Dreams and Nightmares

by Shirley A. Roe

  “It's over. It's finally over. Many nights I would see my mother in my dreams but I could never see what happened to her. Now I remember everything. He killed her Uncle Jeremy, my father hit her and then he threw her down the stairs and killed her. I hate him.” Isaac started to cry and Jeremy held him until he was spent.

  “Try to listen to me Isaac. You will have a long time to deal with this but right now we have to come up with a story for the fine people of this community. I want to tell them that a robber killed Jebediah and we found him after the robbery. You fainted because you saw your father dead. Will you be all right with that Isaac? We are leaving it up to you. In some cases, a lie is better than the truth. ” Jeremy tried to console the boy.

  “Whatever you say Uncle Jeremy, just leave me be. I need some time to think about this. Now my mother can finally rest in peace. Tell everyone father was robbed and I'll not say any different. Abraham and Ezekiel do not need to know what happened. I would never want them to feel the way I do. We need to bury him now. It's over.” Isaac spoke with such conviction for one so young and turned towards the wall. Jeremy felt uneasy with the finality that Isaac seemed to put on the situation. Perhaps he was just in shock and would be better in the morning. The cry had done him good but Jeremy was sure he was crying for his mother and not his father.

  Jebediah Whittaker was buried beside the church with all the community present. Mr. Mueller read from the bible and said a few kind words. Wildflowers of all kind and color were laid on the casket. Many tears were shed for the pastor and Jebediah was returned to the earth. Eyes were dried and many somber comments made.

  “Terrible situation for that woman and those boys. Imagine someone robbing a church, disgusting heathen.”

  “Just before his brother arrived for a surprise visit too. Damn shame. Jebediah would have been thrilled to see his kin. Yep, damn shame. Good man Jebediah Whittaker, none better.”

  Martha clad in black, with Jeremy and the boys by her side received the mourners. The three boys stood silently while people spoke highly of their father and all the good work he had done. Isaac, eerily silent his eyes downcast didn't look at his father's grave or speak to anyone. The other two boys followed Jeremy to the graveside and added their final handful of dirt just before the wooden box was lowered into the ground. Martha's hand remained steadfast on Isaac's shoulder; an unseen energy running between them.

  Finally, everyone left the family alone to mourn and Martha felt great relief. She stared at the grave where her torturer lay and felt only relief. Good riddance, you bastard. All of the hate, fear and anguish she felt for Jebediah would be buried with him. No tears would ever be shed for Jebediah; but she pulled her black veil over her face and composed herself like a mourning widow should. Who would have thought that it would be Isaac that would save her from her tormentor? She looked at the boy with a new understanding, as Isaac wandered off alone into the woods.

  She and Jeremy, who she trusted despite her fears, discussed the liens later that week. Jeremy agreed to take each one to the homesteader and tell them that their debt was forgiven. Martha insisted that Jeremy say that he was sure this was what his brother would want. She was determined to leave this town and never look back and guilt over Jebediah's evil ways was not going to haunt her. She would settle all the accounts before she left and he would remain a hero for the sake of the homesteaders and his sons. Jeremy admired Martha's strength and the manner in which she settled his brother's affairs. Jebediah did not deserve to be a hero in anyone's eyes, but Jeremy knew that Martha was being totally unselfish in her motives and he respected her for it. Jonas Whittaker would have one reason to be proud of his youngest son and that reason was the widow Whittaker. Quite a woman indeed, this Martha McGuire Whittaker. Jeremy could not help but wonder what Austin's intentions were and what his own role would be in the lives of his three nephews.

  “Jeremy I think you should have this.” Martha held out her open palm. Jebediah's gold watch sparkled there. Jeremy gave her a quizzical look. “It was your father's after all. It is only fitting that you have it.”

  “I don't know where Jebediah got that watch Martha, but I assure you it was not my father's.” He lifted his own watch from his pocket. “This was our father's watch.” Martha stared at him in disbelief. Was there no end to Jebediah's lies and deceit? “Put it away for one of the boys.” Jeremy could see the disgust and disappointment on her face. He wanted to console her. The more Jeremy saw of Martha, the more enamored he became. She had suffered unbelievably at the hands of Jebediah, but she showed an almost super human inner strength and determination. Even her physical appearance seemed different. She reminded him of a butterfly emerging from its cocoon.

  Austin helped her pack up what few belongings they had. He felt great relief knowing Martha's nightmare was over and that they would all return to England. Martha was a widowed mother now and would have three boys to care for. The last year had added great maturity and responsibility to his dearest friend and he loved her even more for the courageous way she had endured. Austin thought back to the vain, innocent girl he had last seen and this strong, brave woman before him held no similarity to that person. What would their relationship be like now? Where did he fit into this scenario? Was he man enough for a woman like Martha or would she always be simply his best friend? Martha would need a man in her life to help with the boys but Jeremy was their uncle and Austin knew that he would never turn his back on them. Austin had also noticed the new look of interest in Jeremy's eyes whenever he looked at Martha and was unsure if it was jealousy or relief he was feeling.

  Jeremy visited each homesteader personally. Isaac remained subdued and silent and spent most of his time alone in the woods where he felt comfortable. The young boy wondered what the future held for them. Martha had told them that she would take care of them, but Isaac had been terrible to her. Why should she want to take care of him? He would make out fine as long as the other boys were taken care of. He could survive on his own. Abraham gave each of the animals to a different homesteader and Ezekiel said goodbye to his little friends. Martha was surprised when the church safe was opened by Isaac, who ironically, was the only one Jebediah had trusted with the combination. In the safe she and Isaac, found thousands of pound notes, jewelry including her mother's emerald necklace and several gold bars. Jebediah had indeed been a dark horse, but this money would help her and the boys establish themselves back in England. Martha assured Isaac that she intended to care for all three of them and this money would ensure their future. Isaac slowly began to trust Martha and Jeremy. A new pastor had been found and would live in the Whittaker home on the church property. Martha had transferred the land to the town in Jebediah's memory. She handled herself regally and everyone showed great respect for Jebediah's widow. Abraham and Ezekiel seemed upset about losing their father but grew closer to Jeremy with each passing day.

  Austin went hunting with Isaac, much to everyone's surprise. Martha thought that Isaac would never want to hold a rifle again. But he surprised them all when he announced he was going hunting and would give the deer to the Muellers. Austin asked permission to accompany him and Isaac seemed glad for the company. Isaac even smiled at Martha as they rode off and she found his new attitude very unsettling. She experienced an unwanted fear that something would happen to Austin while in Isaac's company. However, the hunting trip went off without a hitch and Austin complimented Isaac on his marksmanship and skill with a knife upon their return. The two seemed to be forming a bond and the vicious and angry Isaac seemed to be emerging from his shell as a content and almost normal boy.

  Isaac found Martha alone one evening and sat at the large wooden table where she was folding clean laundry. He hesitated for several minutes before speaking. “Martha, when I went hunting with Austin, he told me a little about your life before you came to live with us. He said that you lived with your father. Austin told me that your mother died when you were young. Is that true?”

  Martha was a litt
le surprised that Isaac was speaking to her at all, never mind in a courteous and almost interested manner. The two had seemed to find an amiable silence over the past weeks. “Yes, all of that is true Isaac. My mother died of an illness when I was just a little older than you are now. I loved her with all my heart and I still miss her everyday.”

  “I miss my mother too. She was very pretty. Not like you but a different kind of pretty. She had blonde hair and blue eyes and she smelled like roses. Abraham and Ezekiel look a little like her. Sometimes when I look at them, I see her face.” Isaac seemed to stare off, his gaze upon a long forgotten face. Martha was unsure whether she should mention Jebediah and what had happened. Isaac had not spoken of his father since that fateful day; she decided to let Isaac lead the conversation.

  “ I'm sorry that your mother died Martha. My mother fell down the stairs to her death. It was a long time ago and now it is finally over.” With that, he rose from the chair and walked out of the cabin. Martha sat staring at the chair Isaac had vacated for a long time. Is he trying to reassure me that the story of Jebediah's death is safe with him, or is something much deeper going on with Isaac? Only time will tell.

  Weeks later the wagon was loaded with trunks and the Whittakers were ready to leave town. A small gathering in the town square to say goodbye and Mr. Mueller announced that the town would be named Whittakerville after the most honest, generous man they had ever known. Martha smiled, thanked them all and told the boys this town would be their heritage. She embraced Margaret and Olga, wishing them well and promising to write. Then she rode away, straight backed and looking forward with Isaac, Abraham and Ezekiel, accompanied by Jeremy and Austin on horseback. Although the younger boys turned and waved to their friends, Martha and Isaac never looked back.

  Chapter Fifteen- Back to St. Louis

  The five travelers waited at Fort Laramie for the stage to arrive. Austin accompanied the boys while they walked around the fort getting their final look at the fur traders, Indians and soldiers. Jeremy and Martha sat together and waited, both lost in their own thoughts.

  Although she was relieved that her ordeal was over, she was very confused and frightened about the future. What is waiting for me back in England? Will I live in Father's house with the boys or stay at Pheasant Run as Jeremy has offered? She knew that he had lived in India and it was possible he intended to return there. Pheasant Run had been the boy's home and as Jebediah's widow, she now belonged there. And what about Father? Can I forgive him for giving me to Jebediah? Could I bear another ocean crossing after the last ill-fated trip? Can I take care of the boys and myself? Her head was spinning with questions and any answers were avoiding her at the moment.

  Jeremy too was thinking of Pheasant Run. Would he stay in England to be near his nephews? What would Martha do once she returned? Where did Austin fit in the scenario? Many questions ran through his head as he sat next to Martha. He felt the heat of her body next to his and the scent of rosemary from her hair filled his nostrils. Was he falling in love with his brother's widow?

  Upon their arrival at the fort, Jeremy had gone in search of Arnold Swartz. He found the man packing a horse, ready to leave the fort. He was surprised the man recognized him and spoke to him immediately. “Howdy stranger. I never did thank you for the ale. Sorry I got so depressing but I do appreciate your kindness.” Arnold extended his hand to Jeremy. Jeremy reached into his pocket and handed Arnold an envelope. The surprised Swartz opened the envelope slowly and gasped when he saw the money there. “What is this for?”

  “Jebediah Whittaker is dead. This money is from his estate and you deserve your share. Use it wisely my good man. Good luck to you.” He shook the man's hand, and then he turned and walked away, leaving Arnold Swartz staring open mouthed with tears in his eyes.

  The boys wandered around the fort. As they stopped to watch some Indians unload pelts and furs, they overheard two scouts discussing a stage that had traveled through a few weeks ago.

  “I tell you the Sioux attacked travelers and stage stops from Platte to the Little Blue. About forty whites were killed, scalped and cut to pieces, the buildings and stages were burned and all the stock was run off.” One of the scouts stopped talking to expel some tobacco as the boys turned their heads in alarm. Austin wanted to leave but the boys were glued to the spot. “ A stage arrived out of Nebraska and found the road lined with butchered whites and burned wagons. Passengers almost panicked but the driver managed to bring them through safely.”

  “Come on boys, let's go and find Uncle Jeremy.” Austin pulled the three brothers along as their faces turned white with fear. Upon reaching Martha and Jeremy all of them spoke at once.

  “Uncle Jeremy, there are Indians killing everyone on the stages.” Isaac directed his statement at Jeremy. “We better get the rifles from the wagon.”

  “Bodies lined the road and there was blood and guts and burned wagons everywhere.” Abraham added, his voice trembling.

  “I'm not going on any stagecoach Martha. I'm staying here where there are lots of soldiers.” Ezekiel looked at Martha with his eyes wide and his hands trembling. Martha immediately turned her face towards Austin with a stern, questioning look.

  “We overheard some scouts telling tall tales that is all Martha. Jeremy tell the boys how the scouts like to exaggerate.” Austin knew he should not have let the boys hear the scout's stories and he expected Martha to chastise him for it.

  Jeremy immediately calmed the situation by laughing. “Don't tell me you believe such tall yarns. Haven't you boys lived in the west long enough to know how those men like to take a small story and let it grow beyond belief? Now let's all sit down and wait for the stage. You have had enough excitement for one day.”

  The boys obeyed but kept their eyes glued to the Indians that walked past and now seemed to be everywhere in the fort. Abraham pulled his hat down over his hair, thinking that the Indians might prefer blond scalps. Martha looked at the boys and her heart was filled with fear that she could not protect them. She prayed for strength and guidance.

  Austin returned to the scouts to find out just how much of the tale was true and was unhappy to learn that the incident had really happened and no exaggeration had been made. Now he was not looking forward to traveling back to St. Louis. It was one thing for he and Jeremy to travel all those dusty dangerous miles but now they had Martha and the boys to consider. Austin prayed that they would make the trip safely. He had not traveled all this way for Martha, to lose her to a band of savages.

  The weary and dusty travelers managed an uneventful stagecoach trip all the way to St. Louis. Martha was pensive and quiet for most of the trip. What do I do now? Oh Lord help me find myself again. Not one Indian was seen and no robbers tried to hold up the stage; the boys were almost disappointed as they arrived tired but safe in St. Louis.

  Once they were settled in the St. Louis City Hotel, Austin went to see Loretta Langley. Even he was surprised with his urgency to see her again.

  “Austin, you came back.” Loretta threw herself into Austin's arms and covered his face with kisses. Grabbing her around the waist, Austin held Loretta and gazed into her eyes. He had missed this bubbly, blond woman and he immediately pulled her back into his arms and returned her kisses. How he had missed her.

  “Come to the hotel this evening, there is someone I want you to meet Loretta.” Austin kissed Loretta once more and left her standing on the porch of her father's house. A smiling, swooning Loretta leaned against the porch post and watched her whistling beloved walk away.

  Back at the hotel Martha waited patiently for Jeremy at the top of the stairs where he had asked her to meet him. She leaned against the brightly papered wall with her eyes closed, listening to the sounds of the people milling below. A lively melody drifted up the stairs from the piano bar just off the lobby. The air was a cacophony of cigars, heavy perfume and cooking odors. Life, this place is alive with the smell, the sound and the feel of life. How long I have waited to experience life once again.
She opened her eyes just as he turned the corner. He could not help thinking that she looked content, almost peaceful for the first time since he had met her.

  Jeremy took Martha to the hotel lobby and instructed her to wait for him. She stood stiffly, curious and cautious at the same time. What is he up to? Jeremy was having a strange affect on her. She was wary of him but she found him most attractive. She was drawn to him unwillingly. Just the sound of his voice made her heart beat quicker. She mustn't let herself be taken in by his manly charms. Men had proven that they could not be trusted. Even her father, the only man she had loved and trusted in her entire life, had betrayed her. The pain of that betrayal was still heavy on her heart. No, I cannot trust any man ever again. It is just the unbelievable pleasure of being back in civilization once again that is making me feel this way. He disappeared into the back room with the hotel manager and when he reappeared he was dragging one of her trunks. Stunned, Martha could not believe her eyes. One of the missing trunks she had brought with her from England was now placed at her feet. She looked into Jeremy's green eyes as tears welled in her own. He nodded to her to open it. She knelt slowly, her hand reaching out to stroke the top of the trunk as if to confirm that it was real. Carefully she lifted the lid, examining the contents one item at a time. Inside she found all of her books, a dress, hat and the portrait of her mother.

  “Oh Jeremy, my mother's portrait. But how did you find it? Jebediah said he left it back east.” Martha overcome with excitement and joy jumped up and threw her arms around Jeremy's neck. Suddenly shy, she tried to withdraw but Jeremy pulled her to him. His body felt so warm and inviting to her and she reluctantly leaned into his arms. She was starved for affection and the human contact felt so good to her. Jeremy's arms tightened and he looked into her sky blue eyes; the same alluring, hypnotizing sky blue eyes in the portrait. Suddenly they were kissing. Martha pushed Jeremy away, her face turning crimson. Embarrassment and shame flooded in as she turned away, shocked at her brazen behavior. Am I so weak as not to heed my own good advice? Only moments before she was expounding on the dishonesty of men and now, oh what had she done? She could not look him in the eye.