For the next week Jeremy traveled between Pheasant Run and Graystone and settled most of his business. He visited his mother's grave and found fresh roses there. John was taking good care of the deceased, Elizabeth Whittaker.
He arrived early one afternoon for Martha and took her back to Pheasant Run for supper. They traveled past the mining town that had sprung up on Jeremy's land, the land that Jebediah had sold. Tiny bungalows strung together like a strand of black pearls filled the lowlands. A few shops intermingled with the houses; the streets were rut lined and muddy. The finer homes were built up on the ridge. Huge mansions loomed over the shantytown below like sentries. Fortunately, Pheasant Run was a considerable distance from the miner's homes. The carriage turned down a long tree lined laneway. Fields of crops gave way to formal gardens as they approached the mansion. She had been there a couple of times but this time he wanted her to see the entire house and have a tour of the grounds. Pheasant Run was part of who Jeremy was. He wanted to share it with her. They walked the large manicured grounds across the dew-dappled grass. The formal rose garden was just beginning to bud and a mild scent of Wallflowers filled the air. As they approached the pond, Jeremy told Martha of the drowning incident with Jebediah. “We were only boys but Jebediah was cruel and spiteful even then. I never trusted him again.”
“Nothing you could say about your brother would surprise me. The man was a cruel, greedy and sadistic bastard.” Martha rarely spoke of Jebediah but her feelings of distaste and victimization were obvious in her tone as well as her words.
“Oh, Martha I'm so sorry that he put you through such tortures. I promise no one will ever hurt you like that again.” Jeremy took her in his arms and kissed her forehead. She felt safe in his arms. Jeremy took her hand and the walk continued around the perimeter of the pond.
“I have to wonder if perhaps he had suffered from the same illness that your mother had but in a different way. Father and I talked of his recent involvement with the insane. It gave me a better understanding. I still harbor a great hatred for Jebediah, but I now understand that it was nothing I did to cause it.” She stopped to pluck a small bloom from the garden, placing it in her buttonhole.
“Lunatics have many types of illness and can react in different ways. Father was concerned that it may be hereditary but could find no proof. I just pray that none of my boys will ever be affected.” Concern reflected on her face when she referred to the boys. She couldn't bear to have anything happen to one of them. Jeremy had often wondered if Jebediah was stricken with the illness as well but had never considered it might pass to the boys. He sent up a silent prayer that they would be spared. The evening grew cool as they returned to the mansion.
She loved Pheasant Run. It was large and elegantly decorated very similar in style to Graystone. The predominant colors were green, orange and brown and although she found it masculine in décor it was most inviting and comfortable. Large overstuffed sofas and chairs and warm inviting rugs filled the rooms. It was odd but Pheasant Run seemed to be decorated with the colors of the male pheasant. Martha wondered if the Whittakers had done that intentionally. When she saw the study with its walls of books she knew that Ezekiel would love this place. Perhaps somewhere in his memory he remembered of all of these books from when he lived here as a youngster. She commented to Jeremy that they must bring the boys back one day.
Martha and Jeremy enjoyed a delicious dinner of lamb with mint sauce prepared by Jeremy's staff and then relaxed in the parlor. They sat together on the settee in front of the fireplace and both were very comfortable in each other's company. Flames flickered casting a warm orange glow over the room. Jeremy turned to Martha and kissed her lips tenderly. She smiled, put her hand to his cheek and returned his kiss.
“Jeremy, I want to thank you for talking me into coming on this trip. It was what I needed to do and I could not have done it without you.” Martha wanted Jeremy to know how much she appreciated his company. This trip lifted a huge burden from her shoulders and she was looking forward to a bright future. Jeremy looked deeply into her eyes.
“Martha, you must know how I feel about you. I love you very much and I want you to be my bride.” Martha was taken aback by Jeremy's proposal. She knew that he had feelings for her but she did not expect him to propose to her now. “Please take all the time you need, I'll be patient Martha.” Jeremy looked into those sky blue eyes and knew he saw love there, but he also saw hesitation.
“I have feelings for you Jeremy and any woman would be proud to be your wife, but I'm not ready for marriage. I'm flattered and I can only say that I need more time before I could be any man's wife.” She was stammering. “ I hope you understand my dearest for I would not hurt you for the world.” Martha looked at Jeremy and knew he was the man she loved. But the feeling of anxiety over a physical relationship still haunted her, preventing her from moving on.
“Take your time, just promise me you will say yes one day.” Jeremy was not going to let this woman go. “I'll give you all the time you need. I love you Martha.”
Could I take the chance? He loves me and I love him. “Oh Jeremy, I promise one day I'll be your wife. I love you Jeremy, please be patient with me.” Martha, wishing she could conquer this sexual fear, leaned into her beloved's arms where she felt safe and secure. How long would he wait?
“Will you wear my ring Martha?” Jeremy asked the question as he reached into his waistcoat and withdrew a small jewel box. He opened the box to reveal a brilliant pear shaped diamond surrounded with sapphires.
Martha gasped at the beauty of the ring. “Oh Jeremy, oh my yes, that is so beautiful.” Jeremy, his eyes moist with tears, slipped it on her finger and kissed her. Am I dreaming? Could this really be happening after all I have been through?
“Sapphires are the blue of your eyes and the diamond sparkles like the light in your heart Martha, this ring was made for you my darling.” Jeremy was a patient man and this was the woman of his dreams. He was ready to battle her memories of another man. Not a man that she had loved, but a man that she had hated. A man that caused her so much pain and heartache, she was afraid to enjoy the pleasures of love. Jeremy understood what Martha was dealing with and he was prepared to wait. Martha looked at the ring shining on her finger and silently prayed that one day she would be able to love him completely.
Martha and Jeremy returned to Liverpool within the week and waited to board the ship. Martha never dreamed she could feel such love for anyone other than her sons or her parents.
They sailed from Liverpool to Boston in three weeks and the time was a happy, love filled blur for both of them. From Boston to St. Louis they held hands and talked of England, France and St. Louis. Both of them discussed their businesses, the boys and of their future together. Martha needed time and with Jeremy she had love and all the time in the world.
The boys ran into their mother's arms when the coach dropped her at the door. “
Mama, we missed you so much. Oh Mama tell us everything.” Abraham wanted to carry Martha's bag and Ezekiel wanted to know what she brought for him. Isaac being a teenager and more reserved simply hugged her quickly and pecked her cheek. He was taller than she was now. Martha was so happy to see them all. She rushed into her cozy little house, happy to be home at last. Jeremy left the happy foursome, but not before kissing Martha goodbye. Loretta jabbed Austin in the ribs. He headed for his own flat with Austin and Loretta who were glad to be returning to their own home at last.
Once they were back home Loretta bubbled over with excitement. “Did you see the size of that ring on her finger? They got engaged, I'm telling you Austin. Oh what wonderful news.” Loretta, now growing large with child, lumbered around the flat. “And that kiss, well that gave it all away.”
“I think they would have said something if they were engaged. Perhaps she bought the ring in France for herself. Why wouldn't they tell us if there was a wedding in the future?” Austin was not convinced that Jeremy and Martha were engaged and was more content to wa
it and see. Loretta on the other hand was excited and chattering away about how wonderful it was. “Come here little mother, we are finally alone and your husband wants some of that attention.” Austin turned down the oil lamps for the night and pulled Loretta to him.
“Oh a wedding, how exciting. Oh, Austin…” Austin silenced her chattering with his hungry lips on hers and his hands unbuttoning her dress.
Chapter Twenty- three- One year later
Abigail Wells was a chubby blond one year old with sparkling brown eyes and a happy disposition. Her favorite person other than her mother and father was Ezekiel.
“Come on Abby, you can walk. Just hold my hand.” Ezekiel stood over the baby and held her hands in his as he walked her around the showroom. The child laughed and cooed at Ezekiel and attempted to keep her balance.
“Ezekiel is the best babysitter a woman could want. Abby adores him and he seems to be content to spend time with her. Perhaps I could take him home with me for good, Martha.” Loretta, ever attentive, watched the eight year old and her angelic baby together.
“No I don't think so Loretta, you would have to pry that boy away from me with a crowbar. He is such a great help around the house and he is always bringing me books on design and costumes. I'm a lucky woman to have such wonderful boys. Speaking of which have you seen Isaac, he was supposed to come in today and move some boxes up to the top floor for me.” Martha finished packing the boxes of fabric samples and bolts of cloth.
“Now where do you think he is? Wherever Miss Annabelle is, there you will find Isaac.” Loretta laughed and pointed to the sewing room. Martha peered into the back room to see Isaac sitting beside Annabelle while she put the finishing touches on a bright yellow gown. She chattered endlessly as she sewed. Isaac just sat and looked at her silently and adoringly.
“They remind me of Austin and I except we were always getting into some mischief or other when we were their age. Austin was never that quiet either and we had some great arguments and discussions.” She turned towards Isaac, “Could you take these up to the second floor for me now Isaac?” The shop and sewing room were now too small for the growing business and the second floor was being renovated for a new sewing room with the top floor for storage. The existing sewing room would become part of the Showroom and more dressing rooms would be added. Martha was also borrowing an idea from Charles Worth and installing an outdoor runway in the rear courtyard for May and Ellen to model the various gown designs. Spring, summer and fall, she would send out invitations to her best customers and have a fashion show for the upcoming season. Loretta and Martha had devised the idea after she visited Worth's and learned of his use of models in France. Ellen and May were both shapely and tall young women and would be perfect models. Both were excited about the opportunity and the extra money it would pay. The society ladies of St. Louis were most impressed.
“Just these boxes or the ones over here as well Martha?” Isaac tore himself away from Annabelle and began carrying boxes up the narrow stairway. Ezekiel and Abby giggled and played on the Persian Rug on the showroom floor. Jeremy appeared in the doorway and smiled at the two children. He chucked Abby under the chin and tussled Ezekiel's hair. Both women turned and smiled as he approached. Martha kissed him on the cheek and Loretta, never missing an opportunity, casually asked if he was here to look at wedding gowns. Martha gave her friend a silencing look and Jeremy laughed out loud at the brazen suggestion.
“I have come to ask my fiancée out for dinner, if you must know. Martha can I pick you up around seven?” Jeremy was taking Martha to the grand opening of the opera in St. Louis and wanted to take her to dinner first.
“Seven will be fine. Isaac will watch the boys if he ever gets finished moving all these boxes. See you then.” Martha picked up a small box and headed up the stairs to hurry Isaac along. Loretta fluttered her eyelashes at Jeremy teasingly and followed Martha.
Before going home, Martha dropped in on Agatha. Her friend was happy to see her as always. “The day I told you my story, you said you had a story of your own Agatha. I would like to hear it now.” For some reason Martha felt compelled to hear the older woman's story today. Something she had said had haunted Martha and it had been rolling over in her mind all day. I understand better than you know my dear.
“Sit down my dear. It was a long time ago.” Agatha had been waiting for Martha to ask her about her past. The older woman made herself comfortable. She paused, clasping her hands together in her lap. “I was sixteen when it happened. I had been to a dance with some friends. The driver dropped everyone off, my home being the farthest away.” She paused to compose herself. “On the way home the coach driver attacked me. We were in a deserted area and he threw me down and brutally raped me. He left me lying on the muddy ground, where some shepherds found me the next morning.” She raised her hand to silence Martha, wanting to finish. Martha could see it was very difficult for her to talk about. No wonder she understood. The same thing happened to her. “I won't bore you with the details. I was shut away in shame as if it were my fault. I became pregnant and was sent to a convent. Luckily I had a miscarriage at five months but the memory of that attack kept me away from men for a very long time. I was forced to move away from my family and make a life on my own. It was only when I met Phillip years later that I gained the courage to try to have a real relationship with someone. He was so gentle and patient. I understand exactly how you feel my dear but Jeremy is a good man. He loves you with all of his heart.”
“I am so sorry. I never should have made you tell me. How horrible for you.” Martha felt terrible for making her friend remember such a horrible incident. She reached for Agatha's hand.
“Don't feel badly my dear. It helps to talk about these things and I have been married to a wonderful man for over forty years. You deserve some happiness in your life Martha.” The two friends embraced, their relationship bonded by a mutual tragedy. Martha's respect for Agatha grew even greater that afternoon. She realized how difficult it was for her friend to tell the story but she knew that Agatha was unselfishly sending her a message.
Martha headed home with mixed emotions. She felt pity for Agatha but she also found strength that the older woman had overcome her fears and found real happiness. Could I do the same? Thank you God for sending Agatha to me.
After the opera, Martha and Jeremy returned to his flat for brandy. While they were relaxing in the sitting room, Martha surprised Jeremy with a suggestion.
“Jeremy, would you make love to me please?” A slight blush appeared on her face and her voice was barely a whisper. Jeremy was shocked. Let this be the right time, please let me do this.
“Martha, are you sure? I will of course, I would like nothing better but you must be sure.” How long he had waited for this moment.
“I want you to Jeremy, but if for any reason I ask you to stop, promise me you will. I hate feeling this way but there is nothing I can do about it.” She paused and took a deep breath, “ I know we said we could wait until we were married but I can't set a wedding date until I know what will happen.” Martha's hand shook as she held her glass. She was a bundle of nerves. “I would like to try now, please Jeremy.” Jeremy's hand caressed her cheek. She looked in his eyes and saw love and compassion. Lord let me go through with this. Help me to forget. Help me be strong like Agatha.
“Right this way, my darling.” Jeremy took Martha's glass from her hand and led her into the bedroom. She asked him to turn off the lamp and the two nervous lovers undressed, slipping under the covers. She was trembling like a virgin on her wedding night. The dusky light from the full moon filled the room with a smoky romantic hue.
Jeremy was slow and gentle with her. He felt her stiffen a few times and slowly caressed her and kissed her. Although he was burning with desire, his entire future depended on his control and patience. Martha eventually relaxed and actually began to enjoy Jeremy's hands on her body. Hesitantly, she caressed his naked body and explored her lover. This was a new sensation for her,
to be touching and exploring a man's body. Her fingers tingled as she moved them over his skin. Her body was quivering with pleasure at his gentle touch. When he finally rolled on top of her she froze, every part of her went stiff and rigid. Uncontrollably her breathing increased its pace and fear began to take over. Jeremy, feeling her stiffness, did not stop; he kissed her and whispered reassuringly in her ear. He kissed her neck, feeling her body relax slowly muscle by muscle. After several minutes, Martha started to relax at the sound of his voice and realized that this was love making. This was Jeremy, the man of her dreams and this was love, she had nothing to fear. When he felt confident she was ready; slowly very slowly he entered her. They moved together like the instruments of a symphony and together they made beautiful, soft and loving music. At last she felt fulfilled and loved completely and absolutely. She was drowning in the pleasure of the man she loved. Now she could take the next step and become his wife.
A week later as Martha finished cleaning the kitchen and headed up the stairs to her bed, she heard Abraham call out. She rushed to his room to find him in the throws of a nightmare. Gently waking the tossing boy, she held him close and thinking, no God not again, she waited.
“The woman is dead Mama, the baby was born and then she died.” Abraham was white and shaking. Beads of perspiration covered his forehead.
“What woman Abraham, who was it?” Martha stroked his hair.
“I couldn't see her face, I just saw the baby being born and then she was pale and white and lying very still as if she were dead. What does it mean Mama?” Abraham looked to Martha for answers. She had none; only the future would tell who the condemned woman would be. Why are these dreams starting again? Why now when the future looks so bright?
Dreams and Nightmares Page 24
