Caught in the Aftermath

by Jami Gray

  He drew back and stared into her eyes. ‘My turn.’

  Still trying to process their change in positions and the fact she was now blissfully straddling him, she blinked, his words not quite making sense.

  ‘Arms up, babe.’

  This time she managed to dazedly follow his directions as he whipped her shirt up and over her head, before making quick work of her bra and leaving her naked to the waist.

  Math’s hands came up and cupped her breasts, his thumbs brushing the tips bringing them to aching points. ‘Fucking beautiful.’

  His words slipped through and sank deep, but the feel of his calloused palms against her sensitive flesh dominated, arching her spine. It pebbled her skin and made her squirm. Under her, his cock jerked. Oh, this will be fun. She leaned forward, braced her hands on his chest and shifted her hips until she cradled his hard length where she wanted it most. She wasn’t the only one happy with the new position.

  ‘That’s it, babe.’ Math’s face darkened and his clever fingers devastated her. First trailing down the slope of her aching breasts, then slowly circling back to the crest where her nipples throbbed. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘Suck them.’ It was both a demand and a plea. She couldn’t tear her gaze away as he cupped her breasts, lifting them to his mouth. When he curled his tongue over one aching tip and suckled, she nearly sobbed. ‘More.’ He took his time, lavishing her breasts before he stopped playing and got serious. Her hands flew to his hair and held him close as he used his hands and mouth to torment her until she was undulating against him. Her enjoyment was cut short when he pulled back. ‘Don’t stop.’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry.’ His hands slid down her torso and went to her jeans, making quick work of the button. ‘Get these off.’ He curled up, forcing her to lean back, and laid a trail of open mouth kisses down her stomach as he tugged them down.

  ‘You too.’ Order given, she didn’t waste time, using his shoulders to rise to her knees and shift to the side. In under a minute she got rid of her boots and pants. She came back to find him gloriously, wonderfully naked. The picture he presented hit all her buttons. Lost in a needy haze, she wrapped her hand around his erection and slowly stroked. He arched into her touch, head thrown back, eyes closed, the muscles in his torso locked, his hand clutching at the blanket under them. She leaned over and without teasing, took him deep, relishing the taste of him. He was thick, hot and hard, a mix of salt and spice she found addicting. She lost track of how long he let her play before he stopped her with a hand in her hair.

  ‘Enough, babe, don’t want to go without you.’

  Giving him one last, luxurious lick, she let him go. ‘You better have a condom.’

  He twisted away, snagged his pants, dug around and came back with one. ‘All yours.’

  Grinning, she took it and teased them both unrolling it over his thick length. Once he was covered, she went to reclaim her previous position only to stop when he used her hair to bring her mouth to his for an incinerating kiss. When he finally let her up for air, she was on her back, legs spread. He settled between them, cock in hand, as he dragged the turgid tip through her slick wetness. There was something darkly erotic about watching him tease them both. Her hands curled into his shoulders as the relentless ache spiralled out of control. ‘Math, please!’

  He stopped his torment and leaned over her. ‘Tell me what you want, Vex.’

  Undaunted she met his gaze. ‘I want you to fuck me, dammit.’

  ‘As you wish.’ His grin was fierce and her back arched as he did as ordered. The thick heat of him drove through her tight channel. As he began to move she wrapped her legs around his waist, digging her heels into his ass, rising to meet him. He set a fast, hard pace, driving her far beyond anything she’d ever experienced before. Curled into the mix of fear and anticipation was an unexpected depth of intimacy. Instead of shoving it away, she embraced it and the man in her arms. It didn’t matter if it didn’t last. Right now, it filled the empty spaces inside her. Spaces that had been empty for too long.

  His hands cradled her hips, shifting her until he was riding her with an exquisite intensity. Everything inside her tightened as together they raced towards the firestorm tearing through flesh and bone. Her cries were echoed by his as they hit the peak and for one infinite moment her world crystalised.

  When it shattered, they fell over the edge together.

  Chapter 15

  Math laid on his back, staring unseeing into the dark, his body sated, his mind churning. Overhead shadows from the barrel fires in the street danced across the pitted ceiling, but the earlier clamour was nothing more than an occasional burst of faint noise. Vex slept, cradled against his chest, the whisper of her breath warm against his skin. He ran his hand softly through the tangled silk of her hair and tried to figure out what the hell just happened.

  What started as a way to ease the near-constant ache in his dick had shifted into a mind-blowing experience. The first time he could excuse on taking the edge off, but the second time? When they slowed things down and took their time? When her smile made him feel ten fucking feet tall and her touch left him craving more? When holding her, pleasuring her, fed something he long thought dead? Mind fucking blown. Considering the depth of history he had for comparison, that was saying something. Not that he was complaining, but he couldn’t shake the sensation that she somehow managed to crawl under his skin deeper than he intended. Especially since his normal, steady control was shot to hell the minute she ignited his desire.

  ‘Fuck.’ His whispered oath barely ruffled the quiet. When Vex shifted restlessly against him, he murmured, ‘Shhh …’ hoping she’d get a few more minutes of much-needed sleep. Hell, he wished he could do the same, but instead of enjoying the post-orgasmic bliss, his head chose to pick through this. She settled. He returned to the turmoil in his head.

  Why was this different? He enjoyed women. Yet none before tempted him to move beyond a good time between the sheets. Vex did. Straight up, he liked her. She presented a curious puzzle—stubbornly loyal, fiercely independent, lethally competent—but under it all, there was something fragile. Not that he would ever say that to her, she’d claw his eyes out. Most would never see it, but during the rare moments when she interacted with the motley group she considered her family, he had.

  Those tantalising glimpses left him fighting an urge to protect and keep her out of the line of fire. Which he knew was stupid. Vex could more than take care of herself, and had been doing so long before they met. Yet, he couldn’t shake the inclination off, which messed with his head.

  And that pissed him off.

  His focus needed to be on Cam, not on whatever this was, because until Cam was safe he couldn’t dedicate the time to untangle the mess that was him and Vex. And after Cam? There was still Greer to deal with. No matter what Vex could offer him, he wasn’t letting Greer slip through his fingers. Grimly resolved, he closed his eyes determined to sleep. He was drifting off, when Vex stirred and a low moan drifted through the room. There was nothing sexy in the sound. It was guttural and rough. His arm tightened, holding her close. ‘Vex?’

  Still caught in her nightmare, she began to struggle in earnest. ‘No! Don’t!’

  He managed to duck a flailing fist and wrapped his arms around her, locking her arms against her sides. Her hair whipped across his face, the beaded ends leaving a stinging bite in their wake. He lifted his chin to avoid the brutal jerk of her head, but she still managed to graze his chin hard enough for his teeth to knock together. He tightened his hold, trapping her restless legs. ‘Vex, babe. Wake up!’

  Her nails raked along his arm. He hissed, squeezed, and rolled her face down into the pallet, coming over her like a naked, weighty blanket. Trapped under him, she managed to turn her face to the side and snarl. Dangerous though it was, he put his mouth next to her ear and kept his voice hard, hoping to cut through her demons. ‘Dammit, Vex! It’s me! Stop it!’

  She stilled with an abrupt suddenness. He didn
’t make the mistake of relaxing, instead he said, ‘You with me?’

  With nothing but skin between them, he felt the shudder run through her but her stiff body didn’t relax. ‘Yeah.’ It came out hoarse. ‘I’m here.’

  He carefully released her, cautiously loosening his arms until he could push up and shift to the side. She remained still on her stomach, her arms curled close. He brushed a hand down her spine, keeping his touch soothing. He gave her time. It wasn’t a hardship, despite a few scars, her back was long and sleek, curving up into a mouthwatering ass. Little by little, her stiffness melted. He kept stroking. ‘Can you tell me?’

  When she didn’t answer, he figured she wasn’t planning to. Not surprised, he sighed.

  ‘Her name was Marnie.’ Vex’s voice was soft, but he didn’t miss it. ‘Met her in Portland when Ruin and I joined Rally’s crew. Never clicked with anyone like I did with her.’ Under his hand, her shoulders shifted as if shrugging off water. ‘Ruin swore it was because we were the only females on the crew. That might be how it started, but it became more.’ Her voice softened. ‘She was so fucking sweet, the kind of person who just made everyone smile when she hit a room. I have no idea how she managed to survive out there. The streets will rip you apart, laughing the whole damn time. But Marnie, she …’ Vex trailed off.

  There was something in her voice, in the way she picked through her words, as if this was the first time she gave them voice. So he waited.

  A few heartbeats passed before she picked back up. ‘For the first year or so, Rally treated both of us like one of the guys. We ran our cons, picked our way through pockets like water, did our drops, just like the others. Most of the time, unless it was a con involving a female part, we were just one of the guys. The status quo worked for us. The last thing either of us wanted was to be seen as different. Unfortunately, our bodies decided differently, screwing those plans to hell.’

  Math kept his breathing even, determined not to react and shut her down. It wasn’t hard for young girls to pass as boys on the street. Hell, it was one of the safest plays they had. Some of the Strix had grown up in the same environment, so he had an ugly suspicion of where Vex’s story was going. Under his hand a fine tremor of tension ran along her spine.

  When she spoke, her voice was an emotionless void. ‘It didn’t take long for Rally to decide to put Marnie and I to work another way.’

  His hand froze mid-motion, and it took considerable effort to force it back into motion.

  Not fast enough because she braced an arm and twisted her head to look over her shoulder. With the shadows he couldn’t read her face, but faint humour broke through when she explained, ‘Bait, Math. He used us as bait, not whores.’

  Was there a difference? Bait meant the girls were in as much, if not more, danger. At least whores kept their promise. But bait—well, bait lured you in, kicked you in the balls, and took whatever you had, including dignity. Victims got angry, and sometimes, they got even. He’d witnessed it too many times to count. Girls went in, got close to their mark and turned over information to their crew, did the rest. Risky as fuck and generally the bait paid the price. ‘Some can’t see the difference, babe.’

  She looked away, folded her arms under her head and resettled. ‘Know that better than you.’

  In silent apology he tucked her hair to the side, leaned in, and pressed a kiss to the exposed spot on the back of her neck. ‘Can’t see Ruin standing by and letting that happen.’

  ‘He didn’t. Rally waited until Ruin was gone, running another assignment.’

  The more he learned of Rally, the more Math wanted to meet him. Granted, only one of them would walk away. Fighting back his dark reactions, he rested his forehead against the back of her head. ‘What happened?’

  She sighed softly. ‘He sent Marnie and I out to this rival crew that was encroaching on his territory. He figured he’d send us in, let us do our thing, and then take care of the problem.’ She stopped.

  With their legs tangled, his chest along her side, and her head tucked under his chin, he didn’t miss the tremors crawling through her. Hard though it was, he kept his voice soft and level. ‘It didn’t go as planned.’

  ‘No, it didn’t.’ Her answer came out choked. She shifted to her side, drawing her legs up.

  Watching her pull away hurt. That newfound urge to protect rushed in and he curled along her back, wrapping one arm around her waist and laying his cheek against her hair. A protective move that was probably years too late.

  She laced her fingers through his and held tight. ‘I don’t know what we did that gave us away, but they made us. They decided to teach Rally a lesson, so they beat the shit out of us, then dumped us back at Rally’s doorstep. Ruin found us first. I don’t remember much, but Marnie was in worse shape than me. He tried, but she didn’t make it through the next day.’

  He closed his eyes, fury coursing through him at the image her words painted. He couldn’t escape the careful indifference in her voice. It screamed there was more, so fucking much more, to it. He prayed he was wrong, but the sick pit in his gut churned. Maybe it wasn’t his place, but he’d be damned if he would be the one to stop her from this emotional lancing. God knew how long it had festered. ‘Did they rape you, babe?’

  Her nod was a long time coming.

  It made him wonder. ‘Does Ruin know?’

  ‘No.’ So much pain in her one-word answer.

  He held on. ‘Why?’

  Her grip on his hand tightened as if she needed the anchor. ‘After Marnie died, Ruin went after Rally.’

  ‘Not surprised.’

  The pressure on his fingers flexed, easing back a notch. ‘It was bad.’

  He’d be sure to buy Ruin a brew next time he saw him. ‘Did he kill him?’

  ‘No, some of the crew pulled him off Rally before it went too far.’

  ‘Too fucking bad.’ If the dickless wonder still drew breath, it wasn’t far enough.

  ‘Rally never forgot and made sure both of us paid for it. We got the suicide missions. It’s how we ran into Havoc and Reaper.’ Her fingers uncurled and began stroking his hand. ‘It took Ruin a long time to stop blaming himself. I had—have—no intention of ever adding to it. What happened to me, to Marnie, that wasn’t on Ruin.’

  With her answer he realised he wasn’t the only one with a warped need to protect someone in the wrong way. What a mess. Math couldn’t decide if he wanted to shake her or hug her. ‘No, it was on the assholes who hurt you.’

  ‘Yeah, I know.’

  Despite her words, something in her voice made him wonder. ‘Do you?’

  Instead of repeating her answer, she took her time. ‘Logically, I get it.’

  ‘But?’

  ‘Hindsight’s a massive bitch. Hard not to wonder if I’d made a different decision—told Rally to fuck off, waited for Ruin, forced Marnie to run when I knew it was turning ugly, fought harder, something, fucking anything—maybe she’d still be here.’ So much guilt and recrimination lay in her voice, it hurt him to hear it.

  Needing to see her face, he shifted until he could get her to roll to her back. Her hands went to his chest as he came back over her. He braced most of his weight on one hand and used the other to cradle her face. Under the faint light from the window, he could see the mix of anger, shame and guilt clouding her face. It was not an expression that fit Vex, and it actually stung to see it. His voice was quiet, but he didn’t bother hiding the steel underneath. ‘What happened to you, to Marnie, is not on you, Vex.’ Her gaze rose to his, the normal warm amber dark. He held it, wanting—needing her to hear him. ‘I can’t tell you I get it. I don’t. I can’t understand what drives a ball-less bastard to violently steal what should be given. What I can tell you, what I believe beyond any doubt, is that nothing you did or said caused this. Be angry, be pissed, you have every right, but don’t you dare lower your head in shame. Your choice was taken, and you did the only thing you could—you survived.’

  Her nails bit into his
chest as tears shimmered. Her throat worked, and a tortured admission finally escaped. ‘Maybe I could’ve saved her.’

  When one tear slipped free, he used his thumb to brush it away. ‘How?’ Her lashes came down as she dropped her gaze. Not willing to let her get away with it, he nudged her chin up. ‘How?’

  She licked her lips. ‘I don’t know, but—’

  ‘Stop, Vex.’ His reprimand was harsh. ‘You know sometimes there’s nothing you can do. Sounds like the situation was fucked from the get-go. That you survived is a damn miracle, that Marnie didn’t is a fucking shame, but that is not on you.’ Maybe if he said it enough, she’d hear.

  Her face crumpled just before she buried it against his chest. He wrapped an arm around her, rolled to his back and cradled her against his chest. He held on as shudders wracked her body and hot tears soaked his chest. The intensity of it confirmed his suspicion that this was the first time she truly faced the fallout. It took a bit for the storm to pass. When some semblance of calm returned, she lay quiet in his arms, her back rising and falling broken only by the occasional stutter.

  Finally she lifted her head, her hand coming up to stroke his stubble-covered jaw. ‘Thanks.’ The spent emotional storm left her voice husky.

  He searched her face, pleased to see the heavy shadow of guilt and shame had drifted away. Not gone completely, but moving out. The edges of grief lingered. ‘You going to be okay?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Gotta know, am I the first one you told?’

  Her gaze dropped to where her fingers drifted against his face before she gave another nod.

  Her admission boggled his mind and something in his chest went tight and warm. He had no idea why she chose to share with him, but it humbled him. ‘Honored, babe. And glad you shared.’ He gave her a gentle squeeze, waiting until her gaze came back to his. ‘Since you’re in a sharing mood, can you answer one more?’

  Her hand left his face as she took a big breath and let it out. When she was done, she stacked her hands on his chest and put her chin on top. ‘Shoot.’