by Beth Wiseman
“Nice to meet you, Sarah. I’m Matthew. Matthew Lapp.”
He was frightfully handsome—the handsomest Amish man she’d ever met. A shiver of excitement ran down her back and she wondered if he had a girl waiting in Alamosa for him. But even as she thought about it, his name kept echoing in her mind. Matthew, Matthew Lapp, from Alamosa. Matthew Lapp!
Sarah felt a slow smile grow across her face. After all this time, God had seen fit to punish Levi and Danielle for their poor choices.
LEVI LAY IN bed with Danielle, his ear against her stomach as Joshua squirmed beneath him. The doctor had said that Danielle was most likely going to deliver early. She was slightly dilated, and even though Levi didn’t quite know what that meant, he did understand that the baby would be coming sooner than they’d hoped. More than ever, the doctor had stressed that Danielle needed to stay in bed and take it easy.
This morning they were enjoying a lazy Sunday morning since it wasn’t a worship day. For once, neither Vera nor Martha was at the house, and it felt nice to be alone.
“I’m so tired of being in this bed.” Danielle shifted slightly beneath him.
“I know. But you heard the doctor. You need to keep Joshua inside at least another four weeks if you can.”
“I’m so fat.” Danielle turned her head against the pillow.
“You’re beautiful.” He lifted up, kissed her, then rolled over onto his side, but he kept his hand on her belly. He couldn’t wait until Joshua was born. Levi didn’t think the baby could be any more his own if he’d actually fathered him. Levi knew that he’d been right to heed the voice of the Lord, to follow the calling to marry Danielle. They were so in love, so happy. And Joshua would complete their family . . . at least until they were settled enough to enjoy having even more kinner.
Levi’s father, his cousin Eli, Jacob, David, and lots of other members of the Amish community had visited and helped Levi do more repairs to the house. They’d ended up using some low-odor paint after all, and Danielle and Levi had spent two nights with Emily and David while the house aired out. Jacob had also helped Levi put in new counters in the kitchen and a new sink in the bathroom since the old one leaked around the base. And Danielle had found the Lord that snowy night . . . Life seemed so perfect, and Levi thanked God repeatedly for His grace and love.
I’m a blessed man. Thank You, Lord.
THE LAST THING Vera expected on her quiet Sunday was for Sarah to show up on her doorstep. Betsy was at Vera’s side when she answered the door, and Elam was reading a farming magazine.
“Wie bischt, Vera?” Sarah smiled as she handed Vera a Tupperware container. “These are from Mamm. She made a huge batch of raisin puff cookies for the bake sale yesterday, and there are lots left. She asked me to drop some off for you.”
“How nice of your mudder. Danki.” Vera accepted the cookies, hoping she didn’t have to invite Sarah in. Maybe it was Vera’s own guilt that made it difficult to be around the girl. After all, she’d encouraged Sarah to talk Levi out of the marriage. Now, when she thought about how happy Levi and Danielle were, she was reminded of the un-Christian way she’d behaved. And nothing was a bigger reminder to her than Sarah.
Sarah folded her hands in front of her black jacket and her teeth chattered.
Vera eased Betsy back with her free hand. “Kumm in, warm yourself by the fire.”
“Danki.” Sarah removed her coat and bonnet and hung them on the rack by the door as Vera forced a smile.
“It’s too cold to be driving around today, Sarah.” Elam pulled off his reading glasses and set the magazine on the coffee table in front of him.
“It’s not so bad. Lots of sunshine, and not much of a breeze.” Sarah sat down in one of the rocking chairs across the room as Betsy sat down in the other one. Vera held her breath, hoping Betsy behaved, but her daughter just stared at Sarah. Vera couldn’t help but sense that there was some other reason for Sarah’s visit. She hoped Sarah didn’t want to quiz her about Levi and Danielle. Her son’s own excitement about the imminent arrival fueled Vera’s, and she knew Levi was going to be a wonderful father. It was still far from the perfect situation since they weren’t all Amish, but it almost felt like they were sometimes, since they attended worship and lived in a house without electricity and most modern conveniences.
“Can I get you some hot cocoa?” Vera wiped at some flour on her black apron. She’d just finished two loaves of bread before Sarah arrived.
“Danki. That would be gut.”
“Me too, please, Mamm!” Betsy kicked the rocker in motion, still staring at Sarah. Vera hesitated to leave Betsy with Sarah, but Elam gave Vera a nod, silently telling her he’d keep an eye on their precocious young daughter.
Vera was pouring cocoa into two mugs when she heard footsteps coming into the kitchen. She turned to see Sarah walk to the kitchen table and pull out a chair. Vera set her cup down in front of her.
“I’ll be right back.” Vera delivered Betsy’s cocoa, then went back into the kitchen, taking a seat across the table from Sarah, wondering what was on the young woman’s mind. Clearly, she wanted to discuss something in private.
Sarah sipped from her cocoa, and Vera felt herself tensing, wondering if perhaps the girl had come to apologize.
“Is there something you have to say, Sarah?”
“Not really.” Sarah cocked her head to one side. “I mostly came to see how you were doing.”
Vera frowned a little in confusion. “I’m doing gut. Very gut. Why?”
Sarah reached over and put her hand on Vera’s, and Vera fought the urge to pull away. “I was just concerned when I heard that Matthew Lapp was back in town. I wasn’t sure if he was going to cause problems for Levi and Danielle.” Sarah shrugged, keeping her eyes on Vera.
Vera swallowed hard as she eased her hand from beneath Sarah’s. “He—he’s back?”
“Ya. I saw him yesterday. He’s back in Alamosa with his parents.”
“To stay?” Vera avoided Sarah’s eyes as she thought about what this might mean for Levi and Danielle. Levi talked about “their” baby all the time, and Levi often referred to Vera as the baby’s grandmother, something she’d gotten used to. Would all of that change if Matthew was back and going to be an active part of their lives? That would make Anna Marie the grandmother, not Vera . . .
“I don’t know.” Sarah shook her head. “I gave him a ride yesterday to Wayne’s haus, and then Wayne carted him to his folks’ in Alamosa. I didn’t mention anything, since he didn’t. But you’d told me that he knew about the boppli before he left. I assume that’s why he’s returned.”
Vera was lost in her thoughts, protective instincts kicking in for Levi. Her son had built a crib, prepared the baby’s room, been at the doctor’s visits, and planned to be the father to the child. Could Matthew just swoop back into their lives and stake claim to Joshua? Of course he could. Vera’s heart ached. Logically, she knew that Matthew should be a part of Joshua’s life, but they’d all gotten used to him not being around.
“Danki for telling me.” Vera eyed Sarah and wanted to smack the smug grin from her face. Once again, Sarah was stirring up trouble. They would have found out eventually anyway, but did the girl have to revel in it?
“It wonders me what will happen now.” Sarah shook her head before taking another sip of her cocoa.
“Nothing will change,” Vera insisted. “A child can’t have too much love.” She heard herself say the words, but found herself wishing that Matthew hadn’t returned. For Levi’s sake.
Sarah stood up, a self-satisfied expression still on her face. “I’m sure it won’t. Danki, Vera, for the cocoa. I best be delivering the rest of the cookies before it gets too late.”
Vera followed Sarah to the door, and as Sarah bundled in her coat and bonnet, she told Betsy and Elam good-bye, then turned to Vera and gave her a hug. “I’m sorry to give you such news.”
No, you’re not. Vera eased away and only nodded before she closed the door behind Sarah.
Vera was attached to a baby who wasn’t even born, a child who wasn’t biologically her grandchild. Why had she opened her heart like that? She thought about Anna Marie’s visit, when she’d used the words custody and visitation. She watched from the window as Sarah led her horse down the driveway, but turned around when Betsy spoke.
“I don’t like her.”
“Betsy. Don’t say things like that.” She went to the couch and sat beside Elam, who was reading his magazine again.
“You don’t like her either.” Betsy put her cocoa down on the table beside the rocker and pushed with her slippers against the floor.
Elam raised his eyes above his gold-rimmed glasses. “Betsy, you heard your mother. We don’t talk like that about others.”
Vera was quiet. She was wondering if she should break this news to Levi and Danielle. Or maybe they already knew? She hadn’t had time to completely gather her thoughts when she heard another buggy pulling in. What now?
She was relieved to see it was Emily, although a bit surprised.
Vera pulled her into a hug after she shed her winter coat, relieved for the distraction. “What brings you here this evening? Where’s David?”
Her daughter walked to Elam, kissed him on the cheek, then also kissed Betsy before she sat down in one of the rockers. “He’s at Lillian and Samuel’s, talking to them.”
Vera’s heart sank. Had Emily lost the baby? It must be important. “What’s wrong?”
“Ach, Mamm. Everything is fine with the boppli.” Emily folded her hands across her stomach. She wasn’t even showing yet, but relief fell over Vera.
She put a hand to her chest and allowed herself to breathe. “Thank You, Lord.” She paused. “But you came to talk to us about something, ya?”
Emily nodded as she crossed her legs. “I wanted to let you know that David and I are going to be traveling to Lancaster County soon.”
Vera frowned. “Why? And when? Thanksgiving will be here soon.”
“We’re going to go in a couple of weeks, so we won’t be here for Thanksgiving, Mamm.”
Elam closed the magazine again, pulling off his glasses. “Dochder, is there a problem?”
Lillian, Samuel, David, Anna, and Elizabeth had all moved to Canaan from Lancaster County after Lillian’s grandfather had left them a large chunk of land in the valley.
Emily sighed. “Ya, I guess you could say there is a problem. Remember hearing about David’s Onkel Noah? He’s Samuel’s brother, the one who gave David a kidney.”
“Ya, ya.” Vera sat down next to Elam, leaning forward. “What about, him?”
“Well . . .” Emily shook her head. “There is a new bishop in town. David said that Bishop Ebersol had been the bishop for David’s entire life, but he died this past winter. Remember how upset David, Lillian, and Samuel were because they weren’t able to travel to the funeral?”
Vera nodded as she recalled the bad weather in Colorado during that week.
“Anyway, the new bishop is very strict, and he’s changing everything in the district. Things that have always been allowed are no longer acceptable, and everyone’s upset.”
Vera scratched her forehead. “But why are you and David traveling there now? I don’t understand.”
“David’s Onkel Noah runs a clinic in Paradise, and all the Amish have gone to him for years. David says he is a kind, wonderful man. But the new bishop has now banned anyone from going to Noah’s clinic since he isn’t Amish.”
“That doesn’t make sense. We all use Englisch doctors. And I wouldn’t think it would be any different there.” The Amish always tried to utilize an herbal doctor before turning to traditional Englisch medicine, but for many years they’d been going to Englisch doctors when that failed.
“Noah was shunned years ago. The new bishop said that everyone must practice the ban, even though it hasn’t been practiced against Noah for a long time.”
Elam spoke up. “What difference can David make with a visit?”
Emily shrugged. “We’re not sure. But David loves his Onkel Noah very much, and he wants to try to help somehow. To talk to the bishop, maybe make him understand how Noah saved his life, and how he’s saved the lives of many of the Amish there.”
Vera shook her head. “You’re pregnant and shouldn’t be traveling.”
“Mamm, I’m early into my pregnancy, and the doctor says I’m fine. We’ll be staying with David’s ‘Auntie’ Rebecca and her family. It’s a chance for me to meet a lot of David’s family.”
“Why do you have to go before the holidays? And you know your bruder’s baby . . .” Vera paused, pressing her lips together as she recalled Sarah’s visit. “The baby is coming in a few weeks.”
“I know, and I’ll hate to miss that, but David is anxious to go see if he can help Noah.” She stopped rocking and crossed her legs again.
Vera wasn’t sure how David could make a difference, but her son-in-law was a gut man with a huge heart. “I understand. How long will you be gone?”
“We don’t know.”
“You have to tend to your own health above all else, and that of the boppli.” Elam pushed himself to the edge of the couch, and Vera was glad to hear him speak her thoughts.
“I know, Daed. It comforts me, given that Noah is a doctor. Plus, I don’t think there will be any problems. I’m not even having morning sickness anymore.”
Vera understood her daughter’s need to support her husband, as it should be, but her thoughts wandered from Emily’s babe to Danielle’s, and then to the news at hand.
Was it her responsibility to warn them that Matthew was back?
Twenty-Two
WHEN DANIELLE OPENED THE FRONT DOOR, MATTHEW’S amber-green eyes were just like she remembered, his smile was still adorable, and even with scraggly facial hair, he was as handsome as ever—but Danielle didn’t feel one thing for him.
Matthew stared at her stomach. “Hi, Danielle.” He paused. “How much longer?”
“Seven weeks.” Cold air blew through the open door, but she wasn’t about to let him into Levi’s home. Her home. And soon to be Joshua’s home. She blinked, trying to decipher if she was dreaming. “Why are you here?”
“Mamm told me that you married Levi. I always thought you were only friends.” He stuffed his hands in the pockets of a black jacket.
“We were friends,” she said, staring at him. “But things change.”
“I’ll say.” Matthew grunted, a slight grin on his face. “Kinda fast, don’tcha think?”
Tears burned the corners of Danielle’s eyes and she straightened. “Matthew, what do you want?”
“I came back to visit Mamm and Daed.” He shrugged, then focused his eyes on her belly again. “And to see . . . you know . . .”
Danielle laid a hand across her stomach as Joshua kicked more than ever before. “No, I don’t know. Why don’t you explain it to me?”
“Well, I’m going to be a father, so I thought I ought to be around for it.” He grinned as if life hadn’t gone on in his absence, as if he hadn’t totally deserted her and shirked all responsibility. Anger wrapped around her at his nonchalant attitude, even though the hurt she’d once felt had been replaced by Levi’s love, tenfold. Her heart hurt for Levi. With Matthew back in the picture, how was Levi going to feel?
“I don’t have anything to say to you, Matthew.”
The smirky grin faded. “I’m sorry for the way I left, Danielle. I really am. It was all just more than I could handle, but I’ve had time to sort out my thoughts. I should be here to raise my son.”
“Levi and I will be raising Joshua.” Danielle pressed her lips firmly together, resisting the urge to just slam the door. How could he possibly think—
“I guess we’ll have to share him. I have rights, Danielle. Levi can’t just step in and replace me.”
Danielle leaned forward. “Replace you? You’ve never been here, Matthew. He stepped in after you ran away.” She shook her head, tears building. “I don’t want
to talk to you about this.”
“I’m sorry, Danielle. I really am. For everything. I’m so, so sorry that you got pregnant.”
Danielle felt the life inside of her moving around, and his words cut deep. She wasn’t sorry about anything. She’d learned that everything was God’s plan, and Joshua was part of that plan, so she didn’t feel shame over her pregnancy. She’d grown to love Joshua before he was even born, and she knew Levi had also.
“I have to go.” She closed the door in his face and leaned her forehead against it as tears poured down her face. She tried to stifle her crying, waiting for the creak of the porch floorboards as Matthew turned and walked away. She didn’t weep for him, the biological father of her child. She wept for Levi, Joshua’s true father—and what he would have to endure now that Matthew had returned.
She hadn’t been back in the bed for thirty minutes when she heard the front door open, and a few moments later, Vera walked in. “What’s wrong?”
Danielle swiped at her tears, dreading this conversation almost as much as the one to come with Levi. “Matthew . . . the baby’s . . . real father was here.” She held up her index finger. “No. He’s not Joshua’s real father. Levi is.” She gave in to the tears again, and Vera came and sat down on the bed, waiting silently. “But he was here. And apparently, he wants to be in the baby’s life.”
“I heard he was in town.” Vera sighed, then reached for Danielle’s hand and squeezed. “We will work it out. I’m sure his mother will want to be a grandmother to the baby, and—”
“You don’t want to be his grandma anymore? Just because Matthew came back, now you don’t want to be Joshua’s grandmother?” Danielle knew she was whining and crying like a child, but right now, she couldn’t help it. Was Vera ready to bail? So soon?
VERA’S HEART WAS heavy, knowing that in some ways she would have to step aside to make room for Matthew’s family. “Of course I’m going to be a mammi to the boppli. It’s just that—”
“His name is Joshua. Remember?”
