Harvest Moon

by Lisa Kessler

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I need to tell you something, but there’s no way I’ll get it out with you naked in my arms.”

  I wanted to lose myself with him and forget Grandma Nani’s lies, but apparently it would have to wait. “Okay.”

  “You told her you had no secrets from me, and I’ve been keeping one from you.”

  I kicked harder, treading water. “I’m listening.”

  His head was down. I couldn’t see his eyes. “You asked me where the rage comes from. I never gave you a straight answer. Fear kept me from it, and after talking to Nani, I see that’s bullshit now.” He lifted his chin, his gaze locking on mine. “I love you. That’s stronger than my fear that you’ll think less of me or walk away.”

  He cleared his throat. “I never wanted to be a doctor. My dad was a veterinarian and usually handled any Pack injuries, and on some level, I thought he always would. Then Jared and I were in high school and thinking about the future, and we lost someone in the Pack.”

  I got out of the pool and sat beside him. I took his hand in mine, lacing our pruned fingers together. “What happened?”

  “Malcolm, Adam’s dad, was our Alpha, and his mate, Martha, was sick. My dad was pretty sure it was cancer, but animal chemo wasn’t going to cut it…”

  “And she couldn’t go to the hospital.”

  “Exactly.” He turned toward me, water dripping from his hair. “We all watched her waste away because she was a werewolf and we had no doctor who could help her. Jared and I were honor students; we both got scholarships and went to college as premed students. He was going to be a doctor and I was going to be a surgeon.”

  “Your brother, the carpenter?”

  He nodded. “Don’t let Jared fool you. He’s really intelligent. There was an accident in college, and he ended up dropping out.”

  “You gave up being an artist, and then being a surgeon, because your Pack needed a doctor.”

  “Yeah. I understood, but things started to change the night Malcolm was shot.”

  “Someone shot Adam’s dad?”

  He stared into the water. “There was a fire fight with Nero and he took a bullet to save Lana. She was pregnant with the twins. The kicker was, I could have saved him. The bullet pierced his spleen. I could have removed it, and he’d be alive to play with his grandchildren.” He picked up a tiny stone and tossed it. “He ordered me not to risk it, not to take him to the hospital. Doing surgery in the dirt without any assistance wasn’t going to happen. In the end, I watched him die in Adam’s arms.”

  He groaned and met my eyes. “That’s when this fire started inside me. I gave up everything to be the healer for our Pack, and even then, my hands were tied. Boxing at the gym helped relieve the pent-up frustration. But six months later, Nadya came to the Pack for protection. One of Nero’s mutant wolves kidnapped her and bit her. I didn’t have a clue how they mutated the DNA. She’d die if I couldn’t figure it out. So I took a risk and reached out to Adam’s uncle. He’s a general in the military. He arranged for a scientist from Nero to come to Reno and assist me in treating her.”

  His hands tightened into fists. “Instead of saving her, he was juicing her up. When we found out and called him on it, he attacked my father with potassium chloride. I couldn’t get my dad the care he needed, either. The anger was eating me up from the inside out. When Todd approached me about the fight club, I accepted the invitation. At least there, I had control over my destiny.”

  I lifted our joined hands to my lips. “In med school they teach you to beat death, to save lives, and you leave on a pedestal feeling like a god. You think you can decide who lives or dies. But the truth is, none of us can.”

  He slipped his hand free of mine. “What good is being a healer when my hands are tied? I love these people. They depend on me.” As he met my eyes again, the pain and fear were plain for me to see. “My father and Nadya both almost died because of my mistake.”

  “But they didn’t.”

  “Malcolm did.” He took a slow breath and lowered his voice. “I can’t lose another person.”

  And there it was. The rage that he’d allowed to take over his life. His perceived weakness and failure. He’d laid it out before me. No more secrets. I caught his chin, turning his head to meet my eyes.

  Again, I found words hard to come by, but finally my lips moved and I whispered, “I love you.”

  No normal person would’ve been able to make out my words over the background noise of the falls, but my mate caught every word. My mate. Mine.

  I leaned in and kissed him, again and again. He returned the hunger, his tongue parting my lips. My pulse raced with desire as I ran my fingers up his wet chest, exploring every chiseled muscle. I needed this. I needed him.

  Turning, I slid my leg around his waist, straddling his lap. He moved his hands down my back and lower, gripping my ass and pulling me tight against him. His erection pulsed between us, teasing me until I ached for him to be inside me.

  “Condom,” he growled.

  “I don’t care.”

  His teeth grazed my lip as he lifted my hips. The tip of his shaft brushed my core. I shuddered. His gaze held mine. “You’re sure?”

  I nodded. “I want you. Now.”

  He didn’t hesitate, penetrating me so deeply I cried out. My nails dug into his shoulders, and I rocked my hips, grinding against him. We kept our eyes open, our noses touching as we gasped, sharing each other’s air. Every rock-hard inch of him was made for me, stoking the fire inside my soul.

  His lips brushed mine. His growl, vibrating through me. “I claim you. My mate. Always. I love you.”

  He brought one hand between us, his finger teasing me until I trembled in his arms. I pressed my forehead to his, eyes open, passion laid bare for him to witness. “I love you, too.”

  My muscles clenched around him. He thrust his hips up into me harder and faster, and finally he erupted inside of me, holding me so tight I could barely breathe.

  I never wanted him to let go.

  When we swam out of the tunnel and came up in front of the falls, the storm had passed and the moonlight sparkled on the rock pool. Jason broke through the surface beside me and we cut through the water, swimming closer to shore. Once my feet could touch bottom, I stood and stared at the moon above us.

  “This time tomorrow, you’ll be a wolf.”

  He took my hand, lifting it to his lips. “Yeah.”

  “So even if we grab Grandma Nani and get to Honolulu on the first flight over, we’ll never get back to Reno before dark.”

  “Nope.”

  I turned toward him, marveling at his profile in the moonlight, the water shining on his skin. “You’re not concerned?”

  He stopped staring at the moon and looked down into my eyes. “When we left, I’d made my peace with shifting here. I’ll be careful.”

  I rubbed my lips together, struggling for the right words. “I want to be your mate.”

  He cupped my cheek. “You already are.”

  “You know what I mean. Tomorrow night.”

  “You’re sure?”

  His eyes searched mine, and in that moment, I realized I’d never been surer of anything in my life. “You told me that you would always be here for me, and I want to do the same for you. I want to be your partner, not your weak spot.”

  He held me in his arms and kissed me long and slow and deep until my entire body molded against his. I laced my fingers behind his head, my heart pressed close to his, and a wave of emotion crested, hitting me so suddenly, I didn’t realize tears rolled down my cheeks. A hot tear dripped onto Jason’s chest. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against mine. Concern lined his eyes.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” I laughed and wept at the same time. “I thought I was in love before, but it never… Instead of weak, I feel… God, I wish I had words. Usually the thought of caring about someone turns my stomach, like I’m standing on shifting sand. But it�
�s not like that with you. I…” I rolled my eyes. “I suck at trying to say something romantic.”

  Jason chuckled, stealing another kiss. “Loving me is enough. That’s all the romance I need.”

  “I do love you.” I nodded, another tear sliding down my cheek. “So make me a big strong wolf already.”

  Jason laughed, dunking us both under the water. I wrestled free and swam for the shore. Crawling out, I made it to our clothes first. Jason followed and grabbed his shirt.

  “So, what about your grandmother? What do we tell her?”

  “About you turning into a wolf tomorrow night?” I shrugged. I wasn’t ready to think about Grandma Nani and open that ugly box of emotions. “I think she already knows. I have no idea how, but she does.”

  “And how are you holding up?”

  I pulled on my pants and immediately couldn’t wait to get them off. Cold and wet and stuck to me in all the wrong places. I shook out my legs. “I’m still pissed at her. I can’t wrap my head around how she could possibly think it would hurt me less to think my mother didn’t want me.”

  “For what it’s worth, she was in shock and mourning her daughter at the time. You had visions of the future, too. She thought if you were angry with your mother it would make you stronger than being afraid and worried you might suffer the same fate.”

  I hadn’t allowed myself to remember my mother in years. If she wasn’t thinking about me, I sure as hell wasn’t going to waste my time on her. But that barrier was gone now. The visions of the future had tormented her.

  “I can remember my mom putting on makeup every morning to cover the dark circles around her eyes. She had nightmares. Maybe they were visions. When I started seeing them too, she took me on a picnic at the beach and told me about free will. She wasn’t even twenty years old yet, but to me, she was everything. She said nothing was carved in stone. I believed her, but maybe she’d been trying to convince herself.”

  Jason came to my side, fully dressed, and took my hand. “Right or wrong, your grandmother never stopped loving you or your mom. She made a mistake, a big one, but the ball is in your court now.”

  He was right. Every word. If anyone understood how short life could be, it was a nurse. But I’d just learned my mother had never left me for a job. She didn’t decide there was something wrong with me and walk out of my life. She had died.

  And my grandmother let me spend years hating her. Whatever her reasons, I never got the chance to mourn for my own mother, and deep down, I thought something was wrong with me, I was incapable and unworthy of being loved. My heart clenched in my chest.

  “I don’t know how to forgive her for this.” I squeezed his hand and started back, my stomach tight with uncertainty. “My whole life, every hurt, it all stemmed from her lie. I believed her. I thought no one wanted me.”

  “It also made you the amazing, strong woman you are now. Maybe the visions would have frightened you more if you knew they drove your mother to suicide? We’ll never know. But I’m grateful that you ended up in Reno, in the hospital. Without you, I would have lost my dad, and I might not have ever found my mate.”

  I’d never considered what my life might’ve been like if I had stayed on the islands. Would I have been a teenage mother like my mom and Grandma Nani? Jason stood tall, powerful beside me as we made our way back to the cabin in the moonlight. Right or wrong, good or bad, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything.

  And I wouldn’t let Nero take it from me.

  The screen door squealed and I cringed, half of me hoping Grandma Nani was sleeping. She set her book aside, stood up, and opened her arms. I froze for a moment.

  “I am sorry, Kilani. Please forgive me.”

  Tears welled in my eyes for the abandoned little girl inside of me, and I ran into my grandmother’s embrace. She held me tight, running her hand down my wet hair.

  “We’ve lost so much time, mynah bird.”

  I clung to her, breathing her in. She still smelled like fresh rain even when she was dry. “I’m sorry I never came home.”

  “No.” She gripped my shoulders, pulling me back to meet her eyes. “No. You did nothing wrong. You found a future. Here there were only ghosts. You made a life, chose a good partner. I am so proud of you.”

  Over my grandmother’s shoulder, Jason sat on the loveseat. He caught me staring and winked. I closed my eyes and drank in the love.

  In the corner, my phone beeped inside my backpack. I frowned and went to retrieve it. Flashing on the screen was a text from Sebastian.

  He knows you are on the islands and Honolulu is your only way off. He will take his stand at the airport.

  I dropped my phone back in my bag. “Getting home is going to be tricky.”

  Closing my eyes, I struggled to recall details from my vision—could we have been in an airport? But all I saw was Jason’s blood.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  JASON

  A bird babbled outside the window. I squinted at the sunshine filtering through the bamboo shade. “What the hell is that?”

  Kilani rolled over, spooning my back. She kissed my shoulder. “That’s a mynah bird.”

  “My alarm clock is less annoying.”

  “Yeah, they’re pretty chatty. That’s how I got my nickname.” She nuzzled close to my ear, her teeth teasing me. Much better way to wake up than the damned bird. “I had long black hair and I chattered constantly. My mom and grandma called me their little mynah bird.”

  I rested back on the pillow and she snuggled against my chest. Waking with her in my arms was quickly becoming my favorite time of day. I traced a circle on her back. “I should get up and be sure we’re still alone.”

  “Sebastian’s text said the Nero team is watching for us at the airport in Honolulu.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You don’t believe him?”

  “I’m not ready to bet your life on Sebastian’s information.”

  Kilani blinked hard and gasped. “Cover your ears.”

  “What? Why?” But I was beginning to recognize her tell when a vision was coming on. She almost always closed her eyes. Hard. And when they opened again she was in action.

  Nani burst into the room singing at the top of her lungs. I didn’t understand the Hawaiian lyrics, but the message was clear as she raised all the shades. Time to get up.

  “Much to do, mynah bird.” She tied the final cord around the cleat on the wall and met my eyes. “Big night for you.”

  I sat up on the futon, careful to keep the sheet around my waist. “Why do you say that?”

  “Must we continue this game?” She placed her hands on her hips. “Tonight is the full moon. Tonight you embrace the wolf.”

  “Do you hear how crazy that sounds?”

  Her eyes sparked with mischief. “Doesn’t make it any less true, right?”

  I glanced at Kilani, who was doing her best not to crack up. Happy was a great look for her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her laugh.

  “How do you know all this?”

  Nani went to the door and stopped. When she turned, the teasing was gone, replaced by a spiritual calmness. “Our ancestors watch over her. They came to me in a dream and showed me my granddaughter’s mate, both sides of him.”

  She closed the door behind her, and I fell back onto the pillow. “Your grandmother is something else.”

  “Yes she is.” Kilani nodded. “When I was little, she told me that the wind, the waves, the rocks, the trees, the animals, they’re all connected, and our ancestors can communicate through them. I left home before she could really teach me. The best I’ve done is meditating and connecting with our family Aumakua, our protector, the honu. The sea turtle used to be my friend when I got lonely on the island.” She kissed over my heart. “We need to get up and get dressed for breakfast. As you’ve probably noticed, there’s no lock on that door.”

  That got me moving. I pulled a clean T-shirt and cargo shorts from my pack. Luckily we’d reached the cabin before
the real rain started. I’d had my fill of wearing wet clothes.

  Nani fed us a delicious breakfast of banana pancakes with coconut syrup. I’d never been a huge fan of pancakes, but she changed all that with one meal. Kilani and I washed the dishes and made a game plan for our exit the next day. Nani swore she could make an oil that would mask my scent from Damian, but I wouldn’t be able to pick up his scent, either. If the oil was strong enough to cover me, that’s probably all I’d smell, too. Big sticking point for me.

  There had to be another way.

  I left Kilani and Nani in the cabin to pack her things for the trip to Reno while I surveyed the area for any sign of Damian and his team. Part of me almost hoped I’d find something, since at least then it would be obvious which side of the fence Sebastian was playing right now. The only person I could be sure he looked out for was himself.

  After a couple of hours mapping the land around the cabin, I was satisfied we were alone. I also had a much better idea of the terrain. Tonight, when I shifted, I would need to keep from being seen. Challenging task. During the full moon, my wolf relied on instincts. I still had some influence, but the animal was definitely in charge.

  The night Malcolm, my previous Alpha, was shot at Lake Tahoe, he lay on the ground bleeding, and I’d forced myself to shift back into my human form. My shock drove the wolf back. I’d never overpowered the animal inside of myself before. It hurt physically and psychologically, but I had done it. And if it came to that tonight, I’d do it again.

  Hunger pains reminded me it was past lunchtime, but I wasn’t ready to go back to the cabin yet. Instead, I jogged back to the waterfall. Standing at the edge of the pool, I stared at the fine mist of water hovering around the falls that spilled into the pond. Kilani wanted me to change her. One bite and she’d be a wolf, welcomed into my Pack family as my mate. She’d be mine completely. I should’ve been eager.

  But being a werewolf came at a price.

  She’d have to live in Reno. The heart of a werewolf’s strength was his or her Pack. Without it, a lone wolf struggled during full moons to keep from being discovered and from surrendering to blood lust. Dead humans risked our secret being revealed to a world that shot first and asked questions later. If the police caught them, humans would find out we existed, so rogue wolves were usually dealt with by nearby Packs.