by A. J. Pine
Her mom cleared her throat, and Lily swore the woman’s green eyes darkened. “He moved out six months ago.” A tear slipped down Lily’s cheek, and she swiped it away with the back of her hand. “What in the world made you think you couldn’t tell me?”
And that was all it took for the floodgates to open. She’d worked so hard to hold it together—not just when her marriage fell apart. But she guessed she’d been holding it together for fifteen long years.
“Because,” she said, her word a hiccupping sob. “I feel like I let you down—and facing that felt harder than facing the end of my marriage. You wanted more for me than—”
“Than I got. Oh, sweetie. I don’t believe you could ever let me or anyone else down.”
She’d let Luke down, though, hadn’t she? Running like she had? Turned out she didn’t know how to stay, not when things got this hard.
“I’m just like him,” she said. “Aren’t I? Instead of sticking things out, even when they get rough as hell, I bolt.”
And there it was—a lifetime of plotting and planning, ensuring she would do better than the man who hadn’t loved her enough to even stay in touch—and she’d gone and turned right into him.
Her mom pulled her close, cradling her head against her chest as she smoothed Lily’s hair off her tear-soaked cheeks.
“You’re you, baby girl,” her mom said in that voice that always soothed her as a child, that made her believe everything would be okay as long as they were together. “The only person you ever need to be is you. And it’s your choice who that is—whether you’re the one who stays…” Her chest heaved, and Lily’s head rose and fell. “Or goes,” she added. “But you can’t leave me,” she said. “I don’t care if you’re in California or in a different hemisphere. Don’t you cut me off because you think I’ll be disappointed in you. I’ve got your back. Always. No matter how much you think you’ve screwed up. I shouldn’t have let you think that my baggage had to be yours.”
Lily let out something between a laugh and a sob. Then she straightened and met her mom’s gaze.
“It’s okay to mess up,” her mom added. “Learn from it. Get over it. And then let yourself off the hook. Or you might miss the best parts of life.” She winked. “It’s how I got you.”
“I missed you,” Lily admitted. Because God she had. “And I’m sorry I didn’t call.” She gave her mom a pointed look. “But you didn’t tell me about the house, either.”
The other woman blew out a breath. “I was waiting for you to come to me, giving you your space. Sometimes I forget that I still need to mom you, though.” She put air quotes around the word.
Lily laughed.
“So the inn I’ve been working at the past few years? It got bought out about six months ago.” Her brows drew together, and she hesitated before saying more.
This time Lily’s expression fell. “You…you lost your job?” She didn’t get it. How could her mom afford this place?
Her mom shook her head, and the corners of her mouth turned up. “The new owner—he asked me to apply for a managerial position—front desk manager.” Her brows rose. “And I got it!”
Lily flung herself at her mother as all her words caught in her throat. She squeezed her into a hug—a hug that tried to convey everything from the past six months and more.
“You know…” her mom began and then paused. “I was still sort of young and naive when you left after college.”
Lily could tell more was coming, so she just listened. Not that she knew what to say anyway.
“Hell, I’ve been pretty clueless throughout this whole parenting gig, and I’m not sure if it’s an age thing or if all parents feel like imposters. But the truth is, I was so, so scared of you getting hurt the way I did that I might have overcorrected. You know?”
Lily nodded against her mom’s shoulder even though she wasn’t quite sure she understood.
“I never, ever saw you as a mistake—despite what my family or your dad’s family thought about us having you so young. I’ve messed up a lot at this whole parenting gig. I’m aware of that. But every time I did it was because I loved you.” She blew out a long breath. “So we both married the wrong men. It happens. But you have to let go of the guilt of your mistakes—of the fear of repeating them. Or you will miss out on so much of the joy.”
Lily sucked in a breath. Let go. How many times had Luke tried to make her see that?
She straightened, looking her mom square in the eye.
“But I am so damned scared,” she admitted.
Her mom gave her a slow nod. “Of what?”
Lily shrugged. “Everything? If I let go—if I give in to what I can’t control, I could still lose.”
Her shot at a new career.
Her confidence.
Her heart.
Her mom smiled. “What have you already lost because you couldn’t?” she asked.
Lily forced a smile. “I’m sorry I disappeared.”
Her mom raised her brows. “Make it up to me by telling me about this bull rider?” She leaned back and raised her brows at her daughter.
Lily laughed, even as a tear escaped.
“Luke,” she said. “His name…is Luke.”
Four days later, with after-hours use of the inn kitchen where her mother worked, Lily and her mom had prepared everything from butternut squash ravioli to her can’t-go-wrong, crowd favorite, no-one-is-allergic, lemon curd wedding cake. She’d done it—without a staff or any other funding aside from the initial deposit and what she’d earned from Tucker buying her out of BBQ on the Bluff. Now she’d either pull this off and get her name on the map, or she’d be back at square one.
She closed the trunk, all equipment packed and all prepared food in airtight containers and coolers.
“Are you going to see him before the wedding?” her mom asked.
Lily shrugged. “It’s in two days. I don’t know if there will even be a chance.” She’d gotten his voice mail but hadn’t known how to respond. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing. She needed to plan it out, get it right.
Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head.
“What is it?” her mom asked.
“Old habits,” Lily said. “Letting fear take the wheel and all.”
Her mom smiled wistfully. “Your dad walking out was rough, but I have no regrets because I know I did the best I could to keep us all happy. I fought for him, and when he still left, I fought for you to have the best life I could give you. It was scary as hell, all of it. But if you let fear get the better of you when things get tough, then all you’ll ever learn is how to run farther and farther away.”
Lily sucked in a shuddering breath. She had run—straight out of Phoenix as soon as she’d graduated, then from Tucker the second she knew he’d cheated, and now from Luke. But this was different. So very different.
“He could get hurt,” she said. “Irreparably.”
“Or he could be fine,” her mom countered.
Lily nodded. “I might have asked him not to ride, though…”
Her mom laughed softly. “And now you think he’s choosing the rodeo over you. Something it seems he’s worked toward for quite a long time—and a relationship that’s barely gotten off the ground and you’ve already got one foot out the door?”
She groaned. “I don’t want to be a runner. I don’t want to be him.”
Her mother’s eyes softened. “Oh, honey. He wasn’t a bad guy. He just made a bad decision. Did I hope one day he’d come back and fight for us? Sure. But even if he tried to, I made myself pretty hard to find after everything went down.”
“Did you ever look for him?” Lily asked, something she’d always been afraid of knowing. But now seemed like the right time for putting it all out there.
“No,” her mom said. “I fought for us until he left. After that, I wanted to be chased. I wanted someone to fight for me. And he didn’t. So that was that.”
Her mom pulled her into a hug.
“Only you
know what you can handle,” she said. “And once you figure that out, you’ll have some decisions to make.”
And she had eight-plus hours to think about those decisions—and still not feel any less terrified when she rolled into her driveway than when she’d hopped on the highway.
She waited until she’d unpacked and stored all the food, until she knew he’d be done with whatever his day’s work entailed, before starting to compose a text.
Hey. Can we talk? I could call you. Or you could call me. Or whatever. We could just text. I just…
“Sound like an idiot?” she said aloud. “Don’t know what the hell I want but am hoping you can help me figure it out and then maybe still not get on that bull and put your life in the hands—or I guess horns—of some wild beast?”
Screw it.
She closed out of the text and went for the only thing she couldn’t chicken out of once it started—a phone call.
It rang once. Twice. So she knew if it went to voice mail before the fourth ring it would be him deciding to send her there. And she wouldn’t blame him if he did.
But he picked up before the third, and she felt like she’d just tipped over the top of a roller coaster.
“Lily,” he said, his voice low and controlled, only the slightest hint of surprise at hearing from her. But she caught it, and that along with him picking up the phone jolted her confidence enough not to hang up and throw her cell across the room.
“Hi,” she said, then worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “It’s—good to hear your voice.”
“Jesus,” he said quietly, but he’d meant for her to hear. “You blow my cover with my family, disappear for five days without calling me back, and now you want to say hi.”
It wasn’t a question, just a cold realization. Because that’s exactly what she’d done.
“Look,” she said. “I know you won’t believe me, but I told Jack so that someone would have your back when I was too afraid to. I know I didn’t handle things well, but I’m back now, and I was hoping we could talk. Really talk.”
She heard something that sounded like a man yelling through a loudspeaker, and Luke swore under his breath. “I’m at the arena in Anaheim. Something got messed up with my medical release being sent over, so I drove down to deliver it myself and get the lay of the land.”
There was a long pause, and because Lily couldn’t stand uncomfortable silences, she had to fill them.
“So you’re still doing it?” she asked. “You’re going to ride that stupid bull?”
She covered her mouth as soon as she said it, but it was too late. The words—and her fear—were out there, and she couldn’t take any of it back.
“Dammit, Lily. Yes. I’m still riding the stupid bull. If that’s the discussion you’re looking to have, it’s over. Nothing to discuss. Doctor signed off, saying my ribs are healed enough and that I know the other risks. So that’s it. End of conversation.”
His voice was tight. She’d pushed him too far.
“Luke, I didn’t mean—that’s not why I called.” This was why, at the very least, she should have planned out what she was going to say. When it came to Luke, the words always came first and the thinking second. So far that hadn’t boded well for her.
“Then why did you?” he asked.
And because it was either honesty or silence, she told him the truth.
“I don’t know.”
Because I’m in love with you? Because even though I already lost you, I’m scared of losing you in a whole other way?
He blew out a breath. “I’ll see you at the wedding,” he said finally.
Shit. This was a mistake. She’d messed up even more. Maybe when they saw each other…
She swallowed hard. “Yeah. Of course. I’m sorry for—I’m just sorry.”
“Bye, Lily.”
She ended the call.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The ranch had become wedding central. The small bridal party took over the living room, the bride’s two sisters shielding her from Tucker every time he’d walk through the kitchen.
“She’s pregnant,” he called over his shoulder as he and Luke strode through the back door to meet Jack and Walker on the deck. “I think that whole tradition thing is out the window.”
“Then give me this one little thing, Tucker Green!” Sara called back, and both men chuckled as they stepped out into the crisp November afternoon.
Tucker handed each of them a longneck before even saying hello, but Luke shook his head.
“Competing tomorrow,” he said. “Need to stay clean so I can head back to Anaheim after the ceremony.”
“How was two weeks of yoga and being unplugged?” Jack asked Tucker, brows raised.
Tucker pulled his phone from his pocket and opened his e-mail app, then held it out for all to see. “Three hundred and forty-two unread messages. I figure I’ll just delete and start over again. And the voice mails—I haven’t even started with those yet.”
“About our call that got dropped—” Luke began, but Tucker shook his head.
“Hold on. I need to get a look at this,” he said. He gave him the once-over, and Luke straightened his tie and brushed nonexistent dust from his tuxedo jacket.
“I’m impressed, Everett,” he said. “Haven’t seen you in almost a month, and there’s not a scratch on you. I half expected to see those damned boots peeking out from the bottom of your pants.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “Thanks, asshole. And don’t worry. The boots are in the truck ready for the drive to Anaheim in a couple hours.”
Jack laughed and clapped his younger brother on the shoulder. “Good to know you use the same term of endearment for those outside the family.”
Luke cleared his throat. “Just Tucker,” he said. “Brother from another mother.”
No one said anything after that, so Luke went back on his promise to himself and grabbed a beer—just one—so he could toast his friend.
“Shit,” Walker said. “Someone’s about to get sentimental.”
Luke shook his head. “I’m not good with sentimental, so I’ll make this simple. To the future—and all the best for you and Sara.”
Tucker raised his brows. “I’ll drink to that.”
And they all did, just as Tucker’s parents, brother, two nephews, and sister burst through the door and out onto the deck.
“Look at my gorgeous son!” his mother called before grabbing his cheeks in her palms and kissing him square on the forehead. “Don’t mess this one up, okay? Especially with my next grandchild on the way!”
Walker’s brows rose at the sight, but for once he kept his opinion to himself.
And then it was just a mass of hugging, congratulations, and yelps from inside whenever someone thought Sara got too close to a window.
“Another round before we head to the winery!” Tucker’s father exclaimed, and bottles were being handed in what seemed like every direction.
Jack put his arm around his younger brother and pulled him to the side.
“He has no fucking clue. Does he?”
Luke’s jaw tightened. “No clue about what?”
He was just being a dick. Of course Luke knew what his brother was referring to, and Jack knew he knew, so he said nothing, waiting him out with the quiet patience that sometimes drove Luke up the goddamn wall.
“Look. I tried. I caught him right when he and Sara got to the retreat, and the call dropped before I could tell him. This is the first chance I’ve had since he’s been back.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “And what the hell am I supposed to tell him now? That I’m in love with his ex-wife even though she wants nothing to do with me if I hop on the bull tomorrow?”
Jack blew out a breath, but Luke cut him off.
“You’re not going there. Are you? Because I seem to remember you offering your begrudging support. Also I’m not above hitting you at a wedding, since technically the wedding hasn’t happened yet.”
Jack laughed. As bad as things e
ver got, he knew as well as his brother did that it wouldn’t really come to fists. A standoff was one thing, but the Everett brothers didn’t grow up the way they did to then raise a hand to one another.
Sure, Walker raised a drunken fist to plenty of strangers, but never to Jack or Luke.
“I’m not going there,” Jack assured him. “You have my begrudging support. But if you get injured—”
“I won’t,” Luke interrupted. “Not if I can help it.”
“What I was going to say”—Jack took a long swig of his beer—“was that if you get injured, I’m here for you. All right?”
Luke pressed his lips together and nodded. “Thanks.”
They clinked glasses and both drank.
“I was trained and ready,” Luke said. “For the last ride. But I got—distracted. That day—”
“Was the day Lily came to finalize her divorce and unwittingly signed up to cater her ex-husband’s wedding.”
“Jesus,” Luke hissed under his breath. “You knew.”
His brother grinned. “I know I missed a lot the ten years I was gone,” Jack said. “But it doesn’t mean I forgot how to read you. Plus you have the easiest damn tell.”
Luke crossed his arms. “And what the hell is that?”
Jack raised his bottle. “You’re only ever a prick when there’s a girl involved.” He drained the rest of the beer.
“I have not been…” He groaned. “Fine I’ve been a fucking prick.” For too long. He squinted into the soon-to-be-setting sun. “She’s there? At the winery?”
Jack nodded. “She’s got most of the staff from BBQ on the Bluff working for her on Tucker’s dime. Ava took Owen to her parents and then was going to set up shop with Lily and make sure everything was going according to plan. I haven’t heard anything about hot plates catching on fire or ice sculptures melting, so I’m going with no news being good news.”
Luke’s brows rose. “You’re kidding about the ice sculpture, right?”
Jack shrugged, and the corner of his mouth quirked up.
