Living with Embers: (Son of Rain #4)

by Michelle Irwin

  “About what?”

  “That my mother is . . . fae?” The word tasted odd in my mouth. “I mean, Dad wouldn’t . . . he couldn’t . . .” I couldn’t even say the words.

  How could my mother possibly be fae when Dad hated them so much?

  Evie tittered.

  “What?” I asked as I fought a responding smile. I could listen to her laugh all day.

  “That’s almost the exact thing you said when you first found out about your mom.”

  “Found out? You mean she’s fae, and I didn’t always know?” Like everything else lately, the more the conversation progressed, the more confusing things became. Having Evie around to guide me through it wasn’t entirely terrible though. For all her assertions that there were things I hadn’t let her know about, she had a wealth of knowledge and shared it in a way that didn’t leave me feeling like an idiot—or a pawn.

  “No. See, your father has always had a strong distaste for the fae. I think being with your mother and finding out Louise was a fae as well broke what little grip he had on sanity.”

  I clenched my jaw as she insulted my father again. For all the trust I was giving her, and the way she made me feel, I couldn’t listen to her talk him down. He might have made some mistakes, but he was still my dad. I would’ve thought she’d respect that at least.

  She must have caught my irritation because she started to backtrack. “What I mean is that, from the moment he learned the truth about Fiona, your mother, he’s been battling to destroy the fae parts of you all. Especially Louise’s.”

  I pictured the scars on my sister’s arms and the words she’d said to me. Once more, everything Evie said fit into the bigger picture far more than what Dad had told me.

  “Okay.” I tried to stay calm as I thought of my next question. “So if Mom is the queen, and Louise is her daughter, where does Mackenzie fit in to it?”

  “She’s her daughter too.”

  “I have another sister?” It made sense when I pictured how similar the two were in appearance, but there were definitely only three kids in all the photos. “Dad never mentioned that.”

  Evie wrung her hands together in her lap. “That doesn’t surprise me. He’s hardly going to tell you about a full-fae half-sister. After all, he didn’t want to acknowledge your heritage and went to lengths to hide that. Why would he spoil that effort by spilling that information?”

  I stared at my hands and the light surrounding them as I considered her words. “Is that why . . .?” I held up my fingers, hoping she’d guess at my meaning.

  She gave me a rueful smile as she indicated that it was.

  “I really am sorry I used it as a reason to attack you. Dad told me it was proof of your control.”

  She laughed, but there was a dark edge to the sound. “Like I said before, he probably believes that it is in some twisted way.”

  Tilting my head in confusion, I waited for her to explain.

  “It’s just that he sees me as the reason for all his problems. You fell in love with me and fought like hell to keep me safe from your world. You even fought against your family when it was necessary. From the beginning, he’s assumed I cast some spell over you. I mean, he was right, but—”

  My heart leapt at her words. “He was right? What do you mean?”

  Had she just slipped up? Had my trust been misplaced?

  She sighed. “The mural over the cot would explain it far better than I can, but basically when the sunbird was awake in me, she bound us together. But we are—were connected by more than just that. Our entwined auras are rare.”

  Her hand reached for mine, and I watched as the lights around our bodies danced together. I had noticed there was no similar reaction with the other fae, but I hadn’t realized it was something so meaningful.

  “It was supposed to mean we were destined for each other.” As she said the words, she tumbled back into the abyss she’d lived in so often lately. I wanted to reassure her that things would be okay, but I couldn’t. She loved him, and I wasn’t him anymore.

  “Why don’t you tell me about the auras,” I suggested as a way to pull her from her tears before they could take control. “I noticed there are different ones. And David’s is different again.”

  She drew in a staggered breath. “I don’t really understand it all that much, but I’ve learned a little.”

  “Like?”

  “Like how the colors signify either rank or responsibility, and the depth of colors indicates seniority. That’s why you and your siblings have the dark colors; you’re all the most powerful people in the court, not in magic but in position. Your light is blue because you’re a protector. Even away from court, you took up that role.”

  “And Mackenzie’s is green because she’s a doctor?” I guessed, thinking about the overwhelming number of green fae in the healing area.

  Evie grinned as I got it. “Well, technically she’s a healer. She doesn’t have a medical degree or anything. But she’s better than any doctor I know.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  She pulled down the collar of her blouse, revealing a puckered scar on the left-hand side of her chest. “She brought me back from the dead.”

  When I showed my confusion, Evie started a story where Dad had been involved with kidnapping Mackenzie and Evie had ended up on the wrong end of a gun when it went off. It all added to the story she’d first told me about her and me—him. Once again, her words that he was worth fighting for ran through me, drawing a chill along with them. I was stuck with all of the emotion and none of the connection. She was still little more than a stranger to me, even though I wanted more.

  “The bullet went in my back and came out here. It tore through my heart and I died.” She rubbed absentmindedly at the scar, drawing my eye to the area. “You pulled me from the fire, and then Mackenzie brought me back.”

  Every new detail I learned of the life we’d apparently shared gave me greater appreciation for the way the man in the photos in her room stared at his bride. He didn’t just love her for the way she looked, but for her beautiful soul and amazing mind. I knew because I was fast falling in love with her for those same things.

  It ached deep inside when I thought the word “love” in relation to Evie, especially knowing that she considered me a stranger in return. Worse, I was an imposter wearing the skin of the man she loved. Had loved. Past tense—before he screwed up. Before he became me.

  I ensured I kept my gaze lowered and away from hers. If I met her eyes, I was certain she would see all the emotions laid bare and it would only add more guilt to me and disappointment to her. The last thing we needed between us was another layer of complication, and that’s all we’d have if I admitted the shift. However you looked at it, falling for someone in love with another man was a complication.

  As I stared at the crib across the room, she ran me through the rest of the stuff she knew about the court. She told me about Aiden, and explained that he was my cousin.

  It made some things make sense. The anger he held could only be garnered by familiarity. He thought Saint Clay had let everyone down as badly as I did, but I was dealing with the fallout.

  All the consequences, and none of the blame.

  Well, some of the blame—I had tried to kill Evie, even if it had been based on misinformation.

  Like it had every other time we’d tried to talk about the past, about him, the conversation dried up shortly after and we worked together in silence. As we did, I vowed to do something to make up for his mistakes and prove to Evie that maybe I was worthy of her attention just for being me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  ONCE WE WERE packed up and ready to go, Aiden and Mackenzie came back to escort us home. As we travelled back through the ring, it appeared that a weight had been lifted off Evie’s shoulders. When I asked, she said she was just happy to be heading home.

  When we arrived, Mackenzie offered to give us a few minutes alone while she watched the twins. Without checking with me,
Evie dragged me into the bedroom.

  Short of breath, she stared at me with wide eyes. “I have no idea what to do now,” she blurted out.

  “What do you mean?”

  She glanced over her shoulder, as if Mackenzie might burst through the closed door at any stage. “I’ve spent the last two days on one of the biggest roller coaster rides of my life, and considering what my life has been like up until now, that’s saying something. I’ve been so focused on survival, my own and yours, and on getting home again that I didn’t give much thought to what we’d actually do when we got here.”

  For a moment, I wondered what she meant, but then I understood when I thought about the layout I remembered of the house from the last time I was there. Just like at the court, she only had a small sofa and one bed. “I can take the sofa if it’ll be easier?”

  It wasn’t ideal, but it was doable.

  “It could be weeks,” Evie argued. “Maybe months.”

  “We’ll get a spare bed,” I suggested.

  She rolled her eyes. “How’s that going to look when people come over?”

  “We can put it in the nursery with the twins.” If the choice was the sofa or a bed in the babies’ room, I would be happier sleeping closer to them until we’d dealt with Dad anyway.

  She turned thoughtful for a moment before giving a slow nod. “That could work.”

  “Until then, I don’t mind sharing if that’s the only choice.” As soon as I suggested it, I thought about how pleasant it had been sleeping next to her. How her body had rested over mine for a significant time while she was asleep. I stared at her forehead to avoid meeting her gaze, worried she might be able to see just how bad I wanted it. “That’s if you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t mind.” She couldn’t have sounded less convincing if she tried, but the fact she was agreeing told me she was willing to put her discomfort aside. For what she thought she owed him.

  I wanted to convey the things I felt, and I had them on the tip of my tongue. “Evie—”

  She lifted her gaze before I could continue, and in her eyes, I saw the same thing I always did. The disappointment. The regret. The fact that I wasn’t the one she actually wanted. Instead of saying what I wanted to, I switched directions. “I didn’t say it before, but thank you for what you’re doing.”

  “It’s nothing,” she murmured. Her tone was dismissive and her gaze dropped away. “There are clothes in those drawers and that wardrobe. They should fit.”

  I frowned because it was clear she considered I was only borrowing her husband’s clothes. Borrowing her husband’s body. His face. I wasn’t my own person, but neither was I him. I was just a problem for Evie to fix before she could move on without guilt.

  She shrugged off the uncomfortableness before I could and stood straighter. “We should go see how Ava’s doing now that the enchantments have worn off.”

  I didn’t understand what she was saying. There was nothing different. Nothing at all had changed, but nothing had been different when I’d gone to the court either.

  “It won’t for you. You’ve inherited a few fae traits.”

  “How did I not know what I was earlier then?” I thought about her stories and how I’d only recently found out about my heritage. Had Dad lied to me my whole life? But what lies could he have said before Evie had come onto the scene?

  “It was blocked, possibly because Louise’s abilities were bound. You shared a womb; we think it’s likely your gifts are linked.”

  Her assumption made me wonder whether that might be the case for our twins too. “Do you think David and Ava are like that too?”

  Her brow dipped as she played with the end of her ponytail and looked at the floor. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’m still coming to terms with having two babies. Let’s worry about their abilities later.”

  “Okay.” It was clear she didn’t want to discuss it, so I let it drop.

  She headed for the door, but I had a thought and reached to stop her.

  “Wait.”

  She spun back toward me with an odd look printed on her face. “What is it?”

  “Mackenzie is going to think we wanted time to ourselves to catch up alone, right?”

  “Probably.”

  “What would that have involved before, between you and . . . me?” I could guess, and I wanted it as much as I was certain it would be a bad idea.

  “Probably kissing.” She flushed a bright red. “A lot of kissing.”

  “Won’t she think it’s strange if we walk out there as perfectly groomed as we walked in here?”

  The corners of her eyes narrowed. “What are you saying?”

  “I think we need to correct a few things.” I took a step to close the distance between us, wanting more than anything to kiss her. It could be my moment—the time I swept her memory of him away to convince her to try to picture me the same way. My gaze found her full lips, and I could feel each of my breaths right down to the pit of my stomach. Her eyes screamed at me in terror, until she cut off her thoughts by closing them.

  I ran my fingertips through her silky hair, cradling her head between my hands like I’d longed to since the first time I’d been close enough to her to see her. Her eyes squeezed tighter, and her muscles flinched beneath my fingers. It was all it took to convince me she didn’t want this. I couldn’t claim her lips like I wanted to if it would make her uncomfortable.

  Instead, I ruffled my hands through her hair, trying to make it look like her hair had been mussed up with our kissing. The instant I was done, I dropped my hand and stepped away.

  Her eyes shot open, and the terror was gone. It was clear I’d made the right choice.

  “That’s better,” I said as I rubbed my hands thought my own hair. Even talking wasn’t enough to take my mind away from her lips as they continued their siren’s call. “Now at least she won’t get suspicious.”

  We headed back out to find Mackenzie, who was waiting for us near the babies’ crib.

  “I have good news,” she said. “Ava’s aura is already stronger even after just a few minutes. David’s hasn’t changed or lessened, but being away from the court should not harm him in any way. Clay, you will be able to tell if his aura does weaken enough to be of concern.”

  “Will do.”

  “We’ll take care of them,” Evie assured her. “Nothing is more important to either of us.”

  I nodded my agreement, because even if I wasn’t the man I used to be any longer, the man I was now loved those two babies more than anything.

  Mackenzie advised there would be some guards remaining stationed around the house—purportedly to look for Dad, but I was certain it was at least in part to ensure Evie’s safety from me and to confirm that I didn’t leave the house.

  The first few hours alone at home was so similar to being in the court, but also so different. In the room we’d had there, we’d been forced to share the same space. I could watch Evie while still hiding my interest in her. Now that we were back at her house, I had to choose to either stay away or be obvious in my desire to share the room with her.

  The times the twins demanded attention were the easiest because, when they provided a distraction, I could share the space with her without being creepy. Outside of that, I just sat on the sofa and tried to ignore the crazy screaming inside my head. Occasionally, I tried turning on the TV to tune everything out, but it always failed to capture my attention.

  Eventually, Evie came out of the kitchen with a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches balanced on one arm and a glass of milk in each hand. When I caught sight of her struggling, I leapt to my feet to help her.

  “I’m sorry it’s nothing as fancy as what you would have gotten at the court.”

  I shook my head to silence her apology. “I could have cooked something for you.”

  She gave me a look of pity. “Do you have recipes that you’ve learned since . . .?”

  “I guess not. I’m sure I could have managed to put something like this
together though.”

  The half-smile she’d been wearing dropped. To stop myself from digging the hole any deeper, I grabbed a half of one of the sandwiches and thanked her.

  She grabbed the half sandwich beneath the one I’d taken and sat with her back to the armrest of the sofa, leaving her feet as a barrier between us. She stopped with the food halfway to her mouth. “I’m not sure this is how I imagined being back at home would be.”

  “How did you imagine it?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear, but I also wasn’t willing to back out of our first proper conversation since we’d been left alone.

  “I don’t know. For starters, I’d only have one baby.”

  “You never even had an inkling that there might have been two?”

  “Not even a fraction of an inkling. Mackenzie said something about a stronger fae presence and a disruption between the heartbeats in our last appointment, but none of that pointed to two babies for me. The fae don’t exactly use ultrasound, and I could hardly go to a normal doctor. I mean, what if doing the scan hurt the baby—babies? I never would’ve forgiven myself.” She fell silent for a moment, taking a bite out of her sandwich and chewing thoughtfully. “I’m happy though. I don’t know if being pregnant was a one-time thing for me. It’s nice to know Ava won’t go through this life alone.”

  I could almost hear the addition of the words like I did.

  “Me too. It must be nice having someone who you can rely on, whatever the odds.”

  “You and Louise were like that you know. Once upon a time at least.”

  “But not recently.”

  “No. But that’s because of me.”

  I turned to reassure her that I was sure, even if she was behind the split between Saint Clay and Louise, it wouldn’t have been something he would’ve changed—I was certain of that much—but I was distracted. A tiny bit of jelly sat in the corner of her lips. My gaze fell there and every word I wanted to say stuck in my throat. With my breath growing faster, and my hands shaking more than I would have liked, I reached up to swipe the condiment from her mouth. My thumb brushed over her bottom lip, and my gaze was locked on the movement.