White Sand, Blue Sea

by Anita Hughes

  She was still furious at Finn for disappearing but she knew he was hurt. And Sebastian wouldn’t have left unless he was miserable.

  “You’re very quiet.” Felix maneuvered around a curve. “You can’t blame yourself for Sebastian leaving.”

  “He came all the way to St. Barts and didn’t feel welcome,” Olivia said. “He’s my father, I should have put him before anything.”

  “Your mother would strongly disagree.” Felix tried to smile.

  “She thinks Sebastian only worries about himself, but she’s wrong,” she insisted. “Sebastian wouldn’t have gone if he wasn’t trying to protect me.”

  “Do you remember when I used to take you to Tamarin for lunch every year on your birthday?” Felix asked. “We’d leave Hadley at the villa and drive to Saline Beach. The first time we walked through the gate and saw the lush palm fronds and lily pads, you thought we entered a magical kingdom.”

  “I always hurried with dessert because I wanted to climb the tamarind tree,” Olivia laughed. “It’s over a hundred years old and the biggest on the island.”

  “Why don’t we go now? I’m sure I can get a table and they serve a delicious lobster salad.”

  Olivia hesitated. “Won’t Hadley be upset if we don’t come back for dinner?”

  Felix squeezed Olivia’s hand. “I’m sure she’ll understand.”

  * * *

  The gravel walkway was lit with colored lights and flickering torches. There were wooden bridges and a turquoise parrot in a silver cage. Olivia glanced at elegant couples reclining against lime-green cushions and felt warm and happy.

  “This was a wonderful idea.” She slipped into a booth on the teak deck. The wood table was set with enamel china and gleaming silverware. There were beige linen napkins and a vase filled with daffodils.

  “Your mother and I used to eat lunch here years ago and they held a fashion show between the tables,” Felix recalled, eating a jumbo prawn. “The husbands were terrified their wives would add a Hermès scarf or Diane von Furstenberg wrap to their bill.”

  “I adore St. Barts and I’m grateful it is our home. But is it so terrible to want to see other places?” Olivia fiddled with her fork. “Hadley blames Sebastian but maybe he has a point. If I don’t see the world now, when will I?”

  “You’re barely twenty-five,” Felix said. “You could travel later with Finn.”

  “Finn is so busy at the law firm, it will be years before we take a long vacation.” She paused. “Sebastian wanted to show me everything and it would have been the greatest adventure.”

  “When your mother and I got married, she didn’t let me celebrate her birthday. She said for a child, the birthday was the most important day of the year and she didn’t want to spoil it,” he began. “I disagreed but then I saw how much you enjoyed your day: eating Esther’s strawberry pancakes for breakfast and wearing a new dress at dinner. Hadley watched you blow out the candles, and she never looked so radiant. Sometimes you don’t agree with your partner, but you still do what she asks.”

  “Are you saying I shouldn’t have suggested going with Sebastian?” Olivia looked up.

  “You have to be willing to listen to each other,” Felix mused. “That’s what marriage is all about.”

  They ate crab cream soup and veal with sweetbreads. Olivia sipped a cold chardonnay and suddenly missed Finn with a physical ache.

  “I do love Finn but I don’t want to hurt Sebastian’s feelings,” Olivia said, when the waiter replaced the plates with chocolate fondant in a raspberry sauce. “If I write to Sebastian and tell him I can’t go away, he’ll wonder why I changed my mind.”

  “Have I ever told you I tried to adopt you? You were ten years old and we hadn’t heard from Sebastian in ages.” Felix sipped his cognac. “Three days after my attorney sent a letter, I received a telegram from Sebastian that it was out of the question. I was never so happy to read a piece of yellow paper.”

  “You were happy he wouldn’t let you adopt me?”

  “Sebastian may have been absent but he loved you more than anything,” he explained. “You have to put Finn first, Sebastian will understand.”

  “Do you think so?” Olivia’s eyes were bright.

  “We may be different but we have one thing in common.” He nodded. “We love you and want you to be happy.”

  Olivia let out her breath and suddenly the night sky was a deeper shade of black and the stars sparkled like diamonds.

  “I’m so lucky.” She kissed him on the cheek. “I have two wonderful fathers.”

  * * *

  After dinner they strolled through the lush gardens with their tropical birds and bright pelicans. There were pink flamingos and giant lizards and leathery turtles.

  “I know where Finn is.” She suddenly turned to Felix. “Could you drive me to Grand Cul de Sac?”

  “What are you going to do at the beach in the dark?” Felix frowned.

  “You’ll see.” Olivia strode toward the car. “It’s terribly important.”

  * * *

  Olivia glanced at Finn’s yellow Mini Cooper and slipped off her sandals. The cove was flanked by sharp cliffs and tall palm trees. She ran down the craggy path and tried to stop her heart from pounding.

  They had spent many lazy afternoons snorkeling in the green water and admiring the neon-colored fish. But now the ocean was gray and a cool breeze touched her shoulders. She saw Finn crouched on the sand and caught her breath.

  “What are you doing here?” Finn stood. His cheeks were pale and there were deep lines on his forehead.

  “Felix dropped me off,” she said. “We went to the airport to find Sebastian. He’s gone.”

  “Sebastian left St. Barts?”

  “He thought he caused too much trouble,” she said and her eyes filled with tears. “He wanted to leave before things got worse.”

  “If you came to blame me, I’m sorry your father didn’t feel welcome.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “That’s not why I’m here,” Olivia answered. “I came to feed the sea turtles.”

  “You did what?”

  “Do you remember the first time we visited St. Barts? We swam at Grand Cul de Sac and spread our towels on the sand. We both fell asleep and woke up to something nibbling our toes. I was terrified until we realized it was a couple of sea turtles.

  “We named them Antony and Cleopatra and fed them orange slices and bits of vegetables. We visited them every day and they seemed so content with their thick shells baking in the sun.

  “I’d rather stay in this cove with you than be anywhere else,” she said. “I adored having Sebastian here, he is my father. But I love you and want to spend the rest of our lives together.”

  Finn drew her in his arms and kissed her. She kissed him back and her heart swelled. She was right where she belonged and they were in love.

  Finn reached into his pocket and pulled out the black velvet jewelry box.

  “I need to do this again. I forgot the most important part.” He dropped to his knee. “I didn’t put the ring on your finger.”

  “You can do it now,” she whispered.

  Finn slipped the ring on her finger and stood up. He kissed her and she wrapped her arms around him. Her nerves tingled and her whole body was on fire.

  He picked her up and carried her across the beach. The sky was full of stars and the sand was soft as butter. There was a cluster of palm trees and the lights of St. Jean twinkled in the distance.

  “Finn! What are you doing?” she asked when he put her down.

  “I’m going to make love to my new fiancée,” he whispered, unzipping her dress. His hands slid between her thighs and she felt moist and dizzy.

  “God, I want you,” she murmured, clinging to his shoulders.

  He leaned down and kissed her between her legs. The small ache became an incredible longing and a delicious wetness formed inside her.

  “I love you,” Finn whispered.r />
  He stripped off his shirt and laid it on the sand. He pulled her down and stroked her nipples. Her body arched and she couldn’t wait any longer.

  She opened her legs and drew him inside her. The waves lapped against the shore and she wanted it to last forever. Then Finn pulled her arms over her head and it became unbearable. Finn cried out and everything disappeared and all that was left was one glorious sensation.

  Olivia lay on the white sand and waited until her breathing ebbed. Sand clung to her hair and she never felt so happy.

  “I’ve missed this so much,” Finn groaned, resting on his elbow.

  “We can share a bedroom now that we’re engaged,” Olivia suggested. “Felix and Hadley would understand.”

  “Certainly not,” he said and smiled. “Our daughter isn’t sleeping in the same room with a guy until they exchange wedding vows.”

  “You’re going to be a strict father,” Olivia laughed.

  Finn sat up and ran his hands through his hair. His chest was slick and his muscles gleamed in the moonlight.

  “I thought about it all day and I understand why Sebastian came to St. Barts. I can’t imagine what love is like between a father and daughter.”

  “But you were so angry at him,” Olivia started.

  “I had to fight for you.” His blue eyes dimmed. “You’re the most important thing and I can’t live without you.”

  Olivia touched her lips to his and felt young and vital.

  “I know what you mean.” She nodded. “You’re everything I want.”

  * * *

  Olivia sat in the passenger seat of the yellow Mini Cooper and gazed out the window. Finn had gone into the market to buy hot coffee and fresh fruit and hard cheese.

  It had been glorious making love on the beach and it was wonderful to stop arguing. She admired the emerald-cut diamond ring and felt light and happy.

  But then she pictured Sebastian in his straw hat and silk shirt and a lump formed in her throat. A small plane flew overhead and she wondered if he was on it. He couldn’t leave without saying goodbye; that was worse than anything.

  She thought of everything they had done in the last couple of days: drunk rhum vanille at the Pipiri Palace and gone scuba diving at Pain du Sucre and eaten lunch at Sand Bar. Could she let him disappear when she’d waited so long for him to arrive?

  And what about all the places he’d promised to show her: tea plantations in Tibet and caves in Micronesia and jungles in Africa? But if she wrote to him, Finn would be furious. And what were a few weeks of adventure when what she needed was a lifetime of memories.

  She made her decision and would have to live with it. The car door opened and Finn slid into the driver’s seat. He handed her a paper cup and kissed her.

  “You’re shivering, are you all right?” he asked.

  She inhaled the scent of sand and sex and dark coffee and bit her lip.

  “I’m perfect,” she said and sipped her drink. “I’m just excited that tomorrow is my birthday.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  HADLEY ENTERED THE LIVING ROOM and walked to the marble bar. She didn’t feel like polishing silverware or arranging flowers in a crystal vase. She needed a large vodka.

  Every time Sebastian did something—insist he stay in the guest room, invite Olivia and Finn to Costa Rica, convince Olivia to spend the summer with him—she thought it couldn’t get worse. But nothing was as bad as leaving a note and disappearing. Whatever harm he caused by staying was nothing compared to how Olivia would feel if he deserted her again.

  Then she pictured the way he looked at Olivia and something softened inside her. Could Sebastian have finally grown up and be acting selflessly?

  Olivia and Finn would make up now that he was gone. And she and Felix could spend a quiet evening alone. They would drink Tia Maria in the library and talk about everything bottled up inside her: why they weren’t sharing a bedroom and how the duplex was so quiet at night she could hear her own heartbeat.

  She filled a glass with Absolut and sat on the silk sofa. Maybe it was good that Sebastian had been in St. Barts. He was like an antibiotic that doesn’t seem to do anything at all. It is only a few days later when your skin is clear and your fever is gone that you realize it worked perfectly.

  Olivia and Finn had to learn how to have a disagreement. And she must talk to Felix. There was nothing more important than communication in a marriage. She sipped her drink and remembered when she and Felix were first together. She and Olivia were the most important people in Felix’s life and he would do anything to protect them.

  “It is breathtaking.” Hadley had peered out the window of Felix’s Mercedes. The house had white columns and a stone porch and gray slate roof. There was a fountain and green lawns rolling down to the river.

  Felix’s parents had invited them to their estate on the Hudson River. Hadley thought about everything Felix had told her: that his mother insisted everyone dress for dinner and there were three sizes of salad forks. She hadn’t been so frightened since she’d walked into a spiderweb in Vietnam.

  “I’ve always loved the house.” Felix reached over and squeezed her hand. “When we were children we used to pick apples in the orchard and skate in the ballroom.”

  “Can I skate in the ballroom?” Olivia asked, pressing her face against the glass. She wore a striped smock and her blond hair was knotted in a pigtail.

  “I’ll take you,” Felix said and smiled. “Though don’t tell my mother. She thought we were practicing our dancing.”

  Hadley waited for Felix to open the passenger door and gulped. It was late summer and she and Felix had been dating for three months. For the first time since Sebastian left, she didn’t have a weight on her shoulders. But he described his mother, Carolyn, as a cross between Babe Paley and Eleanor Roosevelt and Hadley was terrified.

  “There you are.” A tall woman stood on the porch. She wore a crepe dress and leather pumps. Diamond earrings dangled in her ears and a gold Chopard watch adorned her wrist.

  “You must be Hadley,” she said and turned to Felix. “I understand what you see. She is quite beautiful.”

  “Hadley is standing right here.” Felix flushed. “And this is her daughter, Olivia.”

  “Olivia, it’s nice to meet you.” She held out her hand.

  “My mother bought me new sandals.” Olivia twisted her hair ribbon. “I’m going to wear them to dinner.”

  Carolyn patted her hair and smiled. “I would love to see them another time. We don’t wear sandals in the dining room.”

  * * *

  “I’m surprised she didn’t check my teeth to see if I’m suitable for breeding.” Hadley placed her overnight bag on the dresser. Her room had a canopied bed and a chintz armchair and a balcony overlooking the river.

  “My mother is like most well-bred New Yorkers: her bark is worse than her bite.” Felix kissed her. “Wait until she discovers your warmth and kindness. She’ll fall in love with you like I did.”

  Hadley inhaled his musk aftershave and sighed. Felix was never afraid to say he loved her and when they were together she felt perfectly safe.

  “If she sees us kissing, she’ll put me on the first train to Grand Central Station.” She pulled away. “I’m going to make sure Olivia is settled. Her bedroom is bigger than our apartment.”

  “I’ll meet you at dinner.” Felix walked to the door. “And don’t let her intimidate you. You could wear a cotton dress and belong at the table.”

  * * *

  Hadley glanced around the dining room at the high-back velvet chairs and crystal chandeliers and the signed Degas on the wall. Damask curtains covered French doors and a cherry sideboard was set with gold candelabras.

  She wore a black Donna Karan dress she’d bought at a Bloomingdale’s sale but still felt underdressed. Carolyn wore a red hostess gown and ruby earrings. Felix’s father sat at one end of the long mahogany table and Olivia fiddled with her hair ribbon.

  “Felix told me you grew up in
Connecticut,” Carolyn said, eating potatoes au gratin. There were platters of baked venison and summer squash. A silver tureen held asparagus soup and there was a basket of baguettes.

  “I went to Miss Porter’s School.” Hadley nodded, hoping Olivia’s soup wouldn’t end up in her lap.

  “That’s an excellent school.” Carolyn beamed. “Close friends of ours sent their daughters there. Perhaps you know them.”

  “We lived on campus. My father is a history teacher and my mother works in the library,” Hadley continued. “It was a magical place to grow up.”

  “I see.” Carolyn turned pale as if the cream in the soup was slightly off. “You probably moved in different circles. You wouldn’t know them after all.”

  “Hadley works at an art gallery in Chelsea,” Felix cut in. “She’s very knowledgeable about modern art.”

  “I love what I do.” Hadley flushed. “There’s nothing more exciting than pairing a collector with the right piece.”

  “My father is an artist, his name is Sebastian Miller,” Olivia announced. “He sent me this necklace for my birthday.”

  “It’s lovely, you’re a lucky young lady.” Carolyn admired the bead necklace.

  “He doesn’t live with us anymore,” Olivia explained. “He and my mother are divorced.”

  Carolyn put down her fork and smoothed her hair. “We don’t talk about divorce at dinner.”

  “When do we talk about it?” Olivia asked.

  Carolyn sipped her wine and frowned. “We don’t talk about it at all.”

  * * *

  “I’m sorry for the way my mother behaved,” Felix said when they were sitting on the back porch. His parents had gone to visit friends and Olivia was looking at a storybook in her bedroom. “She means well, she’s just led an insular life.”

  “She was protecting her son.” Hadley smiled. “When Olivia is older, I’ll inspect every boyfriend like an army general.”

  “I want to ask you something,” he said, taking her hand.