation was the same instant that the Danula were able to come through and help you.”
“Now, isn’t that interesting,” Maddox murmured next to her. “You passed some kind of test? You unlocked something?”
“Basically I looked at them as humans, doing the best they could in a tricky situation, and let go of any underlying anger I had for them. Or perhaps I just changed my expectations of them. Either way, there was a level of forgiveness that I was working through, I suppose. But I felt it. Viscerally. And it was almost like a flood of negativity leaving me.”
“And I bet that was the exact time the Danula could get through to help us,” Bianca said.
“Maybe she’s a conduit? The more closed off or resentful she is, the less able she is to accept help. Or, you know, her destiny,” Declan said, and Sasha entertained a brief fantasy of trying out her newfound firebolt power on him. Maybe not to really hurt him – just a singe. It was clear she needed to get a handle on her anger, as that was twice now that she’d thought of maiming him, just today.
“Resentful? Excuse me, I resent that,” Sasha huffed and then just closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly as the car went dead silent. She counted to three. “Go ahead and laugh. I won’t murder you. This time.”
The car erupted in laughter, and Sasha found herself smiling too. Hey, if she couldn’t laugh at herself once in a while, then what was the point of all this?
“I feel like this is a board game or, like, legend stuff,” Bianca mused as Seamus pulled out and began to drive – to where, they did not yet know. “It’s as though you pass a personal test, and then the next clue gets revealed. It’s very old school mythological-type stuff here. I think it fits perfectly. Remove childhood angst? Forgive parents for perceived wrongs? Check. Here’s your reward. Move to the next level.”
“Sounds also like the way karma works – or past life stuff,” Maddox mused.
Bianca nodded over her shoulder enthusiastically as she nibbled on a crisp. “Yes, like she was carrying guilt or anger from a past life that needed to be addressed, and once that gets released – on to the next level.”
“Exactly.”
“Are you saying that the more personal issues that I work out, the more clues will be revealed? It sounds like one big psychotherapy session, which is something I’m not exactly interested in going through,” Sasha said. “In case you forgot, there are Domnua trying to murder us out there. We don’t exactly have the time to peel away all my unresolved issues to get to the next level of the game, as you say. This is life or death.”
“But maybe the issues you’re dealing with are life or death too – to you,” Bianca pointed out.
Sasha narrowed her eyes at her. “I find that highly unlikely,” she said, finding herself wanting to bite her nails. It was an old habit, one that she had worked for years to overcome. The urges came about now when she was deeply vexed. She assumed it was like the craving for a cigarette after having a big fight with someone or when a person was stressed – something habitual to self-soothe. And just why, Sasha wondered, did she feel the need to self-soothe?
“Just exploring every angle, sweetie. Don’t get too fussed about it,” Maddox said, patting her leg gently.
Sasha turned to smile at him. She really needed to not be the cranky one holding everything up. As she was being constantly reminded, they were all in this together.
“I was thinking about the lighthouse as the place where the light always shines, but I don’t think it is a modern-day working lighthouse. There’s an old ruin, further down from Kinsale, along the coast into the Ring of Kerry. It used to be quite the fortress, but has been left in disrepair and fallen into ruin through the centuries. At the crest of the hill there’s what would have been a lighthouse for its time, but it’s no longer operating. I think part of it has fallen down as well. For some reason, that keeps sticking out to me when I think about ‘lighthouse.’”
“Would you be able to direct us?” Seamus asked over his shoulder.
“Aye, I can direct you. I spent a lot of time there as a child. My family went on holiday near there and I would climb the hills until I could run free in the ruins.”
“Another link then,” Bianca murmured.
Sasha met her eyes. “Aye, another link.”
“Time to storm the castle then.”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Declan kept his gaze out the window at the passing Irish countryside, caught in the middle between winter and spring, where yellowed grass turned to green and the beginning buds of new life poked from the ground. It was kind of like watching Sasha struggle to find herself again after the hits she’d taken in life. Each hit left her wobbly as a new foal learning to walk but, in a matter of time, stronger than ever as it loped across the fields.
He wanted to cheer her on – each and every time she’d picked herself up and kept going. Declan had a fiercely protective and proud attitude toward her, and not just because he was her protector. It was from watching who she had become, from a lonely and tentative slip of a girl to a fiercely resilient woman who could still offer kindness and forgiveness when needed. Had she grown cold over the years, he would have struggled with his feelings for her.
But to continue to see that huge heart under her iron-coated exterior? It was enough to make him want to break down the walls and hold her until she knew once and for all that she was loved unconditionally. Indefinitely.
Forever.
Declan felt his heart clench every time he thought about making this woman his. Not just in body, but in spirit and heart. She was the missing half that would make him whole, and a life without her by his side would be a life not worthy of living.
He had but to bide his time, find the sword, fulfill his oath. Only then would she be his.
If he could last that long.
Declan almost cursed out loud as he thought about hauling her into his lap and claiming her with his kiss. She’d responded instantly, not holding anything back, and he’d almost lost his mind. His fierce warrior, who protected herself so, did not lie about her passion or her feelings. She could’ve pretended disinterest or pushed him away. Instead she’d poured herself into the kiss and given of herself freely.
She was like a wildflower that drooped in the rain but held its face to the sun.
One day he would be her light, he promised himself. One day.
Chapter Thirty
“This is it?” Seamus asked, indicating a small lane that turned off of the main road. They’d driven for several hours, Declan scanning the horizon for Domnua, while Bianca had bounced around theories on the sword. They’d come
to no further conclusions, but several theories prevailed. Bianca was sticking with her belief that more clues would be revealed as Sasha worked through her personal issues. The thought of unpacking all her deep-rooted insecurities or personal issues made Sasha want to run for the hills and never look back.
“Aye, though the lane will only go so far,” she said. “Then we’ll need to walk. And since it is nearing dark, we’ll want to bring our gear. In all likelihood, we’ll be camping here tonight.”
“We’ll need to set wards then,” Seamus said, sending a look at Declan, who only nodded his assent.
“Oh, can I watch? I’ve been dying to see how it’s done,” Bianca squealed.
“Anything for you, my beauty,” Seamus said and Bianca sent him a glowing grin.
“I don’t know if I like this. We’re going to be virtually out in the open, and aside from our wards, unprotected,” Maddox protested.
“Just wait until you see the keep. It is a ruin, but there is enough to provide some protection. It’s not like we’ll have to put tents out on the top of a hill,” Sasha reassured him.
“Aye, but still. This is making me a bit tetchy,” Maddox said.
“We’ll figure it out. This feels right.” It was all Sasha could say. It appeared that listening to her gut was what was supposed to guide this mission, so she was doing the best she could to check in with herself and make sure she was on point.
“Oh. Oh, just... oh wow,” Bianca breathed as they crested a hill and the old ruin of the castle came into view. As ruins went, it was larger than was typical for Ireland, having been somewhat preserved through the years before the nearby town had stopped trying to raise funds to save it.
Three walls of what must have once been a fierce castle still stood proudly against the sky, where the sun had begun its journey to the horizon. Protected from the wind on most sides, the wall that had crumbled looked out over steep cliffs that jutted proudly into the water. A lone tower, presumably once the lighthouse, leaned slightly, but still held its perch at the very tip of the cliff. In the dimming light it looked fierce and, at the same time, so very lonely.
One sentry, left to shine its light, to protect them all.
“It’s really lovely,” Sasha agreed, her childhood memories of scampering over the walls and running the hills freely coming back to her. She looked at Declan. “You’d remember this place. Seen as how you followed me even then.”
“I remember,” Declan said, his eyes still out the window.
“What does that mean?” Bianca asked.
“Declan has been protecting me for longer than I thought. Since childhood. So he got to see me at all my awkward stages,” Sasha said stiffly.
“Oh my god, I love that! Isn’t that just so sweet?” Bianca gushed, her hand at her heart.
“I would’ve protected you back then if I had known you,” Seamus said, “I bet you were just the most darling child.”
“Nope, chubby and awkward too. I think we all are as kids, though. Isn’t that the thing? Everybody takes time to blossom,” Bianca said.
“I don’t know about you, honey, but I’ve always been fabulous,” Maddox sniffed and Sasha laughed, not doubting that for a minute.
“I was awkward too. All legs and elbows and string-bean thin. Now I’m much more masculine,” Seamus said, lifting a still-thin arm to flex it and causing the car to break into laughter.
“We’ll set up camp in the corner here,” Declan indicated, bringing them back to the present. Seamus drove the SUV as far as he could before the uneven terrain prevented them from going further.
“This is going to be so cool,” Bianca exclaimed.
They gathered the gear from the car, Declan standing watch, then began to hike the hill that led to the ruin. The last light of the sun coated the hills in its wintry warmth and reminded Sasha they would need light.
“We need fire,” Sasha said and Bianca nodded her agreement.
“We picked up wood at the market. I suspected we might be out in the cold. It was part of what was taking us so long.”
“I was wondering what you were doing in there for all that time.”
“Honestly, I could’ve bought more stuff but forced myself to stop. I didn’t quite know where we would end up, but if it was outside? Especially this time of year, I knew we’d want the warmth. Plus Seamus said he knows some fae magick that will help keep a fire lasting longer, so we’re lucky on that front.” Bianca’s breath puffed a bit as they hiked the incline, packs on their back and arms full of supplies. If the Domnua attacked now, they’d make quick work of the both of them, Sasha thought, and she moved the supplies to one arm so her hand could be free to grab her dagger.
“It’s nice to have a magick element added to this quest, though it also works against us because the Domnua have magick. But I can’t say I’m complaining about having some magick to assist us in a pinch, either,” Sasha agreed as they neared the first wall of the castle.
“Yeah, yeah. Okay, dish. What’s going on with you and Declan? You looked like you were going to eat each other alive when I got back to the car.” Bianca zeroed in on the important stuff.
Sasha debated brushing it away, but her gut told her that she could use a friend. And so, trusting her instincts, she decided to open up.
“We argued. I discovered that he had been following me since childhood, which makes me feel super insecure and awkward, just thinking about all the dumb moments he probably saw of me. So we argued, and I told him that I wasn’t going to be interested in him, and then he just hauled me into his lap and kissed me until I couldn’t think straight,” Sasha said in a rush. There, she was confiding.
“Oh. Well, can I just say ‘yum’?” Bianca said, a dreamy look in her blue eyes as she imagined the moment. “Not that I’m not over the moon about my Seamus, but Declan is drop-dead delicious. I think you and every woman with breath still in her body would be lying if they said they weren’t interested.”
“Sure, he’s nice to look at. But that’s where it needs to stop,” Sasha insisted as they approached the part of the wall that had crumbled to the ground. The wind picked up here and Sasha was grateful that Bianca had thought to bring firewood.
“Why?” Bianca asked.
“Because apparently he thinks I’m his destiny, but he refuses to act on it until the sword is found. It’s like so long as I fall in line and do my part, then I get him as a reward.” The thought had rankled Sasha for a few hours now, and saying it out loud annoyed her even more.
“I’m not sure I’d look at it that way. He seems incredibly dedicated to this job and this mission. Perhaps it’s just that he wants to make sure he doesn’t let you or anyone down – you know, by getting distracted on the job?”
“I doubt that. I think he wants to win,” Sasha said, her tone grumpy.
“Well, duh, we all want to win. If we lose, we die.” Bianca shook her head, her blonde hair bouncing off her shoulders.
“I just... I really am struggling with this concept that my destiny is all just laid out for me. Pre-ordained. What about free will? What about choice?” Sasha demanded, stopping to look at Bianca.
“You have it. You can go. Right now. Walk away. You may die, but there is nothing any one of us can do to stop you from going. Nobody is forcing you on this path. Everything is a choice. It’s just that choices have consequences, no matter which side you fall down on.”
“And no matter what, you live with those consequences,” Sasha muttered, thinking of the choices that had been made for her in her life and the choices she had made on her own. Both had delivered different results, and both she’d had to deal with one way or the other.
“Yes, you do. You live with them, you push them away, you numb them, you work through them, or you accept them. But there is always a choice.”
“I think this is important,” Sasha said.
“Of course it is.” Bianca shrugged.
“No, conceptually. To this mission. Just remind me to think on it la
ter by the fire. For now, we need to set up camp before dark.”
Choices, Sasha thought, as they entered the centuries-old ruin. It comes down to choices.
Chapter Thirty-one
“You know, there are a lot of rooms and chambers and twists and turns to this old place,” Maddox said, appearing around the corner of the wall with his arms full of wood. “A body could explore for days.”
“I know. I have. Probably past the point where it was safe for me to do so,” Sasha said, as she set up a tent in the corner of the ruin. She’d done her best to clear out the rocks and gravel, but it was still going to be uneven ground for sleeping on.
“Do you think the sword is here?” Maddox asked, and Sasha looked at him in surprise as she unrolled the canvas.
“Me? How would I know?”
“Aren’t we following your gut instincts here? Wouldn’t you be the first person to ask?” Maddox queried back.
Sasha paused as a bright flash of purple light, followed directly by Bianca’s delighted laugh, shimmered over the open wall above them.
“The wards?”
“Aye, they are setting up a protective barrier. Though I don’t think I’ll be sleeping easy tonight. Not after the last two attacks,” Maddox admitted. He bent and began efficiently stacking the firewood by a small hole Sasha had dug with a garden trowel she’d found in one of the packs. It wasn’t pretty, but would do well enough to hold the fire. They needed light and warmth, that was for sure, as the wind had kicked up.
“I don’t think any of us will sleep much until this is over. And to answer your question, yes, I think this feels right. For whatever that’s worth.” Sasha shrugged as she flattened a tarp over the ground to protect from dampness seeping in. “I suppose it would make kind of poetic sense though, right? Like finding the sword in an old castle. It’s all very romantic and mythological. It would make sense to me.”
“We fae do love our drama,” Maddox admitted, coming over to help with the corner of the tent. They made short work of setting up the three tents and once again Sasha wondered where Declan would sleep. Or if he even needed sleep at all.
Sword Song: The Isle of Destiny Series Page 10
