by Ruby Dixon
“My second spear hit, but then it was too late. I thought N’dek would die and it would be my fault. I put him on my back and carried him through the jungle, back to the home tree, and it was many, many handfuls of days before we realized N’dek would live. Sometimes I think he does not want to live at all, and that is my fault, too.”
“It was an accident,” H’nah says gently. “Hunting is dangerous. You can’t blame yourself. You saved his life.”
“But if my spear had flown true the first time—if I had stopped to think instead of just blindly throwing—it would not have happened. He was counting on me to be a good hunter and I failed him.”
She shakes her head, looking up at me. “You didn’t fail him. At least I don’t think you did. Does N’dek blame you?”
“No…but he should.”
“And K’thar?”
“No.”
“So you blame yourself but no one else does.” She nudges me with her shoulder, almost playfully. “Remember how you said I was stuck in the past? Maybe I’m not the only one.”
I look over at her thoughtfully, at the twin tails of her mane that frame her jaw, the indention in her cheek that only comes out when she smiles, like she is right now. “And how do we fix this?”
She smiles brilliantly up at me and her gaze slides to my mouth. My khui sings loudly, and I wonder if she will put her lips on mine like K’thar and L’ren do. I want to taste her so badly. I remember her taste from before, and today it would be tinged with fruit and her sweet flavor, and I want this more than anything in the world.
But she does not put her lips to mine. She pats my arm, as if encouraging a kit. “We look to the future. We accept that we can’t change the past and try to make the world here a better place.”
“Accept the past,” I repeat, wonder if she means that for herself, too. “What do you have in mind?”
“I’m not sure yet.” The cave goes dark again, and a moment later, it sputters to life once more. She looks up, a determined expression on her face. “But first, I think we should fix that fucking light.”
That is not the answer I was hoping for, but I like the look on her face. “Let us do it.”
12
J’SHEL
“Don’t you dare drop me,” H’nah shrieks in my ear, her arms chokingly tight around my neck.
“I have you,” I tell her, just as I have told her every step of the way up.
We are near the top of the cave itself, where the light shines down brightly and the vines grow thickest. The air is sultry and thick up here, the cave walls narrower, and when I look down, I can see all the way to the very bottom of the cave, to the pool below. I have been this high before many times in the trees, but it must be new for H’nah, because she squeals and clings to me and acts terrified. It does not matter that I have one hand behind my back to help support her, or that I would never let her fall—she trembles against me as if she fears for her life.
“I can take you back down to the bottom,” I tell her as I reach for the next ledge.
“Just don’t drop me,” she says again, her voice sharp in my ear.
“Never. We are almost there.” I am not sure how she plans on ‘fixing’ this light if she will not even open her eyes, but she swears she will do it, so I trust her. “Two more ledges,” I promise her.
“Two more,” she echoes, panting in terror. I can feel her body against mine, slippery with sweat. “I can do this. I can do this.”
I reach for another handful of vines and ease myself up and across the next ledge. “Do you think you can do this ‘fixing’ from my back or do you need to sit down?”
“Oh,” she breathes, and I hear an anxious squeak as I move to the final ledge. “Oh god, we’re up super high, aren’t we?”
“I told you I will not let you fall.”
“Yeah, but I might let me fall.” She reaches a trembling hand out for the vines, and I shift my weight so she is that much closer to the wall itself. The ledges here are narrower than they were down below, but still wide enough to comfortably support a person. I hold onto her by her belt, another hand on her thigh as she moves toward the ledge. “Don’t let go of me, okay?” she says suddenly, her voice full of panic.
I…have a hand on the inside of one thigh and another close to her buttocks. My cock strains against the front of my loincloth at this realization, but I manage to nod. “Of course not.”
H’nah casts me a grateful look and then pulls the knife out of the belt sheath and approaches the big, blazing light. I hear her suck in a breath when it flickers again, sending the cave into darkness for a moment before lighting up again. “My old apartment had a light fixture that would flicker every time it got loose,” she tells me in a trembling voice. “It just needed tightening. For some reason it’d always get loose again so I’d have to tighten it every couple of months, and I got pretty good at it. I’m hoping that’s just what this needs.” She brandishes the knife. “Let’s hope it’s using something like a flathead screw and not a Phillips, right?”
“I do not know what those things are.”
“I know. I’m just talking.” She gazes at the light and then brushes vines away from the side of it, revealing more flat, shiny things that came from the ancestors, and more tubes. “There’s a lot of stuff here. Buttons and wires and such. Let me poke a few things and see if there’s anything loose.”
I remain where I am, half-hanging from the vines at the top of the cave with my right set of hands on H’nah’s body. She trembles less knowing that I have my grip on her, and so I force myself to concentrate on what she is doing instead of the softness of her thigh, the heat of it against my skin, how naked and dewy her flesh is. She mumbles to herself as she works, wedging the knife in against a few of the components, but my focus is more on her hips and the scent of her skin. Did ever a female smell so good? Is she resonating as hard as I am?
“I think I got it,” she says triumphantly, watching the light. “There was this wire that was almost completely loose and I moved it back into place.”
We both hold our breath and the light does not flicker. Not once.
H’nah shoots me a pleased look and I grin at her. “You are very smart.”
“Just used to old junky fixtures, I guess. Let me make sure nothing else needs tightening.” She turns back to the components, studying them, and then touches a knob that sticks out. “I’m not sure what this does—”
She breaks off with a yelp, staggering backward as a loud, sizzling sound crackles through the air. The light surges for a moment and then returns to normal. I snag H’nah before she can stumble backward off the ledge and pull her into my arms.
“I have you,” I tell her again, pressing my face against her neck as she shudders against me. “I will not let you fall.”
“I shocked myself,” she says after a moment, shaking. She lifts her hand and shows me fingers blistered bright pink, the skin rising up. “I think I dropped your knife, too.”
“I will find it later,” I promise her, nuzzling her neck. “Are you all right?”
“Hurts,” she admits, but she does not pull away from me. If anything, she burrows closer to my chest.
“I know a leaf that will fix that,” I promise her.
For some reason, that makes her giggle. “The one you smoke?”
I love the sound of her laughter. “No, but we can do that too, if you like.”
“Let’s just get down for now.” She shudders against me again. “Give me a moment and I’ll get on your back again.”
“I have you like this,” I tell her. “Just hold onto my neck with your good hand.”
She nods, trembling, and I know she must be in pain because she does not protest my carrying her. She buries her face against my shoulder as I carefully ease us back down the vines, taking extra time to ensure that she does not feel unsafe. For me, I have climbed vines and ledges since I was a mere kit. I could do this with my eyes closed…and I am glad that I am here with H’nah instea
d of one of Tall Horn or Shadow Cat, because they would not be able to carry her like I can.
Even just thinking such a thing fills me with jealousy. I do not want the other clans anywhere near her. She is mine—my soft, sweet, human mate.
We move back to the main ledge, near the entrance, and I set H’nah down gently on her feet. She winces and moves to the nest we have made of our skins and pulls out her waterskin. There is only a bit left, but she pours it on her hand, wincing in pain.
“Do not waste your water,” I tell her. “There are better ways to cool a burn.”
“I’m open to suggestion,” she tells me, and it is clear she is fighting back tears of pain. She holds her wrist, cradling her injured hand against her teats.
I move to the leaves of the heart-fruit plant and pull a few of the smallest ones off, then shove them into my mouth. Bitter numbness coats my tongue but I keep chewing, ignoring it, and then move to her side. I place the wad of chewed leaves on her fingers, knowing that they grow cool when the leaves are broken and the juices run. Even now they coat my tongue in ice, and I lean in and blow on her outstretched fingers.
She shivers. “That feels good.”
My cock responds and I nearly grab a fur and shove it into my lap so she will not be distracted by my erection. H’nah is not looking between my thighs, though. Her gaze is locked on her hand and the burn there, and I feel guilty for even thinking of resonance right now.
I blow on her hand again, then gently press the chewed leaves against the burn. “We can wrap this and let the leaves do their work. If it is very painful, I will go and get you snow.”
“It’s okay for now,” H’nah whispers. “The leaves are helping. Thank you.”
I pick up the waterskin she emptied and shake it. Mine is empty, too, and our spare is fermenting peel-juice because I had to show off to my mate. “Are you thirsty? I will go get you some water.”
She hesitates, then nods and lies back on the furs. “I’m sorry to be a pain in the ass.”
“My ass feels no pain where you are concerned,” I reassure her.
She giggles.
“I will be right back. Do not move from that spot.” I point at her, my tone scolding. “If you do, I will be very angry.”
“I’ll stay right here,” she promises solemnly, but the indention in her cheek is back, and so is her smile, and I am relieved. I want her smiles all the time. I sling the waterskins over my shoulder and jump down the ledge, moving down the vines quickly and heading toward the waterfall. It takes no time at all for me to climb down, and once I get to the bottom, I smell the thick scent of mating on the air. T’shen and his mate have been busy, then. I see their bare feet underneath some of the vines on another ledge and decide I will not interrupt. I like them being here alone…because it means I get my time alone with H’nah above.
I fill the skins and then quickly climb back up to where my mate is waiting. I half-expect to see her up and about, but H’nah is curled up on the furs, her rounded pink hips nearly exposed thanks to the thin strip of her loincloth shifting to the side. I stare at her rounded buttocks, my mouth dry, and then remember my task. “Fresh water,” I tell her. “T’shen and B’rukh will not be coming up for a while, I think. They are busy.”
“I bet,” she murmurs, sitting up to drink. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For taking care of me.”
I shake my head. To say such a thing is silly. There is no thanks necessary. She is my mate and of course I will take care of her. To imply that I would not is insulting. I take one of my leather tunics from inside my pack and rip a strip off of it, then gently bind her hand.
“You shouldn’t have done that.”
I look up. “Done what?”
“Ripped your tunic. Those bitches take forever to sew. Ask me, I know. Making my own clothing sucks.” She sighs and leans her head back against the leafy wall. “I need to ask Brooke what her secret is. She always looks good in her tunics and mine look like potato sacks.”
I think of T’shen’s mate, but I cannot say that she is more appealing than H’nah. To me, no one is more appealing than the female in front of me. “I have never noticed what she wears.”
“You haven’t? With her stuff hanging out?” She gestures at her teats and then chuckles. “I thought all men noticed boobs.”
“I notice yours,” I point out helpfully. “But not hers. I do not care about hers at all.”
She chuckles again and then frowns down at her hand.
“Hurts?” I ask. I hate that she is in pain. When she nods, her face tight, I decide perhaps it is time for chakk leaf. It will not dull the pain much, but she will no longer care. I get to my feet and pull several of the large leaves off the vines, sniffing them to make sure they are what I think. I put one on my tongue and the unmistakable tang of chakk bursts in my mouth. Tingles rush up my arms and legs and I quickly spit the chakk out. She needs me to stay alert. I bend down next to her and offer her the leaves. “Chew slowly.”
“Am I about to get high?” She looks up at me, her expression trusting. “You won’t let me do anything stupid, will you?”
“I will not.”
“Are you going to get high with me?” She puts one leaf in her mouth and her eyes widen in surprise. “Whoa, that is…a taste.”
“Not a good one,” I agree. “And no, I will not be eating chakk with you. I will be watching over you and taking care of you.”
She pouts.
“I am not the one with the hurt hand,” I tell her, amused.
“Party pooper.” She puts another leaf in her mouth and chews, wrinkling her nose and making a disgusted face. “How many of these do I need to eat?”
“You will know when to stop.”
“That’s what she said.” A snort escapes her, and she giggles. “Wow, I just snorted.”
My lips twitch with amusement. “I think the chakk is working.”
“Shut the chakk up!” she blurts out and then howls with laughter, her hand clutched to her chest. “Oh my god, that’s so funny.”
“It seems to be potent for humans,” I comment dryly. It is a good thing I did not take more. I will need to keep a close watch on H’nah so she does not giggle her way right off the ledge. “Do you feel better at least?”
“Much better,” she agrees, and then blinks at me. And blinks again. And again. A silly smile curves her mouth. “You’re so pretty.”
Her words startle me. “You find me appealing?”
“Oh, god yeah.” H’nah sighs, the sound so lusty and hungry that it makes my khui—and my cock—respond. “You’re just…and those arms…and that hair…and those lips…” She lifts her good hand and pretends to scratch the air. “It makes me want to bite you.”
“Bite…me?” This is fascinating. “Go on.”
She blinks again, as if her eyes won’t focus, and gives me another strange smile. “Bite you all over.” And then she clicks her teeth together.
My cock shrivels a little at that. “Perhaps no biting, my H’nah.”
“Okay,” she says happily, and snort-giggles again. “We need to take these leaves home. They’re awesome. I feel so much better. About everything.”
“I am glad.” I should not push for information while she is vulnerable, but I cannot help myself. “So…you find me attractive?”
“Yeah,” H’nah says softly. “You think it’s the khui that’s making me think that? Because I really like your lips. And your arms. All of them.” And she points at each arm and counts. “One…two…three…four…five.”
“Five?”
“Five is the baby arm,” she whispers. “Between your legs.”
“The chakk is making you speak nonsense,” I say, worried it might be too strong. She reaches for another leaf and I pluck it out of her grip, ignoring the pout she sends in my direction. “Tell me if you feel sick.”
“Well, doctor,” she says slowly, a playful look on her face. “I do have a problem.”
> “What is it?”
She thrusts her injured hand under my nose. “I have a booboo and I need you to kiss it.”
“A booboo? Is that what you call an injury?” The humans have such odd terms. When she nods solemnly, I press my lips quickly to the leather and gently push her hand back toward her. “Do you like kissing?”
“On my booboos? Yes.” She studies her leather-wrapped hand with great intensity.
“What about your mouth? Do humans truly enjoy that?”
She shrugs, yawning. “If it’s done right.”
“There is a wrong way to do it?” This concerns me. What if she decides to give in to the resonance and accept me as her mate and I kiss wrong? “Is it something that requires practice?”
She leans forward and curls a finger at me, indicating that I should move closer. I do, wanting to hear the secrets of kissing.
“Boop,” she says, and pokes my nose.
I lean back, rubbing it. “Why am I bothering? You are drunk on chakk.”
“I am chakked up,” she agrees, giggling.
I groan. So much for finding out kissing secrets. “As long as you are not in pain.”
“I do have a bit of a pain,” she says, and then taps over her heart. “My cootie won’t shut up. It’s ruining my life.”
That wounds me. I get to my feet, feeling the need to pace, to do something as if action can somehow make these thoughts go away. “I am sorry it makes you so unhappy, H’nah. You know that is not what I want.”
“I know,” she says, flopping back onto the furs again and giving me another woozy smile. “It has to be my idea, you know? Because I have to have some control over something in my life. Might as well be my pussy.” And she reaches between her thighs and pokes herself with one finger. “Boop!”
I frown in her direction. “And it is not your choice because you wish a hero, yes?”
“Didn’t you see what I just did? I booped my pussy,” she tells me, disappointed. She yawns and squirms on the blankets, the movement making the band over her teats ride up. “And the hero is in my book. Duh, J’shel.”
