Forever

by Lewis, Linda Cassidy

  Since there were three of them, Julie assumed Eddie and Patricia would sit together and she’d be paired with a stranger, but as she took her window seat, Eddie settled himself next to her. Julie glanced across the aisle where Patricia was buckling herself in.

  “Oh,” Julie said and started to rise. “I’m sorry. I’ll trade seats with Patricia.”

  “Stay right here.” Eddie grasped her arm, pulling her back down. “This will give us a chance to talk.”

  Julie fastened her seat belt. Talking to Eddie was the last thing she felt like doing. Why had she let him persuade her to come on this trip?

  “Now, Julie, I know you’re going to feel this is none of my business, but I think it’s time you faced the facts about your marriage.”

  *

  Annie had cooked for Kate the meal she’d planned to make for Tom. She hadn’t heard a word from him in almost forty-eight hours. As she crumbled feta cheese into the salad, she felt the now familiar sensation in her head signaling she was not alone.

  “Hello, Maggie. Did you dream about cooking for Jacob while you slaved for Elihu Bennett?”

  “Does she answer you?” Kate laughed at the sight of a startled Annie flinging a Kalamata olive across the room.

  “Don’t sneak up on me like that!” Annie retrieved the olive and tossed it in the trash. “These imported organic things aren’t cheap.”

  “Well, does she answer you?”

  “Not audibly, but I’m learning to listen inside.”

  Kate glanced warily around the room. “You don’t see her here in the kitchen right now, do you?”

  “I don’t see her in a physical form. She’s a part of me, I told you that.”

  “Just checking,” Kate said. “Is supper ready? I have something to tell you that will make you freak.”

  Annie handed the salad bowl to Kate and started dishing out the moussaka. “Freak how … good or bad?”

  “Good. Guess who came into the salon today?”

  Annie sighed. “I have no idea.” She carried their plates to the table and took her seat opposite Kate. “Just tell me.”

  “You’re no fun. It was Tom’s wife … and a friend.”

  Annie froze with her fork halfway to her mouth. “Did she tell you who she was?”

  “I recognized her. Remember? I saw her at Delvecchio’s.”

  Annie laid the fork back on her plate and sat back in her chair. “She didn’t recognize you though?”

  “How could she? She doesn’t even know about you.”

  “How do you know—”

  Kate waved her hand impatiently. “That doesn’t matter, just take my word for it. I’m trying to tell you that Julie—that’s her name—is going to California.”

  Her sister smiled triumphantly while Annie caught the breath Kate’s news had stolen from her. “Tom’s moving to California?”

  “Ohmygawd, you practically broad jump to conclusions, don’t you? I’m talking about Julie, and I never said she was moving there. She and her friend are taking a trip there, soon evidently, and she just told Tom about it last night.”

  “You heard them say this?”

  “Yeah, and Julie told her friend—Patricia, she called her—that Tom was so upset he left the house and didn’t come back for hours. Wait,” she said when Annie started to comment, “Patricia was furious with Julie for not having the guts to tell him something more.”

  “Tell him what?” Annie asked when Kate had paused to take another bite.

  “Well,” Kate said thoughtfully, “neither of them actually said what the other thing was, but it was clear that it was more important than the trip to California. And Sherry and I—”

  “Damn it, Kate, get to the point!”

  “Whoa, don’t hate on the messenger.” Kate speared another piece of romaine, but she set her fork down when Annie glared at her. “Okay okay. Well, Sherry and I both got the impression that Julie’s getting ready to ask Tom for a divorce.”

  Annie swallowed hard; trying to keep down the one bite of food she’d eaten. “Oh God. Then she must know about me. If she wants a divorce, it has to be because she knows about Tom and me. He’ll end up blaming me and—”

  “Annie! Get a grip. I’m telling you she doesn’t know about you and Tom. They have a much bigger problem with their marriage than that.”

  She gave Kate her full attention. “What did she say? What bigger problem?”

  “She didn’t actually say—just wait a minute,” she added when Annie rolled her eyes. “Remember, last night, when you asked me why I said at Delvecchio’s that Tom and his wife weren’t happily married?” She waited for Annie’s nod before continuing. “Well, I wasn’t sure exactly why then, but now I am. Patricia is nagging Julie to tell Tom that they’re having an affair.”

  Deep furrows creased Annie’s forehead as she tried to make sense of Kate’s words. “Patricia and Tom are having an affair? That makes absolutely no—” A second later, her eyes grew wide.

  “You got it straight now, big sister?”

  “Eddie …”

  “What? Who’s Eddie?”

  “Tom’s friend. He told me about Julie and Patricia, but I … I believed him when he said it, but later …”

  “Well, that’s two of us saying the same thing. So you don’t have to worry about Julie and Tom getting back together. As soon as she tells him she’s gone lez, he’ll be running to you.”

  “That’s what Eddie said.”

  “There you go. Just wait. Let Tom—”

  “Shut up!” Annie started shaking violently.

  “Annie? What’s going—”

  “You always do this. I’m not crazy. You are.”

  Kate sat speechless for several seconds. “What are you talking about? No one said you were crazy.” She stood and started around the table toward Annie. “Are you all right?”

  Annie bolted from her chair and backed away. “You have an over-active imagination. You make up stuff in your head and then believe it’s real. Well, it’s not real, and I don’t believe a word of it.”

  Tears glistened in Kate’s eyes. “Sissy, please—”

  Annie clamped her hands over her ears and screamed, “Shut-up! Just shut-up. I’m not listening to you anymore.”

  21

  June 20

  Tom was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper and drinking his third cup of coffee when Lindsay stumbled bleary-eyed down the stairs. She stepped behind his chair and wrapped her arms around his neck.

  “Happy Father’s Day.”

  “Thank you, baby girl.”

  “You’re welcome.” Lindsay kissed the top of his head. “And since I’m your only child, you’re obligated to spend today with me … doing whatever I want.”

  “That sounds more like Daughter’s Day rules to me,” he said, smiling, “but I’m game.”

  “Well, as soon as I can wake myself up and get ready, I’ll take you out to lunch.” She started toward the coffee maker. “Oh, and I’ll drive, so you can just sit back and relax.”

  Feigning horror, Tom slapped a hand to his chest and spoke with a quaver in his voice. “You’re driving and you expect me to relax?”

  Lindsay responded with a what-am-I-gonna-do-with-you sigh, but she grinned. She filled her mug and carried it back upstairs.

  Pretty soon, she’ll be gone most of the year. He felt lonely already. But today, he’d try his best to put all the gloom and doom aside and enjoy their time together. If Julie divorced him—not if, when—Lindsay would learn the reason why and never feel the same about him again. He might never get another Father’s Day kiss. He supposed, sooner or later, even the most loving of daughters learned that her father was only human, but Lindsay would have to learn worse. Her father was a selfish bastard.

  His work required planning ahead; that was a skill he’d honed long ago. Why hadn’t that business skill operated in his personal life two weeks ago? He pushed his cup and the paper aside. He rested his elbows on the table and cradled his
head in his hands. Now that misery was his future, he couldn’t bear to plan ahead.

  “Goddammit,” he muttered. “I never wanted this.”

  He thought hard about it, but he couldn’t quite figure out how he’d ended up here. He couldn’t connect all the dots. He’d thought this fiasco began with that first vision at the theater, but he realized, now, that he’d felt haunted before that. Haunted by Jacob? It wasn’t possible for a ghost to hijack your life. Was it?

  *

  With Tom gripping the armrest and jamming his braking foot against the passenger-side floorboard every few minutes, Lindsay drove them downtown to lunch at the Palomino. Lindsay nibbled, Tom ate his own meal and finished hers. Then they crossed the street to shop at the Circle Centre Mall. For the second time, Tom reflected that the day was more a treat for her than for him, but he said nothing because he was happy to be with her.

  Lindsay headed straight for a store Tom had never entered before. “I’m buying you a cool new shirt. Don’t argue. Just try on the ones I pick out and let me decide which looks best on you.”

  He tried on five shirts; Lindsay’s favorite was the second one, which he had to admit, was an improvement over the one he’d grabbed out of the closet this morning.

  Tom had one bad moment when they passed Victoria’s Secret and a vision of Annie on the hood of his car popped unbidden into his head. He banished the image by turning to Lindsay.

  “I think, as my only daughter, you deserve a gift today too.”

  Lindsay replied without hesitation. “Maybe one small thing,”

  After another forty minutes of shopping, that “one small thing” expanded to a few things. Tom happily paid for it all. Finally, they headed home, but as they neared Chatham Road, she announced that the day was not quite over. Tom’s heart nearly stopped when she turned the car into the Rockville Cineplex parking lot.

  “Dad,” Lindsay teased, “I’m not taking you to see a chick movie, so get that look of horror off your face.”

  He wasn’t aware he had any particular look on his face, but if he looked like he felt, horror probably described it well. Lindsay was already out of the car before he could move a muscle. He had no way of knowing if Annie was working today, but he prayed she wasn’t. If he saw her, there’d be absolutely no way he could hide his reaction from Lindsay. The way he felt right now, he could almost imagine himself breaking down and confessing all in the middle of the theater lobby. A prescription for Xanax was surely in his future.

  As Lindsay bought their tickets, he experienced a wave of relief that it was a new girl in the booth—one he was grateful wouldn’t recognize him—and, miracle of miracles, the boy who took their tickets inside was new too. But Tom didn’t dare look toward the cafe.

  “The movie doesn’t start for thirty minutes, so let’s have a cappuccino or something.” Lindsay smiled innocently up at him as she grabbed his arm, pulling him toward the cafe.

  Tom had certainly had his share of nightmares in his life, but he was living out the worst of them right then. Annie was behind the counter! He didn’t think she’d seen him yet, so he veered toward the table farthest from the counter and took a chair facing away from her.

  “Why don’t you get me a black coffee,” he said to Lindsay. “You’re still treating, right?” He’d astonished himself with the steadiness of his voice and the smile he’d managed. He barely had time to take a couple of deep breaths to steady himself before she was back empty handed. He raised his eyebrows at her questioningly.

  “She said the order would take a couple of minutes. I already paid, so you can go back up and get our coffees when they’re ready.” She sat down, flashing him her most disarming smile. “You know how clumsy I can be.”

  Silently, he cursed fate for directing his daughter to pick this theater on this day at this time. Short of causing a scene by insisting that Lindsay retrieve their coffees, he saw no way out of having to stand within inches of Annie. He didn’t think she’d blow their cover, but it would be awkward for both of them. And he feared that magnetic pull, the force that played games with his will. He’d have to look into her eyes and—

  “Dad?” Lindsay waved her hand in front of his face. “She’s looking over here. I think our order’s ready now.”

  Reluctantly, he stood and started toward the counter. He could only hope his gait appeared normal because he didn’t feel in control of his legs. Annie saw him approaching and froze. He tried desperately to interpret the look in her eyes, but it was unreadable.

  “My daughter ordered a cappuccino and a black coffee.”

  Without glancing down or uttering a word, she slid the cups of coffee across the counter to him.

  Tom picked up the cups. Then he set them back down to rub his temples as the first wave of headache hit him. He met her gaze again. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered.

  Biting her lip, she looked at him steadily for a moment before she replied, her tone frosty. “I don’t know how to respond to that, Tom, because it’s your choice to be missing me.”

  He nodded. “I handled that badly.”

  Annie stared at him in silence.

  “I had no idea my daughter was bringing me here,” he said. “It’s Father’s Day—”

  “Happy Father’s Day,” she deadpanned.

  His face flaming, he grabbed the coffee and turned away so quickly some of the liquid sloshed over the rim, burning his thumb. He couldn’t tell if it was humiliation or anger consuming him, but as he walked stiffly back to the table where Lindsay waited, he thought maybe it was both.

  If Lindsay sensed something wrong, she wisely let it go. They sipped their coffee in silence.

  Ten minutes later, as they sat waiting for the previews to begin, Tom and Lindsay competed in unscrambling the movie titles and answering trivia questions flashed on the screen. She beat him, hands down. When the theater darkened and he lost the distraction of Lindsay’s conversation, he wondered if Annie was thinking of him at that moment. Why the hell had he told her he missed her?

  For the second time in two weeks he found himself sitting in this theater, looking at the screen without seeing it. He shook his head sharply, dispelling thoughts of Annie, and forced himself to pay attention. The movie was an action-adventure, his kind of movie, and he appreciated Lindsay’s choice, though he knew it wasn’t a total loss for her. He’d seen the face of the young star of the movie on a poster in her room.

  Two hours later, when the credits started rolling, he realized he’d been so engrossed in the story that he’d forgotten about Annie.

  Maybe I’m making a little progress.

  *

  Tom assumed Father’s Day was officially over when Lindsay tossed the car keys to him as they exited the theater. On the way home, he stopped at Baskin-Robbins where, though she moaned about the calories, Lindsay ordered a double cone. One dip was enough for him. Ice cream had never been his thing, anyway. Julie and Lindsay were the frozen dairy junkies.

  Are these the little things I’ll remember, lying in my bed at night, alone, in my colorless “bachelor” apartment?

  Having completely lost his taste for it, he tossed his ice cream out the window. He pulled into their driveway a few minutes later. As he and Lindsay entered the house, he continued his self-torture, reflecting that from now on when Lindsay wasn’t away at school she’d be here with Julie … but he’d be living somewhere else. He heaved a sigh. It seemed there was no end to depressing thoughts this afternoon.

  Lindsay seemed on the opposite end of the emotional scale. “There’s one more thing you have to do for Father’s Day.”

  “What’s that?” For her sake, he’d forced enthusiasm into his voice.

  She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Go take a nap.”

  In spite of his mood, he laughed. “I’m proud to be your father, baby girl. I hope you know that.”

  “Oh, Daddy, don’t make me cry.” There was glimmer of tears in her eyes when she smiled and swatted at him.

&n
bsp; He glared at her. “Just for that young lady, you’re grounded!”

  Surprise sucked the tears from her eyes, and then she dissolved in giggles. She hugged him again and ran upstairs to get ready for work. Tom smiled, glad for a moment that he could still delight one female in his life.

  With his old friend Major Headache for a companion, Tom climbed the stairs to his bedroom. A nap was exactly what he needed.

  Every muscle in his body strained, but he was determined not to let the thing loose. If it got free, it would kill him.

  He pressed all his weight against the thing and risked freeing one hand to reach for his weapon. It was too dark to see—no, not dark, just strangely lit. He could see, yet not see. They were on the ground, his fingers raking through grass and dirt. Suddenly, the weapon was in his hand and he swung with all his might.

  He hit the thing in the head, the neck, the back, over and over with no effect. Just as the thing began choking him, he raised his weapon one more time and saw what is was—a folded piece of paper.

  Tom sat up in bed gasping, face slick with sweat. Dream. It was a dream. He shook his head to clear it, swung his legs off the bed, and stumbled into the bathroom. Still shaken and heavy with dreaming, he splashed cold water on his face. Toweling off, he caught his reflection.

  That thing in his dream was …

  For several long minutes Tom stood silent, absently staring into the mirror and rubbing the birthmark on his chest. When he left the bathroom, he grabbed his shoes and cell phone and headed downstairs.

  He dialed Annie’s number while he backed his truck out of the garage. When she answered on the second ring, her voice sounded both familiar and foreign.

  “Seeing you today made me realize how much I’ve missed you,” he said.

  “I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry I was so cold to you, I—”

  “I want to see you … please.” At her sharp intake of breath, he held his own, anticipating her response.

  “I’m here alone. Can you come over?”

  *