Being Nobody (The Witness Series #1)

by D'Agostino, Heather

  “Sam,” my mom sighed.

  “No,” I shook my head. “He loves me, too. I know he does, Mom.”

  “Has he told you this?” Her eyes were pleading as she watched me.

  “Well, no,” my head snapped up and my lips sealed when I heard the door to the balcony squeak open.

  “Mallory?” Brian jogged down the steps. “I was beginning…” He trailed off as he looked at me and then my mom. “Are you ok?”

  “I’m fine,” I huffed as I wipe the last of the tears from my face. “I’m getting tired. Can we go?” I turned to face him and plastered on a fake smile.

  “Sure,” he nodded as confusion washed over him. “Let me grab our things,” he walked away toward the family room to get our jackets and helmets as I turned to face my mother once again.

  “If you call Kevin,” I warned, “I’m not coming. I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore. I want a future, and I want it with him,” I pointed in the direction Brian has just gone. “I love you, Mom, but I love him, too, and I have to do this.”

  “Are you sure that’s what you want? You know if you leave the program, you’ll never see me again,” her eyes pleaded with me. “Sam…” she squeezed them shut and took a deep breath “Do you really know what you’re doing? Giving up family for something that might not even go anywhere? Are really sure about this?”

  Brian walked in right then, and handed me my jacket, “Ready?” His gaze bounced between the two of us. “Yes,” I took my jacket from him but directed my answer at my mother. “I am.”

  “Let’s go,” Brian stepped back to let me pass.

  “Bye, Mom,” I watched as a tear ran down her cheek.

  “Bye,” she called before mouthing “Sam.”

  “What was that all about?” Brian wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he led me from the building and over to his bike.

  “Nothing that hasn’t been coming for a while,” I murmured as I slipped the helmet on my head.

  “I hope it isn’t something that I caused,” Brian’s eyes held a tenderness that I hadn’t seen in sometime.

  “No, you just helped push it along,” I flipped the visor down as I climbed on.

  “You sure,” he called over his shoulder as he slid in front of me.

  I nodded, and he cranked the bike to life. As we pulled out of the parking lot, I looked back one last time at my mom’s condo. I knew she’d call Kevin. She had no reason not to. She knew I was serious about staying, and I knew she was too scared to stay. I didn’t know how long it would be…a day? A few hours? Tomorrow, maybe? But, if Kevin moved like he had in the past, my mom would have a new identity by the end of the week at the latest. What had I done and would tonight be the last time I ever saw my mother? I hugged Brian tighter as we raced through the city streets. Had I just made the biggest mistake of my life for someone who had yet to say ‘I love you’? I hoped not.

  Chapter 15

  When we arrived back at Brian’s apartment, we walked upstairs in silence. He looked over at me a few times, but didn’t say anything. I, on the other hand, had an entire argument going on inside my head. I wasn’t sure who I was more upset with, my mom or Brian. Couldn’t he see that I cared? We hadn’t said the words, but the feelings…the feelings were there. We’d spent the last three weeks with each other, I’d taken care of him when he was hurt, he’d met my mom…I didn’t know what else I could do to prove that I was serious.

  “You sure you’re ok?” He asked as he pushed open the door to his loft, letting us both inside.

  I nodded, “Hmmmm.”

  “Mallory,” he gripped my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “I can tell something’s bothering you. What is it?”

  “Nothing,” I muttered and tried to pull away from him. I felt like I’d been the one sharing tonight, and I was ready for him to share something. I felt like weren’t on the same level anymore. He still held his cards close to his chest, whereas I had almost bared my soul to him.

  “You’re lying,” he muttered. “I can tell. What did she say to you to cause this?”

  “She?” I placed my hands on my hips and scowled.

  “Your mom? We were fine until we went over there,” he tossed his hands in the air and stared at me.

  “This started long before we went to my mom’s place. This is something you caused,” I pointed angrily at him. “You, and all your secrets,” I moved closer and jammed my finger into his chest. “Your extra phone…leaving me after telling me you wanted to spend the day together…lying about who you’re talking to? This,” I waved my other hand in the air “is your fault.”

  “My fault?” He yelled causing me to flinch. “I told you…there’re things that you don’t know about. I can’t tell you about them, either. If you want to be with me, you’re going to have to accept that,” his eyes narrowed as he watched me. I’d never seen him this angry, and for some sick reason, I could feel desire boiling low in my belly.

  “I don’t think I can do this,” I scowled as I watched hurt slowly appear on his face before he masked it once again.

  “Do what?” He tossed his hands to the side. “What are we doing?”

  “I…” I clamped my mouth shut and shook my head vigorously.

  “What, Mallory? What?” He growled through clenched teeth as he leaned closer to me. “What?”

  I shook my head, refusing to answer. I knew what I wanted to say, but I was so mad at the moment that I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

  “What?” He roared as leaned so close that I could feel his warm breath waft across my face. “Say it!”

  I shook my head again as I began to back up slowly. I felt like I was being stalked as he moved closer. Fear slowly tried to creep in, but I pushed it away, assuring myself that this was Brian, my Brian. When I felt my back bump against the wall, I lifted my hands to press them against his chest. It was rising in quick pants, and I could feel his heart racing under my fingertips. His eyes narrowed on my face.

  “Fucking say it!” He roared again. “You what? Wanna leave? Don’t want me anymore? What?”

  I watched his eyes squeeze shut as pain spread across his features. He thought I was breaking this off. He thought I was leaving. Did he really believe I could do that? After the things we’d done to each other over the past several days? Did he really think that I could just walk away? “I love you!” I yelled and I watched his eyes fly open.

  “No,” he muttered as he backed up, leaving me there leaning against the wall. “You can’t,” he turned his back to me. “I’m not good for you, Mallory. All I bring is pain to the ones I’m with.” He looked back at me and sighed, “I should have never let it get this far.”

  “What?” I screeched. “You?”

  “Yes, me,” he pointed to himself. “I thought we were having fun. I wasn’t ready for it to end, but you can’t love me,” his shoulders dropped dejectedly. “Maybe it’s better this way.”

  “Huh?” I stood up straighter and began to follow him across the room.

  “I’ll take you home,” he reached for his keys, but before he could grab them, I swatted them out of reach.

  “Don’t you fucking do that!” I screamed at him. “This is not over! You feel something! I know you do!” Tears welled in my eyes while he watched me with an emotionless expression. “You love me, too. I’ve seen it. When we make love, you tell me with your eyes, your hands, and your body. I know you do,” I pleaded with him. “Tell me,” I grabbed his hand and wrapped it in both of mine, “tell me you love me, too.”

  Brian slowly shook his head as his eyes hardened, “I can’t. I can’t love you. I’m not good for you.”

  “No! You’re not doing this. You’re not going to gang up on me, too,” I bit my lip, trying to keep the sobs contained.

  “Your mother was right,” he murmured.

  My head snapped up as my mouth dropped open, “What?”

  “I heard you guys arguing about me. She doesn’t think you should be around someone like me. S
he doesn’t think your father would have approved,” he turned his back to me, before continuing. “She’s right. You deserve better, and I’m never going to be able to give you that.”

  “No!” I moved closer and pounded my fists on his chest. “I’m so tired of everyone always thinking that they know what’s best for me. When is everyone going to listen to what I want? When do I get to decide?”

  Brian stood there and watched me before giving a quick jerk of his chin. “You’re right. You do need to decide.” He spun around and pushed me into the wall so quickly I almost lost my balance before he moved within a hairsbreadth of my mouth. “What do you want, Mallory? What do you want to happen?”

  “I want you to choose me,” I whispered. “Stop fighting your feelings and choose me. Tell me you love me. Show me you want me. Be with me,” I whimpered.

  “Shit,” he muttered as he gripped my head with both hands and slammed his mouth down on mine. His tongue quickly forced its way into my mouth as I groaned and fisted his shirt with both hands. Brian’s hips rolled forward as he pressed me so tightly against the wall, I was sure we were going to dent the sheetrock. “You fucking screw with my head too much,” he panted as he broke the kiss. “I should resist you,” he swallowed “but I can’t. I can’t fucking stay away, and I’m gonna get us both killed.” His mouth made its way back to mine and he devoured my lips. I moaned as I wrapped my arms around his neck. When my fingers began to weave into his hair, he broke the kiss once again, “You’re right…I love you…I lied…I’m sorry,” he gasped as he stared into my eyes. “I’ve known for a while, and it’s crippling me. I’m gonna get us both killed,” he cupped my cheek. “Are you ready for that? To be constantly worried about what the next day holds? That’s my life, Mallory, and I’m trying to protect you from it.”

  “I’m stronger than you think,” I smiled weakly. If Brian only knew, what he was offering wasn’t any different than what I was already dealing with on a daily basis. I’d been on the run, living this lifestyle, since I was seven. I had been lonely and hurt more times in my life than I cared to admit. It was time that I took something back. Brian may not know what I’d been through, but he was going to make things better. If the future was going to hold more of the same, then at least he’d be in it with me. “Take me to bed,” I mumbled against his lips. “Take me to bed and show me you love me.”

  Without speaking, he grinned against my lips as he reached down to grasp my hips. He hoisted me up in one movement, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Once secured, he turned and shuffled toward his bed. When I felt the soft mattress under my back, I loosened my grip and looked up at him. “Say it again,” I begged.

  “I love you,” he whispered as our lips connected again. No more words were spoken as we undressed each other, one item at a time, until we laid there bared to one another. When Brian rolled us so he was hovering over me, his gaze bored into mine. His piercing eyes stared deeply into mine as he slowly slid himself into me. “I love you,” he murmured as he seated himself all the way to the root. “I love you,” he murmured again when he pulled back. I felt myself arching off the bed with his slow steady thrusts. “I love you,” he leaned down next to my ear and whispered it in a quiet haunting breath.

  “I love you, too,” I whispered in return as I felt myself heading for the cliff. I was ready to fall, but not without Brian. I reached for his jaw, and cupped it, making his eyes connect with mine once more. “I love you, too,” I nodded slowly.

  I watched his strong body quiver over me as he found his release, a single tear trickling down his cheek. This meant something…something deeper than I had yet to figure out. Brian had given me something. I didn’t know at the time just how meaningful that encounter was, but when he’d uttered those words, he changed us. He’d changed us into something that neither of us had thought we’d ever have. There was no going back. I wasn’t nobody any more. Brian had finally made me somebody. I was somebody to someone, and it felt better than I could have ever imagined.

  Chapter 16

  When Brian and I had finally fallen asleep, I was sure that we’d turned a corner. Things seemed to be slightly more settled, and I’d finally gotten him to open up. I knew we still had a ways to go, but I was feeling more positive about the direction we were heading.

  I’d snuggled into his side, craving the warmth of his body, sometime in the middle of the night. Now, all could hear was a buzzing coming from somewhere off in the distance. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or not, but as the buzzing grew louder, I felt the bed shift.

  “Wha...What’s going on?” I mumbled as I rolled toward where Brian had been. As I blinked my eyes open, I noticed he was now sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to me.

  “I got it. Yeah, I’m on my way,” he sighed as he rubbed his palm down the front of his face.

  “Brian?” I whispered. “Who was that?” I reached out for him. His back was turned towards me, and the tanned skin shone in the moonlight.

  “Work, baby, I gotta go,” he turned and grimaced. “I’m sorry,” his eyes were sad as he watched me…pleading with me for understanding.

  I sighed as I rolled to face him, tugging the sheet up over my exposed breasts, “It’s the middle of the night. You can’t tell them no?”

  “Not this time,” he frowned. “Go back to sleep. I should be back in a couple of hours,” he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. He watched me for a minute before he stood and began tugging on his jeans. After sliding into his leather jacket, he leaned forward, placing a deeper kiss to my lips. “I’ll be back in a bit. Stay…keep the bed warm. I love you,” he murmured.

  “I love you, too,” I snuggled back down into the covers as he pulled away and walked toward the door. I heard his footsteps pause before his keys jingled and the door clicked closed behind him.

  ooooooooo

  When the sun began to shine through the large floor to ceiling window beside the bed, I groaned. I was tired, and after Brian had left in the middle of the night, I hadn’t really fallen back into a deep enough sleep to get much rest. I was used to him being in the bed with me now, and it felt strange without him there. What was even stranger was waking up in his apartment without him.

  I rolled onto my back, glanced up at the ceiling, and rubbed my eyes. His loft really was beautiful, and my curiosity was beginning to get the better of me. How could someone like Brian afford a place like this? Everything about him was a contradiction. He acted like this ‘tough guy’ to most people and, when we were out in public, he did it to me, too, but when we were alone, it was completely different. If there wasn’t an audience around, the tough exterior melted away and this gentle soul underneath came out. All the tats and the leather were merely a suit of armor. If you took away the clothes and bike, you’d never know he did what he did.

  I hated the fact that he was involved with the one person I despised the most in this world, but my heart didn’t seem to care. I hoped that one day I’d be able to tell him everything. I wanted him to know Sam and what she had been through. I wanted to tell him about all the places I’d lived over the years. I wanted to be able to have a family, and not worry about what I’d have to do to protect my child. I wanted Brian to see everything. To love me for who I was, and to let me inside of him. He’d hidden his heart from me for so long, and who knew what else. I knew he had secrets. I knew he thought he was protecting me. What he didn’t know was that I’d been protecting myself for so long that he didn’t need to do it, too.

  After lying there for most of the morning, I rolled over to see the red numbers on the alarm clock glowing, announcing that it was ten a.m. I groaned before sitting up. Brian still wasn’t back, and if I planned to leave, I would have to call a cab. I wanted to stay, but who knew how long I’d be here alone. I picked up my cell to check for messages, nothing.

  Deciding that I might as well get cleaned up, I climbed out of bed and padded into the bathroom. After turning on the shower, I grabbed my cell and dialed the numb
er I had for my mom. I wasn’t sure why I was torturing myself, but I had to know. The line rang a few times before the message I dreaded came through, “The number you are dialing is no longer in service, please hang up and try again.” Tears welled in my eyes as reality crashed down around me. She’d really done it. She’d called Kevin and gotten herself relocated. She’d left me. I dropped my cell as my head began to spin.

  What had I done? I was truly going to be alone now. Doubt filled me, and dread settled deep in the pit of my stomach as I stumbled into the shower. What if’s plagued me. What if Brian and I didn’t work out? What if George found me? What if I never saw my mother again? What if I never got out of my current situation? I numbly fumbled my way through my shower before climbing out and drying off. I wasn’t sure what I was doing or how long I could hold myself together. As much as I loved Brian, I couldn’t believe that I’d allowed myself to walk away from my mother. Was I even still in the program? Kevin hadn’t called me. Normally, he would call demanding that I pack, and meet him at a rendezvous point. I’d be swept away in a car, or a plane, or a boat, never to be seen from again. I’d have a new identity, new look, the works, all in a matter of hours. Kevin was a master at his job, and I’d relied on him for years.

  I shook my head, trying to clear it as I shuffled toward the dresser against the wall. All I had for clothes were the ones I’d been wearing the night before. I knew Brian wouldn’t care if I borrowed some of his. After all, I figured we were at that point now. He’d left things at my place, but I hadn’t done the same.

  I pulled open the top drawer and dug around. When my hands ran over the soft cotton of his boxers, I grabbed a pair. They were huge compared to me, but they’d have to do. I stepped into them, and pulled them up over my hips. They hung loosely on me, but I’d survive. Next, I bent over and tugged open the drawer where he kept his t-shirts. It didn’t want to slide open at first, but when it finally did, I smiled to myself. That had taken effort, and as I scanned over the different color cotton in front of me, I grinned. I’d dreamed about this situation many times…being able to have a boyfriend where I could steal his clothes. I’d never been here before, and I was giddy with excitement. In the past, one night was all I gave myself, and now the possibilities seemed endless.