Fearless

by Abby Brooks

  The weirder Evie got, the more my daily word counts slipped. Instead of being lost in my world, I’d find myself worrying about whether I should stop and check on her. At the same time, I knew that if I did step away from the keyboard, I’d be distracted the entire time, worrying about the words I should be writing as my deadline tick, tick, ticked closer.

  The pressure was getting to me. My mood suffered. Was any of this even worth it?

  I sighed as Morgan dropped his head into my lap. “I knew better than to try and have a relationship. I promised myself I wouldn’t let this happen again but here it is. Happening.” I scratched behind his ears and he huffed in contentment. “At least I never let you down.”

  Except for every time Evie had to take him on a walk or put food in his bowl. Larry had even been spending most nights at her house because he had a bad habit of laying on my laptop to get my attention.

  I just didn’t have the time for him.

  For any of them.

  I ran a hand along the back of my neck, pausing to massage the muscles clenched as tight as bone. “It’ll all be over in a week and a half.”

  Except there’d be another book. And another. And another. More deadlines. More days locked in my office while the world ticked by outside. More days for Evie to feel alone. Neglected. More chances for me to become my father.

  And that was that. The words were gone. The story dissipated. The real world was too heavy for me to leave behind. I pushed back from the desk, stretching my arms toward the ceiling as my back and neck creaked and popped. Outside, snow drifted to the ground, covering up the path of footprints connecting Evie’s house to mine.

  If the words were gone, I might as well ease my fears and spend the evening with her. I picked up my phone and powered it on. Lo and behold, a text from her popped onto the screen.

  I’m gonna meet Izzy at Cheers ‘n Beers tonight. We’d love your company if you can pull yourself away from the story. Miss you big, White Knight.

  I checked the time. Evie was probably already at the bar, having drinks with my sister, wondering if I would show. Imagining the surprise on her face when I walked through the door, I stood and headed for the bathroom to check my hygiene. My phone rang halfway down the hallway, and I frowned when I saw Mom’s smiling face pop up on the caller ID.

  “Hey, Mom. How’re you doing?”

  I decided to wear that black V-neck sweater Evie loved so much and the thought of her eyes lighting up had my mood improving with each step.

  “I’m great,” Mom said with so much enthusiasm I knew it was a lie. “How’s the book?”

  “Looks like I’m gonna make my deadline after all.” I reached into my closet, only to remember the sweater was in the hamper. I’d worn it the last time I felt bad about leaving Evie alone for too long. “Thanks for being so understanding about me having to bail on you. I miss seeing you every day,” I said as I searched for Evie’s second favorite shirt.

  Mom tsked. “Don’t worry about it for a second. You always make me feel like I matter, even when you’re busy. You’re not your father, Alexander. No matter how much you think you are.”

  What would you say if you could see me right now?

  We chatted about the book as I picked at my hair in the mirror, then the topic moved to Evie as I wondered how dirty that black V-neck sweater actually was.

  “Things seem to be going so well between you two,” Mom cooed. “It warms my heart to see you happy.”

  I massaged my temples and closed my eyes. “It’s a balancing act. Trying to get the book done and not make her feel taken for granted.”

  “I’m sure you’re walking that tightrope just fine and if that woman is worth your time, she’ll know it, too.”

  Fuck it. I will not be that guy wearing clothes out of the hamper. I stomped back into my closet and yanked options off hangars.

  “What made you stay?” The question popped out of my mouth without permission. That was what I got for trying to have a conversation while distracted.

  “What do you mean, son?”

  I closed my eyes and let it rip. “With Dad? I know he didn’t walk that rope at all. Why, after everything got bad, did you stick around?” I’d wanted to ask that question for years, but avoided it out of respect for her pain. She’d been through so much, who was I to make her relive it just to satisfy my curiosity?

  Mom cleared her throat. “Your dad always managed to say just enough to make me feel like he cared. I’d be on the verge of calling it quits and he’d magically show up for dinner and dote on me like he did when we were young. Or take a day off work and we’d hit the town. It was like he could tell I’d reached my limit and he’d go back to being the man I fell in love with.”

  “And that was enough?”

  “Your father is very charming when he wants to be. I told my friend once I wished he’d just stop showing up so I could walk away and not worry about the years of marriage I was throwing away. By the time he actually did stop, I’d already given up. It’s not that bad, living the way we do. I wouldn’t call our relationship a marriage, but it has its high points.”

  I didn’t think it did, and the scar on her wrist told me she didn’t feel that way either. It was the lie she told herself to keep going without hating her life completely. After we hung up, I stared at my reflection for a long time as Mom’s admission circled my head.

  I was about to do the very thing my father had done to my mother and it made me physically sick.

  I’d been locked away, neglecting Evie for weeks now, and I was about to show up and remind her why we were so good together before I locked myself away again. And sure, this book would finish, and things would go back to how they were when we first met, but there was always another book. Always. This would be the pattern of our lives the way it was the pattern of my parents’ lives.

  I didn’t want that.

  I never had.

  More importantly, Evie didn’t deserve that.

  I loved her and had to let her go, but I knew she wouldn’t leave if I didn’t give her a good reason. She was Harry and I was George Henderson, and it was like my entire life had been leading me to this moment. It would break me to hurt her, but it was better this way…for her.

  And so, rather than show up at the bar and make her feel like everything would be okay when it wouldn’t, I turned my phone off and sat back down in the office.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Evie

  Cheers ‘n Beers was rockin’. The energy was high. The music was loud. The conversation was great. Every joke Izzy made was on point, but I still had to remind myself to laugh because my mind was with Alex.

  “You seem quiet tonight.” Izzy leaned in, quirking her head in a parody of her brother’s inquisitive face. “Tell me, Evie. What’re you thinking? Let me pick that marvelous mind of yours.”

  I laughed for real. “You sound just like him.”

  “After a lifetime of having my marvelous mind picked by Alex Prescott, I hope I’d have it down by now.” She bounced her head to the beat of the song coming over the jukebox. “So spill. What’s got you down, Charlie Brown?”

  “On the surface? Nothing. It looks like Alex is gonna make his deadline with time to spare. The book is…well, it’s amazing. I’m really happy here in Wildrose.” I offered my most genuine smile to prove my point.

  “But…”

  “Well, I miss him.” I hurried on before Izzy misconstrued my meaning. “But that’s not the problem. I understand why he’s had to disappear into the office so much. I really do. It’s that I know it bothers him, so I’m trying not to say anything about it…”

  How much should I share? Should I tell her my real worry? The note I found in the manuscript? What if I sounded petty for bringing it up? After all, Alex did remove the note…

  I nibbled on my thumbnail as Izzy bobbed her head. “Alex told you about Candace?”

  I nodded. “And about your dad.”

  “He told you about Dad?” She fro
wned. “Like, all of it?”

  Seeing as I had no idea what ‘all of it’ entailed, I shrugged, then explained what I knew. “He said he adopted Morgan to force himself to stop working sometimes.”

  Izzy nodded as she leaned her elbows on the table. “Okay. Yeah. He gave you the high points.”

  My stomach dropped an inch. If Alex was holding things back from me—

  For Pete’s sake, Evie! Give it a rest with the worry and doubt already.

  “There’s more?”

  “There’s more.” Izzy hesitated, her eyes darting back and forth from my face to her hands spinning her beer. “Things got really hard for Mom right after I graduated high school. Alex’s first book had just been published, so he was super busy and didn’t come around to visit as often. I was sowing my wild oats and wasn’t around at all. Dad, for whatever reason chose that time to say eff it and focus entirely on work so Mom was alone, with a capital A. She really struggled.” Izzy cleared her throat and met my eyes. “She tried to kill herself.”

  My jaw dropped as I processed the info. “Oh my goodness! Izzy!” I covered my heart with my hands. “I’m so sorry that happened.”

  “Yeah. Me, too. I moved back to Wildrose and opened the store. Alex made it a point to visit her every day. After the whole Candace thing went down, he swore he’d do everything in his power to avoid becoming our father.”

  At the mention of his name, my gaze darted to the door.

  “He’ll be here.” Izzy patted my hand. “If I know anything about Alex Prescott, he’s head over heels for you. He’ll come.”

  My cheeks caught fire as a grin stretched my lips. “I’m pretty head over heels for him, too.”

  And I was. Despite my concerns about me misjudging him. Despite the fact that we’d barely seen each other in weeks, I was falling hard for Alex—in a way I swore I never would again.

  The chair across from me scooted out and I half stood, expecting to find Alex with his giant grin and humor-filled eyes. Instead, a man I didn’t recognize took a seat. “Hello, ladies.”

  Izzy bolted out of her chair. “Jack! Oh my goodness! I can’t believe you’re out of your house!” She wrapped the stranger in a hug, then turned to me. “This is Evie, the woman who tamed Alex’s heart. Evie, meet Jack, the man we never get to see anymore because sometimes bad things happen to good people.”

  A tall man with vibrant blue eyes and a mess of dark curls bobbed his head and shook my hand. “I’m so glad to meet you, though after all I’ve read on Greta’s Facebook page, I feel like I already know you.”

  Izzy patted his arm. “How are you even out right now?”

  “I found a sitter for the night and begged the kids to behave, but I’m sure I’m on borrowed time before something goes spectacularly wrong. Are the guys here?” He glanced around the packed bar. “I just assumed they’d be here.”

  “Alex is supposed to show up any minute, but I haven’t heard anything from Austin or Jude.” No one could miss the blush that streaked across Izzy’s face at the mention of his name.

  “How come you two haven’t dated yet?” I blurted out.

  Jack chortled. “Hooo! You just get straight to the point, don’t you?”

  “I mean, considering I’ve been wondering about that for months now, I wouldn’t say straight to the point…”

  Sadness wilted his smile. “Has it been that long? I really need to get out more.”

  “Is it that obvious I have feelings for Jude?” Izzy looked like she was trying to disappear through the floor as her voice lowered to a harsh whisper.

  “Izzy,” I said as I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “With all due respect, you blush and giggle every time his name comes up.”

  Jack bobbed his head. “And you’re never alone with him, or you weren’t before I stopped being able to leave my house.”

  Izzy rolled her eyes. “Because if I was alone with him, I’d jump his bones.”

  “I knew it!” I slapped a hand to the table.

  “But he doesn’t.” She put her hand on mine. “And I’d like to keep it that way. Nothing good will come of Jude and me together. Not one thing.”

  The thought of Jude and Izzy in a relationship had me shaking my head. His irreverent assholery combined with her good-natured workaholic self? Sparks would fly and I wasn’t sure it would be in a good way. Maybe it was for the best that she kept her feelings for him a secret. Well, if you could consider what she’d been doing keeping things secret, since everyone but Jude seemed to know how hard she was crushing on the man.

  Speaking of severe crushes…

  I glanced toward the door. When that area of the bar proved Alex-less, I expanded my search to the rest of the tables. Maybe he’d been here for hours and we’d missed each other.

  Somehow.

  Izzy patted my hand. “He’ll be here. He will.”

  Though, her smile was less sure. Her forehead pinched. Her eyes…worried.

  I sighed and promised myself I wouldn’t look at the door again. After all, my invitation came with the caveat that he might not be able to pull himself away from work. He only needed a week and a half of concerted effort to finish the draft and everything would go back to normal.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Evie

  Alex didn’t show up at Cheers ‘n Beers. He didn’t text an apology. Or an explanation. I even threw open my bedroom curtains and flicked on the light the second I got home, hoping I’d catch his attention. The windows in his house were dark, save the office. I stared for five minutes, willing him to notice I was home. To reach out. Anything to let me know he’d noticed me at all.

  Nothing.

  I collapsed onto the bed next to a sleeping Larry. The jostle and bounce of the mattress had his head lifting and his bright green eyes blinking open. He stretched and yawned, then stood to bump his head against my cheek. “At least someone remembers I exist,” I murmured as his purrbox engaged.

  That wasn’t fair.

  Alex’s deadline was just a few days away and if his publisher decided to drop him over this book, it could ruin his career.

  Though, he was the Alexander Prescott. If this publisher dropped him, there would be a line of houses willing to pick him up in a heartbeat. In a world that didn’t have time to read anymore, Alex sold books and that meant something.

  “But that doesn’t mean he should just let that deadline go by. It’s not the way he’s wired.” I scratched behind Larry’s ears. “We just have to be patient a few more days. Just a few more days and the book will be off to his editor and things will go back to the way they used to be.”

  But somehow, Alex’s absence at the bar felt significant. Maybe it was the fact he’d never gone a day without talking to me since I’d arrived. Maybe it was my unanswered text. Maybe it was because he’d made such a big deal about knowing everything about me, but had kept the story of his mother’s attempted suicide to himself. Whatever it was, something felt wrong.

  With those thoughts for company, I petered around the house, taking my time as I got ready for bed, hoping beyond hope Alex would reach out. An hour passed before I finally texted him.

  Missed you tonight. Hope you got all the words.

  Half an hour plodded by before I got a reply.

  Words are happening. Sleep well.

  Nothing was wrong with his text, yet everything was wrong about it. This wasn’t the way Alex and I talked. He always had a joke for me. Or a kind word. Or at least an “I missed you, too.”

  Unless he was really lost in the story…

  I growled and punched a pillow. It felt so good I punched it again. And again. Then fell to the bed, laughing at myself as Larry pranced over to investigate. “I’m driving myself crazy,” I said to the ceiling, then curled up in bed and waited for sleep.

  The next morning, I bounded downstairs, excited to finally see Alex face to face. Everything was easier in the light of day, with him in front of me. When I could see his facial expressions and hear his tone
of voice. I was sure my fears would dissipate the second he showed up to drop off his new pages. We’d have our morning conversation over coffee, and all would be right with the world.

  When his knock sounded, I all but ran to greet him, thankful once again for the non-slip grippers on my socks. I flung open the door to a brilliant, snow-covered morning, and blinked in the brightness. Alex held a bouquet of flowers in one hand, and I grabbed the strap to his messenger bag and pulled him inside. “Good morning, handsome.”

  It might have been my imagination, but I had to pull harder than I would have thought, for a man about to get some serious lip action.

  He smiled as I closed the door and gave the flowers a wiggle. “I can’t stay. I just wanted to drop off last night’s pages before I swing by and give these to Mom.”

  Oh.

  The flowers weren’t for me.

  I stepped back, embarrassed. “Do you have time for coffee?”

  “I really don’t. Gonna go see her, then get back to work. If I’m diligent, I’ll have this thing done tomorrow. Just in time.” Alex’s eyes were everywhere but on mine. My intuition screamed something was wrong, while my rational mind continued to preach he was extremely busy and everything would be okay in a few days.

  “Okay then,” I said as he fished in his bag for the manuscript. “I’ll shoot you a text when I’ve been through these?”

  “Sounds like a plan.” As he handed them over, his fingers snaked into my hair. His lips pressed to mine and all was right in the world.

  There was no faking the heat I felt in his kiss.

  No pretending there wasn’t emotion coursing between us.

  No worrying that what I felt wasn’t real, or that he didn’t feel it, too.

  His kiss said everything I needed to hear, and for half a second relief flooded my senses.

  But then Alex pulled away and his eyes were distant and his goodbye was strange and as the door closed between us, I worried that nothing would be the same again.