Take Me With You

by Melyssa Winchester

  I need to get the fuck out of here.

  Shifting in the chair, aware of my jacket laying on the floor and deciding how quickly I can grab it and get it on before it stops me from leaving, I slide up from the chair.

  “Amy, what is it?”

  “I can’t answer that question. I’m sorry. I just can’t. I need to go. Right now.”

  Shit. My eyes are wet. I can feel them coming. Damnit. I can’t do this here. No one can see me break.

  “You’re safe here, Amy. He can’t get to you now. Please sit down.” He says, his voice so calm it’s breaking through my frayed nerves and soothing me.

  “Yes.”

  “Yes what?”

  “Your question. Yes.”

  “Thank you Amy. I know how hard that must have been.”

  He has no idea. My head is spinning, I can feel the tears threatening to fall from my eyes and I swear to god my legs are about to give out on me and I’m gonna end up falling on my ass right in front of him. Hard isn’t the right word for what admitting that is.

  “I need to go.”

  ~*~*~

  Things going that far, it should make me wanna stay as far away from here as possible, but here I am, rushing through the door completely out of breath, praying I didn’t miss my appointment. It’s got nothing to do with it being reported back to the worker or even the cops. It’s because despite my denial, I need it.

  Taking a breath the minute I’ve made it through the doors and the receptionist smiles before pointing to the seats, I turn and that’s when I see him. In the corner, his eyes on me.

  Eric Carmen.

  Shit.

  Chapter Four

  Eric

  The way she barreled through the door, I expected her to be yanked right into the office and away from me altogether, but after a few seconds of her just standing in place, her eyes never once leaving my general area, she starts walking and before I know it, she’s sitting beside me.

  If I thought where she chose to sit down was crazy, what she does next completely blows my mind.

  “Did you tell anyone?”

  It’s nothing major, just her being concerned about her reputation at school, but she’s acknowledging I exist, so to me it’s the biggest thing to happen in weeks. Also the strangest.

  “Tell anyone what?” I shrug, acting like I genuinely have no clue what she’s talking about. A move she gets as she tosses me a scrap of human decency in the form of a weak smile.

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem.”

  “Wow.”

  “What?”

  “You didn’t stutter.”

  It’s so common, me doing it that when it doesn’t happen, it surprises people. She’s not the first person to have this reaction and I’m pretty sure she won’t be the last. If she knew a damn thing about me, she’d realize that the stutter usually only happens when I’m in situations I have no control over. Otherwise I’ve got no problem.

  “I don’t stutter all the time.”

  “That’s bullshit.”

  There she is. The girl I remember. The first class bitch. Of course it’s bullshit to her. She doesn’t have a clue that there’s more to me than what she’s seen.

  “It’s not.”

  “Yeah, I’m seeing that.”

  Yesterday when I bumped into her, taking her in, believing that she was gonna take my being here and use it against me, I don’t feel it now. The urge to bolt, it’s still there, I mean I know who this girl is and the damage she can inflict at any point, but for some reason I can’t explain, I’m not as desperate to leave as I was before.

  “So, um.” She starts, breaking off before finishing her thought.

  “What?”

  “Is the school making you come here too?”

  Taking note of the information she just gave me without realizing it, I shake my head in response to her question.

  “So why are you here?”

  “Are they making you?

  “You always answer a question with a question?”

  “No.”

  “Daniels made a call to someone that’s making me come here.” She answers easily. “Your turn.”

  “My parents are making me.”

  “That sucks.”

  “Yeah.”

  I watch as she starts pulling at her sweater even though this time, the sleeves are all the way down and there’s no part of her skin showing other than her hands. I want to ask why on a day like today, where the weather is hot enough to make me wanna completely strip down, she’s wearing a sweater, but of course I can’t do it.

  “You alright?” I ask instead, her hands now moving from the sleeves of her sweater to rubbing on her jeans, like she’s nervous. I recognize it because I’m the same way.

  “Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?”

  I point to her hands and she just nods in response.

  “I do that when I’m nervous so I thought I’d ask.”

  “Why do you care?” she snaps, taking me by surprise. A few seconds ago, her tone, it was calm. It’s obvious I’ve hit some kind of nerve calling attention to what I caught her doing.

  Way to go Eric, give the girl more shit to use against you later.

  “I don’t. Care, I mean.”

  “Then why even ask?”

  I shrug, but something about it doesn’t feel right to me. I’m acting like I don’t have a reason for asking but I do. Screw it. I’m just gonna be honest, even if it earns me shit the minute her friends get wind of it.

  “You doing that, fixing your sweater and then rubbing your hands on your jeans, it reminds me of what I do, that’s all.”

  “Oh. Okay. Sorry.”

  Did she just say sorry to me? Is this really happening right now?

  Before I can think to ask, she speaks again and if the sorry wasn’t enough to throw me off, her honesty does it.

  “I guess I am nervous. When I go in there, I don’t wanna say shit but he ends up getting me to do it and it’s kinda weird.”

  I get that. He’s the same way with me. You would think after five years of coming here that I would catch on to the way he is by now, but it never changes. He still nails me every single time.

  “I guess that’s why they pay him the big bucks.”

  She laughs and despite knowing who she is, the stuff her and her friends have put me through, the way it sounds, it does strange things to me. It’s nice. It also makes me wonder why after a year in school with her I’ve never heard it before now. Sure, I’ve heard her laugh, but usually it’s more of a cackle while she’s torturing someone or calling me names. Not at all like this.

  “Amelia Evans.”

  Rose’s voice breaks through the moment and even though it’s not her name, Amy stands up and starts walking forward, completely throwing me off. Why is she getting up and walking away when it’s not even her turn?

  It’s only when she tenses before turning back around and facing me, her blue eyes connecting straight to mine that I start putting everything together. Her name, its Amelia and she doesn’t like it.

  “Hey Eric.” She calls out, making me completely abandon my dissection of the way she responded to her name and bringing my attention back. “Thanks.”

  As she turns and walks away, disappearing around the corner before I’ve had a chance to really process everything that just happened, I settle myself back into the seat, hoping to god that my mom doesn’t make me wait much longer.

  That’s not the only thought I have though. Thinking about everything that’s happened since I left Thompson’s office, I’m left with only one question.

  Who the hell is this girl and what did she do with the real Amy?

  Amelia

  Why people insist on calling me Amelia I’ll never know, but the minute she calls my name, I jump to my feet and attempt to make the world’s quickest getaway before he can put two and two together.

  The last thing I want Eric Carmen getting ahold of is even more information about me. I be
lieve that he didn’t tell anyone about seeing me here Friday, his reaction, pretending like he has no idea what I’m talking about more than enough proof that he’s holding onto my secret, but it doesn’t mean I want him knowing anything else.

  Especially not my name. God, why did she have to call me Amelia? Now he knows and it’s just another thing I’m gonna have to make sure he doesn’t let slip. Not even Tim knows and he’s been my friend for years.

  Thanking him before I walked away, I have no idea what the hell that was about. I don’t thank anyone for anything, but here I am for the second time today, doing exactly that.

  Truth is, he did make me laugh and even made me forget where I was for a few minutes and even knowing he’s just another special needs moron, I’m thankful for it.

  God I’m such a fucking mess. Whatever that Doctor did to me the last time I was here has obviously messed with my brain. Having a conversation with Eric Carmen of all people is just wrong. It’s not something that I would ever do.

  So why the hell did I like it so much?

  “Amy! Nice to see you. I have to admit, after last week I wasn’t sure I would see you back here again.”

  Well that makes two of us.

  “Is it that obvious that I don’t wanna be here?”

  “Not at all.” He smiles and something about it is different than the last time I was here. This time he doesn’t remind me of my dad. It’s a smile that makes me feel safe instead of afraid.

  “If you’re comfortable with it, I would like to pick up where we left off Friday.”

  “Okay.”

  “Is it really okay, Amy?”

  It’s really not okay with me and I’m sure he can tell by the way my voice cracked just getting the one word out, but there’s no going back now. If I’m gonna be made to come here and he’s gonna probe me for answers, I might as well give it to him. It’s not like anything said here can get out anyway.

  I really am safe here.

  “Yes.” I nod as I take the seat across from him, noticing as I do that the pad that was in his lap the last time is missing. “Where’s the pad?”

  “I’m trying a different approach to this session. No pad this week.”

  “Okay.”

  “So tell me. How was your weekend?”

  Thank god, an easy question. He’s not going to dive right into the hard stuff.

  “Boring, but it’s always boring.”

  “You didn’t get out and do anything fun?”

  “Define fun.”

  “Why don’t you tell me what your idea of fun is?”

  Damn. There it is. He’s giving me another loaded question. I’m pretty damn sure he knows what my idea of fun is, at least what’s fun when I’m at school, so asking this, he wants me to admit to the shit I’ve done. The shit that landed me here to begin with.

  “I like going for walks.”

  “Where do you walk?”

  “To the park mostly, sometimes I hang around on the jungle gym with Tim and the others and we just screw around, climbing, hanging off it, that kinda thing.”

  “What else do you do for fun?”

  “You already know so why bother asking?”

  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  “The reason I’m here. You know that my idea of fun is picking on the retarded kids at school; that I enjoy breaking them down and making them hurt. So why bother even asking? I mean; that is what you wanna hear right?”

  I don’t wanna let on, but the way it felt saying all of that, made me sick to my stomach. Admitting the truth must cause that kind of reaction because it’s not one I’ve ever experienced before.

  “Tell me something.”

  “What?”

  “You flinched right after you admitted to hurting kids at school? Why is that?”

  Shit. He caught me. The sick feeling I had, I reacted physically to it and didn’t even realize it. Damnit. Now he really is gonna analyze my every move.

  Time to deflect.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Alright. We’ll move on from that.” He stops, taking a breath before continuing. “You’re correct. I am aware of what you do during school hours, but that is not what I was trying to get you to admit. You did that all on your own, which tells me a lot.”

  “Oh yeah? What does it tell you?”

  “Even though you’re aware that I know what you’ve done to your peers, you still needed to get it out. What that tells me is that on some unconscious level you’re not as okay with it as you seem to think.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “Explain why you think that is.”

  “If I wasn’t okay with it, why would I do it in the first place? If I didn’t want to pick on them, hurt them then I just wouldn’t do it. It’s that simple.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Alright, then it’s your turn to explain.”

  “Based on what I’ve learned about you since you showed up here Friday, I believe there’s more to it than just you garnering enjoyment from the torture of your fellow students.”

  What he’s learned about me? We barely spoke about anything the last time I was here. I broke down on him pretty quickly and booked it out of there as fast as my legs could move. He can’t know nearly as much as he thinks about me. It’s impossible.

  “If you know me as well as think, why do you think I do it?”

  “After what you went through as a child with your father, the pain you felt at his hands, one a child should never have to feel, you’ve turned it around and decided to put it on the people you go to school with instead of the person that deserves it most.”

  “Wrong. God, you have no clue. I do put it on the person that deserves it most!”

  I’m shouting and he’s not reacting at all. His face is still even, expressionless as he watches me lose it in front of him. Why isn’t he reacting? Telling me what I’m doing is wrong and I need to settle down? Why isn’t he saying anything?

  God the silence is killing me.

  “Who do you think deserves it most?”

  Reaching for my sleeves, sliding them up slowly until they’re all the way up tight around my shoulders, I push them out in front of him, my face expressionless, but my body now beginning to shake under the weight of what I’m about to do. This is something I’ve never done before, but since he wants to know, I’m gonna fucking show him until he turns away in disgust.

  “Me alright! I deserve it most!”

  Chapter Five

  Eric

  Seven days.

  One hundred sixty eight hours.

  It’s been exactly that long since Hannah was dragged into the girl’s washroom, beaten and burned. It’s also been one week since Amy got kicked out of school and the whole social order blew up in smoke.

  At the beginning of the year there was six of them. They walked the hall in a line, owning it and making sure that everyone around them knew it. They were the masters of their domain, the ones that called the shots and it was up to us to remember that and fall in line because it wasn’t going to change.

  It had taken more than half the year, but change happened.

  The first change came with Kayden catching an attack on Belle in the parking lot and putting himself in the middle of it, preventing it from going further. In an effort to protect her, he’d turned the attention on me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was chosen because his need to protect Belle was stronger than his drive to do right by all of us.

  Kayden eventually got his head on straight and did right by everyone instead of just one, which left the group of them with five remaining.

  Dillon came after that, because of Cadence and the punishment that Daniels leveled him with after he dragged me into the locker room and beat the hell out of me. For whatever reason, he changed and now instead of walking with them, he fights alongside Kayden, the complete opposite of the way it started in September.

  Then there were four.

&nb
sp; With Amy gone and out for god knows how long, the other three don’t seem to know what to do with themselves. None of them are strong enough on their own to be considered a leader which means the social order is in complete disarray. Something I’m thankful for, but not stupid enough to think will last forever.

  At some point Amy is going to come back and when she does, things will go back to the way they’ve always been. We’ll all be targets again. Me even more than the others because now that I know what’s happening to her, it’s only a matter of time before she turns it around and uses it against me.

  Where I walked the halls a few weeks ago like a ghost, doing everything in my power to skate by without anyone noticing and calling attention to me, now I’m the visible one and they’re the ghosts. Tim shuffles from class to practice so quickly that you barely have enough time to register that he’s even there until he’s gone again.

  Charlotte and Eve have taken to spending all of their free time outside and away from the prying eyes of the rest of the school, completely at a loss now that their leader is gone with no sign of coming back.

  Everything is the way it should have always been, but I can’t enjoy it because every time I think about how much everything changed, I think back to the girl in the office, the burns I saw on her arms and the way she smiled, laughed and thanked me two days ago.

  Amelia Evans, the girl that for whatever reason chooses to go by Amy and act like a complete monster with everyone she interacts with. The girl that for some reason chose not to act like a monster with me.

  “Hey Carmen, you always wear the same fucking clothes like that or are you just doing it for my benefit?”

  Maybe things aren’t all that different after all.

  Ignoring his comment, I continue making my way down the hall, the one that will take me to the front of the school where my friends are waiting for me so we can sit together for lunch the way we always do.

  “Here’s an idea. Go home and take a shower, change your panties. The stench coming off of you is literally choking the life out of me!”