by Bella Grant
He hit send and leaned back in his chair. He hardly noticed the footsteps approaching his door as he sat with his hands laced behind his head, thinking about Amelia.
“There you are, Theodore,” the sharp voice clipped at him. “I wanted to check in with you about those faculty senate meetings and make sure you’re keeping up with everything.”
Theodore sat up quickly, his hands falling to his sides. Catherine, his Department Chair, hovered ominously in the doorway.
“Oh, hello,” he said quickly, clearing his throat. “Um, the faculty senate meetings are going fine. Just very time consuming,” he admitted.
“Yes, they are. And are you keeping up on grading and such?” she asked, scanning the mounds of papers piled in drifts on his desk.
“Of course,” he replied a bit defensively. Catherine had a way of making him terribly uneasy.
“Excellent,” Catherine nodded with a quick jab of her head. “Social life isn’t too distracting?”
Theodore narrowed his eyes at her, confused. Did she know something? How could she know about Amelia? There was nothing to know. “No, not at all,” he replied skeptically. “Why do you ask?”
“No reason,” Catherine said, sounding a bit flustered. “I just wondered how you were settling in.”
Theodore wasn’t quite sure, but he thought he saw the hollows of her cheekbones turn a little pink. “Okay,” Theodore replied. Catherine made him uncomfortable, and he was ready for her to remove herself from his doorway. “Well, everything is under control here. Just trying to finish up some grading,” he gestured to the piles of papers with his red pen.
“I see.” Catherine smiled awkwardly. “Well, carry on then. Let me know if you need anything. My door is always open.”
“Right. Uh, thanks,” Theodore nodded. “Will do.”
His pulse slowed as she turned and walked away. His guilty conscience over Amelia was going to get him in trouble. He couldn’t quite tell, but he had a vague suspicion after this interaction with Catherine that perhaps she was interested in him. Which, honestly, was the last thing he wanted. He didn’t need any more attention on him right now than he already had.
The following week passed in a frenzy of work and grading, warmed by the development of his relationship with Amelia. They found a groove together, and he was able to fall back into step with her in class, convinced that no one could tell anything was going on between them. Amelia returned to being his perfect student. He took great pleasure in their academic discourse, and although it took a decent amount of restraint to avoid grinning like a fool at her, he kept it together in class.
Theodore was relieved to find that the two girls who had missed most of the extra credit project meetings were back in class. Their timing was convenient, as Theodore found himself in dangerous territory being alone with Amelia on campus. Having two other students as a sort of chaperone-buffer was the most effective thing he could think of currently, and between the four of them working together, they were able to finish the project quickly.
As Theodore eyed Amelia over the top of his laptop, the other two girls working diligently in the corner, he smiled at her, and she blushed. That flush of pink across her cheeks made him twitch in his pants, and he had to take a deep breath and refocus all his attention on the linguistics article he was citing from the Shakespeare Quarterly to calm himself again.
As the girls shoved their books in their bags and put on their coats, Theodore said, “Thanks for your hard work tonight, ladies. It’s good to have you back. I think with one more session we should have it wrapped up.”
“Thanks, Professor Bell,” the girls chimed as they left the office together.
Amelia was stalling, waiting for their footsteps to disappear down the hallway. “So,” she said finally. “What are you doing tonight?”
Theodore grinned. “You?” he asked coyly.
Amelia laughed, and Theodore once again felt himself growing hard. He adjusted his pants and cleared his throat.
“I guess so,” she replied, speaking softly and keeping an eye out for people in the hall. “Come over to my place?”
“Yeah,” he smiled. “Let me wrap things up here, and I’ll be over soon.”
“Great,” she said, but paused for a moment. “Um, do you want dinner?”
“Wow,” Theodore answered, surprised by the question. “Are you offering to make something?”
“I guess I am,” Amelia replied. Theodore noticed she seemed nervous, and he felt as if they were at a turning point in their relationship. Were they really just sleeping together if she made him dinner?
“Well, in that case, I’d say yes. Dinner sounds amazing, and I would be delighted.” He felt peaceful and happy, relishing the feelings of warmth and comfort that passed through him.
“Okay,” she grinned. “Do you like pasta?”
“Love it,” he said.
“Come over any time after seven then,” she replied. Amelia stuck her head out the hallway and looked both ways quickly before ducking back inside and giving Theodore a deep, fast kiss that left him breathless and hard again.
“You’re killing me,” he moaned softly. “God, I can’t wait to take you.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” she replied with a quick peck on the cheek. “See you soon.”
Amelia slipped out of his office, leaving Theodore to contemplate exactly how lucky he was to have this beautiful girl offering to cook for him, with the allure of sex hanging in his mind.
When Theodore left the office an hour later, ambling down the side streets towards Amelia’s apartment, he couldn’t help but smile to himself at his incredible good fortune lately. Work was chaotic but manageable. He’d had a favorable review of the journal article he’d published earlier that month. The extra credit discussion panel was wrapping up, and he’d soon be free of those weekly obligations. And there was Amelia.
His nights with her were incredible. After they’d hashed out whether it was appropriate for him to leave in the middle of the night without saying goodbye—it was not, Amelia assured him—they had fallen into a happy pattern. He’d get up early, kiss her goodbye, and leave before the neighbors were stirring. But their evenings together—those intimate, romantic, sexy nights they spent naked together, talking and laughing and learning about each other, body and soul—those nights were seared into his mind every minute of every day.
This isn’t a fling, Theodore assured himself as he walked down the narrow residential streets. This was something bigger, something more meaningful than anything he’d known before. Amelia might be the real thing, he told himself. And if she was, what did that mean? What was the end game? And did she feel the same way?
He rounded the last corner before her apartment and stopped short. She stood on the doorstep, hugging a man. Theodore couldn’t see him in the darkness, but he thought he looked familiar. A sinking feeling settled on him, something akin to jealousy. Who was this person and why was he here when Amelia knew Theodore was coming over? They could have been caught together. He felt slightly irritated by the thought of this near-miss as he walked up the steps to her now empty stoop.
When he knocked, she opened the door with a smile, and Theodore felt his frustration begin to melt away. “Hey,” she said, playfully pulling him inside by his tie.
“Hi,” he replied. “Hey, who was that?”
“Oh,” she said, caught off guard by the tone in his voice. “Um, that was Frankie, my friend.”
“Oh,” Theodore said. “I just thought we’d be more careful. I mean, I almost ran into him coming up here.”
“I’m sorry,” she replied, surprised. Theodore could tell by the edge to her voice that she wasn’t exactly sorry so much as she was surprised to be having this conversation. “He stopped by unexpectedly. I didn’t think anything of it.”
“I know,” Theodore said gently. “I just… We’ve got to be careful. That’s all.”
“Yeah, I get it,” Amelia shrugged. “Anyway, um… If this i
s over, are you hungry?”
“Starving,” Theodore smiled. He was doing his best to fuck up a good thing, and he knew it. “Sorry for snapping. I just… I don’t want this to end, and the best way to make sure it doesn’t is to be extra careful. Anyway, whatever you’re making smells insanely good.”
Amelia smiled and stretched up on her toes to kiss him. “Good,” she replied. “Dinner’s almost ready. Go get yourself a beer.”
15
Amelia hit the print button on her laptop and listened to the machine down the hall churn out the final draft of their project notes. “Wow,” she said. “Finally. I can’t believe we’re done with that.”
The two girls who had intermittently helped on the project congratulated each other, and Amelia tried not to be smug when she considered how little they’d actually helped. Surely Theodore wouldn’t give them much extra credit for their lackluster contribution, she soothed herself. It pissed her off watching these girls gaming the system.
Still, they were done. She looked at Theodore and smiled excitedly. “That’s it,” he said. “Well done, all. Ladies, you’re free to go. I will keep your contributions in mind when tallying your final grades.”
“Thanks, Professor Bell,” they cooed as they packed up their stuff and scurried out of his office, relieved to have their Friday night back.
“So,” Theodore said, turning to Amelia. “What would you like to do?”
“I don’t know,” she replied. “What are my options?”
It had been a week since Theodore had gone to Amelia’s for dinner and caught her hugging Frankie goodbye. She felt a little bad that he didn’t know how aware Frankie was of them. She wondered if she should keep such a thing from him, but there was no reason to tell him. Frankie knew how to keep a secret, and he was the only family Amelia had. He wouldn’t jeopardize their relationship. Knowing about Frankie would only stress Theodore out, so what was the point?
“I was thinking maybe I could come over?” Theodore suggested.
“Sure,” Amelia agreed. She loved spending the evenings with him, and he often stayed over, spooning her to sleep and leaving sometime early in the morning before she woke up. It was their agreed upon arrangement. They hadn’t fucked since the night he first came over, and she felt good about spending time getting to know him after their intimate activities.
“Is that okay?” Theodore asked as Amelia’s face sank into a slight frown.
“Sorry, of course it is,” Amelia said, producing a smile.
It’s fine, she thought. But she was getting a little tired of hiding out in her apartment. They never went out or did anything together in public, for obvious reasons she understood, but it was still taking a toll on her. She didn’t want to feel so alienated from the world. She’d had enough of that growing up. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for secret relationships. But she cared about Theodore, and she was willing to get over it if that’s what it took to be with him.
Amelia left Theodore’s office shortly after the other girls, agreeing to meet him that night when he was done grading papers. “Come over whenever,” she told him. “Just send me a text before you arrive.”
“I’ll see you soon,” he told her as she grabbed her bag and headed out.
Just as Amelia hit the sidewalk in front of campus, her phone rang. “Hey, Frankie,” she answered cheerfully. “What’s up?”
“Hey!” he said. “Long time, no talk. Just calling to check in. How are you? How’s things with Professor Sexy Pants?”
“They’re good,” Amelia smiled. “He’s coming over tonight. I’ll probably make him dinner again.”
“So you’re feeding him now?” Frankie inquired.
“Yeah, sometimes,” Amelia admitted.
“Are you guys banging?”
“Frankie!” she chided him.
“Are you?” he persisted.
“No,” she said. “Not since the first time. And he doesn’t know you know. He freaked out when he saw you leaving the other night. He thought he’d get caught.”
“You haven’t told him I know?” Frankie asked. “Why not?”
“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I guess I don’t want to scare him off or something. He’s super sensitive about keeping it secret.”
“And you’re not?” asked Frankie.
“I mean, I am, sure,” she replied. “I have just as much to lose as he does, when you think about it. Sure, he’s trying for tenure, but I can’t make my way up in academia if I get caught sleeping with a professor. I’d be a laughing stock. No one would take me seriously.”
“You guys are playing it super fast and loose,” Frankie cautioned her. “I guess I don’t totally see the allure.”
“What do you mean?” Amelia asked. “Aren’t you in love with someone who’s not totally willing to own up to you?”
“Are you talking about Jake?” Frankie asked defensively.
“Yeah, I mean, he’s not out, is he?” Amelia persisted.
“Well, no, but it’s different. Neither of us are risking our careers by exploring if there might be something there.”
“And is there?” Amelia asked gently, not wanting to bicker with her best friend.
“Maybe,” sighed Frankie. “I don’t even know anymore. It’s all this drama and push-pull bullshit. We had this great kiss, and then he ghosts on me. And I’m just not sure I’m cut out to deal with someone who isn’t out.”
“I guess I can’t fault you there,” Amelia said. “I think you should be with someone who loves you for you, and who doesn’t need convincing to do it.”
“You’re probably right. But you of all people should know what it’s like when you’re into someone you shouldn’t be. Sometimes, things just happen.”
“I hear that,” Amelia said. “I’m in pretty deep water myself. Well, I hope Jake figures out what his deal is, because I want to see you with a nice boyfriend. You know, like one who’s out.”
“We’ll see,” Frankie said. “I’m not feeling too optimistic these days.”
“Sorry, babe,” Amelia commiserated. “Well, hey, I just got home, and I’m going to try to scrounge up some dinner for Theodore. Talk to you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Frankie replied. “Be good. Have fun.”
Amelia hung up the phone and pulled some veggies out of the fridge to make a salad. She was chopping celery when Theodore texted. Be there in 5 min, he wrote.
Coast is clear, she replied. Running to her bedroom, she kicked off her jeans and threw on a dress and a pair of knee-high socks. She grabbed a cardigan off the bedpost and quickly piled her hair into a loose bun on top of her head. After checking her makeup quickly, Amelia returned to the living room to light some candles and put a Van Morrison album on the record player. Lastly, she drew the curtains in preparation for Theodore’s arrival and returned to the kitchen just before he knocked.
When she opened the door, Theodore ducked inside and scooped his arms around her waist. “Hello,” he said, leaning down and dipping her into a deep kiss, his hands supporting her back and her neck, her arms around his broad shoulders.
“Whoa,” she breathed, as he stood her upright again. “What are you trying to do to me?” She let out a little laugh and bit her lip as she looked up at him.
“I’m trying to sweep you off your feet,” he replied.
“Well, it’s working. But, you know, my floors are slippery and I’m wearing socks,” she joked.
“Touché,” Theodore replied. “I’ll have to try harder next time.”
She ushered him into the kitchen. “I’m making salad and homemade mac and cheese,” she told him. “How does that sound?”
“It sounds like I don’t know how I got so lucky,” Theodore replied.
Amelia flushed with pleasure and gave him a flirty smile. “Yeah, I’m really not sure how this is working out so well for you,” she jested. “But anyway, what would you like to drink? I have beer, I have wine, I have gin…”
“Wine sounds great,” he replied
. “If that’s what you’re having. I’ll bring a few bottles next time to replenish your stock. I feel like I’m eating you out of house and home.”
“You’re not,” she said. “But that was something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” Theodore said, munching on a stick of celery.
“I want to go out,” she said firmly. “Like, on a date.”
Theodore’s face grew serious. “How are we supposed to do that?”
“Well, I was thinking that if we go over to Lexington, no one would recognize us. It’s a big town, it’s twenty minutes away, and it’s very unlikely that we’d run into anyone we know. I think we can be normal there. I’m just feeling very… cooped up. And I don’t like it.”
“Oh,” Theodore said. He was silent while he considered her words.
“What do you think?” Amelia pressed after a moment.
“I think… I think it’s risky, but if it’s what you want, let’s do it. I want to make you happy. And if going out makes you happy, we will.”
“Yay!” she said, hugging him from behind as he sat on the bar stool. “It’ll be great. You’ll have a blast. And I think it’ll be good for us to get out of my apartment.”
“I hope you’re right.” He smiled. Amelia could sense he wasn’t completely convinced of the safety of this plan, but he was willing to concede to make her happy, and that meant a great deal to her.
After dinner, as they lay on the couch watching a movie, Theodore leaned down and kissed her. “I really like you,” he whispered. “I’m glad we’re getting to know each other.”
Amelia was half asleep from the wine and the mac and cheese, and she stirred gently as Theodore kissed her. “Mmm,” she sighed. “Me too. I think you’re my favorite person right now.” She adjusted the pillow position in his lap.
“I think you’re my favorite person, too,” he whispered back, smoothing the hair out of her face as Amelia drifted off to sleep.
