“I’m everything?”
“Yes, Amelia. You’re everything.”
We both go silent as my truth settles in and after a few seconds of just enjoying the quiet, she shifts in my arms, until I can feel her eyes looking up at me.
“Three days, Eric and then I don’t care who knows what. I’m telling the world that I’m your girlfriend. We’ll deal with the fallout together.”
Chapter Twenty
Amelia
This is a whole lot harder than I thought it would be.
Before I got kicked out a few weeks ago, I didn’t see Eric very much. To be honest, I didn’t see many of the special needs kids around even though I knew for a fact they were around somewhere. It was only every once in a while that I would come across one of them.
It hasn’t been like that at all today. I’ve seen not only Isabelle about fifteen times in a bunch of random places around the school, but Eric even more than that.
Turning the corner, moving from class to class, it’s become a guessing game now. Will I see him around this corner or that one? Will we pass each other in the hall while I’m going from one pointless boring class to another? Am I going to get close enough to him to casually be able to touch him without anyone else seeing?
We’ve made eye contact almost every time, but before I can connect completely, his eyes fall away and he slinks off down the hallway, taking a part of me with him. The part that wants to turn back time and take away the three day wait I set down this morning.
I miss him. Nothing feels right. It’s my worst fear come to life. What I was so afraid of coming back here today.
We’ve gone back to being the way we were before I got kicked out. He’s with his friends and I’m with mine, both of us pretending, putting on a show because living with the reality is just too damn hard.
The only relief is that it’s lunch time now which means he’ll be outside like he always is, surrounded by the others and I’ll be here, like I am right now surrounded with the three people that up until a month ago were my best friends.
The three people that are nothing to me now.
“You like have no idea how much we missed you!”
“Eve’s right. This place was a wasteland without you.”
After both girls are done telling me how my absence affected them, Tim chimes in and it takes everything in me to swallow down the urge to tell him off. Admit the truth and just walk the hell away from all of them for good.
“The inmates are running the asylum, Ames. We need to set things right.”
I know what he means by inmates. He might not have called them retards or morons the way he normally does, the way we all used to, but inmates is just as bad. When I got kicked out, they lost the control they normally had over the school and now that I’m back, they’re looking to me in order to make it right. Put things back to normal.
Pick another special needs kid or other random nerd and bully them until we’re back on top again.
Plastering a look of interest on my face, even though I’m nowhere near feeling it, I attempt to do what I’ve always done even though I no longer fit into the role.
“I’m assuming you guys have some idea of who the next victim should be?”
Charlotte and Eve remain completely silent, but Tim wastes no time jumping on what I’ve said. With how lit up he seems to be at the thought of picking on another person, hurting them the way we always do, it’s like watching a little kid on Christmas morning. It’s like I’ve given him a shiny new toy to play with and it disgusts me.
“Well, we’ve still gotta make Carmen pay for all the shit he caused. Charlotte said that the girl you guys screwed with before is back, so she’s another one.”
Hearing him talk about making Eric pay turns me inside out. This is where I need to just stand up and tell them that I’m not doing this shit anymore. That it was over after I got caught with Hannah and things needed to change.
Where I tell them that they won’t be attacking Eric because he’s my boyfriend.
I don’t do it though because as strong as I am physically, I’m a pussy underneath it all. I’m supposed to be the leader here and I can’t even get up the nerve to stand up to these three even though they’re three of the weakest people I’ve ever met. So I go with another tactic instead.
“It’s my first day back. I’m not going after anyone until the heat dies down. We need to stop doing shit without thinking it all the way through or it’s just gonna keep happening.”
“Of course we’ll wait for a few days, Ames. The last thing we want is for you to get exiled again. This place sucks without you.”
It’s happening again. The same shit that happened when he came to my house to visit me. He’s acting different. He’s always been loyal and agreeable and the best damn puppy dog around, but this is different. He’s kissing my ass and not in the good way. I can’t let him keep doing this.
I need answers.
Looking over at the two girls to my left, both sets of eyes locked on the conversation going on with me and Tim, I turn to them, about to pull rank and do the one thing I’m still capable of doing. The one thing I know won’t turn me completely inside out the minute it’s done.
“You two mind giving me and Tim a few minutes alone?”
The smile that comes across his face isn’t lost on me, but waiting for the two girls to respond, I can’t focus on it. I’ll deal with it once we’re alone. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since Dillon dumped me in the hall months ago, it’s that something like this is better off done without an audience.
How anything Dillon Murphy did during our time together taught me anything is beyond me, but for now, it’s the truth and it’s what needs to happen.
“Yeah, sure.” Charlotte says and I flash her the fakest smile I can manage.
“Thanks. I’ll text you.”
Waiting patiently while both girls get to their feet and grab their stuff, focusing my eyes anywhere but on the guy sitting on my right, I close my eyes and allow myself a few brief seconds to think about what Eric might be doing right now.
I know that he’s outside, even if we weren’t close that would just be common knowledge, but I wonder if he’s feeling the same disconnection as I am. If he misses me as much as I do him and if he wants to end this too.
“I was wondering if we were gonna get to spend any time alone today.”
Shivering from the words, the way he sounds when he says them, confirming even more the worry I’ve got that he’s starting to have a thing for me, I take a deep breath, attempt to calm my nerves and turn to face him.
“What the hell is going on with you?”
“Not sure what you mean.”
“The last couple weeks, you’re acting fucking different and honestly, it’s starting to creep me out. You wanna tell me what’s going on?”
The way his cheeks go a darker shade isn’t lost on me, following it up with a quick run through his hair with his hand and a loud sigh. He’s caught and he knows it and now he’s not sure what the hell to do.
I hate this, but right now, I kind of like that I’ve still got the control here. He’s reacting to me the same way as everyone else does, the only difference being, he knows he’s safe from the normal shit I do when I deal with someone.
“It’s nothing.”
“Timmy,” I say, this time using his nickname and lowering my voice. “That’s total BS.”
“Ames,” he sighs again and I know it’s not gonna be long now before he gives me what I’m after. I can always count on Tim bending to me. It’s his nature. He really is a loyal little puppy. “I’ve been doing some thinking.”
Tim actually thinks? Since when? I thought that was what he had the rest of us for.
“Thinking about what?”
“Us.”
“What about us?”
“You and me. Uh, you know, together.”
The one thing that won’t ever happen. Even if for some reason Eric got a clue and bailed on me, I still wo
uldn’t turn around and take a turn with Tim. It’s one thing to call him my friend, it’s something else entirely to think of him in a way that’s even remotely romantic.
It will never happen.
“Timmy, what the fuck are you talking about?”
“Come on, Ames,” he says, this time his voice clear and his lips raised until he’s full on grinning at me. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about how amazing it would be if we got together.”
He’s joking right? I can’t possibly be hearing this right now. It’s taking everything in me not to burst out laughing at how completely insane this sounds. Tim is the last person I would ever think about that way. God, just thinking about it now that he’s brought it up is enough to make me shiver in disgust.
I’ve never wanted to throw up so much in my life.
Despite not wanting to laugh, an awkward one slips out and instead of trying to hide it, I run with it. It’s time he knows the truth. “I can safely say that I’ve never thought about that, ever.”
“What’s so funny?”
“You are! You can’t possibly be serious right now.”
“I’m dead serious.”
Okay, well since this is getting me nowhere, there’s still another thing I can use to get through to him.
“Aren’t you like head over heels for Eve or something?”
“No.”
“Since when? We all saw the way the two of you were at prom. Don’t even try bullshitting right now.”
There he goes with pushing his hand through his hair again. This time though, it’s harder, my reaction obviously not the one he’d been hoping for when I told the girls I wanted some time alone with him.
“Eve was a fucking distraction, Ames. I’ve wanted to get with you for two years, but you were with Dill and then before that with Kayden.”
I had a feeling all of this awkward shit he’s been doing lately had something to do with liking me, so I’m not all that surprised by the way he’s talking, but knowing that it’s been going on for a whole lot longer than I thought, that’s sort of mind blowing.
“I’m sure she’ll love knowing that you just wanted in her pants because you couldn’t get into mine.”
“I don’t care what she thinks.”
“Well, I do.”
I really don’t but he doesn’t have to know that. Whatever gets him off this crazy train he’s on, I’ll do right now, even if it’s completely lying to his face.
“Ames,” he starts before completely stopping. “You’re really gonna make say this shit aren’t you?”
“I guess I am, but I’ve got no idea what shit you’re even talking about.”
He starts sliding himself across the floor until he’s on his knees directly in front of me, so close now that the knees of his jeans are barely brushing mine. How close he is, it doesn’t make me feel good the way it might have in the past. Now that I know how he really feels, why he’s been acting so strange, nothing about being around him, close or not feels good.
I just wanna get the hell out of here, find Eric and end all of this crap once and for all. If I was with him right now, none of this would even be happening. I’d be safe and okay. The complete opposite of what I’m feeling in the moment.
“You’re the sexiest girl I’ve ever seen. The entire time you were with Dill, it took every bit of fucking self-control I had not to grab you and kiss you sometimes. God Ames, I want you so fucking bad I can taste it. You’re amazing.”
For most girls, having a guy like Tim tell you that they want you, find you sexy and think you’re amazing would be like a dream come true, but that’s not at all how it feels for me. His words, they’re scaring me. They remind me of Frank and right now, especially after the week I’ve had without nightmares, the last thing I want is a reminder of him.
Tim is scaring the shit out of me.
“Timmy…”
“Ames, I’m in love with you. Please tell me you’ll give me a chance.”
Oh god, I’m gonna be sick. I can feel it.
Sliding to my knees and getting to my feet as quickly as I can, more than ready to bail on this entire conversation, find the nearest bathroom and just let it all come out the way it wants to, I grab my bag, but as I’m about to turn and make a quick getaway, he’s on his feet too and his hand is wrapped around my wrist.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Tim, let me go. Now.”
“Not until you tell me why you’re running away.”
“I’m not running, I just need to get out of here.”
It’s total bullshit and he’s gonna see right through it but if he doesn’t let me go soon, I’m not gonna be responsible for what happens next. I really need to get the hell out of here.
“Tim, let me go.”
“What’s wrong with me, huh? I worship the fucking ground you walk on, visit you when Daniels got his panties in a bunch and kicked your ass out, admit to you how I feel and you just blow it off and want to get the fuck away from me! Why can’t you just admit you love me too?!”
He grabs me tighter and before I can react he pulls me into him and his lips smash down onto mine. Struggling against him, attempting to get my legs to move in order to kick him, knee him in the balls, whatever I need to go in order to get him off me, I hear him moan and everything starts spinning around me.
Oh shit. This can’t be happening right now.
Eric
I’ve never wanted time to speed up so much in my life.
Three hours have already gone by, but it’s the next five that need to get a move on. Having the minutes pass by so slowly, it’s going to drive me even crazier then I already am.
It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. We’ve been here like this before. Well, maybe not the exact same way, but we’ve coexisted before now and never had a problem with it. I’ve walked the halls of this school for an entire year completely able to block her out entirely, but today, that’s not happening.
I’m aware of her every time she’s near.
Catching her when she’s running her fingers through her hair, trying to tame it as every time a door opens around her or someone runs by, it seems to start flying all over the place. The way she purses her lips in the mirror she has hanging inside her locker, Charlotte and Eve doing the same thing, applying more of that bubble gum Chapstick I can’t seem to get enough of.
The half smiles she affords me when she catches me passing her in the hall even though I’m doing my best not to connect to her so people don’t catch on. The way her eyes go so light when she thinks she’s catching sight of me first.
This is what real torture feels like. Having the person you’re dating, are completely consumed by so close, yet unable to do a damn thing about it.
Now I know why Ms. Taylor likes teaching Romeo and Juliet so much. This is exactly what this feels like right now. I don’t exactly think I’m Romeo, but it’s all I can compare it to. Wanting my Juliet so bad but being unable to do anything publicly about it because of the shame that it will bring, except not to our families, but to our friends and the rest of the school.
I haven’t even been able to focus on the conversation going on around me. All I can think about is her and if she’s thinking about me like I am with her and if she hates this as much as I do. Not even sketching is helping and that normally cures everything.
I’m completely lost and I have no idea what to do in order to fix it.
“Eric.”
“Huh?” I ask, looking up at my name but not sure who said it.
“What’s going on with you?”
Belle. Of course it’s her.
“Nothing. Why?”
“You’ve been staring at the grass for the last thirty minutes and every time Kayden says something to you, it’s like you don’t even hear him. I’ve called your name a few times too and nothing.”
“Sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, you just have to tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong, just didn’t get much sleep last night so I’m zoning out a lot.”
It’s not a total lie. Normally I can sleep pretty much the entire night with no wakeups, but last night was impossible. I was too worked up about the way everything would go down today. I was too worked up over my girlfriend and making sure that her morning started great.
Not exactly something I can sit here and tell my best friend.
“Are your parents fighting again?”
“No. I just couldn’t get comfortable.”
Lying, I suck at it. Not only that but when I lie to anyone, it doesn’t matter who, it makes my chest hurt. My throat constricts and it doesn’t let up until the truth comes out. The more I sit here and lie about Amelia and what’s really going on with me, the worse it’s going to get.
I’m going to end up setting myself off and not have a way to get myself out of it.
“Eric,” she sighs and the knot in my throat gets even tighter hearing it. “Whatever you’re keeping in, you need to stop.”
“I’m not keeping anything in.”
“You’re lying to me. Your eyes are squinting.”
That’s another reason I don’t lie often, because I have a tell. A way for Belle or anyone who knows even the smallest bit about me to see right through me. It’s half the reason that Ms. T found out about the crush I had on Cadence a few months ago. My damn eye kept twitching and I was squinting at her.
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Is it because you think I’m not gonna like what you have to say?”
Not wanting to let her know how right she is and not trusting my voice anymore not to give me away completely, I just shrug my shoulders and hope that she’ll leave me alone. Go back to talking to her boyfriend and ignoring me.
“It’s about Amy isn’t it?” Kayden speaks up and I know I’ve been caught. At least with Belle, her questions were basic enough that I could blow them off. Saying her name, I’m going to react. I always do.
“What about Amy?” Belle asks, turning toward Kayden and his eyes lock on mine and I lower my head.
“There’s something going on with her and Eric. Dillon noticed it a couple weeks ago, but since he seemed okay again, we both blew it off. Obviously he’s not as okay as we thought.”
Take Me With You Page 20
