The Color of Courage

by Natalie J. Damschroder

  The anchor came on screen, looking solemn and confused. “That happened half an hour ago at the Secure Learning Day Care Center in Northwest. The school’s director refused to speak to us about how exactly those children were taken to the roof, but a spokesperson for the police says no one was hurt in the bizarre situation. Three apparent members of the local superhero agency known as HQ demanded that proposed legislation to regulate superhero activities be withdrawn.”

  “I can’t fucking believe it,” Trace growled.

  Adam stalked to a closet near the door and jerked his suit out. “Where are your suits?” he demanded.

  “Mine’s in the car,” Summer said.

  “You’re sure?”

  She nodded. “I took it with me when I left the hospital.”

  Dread swept over me. “I didn’t.”

  They all turned.

  “I was sedated when I got there. They must have removed it, and I never realized I didn’t have it.”

  Adam looked at Trace. “Yours?”

  He shook his head tightly. “No. I think it got left in the boat.”

  “The boat probably being piloted by CASE members.”

  He nodded.

  Adam cursed under his breath. “Kirby had hers on that whole time, so—”

  “No.” Kirby looked stricken. “I mean yes, I did, but I don’t have it now. Charles asked for it so his guy could upgrade us. He sent a courier over for it.”

  “So the courier could have been intercepted and replaced by a CASE operative. Fuck!” This time it wasn’t under his breath.

  “Look.” Evan nodded at the TV. Our headquarters was now on screen.

  I raised the volume.

  “A police raid on HQ’s offices have turned up nothing. The next step is unclear . . .”

  Not to us. Pounding sounded behind me, on the door. I checked out the window and saw half a dozen police cars on the street. I imagined the scene was similar all over the city, as they simultaneously hit our homes.

  Lucky them, to catch us all in one place.

  “Open up, police!”

  Adam’s composure clicked into place, and the leader took over. “Everyone, come over here.” He pointed to the wall by the kitchen door. “Stand where they can see you when they come in. Cooperate. The sooner we can convince them it wasn’t us, the sooner we can address the end game.”

  He opened the door slowly, his hands in the air, and was immediately swarmed with cops. We all stood still, quiet and compliant, as we were cuffed and hauled away.

  Thirteen hours later, I accepted my cell phone and wallet from the clerk at the station and emerged, alone, onto a dark, sinister-looking street.

  They’d questioned me forever, probably trying to get me to change my story. We all had alibis for each other, which rendered them meaningless. Evan being there helped, and he had solid credentials despite his organization technically not existing. But because he hadn’t been at the apartment when the incident at the school started, it wasn’t a complete alibi. The officer who told me I’d made bail—Charles had apparently paid it for all of us—said the hospital staff had provided statements that Summer and Trace were in no condition to do what they’d seen on the news. The staff at the other hospital, where I was taken, had reported that my suit was unaccounted for. They had no record of transfer of possession back to me.

  The clerk at the police station said their phones were ringing off the hook with calls from people we’d helped who couldn’t believe we’d have done such a horrible thing.

  We weren’t universally beloved. The news had been on at the sign-out counter, still reporting on the incident. Reporters were interviewing people on the street who claimed they’d known all along we were trouble. They’d rather take their chances with the criminals than seek help from us.

  I’d thought I was tired two days ago. As I stood on the steps in front of the precinct, I didn’t know who had already been released and who hadn’t. The fact that I was let out alone told me they were probably going to follow each of us, and it was easier to do it one by one than if they let us all go at once. I couldn’t go home, because my apartment building had been on TV and was probably still surrounded by media. Ditto HQ, which was also now a target not only of CASE, but of any vigilante who was threatened by or jealous of anyone with enhanced abilities.

  I turned on my phone and waited for it to acquire a signal. Then I waited to see if I had had any calls. There’d been seven. Five unknown numbers that I assumed were reporters or worse. One from my mother, and one from my sister, Sarah. I returned her call, still standing on the lighted steps, not venturing away from safety. It was stupid. There was no one out there—I’d see their auras. But if they were out there, all their emotion directed at me so they weren’t visible empathically, I was near the police. Who weren’t convinced of our innocence but would do their jobs if I was attacked.

  I hoped.

  “Daley! Are you okay?”

  Her voice was such a relief I started to cry for the second time in twenty-four hours.

  “I’m all right. I need a ride.”

  “I’ll be right there.”

  “You don’t know where I am.”

  But she’d hung up. And she probably did know where I was. She was that kind of person. Organized, forward-thinking, prepared. It was why she’d been promoted at that job, and why a lot of guys didn’t work out for her. She was the total opposite of Becca, who never knew where anything was except the boys who surrounded her, whether she had a steady boyfriend or not.

  I allowed my irrelevant thoughts to continue their path away from my situation. It kept the fear at bay. Sarah pulled up twenty minutes later and honked. I ran down the steps and climbed into the passenger seat so fast I hit my head on the doorjamb. I fought through the stars to close my door and put on my seatbelt. The car started moving before my vision cleared, and I panicked until I could see Sarah at the wheel. Then I sagged in relief.

  “Thank you for coming to get me.”

  “Shut up. I’m your sister. And it’s the smart thing.” She glanced in the rearview mirror. “You need a temporary safe house, somewhere people won’t be looking for you or hounding you for at least a few hours.”

  “I’m not sure your place is the right one. The reporters will figure it out.”

  She checked the side mirrors, then turned quickly down an alley, out the other side, and took two quick lefts so we were heading in a different direction. “We’re not going to my place. I have a new boyfriend. He’s cool,” she assured me. “No one will connect you to him, as long as we’re not followed.”

  “How do you know he’s cool?”

  She smiled, her aura so happy and confident I didn’t even need to hear her answer. “I’ve known him my whole life. It’s Jason.”

  Of course. He was one of those geeky, best friend/sidekick/loyal puppy kind of guys a woman could grow up to appreciate. As far as I knew, Sarah hadn’t seen him in years except at neighborhood gatherings, since his parents still lived across the street from ours.

  “That’s great. I’m so happy for you.” I kept my gaze on the side mirror, though there was no one behind us. No one we could see.

  She flashed a grin and made a few more zippy turns, then spun into a parking garage and up three levels before screeching to a stop. Jason leaned against a Honda hybrid tucked between two big black SUVs. I climbed out of the car slowly, watching Sarah dash to Jason and kiss him hard before motioning me over. He was calm like Adam, his caring for my sister adding a glow to his aura. When he looked at me, he didn’t go blank, but remained constant. He was doing this for Sarah, and had no feelings for me one way or another. It was the best assurance I had that I was safe.

  “Daley, you remember Jason.” She curled into his side, beaming at us both, so proud of herself a
nd high on the excitement of the game. I wished I could share her elation.

  “Of course. Thank you for your help.”

  “No thanks necessary.” He gave me a quick squeeze before turning to unlock the car, and I found I had a grin for my sister, after all. He’d grown up nicely, wearing comfort and confidence that had to have been hard-earned. She deserved to have found him again. I just hoped my needs, and his help in meeting them, wouldn’t jeopardize what they were building. It was still very new.

  “Maybe this isn’t right,” I started to say to Sarah, who scowled at me.

  “It’s perfect. You won’t be there long. Just enough time to regroup and meet up with the others to plan your defeat of the evil villains.”

  “Let’s hope it’s as comic book as you make it sound. The good guys always win in the end. Thank you.”

  “That’s what family’s for.”

  I hugged her hard, then watched her drive away before joining Jason in the hybrid.

  He lived in Virginia, so the drive was long enough that I actually drifted off to sleep. Even in DC there’s not much traffic in the dead hours between bar closers and commuters, and we were both pretty certain we weren’t tailed. I’d turned off my phone so it couldn’t be traced. I woke about five minutes before we got to his house, noting where we were and what was around.

  Jason pulled into his garage and closed the door before we got out of the car. I followed him inside where he showed me food to help myself to, a small bathroom to call my own, and a spare bedroom I could hide in.

  “Sleep, eat, contact whomever you need to—that phone is secure.” He pointed to a landline next to the bed. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re not here. Unless you need something, then just holler.”

  “The phone is secure?”

  He nodded.

  “Why?”

  His easygoing smile turned sly. “I work for Hummingbird.”

  Whoa. Hummingbird was a security company so large, successful, and secret that everyone knew about them. The founder was famous for working with the government without being under government control. I had no doubt that phone was secure. And so was I.

  I relaxed for the first time since I arrived at Adam’s all those hours ago.

  “Thank you, Jason. I won’t stay here long. I don’t want to endanger you.”

  He shook his head like I was five and had said something precocious, then shut my door behind him as he left.

  I called Adam’s cell phone and got voicemail immediately. I left only my number, then settled back on the bed to wait.

  A soft jingle woke me. I was groggy enough I knew I hadn’t been asleep long, and it took me a minute to realize it was the phone.

  “Hello.” I let my head drop forward onto the pillow. My eyes wouldn’t stay open.

  “Daley.”

  “Adam. Thank God. You okay?”

  “Yeah. I was the last one released. Where are you?”

  “Safe. My line is secure.”

  “Good. But mine’s not. Meet me where Summer decided you were going to join HQ. Eight hours. We need rest. Can you get there?”

  “Yeah.” If I could figure out what he was talking about. “Where Summer decided we were going to join HQ.”

  “Where she decided you were going to join, Daley.”

  “Got it.” I didn’t, but I would. I fumbled the phone into the cradle, set the alarm for six hours, and immediately dropped back off to sleep.

  That didn’t last long, either. I got up after drifting in a mind-racing daze for four hours, showered, and changed into clothes I’d found resting on the sink, a soft white T-shirt and navy running pants that I recognized as my sister’s. I went downstairs and made myself a sandwich. I saw Jason nowhere, though I knew he wouldn’t have left. I wrote him a note thanking him again, didn’t sign it, and amused myself by wiping my fingerprints off everything I could remember touching. Then I left.

  Because I didn’t want Jason to be associated with me at all, I walked several blocks to catch a bus and rode around for an hour or so, thinking.

  The commotion at the precinct, my “escape” after release, and my fatigue had allowed me to avoid thinking about what broke inside me back at Adam’s apartment. I’d noted Sarah’s and Jason’s confidence with detachment, because I no longer had any.

  I had read Evan and Summer wrong.

  I remembered now, back when we first became roommates in college. She mentioned once, and only once, that she and her father didn’t speak, and she was sad because her mother had sided with her. She never said anything about a brother, and maybe that was because his betrayal had hurt the most. I could see their love for each other as they talked—or yelled and pleaded, as it were. Identifying the light purple emotion as longing made so much more sense of everything. They longed to reconcile, but Evan’s role and knowledge held him back, and Summer’s anger was a shield keeping him away. Her derision whenever I mentioned his interest in her fit, and I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid.

  But the worst part was that if I read that wrong, I could be mislabeling so much more.

  I’d spent my life identifying the emotions I saw, making connections between them, analyzing them. For the past ten years, I’d believed it concrete. I could see degrees of emotion, even determine what generated them. I’d also received plenty of validation. But even that could be wrong. People could be confirming emotions I identified without being correct themselves.

  This couldn’t be happening now. I couldn’t go into battle, endanger my team, not knowing what value I could bring. Second-guessing everything I saw. Failing, in deadly circumstances.

  I had to tell Adam.

  I’d figured out what he meant by “where Summer decided you would join HQ.” Coincidentally, it wasn’t far from Jason’s house. I changed buses when the hour approached, using my last few dollars for the fare, and got off on the correct street ten minutes before the meeting time. The street had changed a lot. Hardware, shoe, and clothing stores had given way to trendy gift boutiques and coffee shops. I was afraid our shop wouldn’t be there, or that it would be unrecognizable and I’d go to the wrong place.

  But it was there. Relieved, I went through the screen door and paused to let my eyes adjust to the dimmer light. The counter fronted by shiny, vinyl-topped stools ran down the right-hand side of the shop, and matching booths lined the left-hand wall, with Formica tables in between. The place was deserted, except for the soda jerk behind the counter. With his bald head and white cap he looked exactly like the counter guy in Back to the Future.

  “What can I getcha, ma’am?”

  I didn’t have any cash left and didn’t want to use a card. “I’m meeting someone. I’ll wait for him.”

  “Whatever you like.” He went back to wiping the counter.

  As I stepped away from the door to sit in a booth, it opened behind me. I knew who it was before I turned, and gratefulness warred with disappointment when Evan said, “Can I buy you a root beer float?”

  Chapter 17

  I barely turned. “Where’s Adam?”

  He shook his head a little, indicating the open door. I knew he was stalling. He wouldn’t be standing there so casually if he’d been followed, or if I had.

  “Sure, you can buy me a float. And a salad while you’re at it, if you don’t mind. I haven’t eaten much in two days.” Just the sandwich at Jason’s, which had already worn off.

  Evan went to the counter to order and I found a seat in the booth farthest from the door. I sat facing the front, knowing Evan would want that seat and was probably better trained to use it. But I couldn’t leave my back exposed.

  A moment later, he joined me, surprising me by sliding into my side of the booth. Positional problem solved. I wished they were all that easy.

  “Adam’s okay
, isn’t he?”

  “He’s fine. He’s with Auberginois, arranging for equipment and intel.”

  “Do we know what’s going down?”

  Our low voices seemed intimate, even in the wide-open room. When Evan shook his head, then turned to thank the counter man who brought our drink and food over, his hair brushed my cheek. Evan set the float between us and adjusted the two bendy straws. It was perfect. We looked like old-fashioned lovers, right down to his leather jacket. We could stay close enough to talk without looking furtive if anyone came in, and could both see the door if they did. Evan even picked up my hand and held it on his lap, just like he would if this were a date.

  I wished it was. I wished I was normal, so that doubting someone’s feelings was par for the course instead of an aberration that frightened me.

  I wished I hadn’t been so glad to see Evan when I’d been hoping to see Adam.

  That was it. No more wishing, or any other pointless fretting. And definitely no more feelings. I deliberately locked them all away in the compartment I used when I worked, making myself taupe. Then I raised the blocks that allowed me to ignore other people’s emotions. From now on, I was operating on fact and logic, and nothing else.

  “Auberginois is using his contacts to get information for us. All we know now is that it’s going to be big, and it’s going to be soon.”

  “Where is everyone else?”

  “They’re scattered, but coming together. Trace spent the night in a hotel in the city. Kirby and Adam were released together and went to his mother’s place. She had to go to Florida for the week, on business. Frank picked up Summer and probably went to his new apartment.”

  “Was I foolish to hide?” I couldn’t help asking. No one else had seemed afraid to be located.