by Ruby Dixon
“Well, seeing as the light up there isn’t natural,” H’nah says, gesturing above us. “I’m going to guess that it’s more gear designed to help this stuff grow.” The light above flickers again and she sighs. “That’s going to get annoying fast.”
“Mmm.” I glance up, but I am less interested in the flickering light than in H’nah. I steal another look over at her, and she has her eyes closed, her head tilted as she lifts her mane from her neck and holds it up, cooling her skin. I watch as a bead of sweat traces down the side of her throat and there is nothing more I want than to lick that from her skin.
“You think we’re safe here?”
Such a quick change in conversation. She looks over at me, and I can see the worry on her face. I know she is thinking of the dead sa-kohtsk not far from here. I do not like that she is afraid. It makes me feel as if I am failing her as her mate…not that she will let me be her mate, either.
“The entrance is narrow,” I say to reassure her. “And hidden. There is no way to get in but there, so yes, I think we are safe unless something decides to follow us up. Even then, this place will be easy to defend.”
She studies me. “You’re sure?”
“I would not risk your life here for a few pieces of fruit.” I gesture at the walls. “A taste of home is nice, but if I wanted danger I would have stayed on the island and made friends with the Great Smoking Mountain.”
“Good point,” she says cheerily. She moves toward me, her hips swaying in a fascinating motion. I hold my breath, hoping she will reach out and touch me, but she only moves to my side and pretends to have great interest in the vines, touching them. “So…which of these fruits travel best, do you think?”
I chuckle.
“What’s so funny?”
“You,” I admit. “I know what you are thinking.”
H’nah straightens her shoulders and lifts her chin, defiant. “I bet you don’t.”
I stand up, amused. “You are thinking that you will bring back fruit to the beach. That you will fill baskets to bring back to the others, but you will know how many there are of each one, and you will keep in control of them. You will hand them out, but sparingly. Because you want the others to enjoy such things…but you also want to keep control of how many are eaten and how quickly, so you can make them last.”
She scowls at me.
“Am I wrong?” I taunt, grinning. “You do not say I am wrong.”
“It sounds kind of assholish when you put it that way.” She toys with one of the leaves. “But you’re not entirely wrong, no.”
“If you want to bring back fruit, do so. We will bring back as much as we can carry. But if you hold them away from others, they will not appreciate it. They will resent you. Better to bring back a bounty and let them eat their fill.”
“And if they eat all of it in one day?”
“Then they will have aching stomachs and regrets the next day, but that is on them.” I reach out and touch her arm, and immediately I know it is a mistake. I want to touch her everywhere, and my khui begins to sing loudly. My cock hardens once more, and it takes all of my control not to fling her against the leafy wall and push her thighs apart. I force myself to concentrate, to pay attention to her. “Do you want control over the food because you want to have power over the others, or because you worry you will run out of food for yourself?”
H’nah swallows hard. “I guess it seems like I want to push everyone around, but really, I’m just scared. I’ve never lived anywhere where there wasn’t a grocery store to just go and grab some more food. What if we run out?”
“I will hunt for you. I will not let you starve.” I rub my thumb on her soft, soft arm. “And if you want, I will teach you everything I can so you can hunt your own food.”
She bites her lip. “J’shel…”
Oh, she says my name. I bite back a groan of pleasure.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” she continues. “But I’m not exactly in the best of shape.”
I study her, taking a half step back. “What is wrong with your shape?” She has gloriously large teats that push against the leather band, ample hips, and soft, soft curves all over.
“I’m fat,” she says bluntly. “I don’t go hunting because people will laugh at me for trying to hunt when I’m obviously out of shape. I can’t keep up. You saw how hard it was for me to stay up with Brooke and Taushen, and I know they were walking slow. Heck, you had to practically crawl to stay in place at my side.” She shakes her head. “I feel uncomfortable enough around the tribe that I don’t want to give them more fodder to hate me, so I don’t try things where I will fail. I know I’ll fail at hunting.”
“Everyone fails at hunting when they first begin,” I tell her. “My aim with a spear was terrible for a long, long time because I was easily distracted and grew too excited when I saw the creature I was hunting. I had no patience and so I threw the moment I saw. It took a long time for me to learn to wait and only throw when I knew the time was right. Everyone learns. There is no shame in that.” When she shakes her head again, I tap her arm with my finger. “There are ways to get food without hunting, too. There are plants to eat and things that wash up on shore.”
“I’m not sure I want to eat anything on the shore after being around Devi,” she mutters.
“What?”
“Nothing.” She sighs heavily and turns to look at me. “I appreciate you trying, okay? It’s hard being a fat girl on this planet. I keep thinking everyone’s judging me by how capable I am and since I’m not capable at all…” She shrugs.
“You keep saying you are ‘fat.’” I shake my head. “I see nothing wrong with your body.”
“I’m twice the size of Brooke—”
“Then it is good I have twice the hands T’shen does.”
Her face turns bright red. “Um.”
I spread my hands in front of her face, all four of them, so she will see exactly what I mean. “I have big hands, H’nah. Do you think they want to clutch at something small and bony, or do you think they want something juicy to hold onto? I like your ample hips. It gives me more to grip.”
“You sure did get bold with your words,” she mutters under her breath again, toying with her mane.
“Because you do not believe me unless I am bold.” I reach out and take one of the tails of her mane, tugging it slightly to get her attention. “I am tired of waiting for you to notice me, so I will make you notice me. I like your big hips, H’nah. I like your big teats. I want to lick the sweat off of all of them. I want to bury my mouth against your pink skin and taste all of you. And I want you to realize that.”
Her breathing quickens, and she looks up at me, her lips parted. There’s a soft look in her eyes. “Well…that is definitely hard to ignore.”
Good. “I would like to taste you now,” I tell her, pressing ahead boldly. “Like I did on the beach that night.”
Her breath catches, and she leans in closer to me, and I think she will let me. I reach out to brush her mane back from her face, but she pulls away. “I…I don’t know if I’m ready yet, J’shel. I’m sorry.”
“It is all right. But I want you to know how I feel.”
She nods, cheeks pink. “You have made that abundantly clear.”
I like that she sounds amused. She is not running away from me, either. That is good. I ignore the throbbing need of my khui and watch my H’nah as she carefully steps away, studying the plants on the ledge. She glances over the side, down below, and then backs up. “Brooke and Taushen are having some private time.”
“They are mating?” I guess.
H’nah moves back toward where I stand, as if that will give the others privacy. “She did warn me that this would be a honeymoon for them.”
“Honeymoon?”
“Humans celebrate a marriage—or a mating—with a getaway trip for just the two of you.”
I grin at her. “So it is like we are on a honeymoon, too.”
Her eyes widen. “W
hat? No!”
“Is it not?”
“I liked you better when you were silent.”
I laugh, delighted. “I have never been silent, my H’nah. You have just ignored me.”
“Okay, fine, I liked you better when I ignored you.” But her lips twitch with amusement. She leans against the wall next to me, and toys with a leaf near her face, her expression thoughtful. “This place is nice, isn’t it? Warm and green and just…pretty.”
“My home was like this,” I agree. “Though at home there were many predators. This place is safer. I do not see any creatures in this cave and there are no trees. So it is like home…but not.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? Because I have lost my home?” I shrug. “It was not of my doing, so how can I be sorry over it? Things change, and we must adapt.”
“You’re taking it well,” H’nah says, and there is a dryness in her tone.
“I ache inside. There is a sadness in my heart that will never go away.” I clench a fist and put it to my chest, where my khui thrums its miserable song. “Just like the loss of my family and friends. But it does not mean I give up. I go on living and treat each new day like the joy it is.”
Her expression is soft as she gazes up at me. “You’re a good guy, J’shel. I wish I was more like you. It’s hard for me to look forward.”
“I will help you, but you must try.”
She nods and straightens, pushing off the wall. “I’ll try. So which one of these fruits is your favorite?”
I shrug. I want to point out that she changes the conversation every time she grows uncomfortable, but I suspect that will only make her go quiet. “I like all of them. N’dek is partial to ground nuts, but I do not see those here.”
H’nah puts her hands on her hips, studying the leaves nearest to us. She gestures. “How come this wall doesn’t have any fruit at all?”
“That is chakk leaf.” She gives me a curious look and I continue. “You chew it and it relaxes you, makes your head silly. Or you can put it on a fire and breathe in the smoke. Same effect.”
She giggles, her expression startled. “Dude, this is weed?”
I shrug. “You have something like it at home?”
“A bit like it, though I’ve never smoked up. You?” She touches one of the big, yellow-veined leaves thoughtfully. “I was never brave enough.”
“My people used it for celebrations. I have done it then. It makes the world around you very pleasant.”
H’nah laughs again. “I bet.” Her stomach growls loud enough to echo in the cavern, and she claps a hand to her stomach. “Maybe we skip the weed for now and eat something instead.”
I grin. “Come. I will show you some good things to eat.”
For the next while, H’nah and I feast on fruit. I climb the walls, using the vines like I did at home, and pull down the most succulent pieces for her. I get her a little of everything so that she can taste all, and we enjoy ourselves, sipping water from our skins, talking of nothing in particular, and feasting on fruit. I add sweet leaves to an empty skin and stuff the rinds inside. “We close this and add a bit of water,” I tell her. “It will make a tasty drink in a few days.”
“Awesome.” She lies back on the rocky ridge, careful to stay away from the edge, and stares up at the top of the cave high, high above. “I wish we lived here instead of on the beach.”
I laugh, easing my larger body down next to her. There is just enough room for us to lie side by side. “There is more space to move around on the beach. Can you imagine crowding this place with all the others?”
She sighs. “I guess not. I just like the warmth.” She rubs her bare arms, drawing my attention to them. “Should we set up a camp?”
“Why? We can throw down a few furs, pick a ledge, and relax. There is no need for a tent or a fire. We slept out in the open back home.”
“You did? What if it rained?”
“Then we got wet.” I grin at her. “The leaves of our home tree were woven together so they could provide shelter from the rain. Not much ever got through.”
“Huh.” The light flickers overhead once more, plunging the cave temporarily into darkness. H’nah reaches for me, but the light sputters to life once more and she bites back a sigh. “That is so annoying.”
“Where does the light come from?” I ask her, curious. “Is there a piece of one of the suns inside?”
“Not the sun. There’s something inside the equipment that causes a bright light to come out. It’s almost like an itty-bitty fire, but it’s designed to bring light instead of heat. I’m guessing your ancestors that crashed here set this place up as a greenhouse long ago and it’s starting to fall apart.”
“The ancestors,” I say, nodding. “The ones that look like M’dok.” I think of F’rli’s mate with the shiny horns and the body decorations.
“Yeah, that light isn’t natural, and neither is any of this equipment.” She points at the shiny things dotted amidst the leaves, and the black tubing. “If I had to guess, I’d say that when they got stranded here, they pulled a bunch of plants from your island and set them up in this cave and lived near here instead.”
“Why not on the island? Where the fruit is natural?”
“Big honking volcano?”
Ah. The Great Smoking Mountain. I nod. It makes sense. “Do you think it was smoking even back then? Many, many generations ago?”
“Even if it wasn’t, they would have had equipment that would have told them it wasn’t a safe place to live.”
Such a thing sounds unbelievable, but it must be true. “So they had a ‘knowing’ sense like Rokan?”
“In a way.” She shrugs. “If they had volcanos back home, too, it would be easy to tell, too. There are islands like that back where I come from and they’re very green and pretty, but the volcanoes erupt all the time and make problems for people.”
“Ah.” To think, if we would have known that the Great Smoking Mountain would attack, we could have saved my people. “Do you think we can take that light and use it to make sure that no other mountains explode?”
“I don’t know if it works exactly like that,” she says, her tone gentle. “But when we go back, we can ask Mardok about it. Maybe he’ll have ideas on how we can check that sort of thing.”
I am glad she does not laugh at my suggestion. “Until then, we shall enjoy this cave, yes?”
“Absolutely.” She closes her eyes, lying on her back on one of the furs we have spread on the ledge, and sighs. “This is the most relaxed I’ve felt in forever.”
My khui sings loudly, demanding that I reach out and touch her, but I do not want to destroy our fragile truce. I force myself to lie on my back next to her and pretend as if I am relaxing, too. “N’dek will be quite jealous when he learns what we have been feasting on.”
I regret the words the moment they leave my mouth. Guilt surges through me. N’dek would be sad, yes, but he would be here with her instead of me if I had but thrown my spear properly. It is my fault he is doomed to sit around the fire all day, feeling useless.
“What’s the situation with you and N’dek anyhow?” H’nah asks, picking up on my thoughts. “You’re always helping him, but I get the impression all is not well there.”
“I am the reason he is injured,” I tell her, sharing my shame. Even now, it eats at me. I am filled with bitterness and despair when I think of N’dek. I have ruined his life, and here I sit, feasting in a warm, food-filled cave with a pretty mate at my side. I sit up, disgusted with myself. Should I have stayed by his side to help him? Is it cruel that I am here? I thought I would be doing him a favor by forcing him to be on his own, but I am full of doubt.
“You’re the reason? How so?” H’nah sits up as well, putting a hand on my arm to comfort me. She pats me gently. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“I will tell you.” I will hide nothing from my mate. She is my other half, she should know all of my secrets…and
all my shames. “It was after I’chai died. She was Z’hren’s mother and a great hunter, but her mate died and after Z’hren was born, she seemed to give up. She was hunting kaari by herself, which was foolish. They are big…scaly things with long teeth and strong, hungry bodies. Long snouts.”
“Are kaari crocodiles?” she guesses. “Dinosaurs? Not that it matters. Go on.”
“I’chai was a good hunter, but not that good. We did not realize what she had done until it was too late. There was not much of her left to save.”
“Yikes. Poor Z’hren.” She pats me again, a look of utter sympathy on her face.
“Kaari are very territorial. Smart, too. They think if they kill another predator they can take their territory, and this one had killed I’chai, so he would not leave. He lurked around our encampment, making it unsafe for us to live there. It was either confront it and kill it or move, and we had lost enough. N’dek and I thought we would hunt it ourselves, while K’thar watched over Z’hren. K’thar did not like this idea, so we told him we would not do it…and then snuck out anyhow. We set a trap for the kaari, made a rope net out of vines so when he walked over it, it would ensnare him and we could dispatch him easily. So N’dek and I waited, and the kaari walked into our trap.” My stomach clenches, and I still can taste the emotions of that day, the unease in my gut, the worry and anxiety, the heavy scent of the trees in the air, and the meaty, foul smell of the kaari itself. “The ropes broke within moments and then we stood directly in front of an angry, attacking kaari.” I swallow hard. “Remember that I told you I would throw first and think later? I did that again. I saw it reach for N’dek with its big teeth and crushing jaws and I knew it would kill him, so I threw. And I missed. It grabbed him by his leg, bit down, and crushed it in one bite. His scream was horrible.”
She puts her cheek on my arm, hugging my arm to her. “I’m so sorry.”
