by M. Mabie
But I was also growing tired of always putting my thoughts and feels into boxes labeled right and wrong. I was over holding back because I thought she wasn’t ready.
It wasn’t for me to decide.
I wanted her, and if she wanted me, I wouldn’t keep denying her. It wasn’t fair.
24
Myra
The cabin didn’t feel the same as it had before I left, but in many ways, it was better. I didn’t have to question whether he wanted me there or if I belonged.
The days of praying for answers, hoping somehow, I’d miraculously find wisdom out of thin air, was over. It was such a long way to go about getting what I wanted.
I had a voice now, and I wouldn’t waste it.
Speaking my mind didn’t come easily, but day by day I was growing stronger, more sure of myself. Having people around me who encouraged that was a gift.
Abraham had been a gift all along, but not in the ways I’d thought.
I dipped my shoulders deep into the hot water and my eyes fell shut. The only sound in the bathroom was the washing machine and its steady beat lulled me into a deep relaxation as I sorted things out.
He’d stepped up when I needed someone. When he didn’t have to. And even when I’d been so determined to continue the lifestyle I’d been raised in, he was patient and never took advantage of it.
Of me.
I couldn’t blame him forever for not explaining every wrongdoing that had come my way. It wasn’t his place. What he’d given me was support. Friendship. A safe haven. And when asked, he gave me space, and none of the men I’d ever known would have done that.
Leaving like I had was unheard of, but at the time, I didn’t know what to think. To believe. Who to trust.
He’d more than proven that I could trust him. More than that. He made me believe I could trust myself. That I was worth more than just some skirt-shuffling female around to cook, clean and have his babies.
It would have been so easy for him to let me. I’d wanted to.
Even with all that gone, he wanted me around. Missed me. Cared for me.
Loved me—if I’d heard him right. It could have been a dream, but it wasn’t.
In that tub, I let that sink into me. Through my skin. Around my bones. And its warmth spread to my heart.
I wasn’t sure what love was yet. There was a lot I was confused about. I’d be sure, when I was sure. Although, it felt so close. It was about sorting through my feelings, accepting the ones that were real and discarding the ones that had been pushed upon me.
But he wasn’t where I was. Abraham was on the other side.
He said he loved.
I believed him.
It took a long time for the water to turn cold, and before I started to shiver, I dried off and put on my favorite nightgown. I didn’t care if it was only the afternoon. It didn’t matter that it was simple and homemade. I felt pretty in it and it made me feel like myself.
What if I wanted to look beautiful around him, for him? Was that so bad?
I’d skipped washing my hair and since there was a chill in the air, I put a large, fluffy cardigan over my night clothes. When I came out of the bathroom, he was at the stove poking at the roast.
“How’s it looking?”
“It’s at that shriveled-up point. Might be a while.” He glanced over his shoulder and swore. Then he turned slowly and unhurriedly stepped closer, like I was a rabbit about to run and he didn’t want to scare me away.
I wasn’t scared.
His voice changed, lowered, filled out in all the hollow places, and he asked, “Do you know what it does to me when you look like that?”
The blush on my cheeks knew.
“I know what I want it to do to you,” I answered, almost in a whisper. It wasn’t hard to be honest with him, but still, sometimes words were bigger than my voice.
Abraham’s eyes closed tight, and his chest appeared wider with every breath he took. “There are things we need to talk about before...” He blew out a long stream of air. “Before we can be together. We need to talk about consent. And birth control. And probably a handful of other things that I can’t think of right now because you’re standing there, looking like more than I ever dreamed I’d deserve.”
The old me would have thanked God.
The new me could talk to him later.
“You love me?”
His eyes shined almost a tawny green, and they burned me into mine. “Yeah.”
“I don’t mind waiting and we can talk later about whatever you like, but there are other things we can do first.”
Granted, most of the videos I’d watched online were too graphic and lacked any kind of intimacy at all, but there were a few instructional ones I was able to watch and learn from. So while I’d been away, on late nights when I couldn’t sleep, I’d looked up things he’d mentioned couples do before sex.
Foreplay. Using hands. Using mouths.
Not only did I want to make sure I had at least a basic knowledge of foreplay—I hadn’t even known what oral sex was—but I wanted to see how people responded to such things. I wanted to please him, maybe even more than I had before, and I couldn’t see how it would be attractive or arousing if he had to explain every single move to me.
I’d taken my life into my own hands. That meant learning. Getting a job. Finding my style and identity. With all that, it didn’t feel right to pass the responsibility of my sexuality off to someone else. Whether I trusted him or not, I had to discover
I’d read the pamphlets, and Dr. Norris gave me more when I went back for my exam. She answered questions and wrote down websites for me to look at. I was much more at ease on my second visit and told her about Abraham and about my history.
She said he sounded like a good man because of how he didn’t want to rush me. How he wanted me to be comfortable each step of the way. I agreed.
Of the many things that made up who he was as a person, patient was at the top.
Although I’d done some research on my own, there was no way of knowing what he’d like. How he enjoyed being touched. What got him going. And I didn’t know a lot of that about myself either, but I was curious.
Eager to try, knowing we wouldn’t figure it all out in one day. Even glad for it.
He was silent and still, and so I closed the distance between us. He always seemed so sure, but at the moment, it was like he was needing my guidance. I touched his neck, feeling his racing pulse under the pads of my fingers. And I pulled his face closer to mine.
“I trust you.” But I hoped he already knew.
My hands made their way to the bottom of his shirt and I lifted it above his head until I couldn’t reach even on my tip toes, and he pulled it off.
There it was again. The band.
I wasn’t ready to wear it again yet, and I wasn’t sure what he’d do with it when I gave it back. But seeing it closer to his heart meant a lot me.
I traced the lined of his shoulders, chest, and his stomach where it rippled. I slipped my hands around his back and ran them along the waist of his jeans. My eyes wandered and appraised him, the light patches of hair that covered parts of his chest. His freckles, and I kissed the closest one.
His hands tangled in my hair and, but he didn’t hold me in place. I tasted him, letting my tongue sneak out for a sample.
When I looked up into his face, it was slack. His eyes were dreamy and glassy.
“Kiss me,” I requested.
He answered right away. A deep, slow kiss that made my knees weak. As it turned feverish, he lifted me and walked us to the bed, never breaking contact. Lay me down, he moved to my neck.
“That feels good,” I said. Hoping that if I shared what I liked he’d do the same.
He moaned against my skin and tugged the shoulder of my cardigan out of his way so that he could move lower. He lay to my side and hitched my leg up to his hip. His large hand skimmed up my thigh to the round flesh on my backside and he gave it a squeeze under my gown.
I pressed closer to him, loving the feeling of his hands on me, and he rolled to his back.
Straddling him, I felt his arousal pressed against my center through our clothes. I sat up to take off my sweater, and he lifted me onto his lap.
Abraham pulled the strap of my gown down my arm and kissed the top of my breast that he’d exposed. I leaned back into his hands holding me and savored the feeling of it all.
“I want to take this off,” his said. It was still very much light out and the room was lit in the warm late afternoon sun. I’d never been naked with anyone but couldn’t deny I wanted to see all of him too.
I lifted my arms above my head and he pulled it off, careful not to yank my hair.
It was a vulnerable feeling, my top half on display, but even his green eyes were affectionate, and he looked at me like I was the only woman on the planet.
“Beautiful,” he mouthed. The pad of his thumb smoothed over the tip of my breast and it made me shiver and it stiffened for him. He licked his thumb and gave the other the same attention. The sensation of the cool air making it react even quicker the first.
My hands were on my lap, between us and I boldly cupped my fingers around the hardness against my inner thigh.
His eyes fluttered, and he sighed when I moved my hand over him. I inched back enough to explore the full length of him between us. And then he took my nipple into his mouth, holding both of my breasts in his hands.
There wasn’t anything like it and a sound slipped past my lips.
I unlatched his belt and separated the ends to get to the button on his jeans. It unfastened easily, and my fingers worked on the zipper, but I didn’t have as much luck with it.
Without releasing me from his lips, he quickly tugged his zipper down and then wiggled his pants down his thighs. I used both hands to massage him over his boxer briefs, but I wasn’t going to be satisfied until I touched him and snuck a hand inside.
He was warm and rigid. His skin was silky, and my hand slipped over his stiffness when I wrapped my fingers around him.
“Oh,” he said. “Oh, God.” Abraham sounded desperate and I liked it.
I freed part of him, but the band of his underwear was in the way. So with my free hand, I gently pushed him back. He reclined on one elbow and I lifted onto my knees to pull down the last piece of clothing between us. He kicked them the rest of the way off behind me.
Abraham’s eyes were locked on me, down there, and admittedly, I was taking a good look at him as well. He was a darker flesh color than I’d pictured as it lay, off one side against his stomach. He had thick hair and I wasn’t sure how to touch him.
Our eyes met and then I gazed down again.
I reached for him, but hesitated. “Will you tell me if I’m doing something wrong?”
He gave me the slightest nod.
I wrapped my fingers around him as much as I could and lightly stroked toward the tip. A bead of wetness appeared, and I glanced at his face again.
A lazy smile tipped the corners of his mouth. “That’s normal. It’s good.”
I returned to what I was doing, and his breathing sped up.
“A little tighter,” he suggested and bucked into my hand when I took his suggestion. “Just like that.”
Maybe it was silly of me to think, but I thought it was beautiful. He was such a big, strong man, but like that all his defenses were down and he gave me a piece of him.
25
Abe
Oh. My. God.
There’d never been anything as erotic as Myra, completely naked, on top of me, her breasts gently swaying as he pushed and pulled me through her hand. The attention she gave it. Watching what she was doing.
I felt myself begin to tighten. My thighs jumped, and my stomach twitched. My head swam and nearly every exhale passed my lips carried a sound. A moan. A groan. A grunt.
Did I want to orgasm like that?
Yes and no.
I would have much more preferred to pleasure her, especially first, but she’d taken the lead and I couldn’t take that away from her. And I wanted to show her what she was capable of.
I leaned up on my palm and I wrapped my hand around hers, speeding up the pace as I got closer.
“About to come, Myra,” I warned, barely able to get coherent words out.
She licked her pink lips and her head fell to the side as she observed.
I thought it was there and then it wasn’t, and then it was all at once.
“Don’t stop. Ah. Ah. Ah.”
Then it burst from me and the expression on her face, the O she made with her mouth, as I spilled onto my stomach, added to the intensity of it.
She took me literally and continued to pump until my hand stilled hers.
I rose up and cupped her cheeks in my hands. Grateful. Overcome with adoration. She was incredible. “Thank you,” I said between kisses. She smiled against my lips.
“You’re welcome.”
When I leaned back to catch my breath, she took her finger and felt the wetness on my chest and abs.
I had no idea what she was thinking, but I let her investigate.
“Slimy.” She wrinkled her nose, brought her finger to her face, and gave it a whiff. Her brows jumped as if she was surprised, and she glanced at me. “No smell.”
Eyes locked, she opened her mouth and licked it.
Let me repeat that. She licked my orgasm off her finger.
I’d underestimated her curiosity.
It was hard to say what she’d thought of the taste. She didn’t comment, and I didn’t wait for one.
No. It was my turn, but I needed to clean up a bit first. So I looked around for something within arm’s reach to wipe myself up.
She sat back on her knees, legs still spread over my thighs.
Stretching, I pulled a tissue from the box on the nightstand, cleaned up, and tossed it on the floor next to my jeans. I’d get it in a while.
There were more important things that needed my attention.
I pressed my lips to hers and then rolled her onto her back. I lay beside her and kissed her shoulder, while her hand rubbed my hip.
“I want to touch you too.”
She quietly replied, “I won’t be able to help you like you did for me.”
“That’s okay.” My mouth traveled to her neck. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.”
Her cheek fell to the side and our mouths collided. I pulled at her bottom lip with mine and she hummed.
There was no rush to jump the gun. I wanted to work her up before I ever put my hands on her. I ran the backs of my fingers over the side of her face, down her neck, her chest and cupped her. As far as breasts went, hers were perfect.
Then again, what part of her wasn’t?
I rolled her stiffening nipple between my finger and thumb, and she arched off the mattress. She was sensitive and responsive and gorgeous.
Before long, she was noticeably growing needier. Squirming. Her sounds became more pleading.
I moved my arm behind her head and put my weight on my elbow, so I could watch like she’d done with me. Timidly at first, I pet over the light patch of hair, swirling my fingers over it. Her head shifted toward my chest and she nuzzled against me. Using my middle finger, I slid over top of her crease and rolled it around with minimal pressure.
It wasn’t long until she was pressing herself firmer against me.
“That feels good,” she said on an exhale.
God, I wanted her.
My hand cupped her entire sex then, feeling how wet she’d gotten for me. There was nothing sweeter. My longest finger dipped between her lips and I caressed her opening, front to back, over and over, letting her get used to the sensation before I went any further.
The breaths quickened from her open mouth, and her hips rolled.
Myra was exquisite.
Her fingers gripped my side and her face was flushed. She looked out of control and wild and lost to herself. Blue eyes met mine and I pre
ssed a finger inside her.
“Oh,” she panted.
I remained still, and she tightened around it. My lips paired with hers.
When she started moving again, I followed her lead. Leisurely, stroking her warm sex. In and out. Crooking my finger to find her hidden spot. When I hit, she whimpered. Her eyes went wide, and her brow creased.
“Abraham?”
“Yeah?” I answered softly and continued, adding another finger to her wetness.
“Oh.” She swallowed and tucked her chin. “I feel hot and dizzy.”
I wasn’t cocky enough to assume I could get her to the nirvana she’d taken me to, but I wanted to. I wanted to make her feel as amazing as I did.
However, it was a lot. Overwhelming at times, so I slowed to check on her.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, please. Please don’t stop,” she begged. “I love it.”
My heart stalled. She’d nearly said I love you and had she, I’m not sure I could have kept myself from crawling between her legs and sinking myself into her.
She loved it—which was fine too. Pleasing her was all I wanted to do.
I pressed my palm against her and found the shallow spot she liked best and lightly tapped against it with the pads of my fingers, alternating in a steady rhythm.
Myra’s breath hitched, and her fingers found my forearm and clung to it. Head thrown back beside me, her eyes pinched shut. Mouth open but silent. Her body quaked, and I dipped my head, sucking her nipple into my mouth.
One single moan tumbled out of her and I felt it run down my spine.
When she caught her breath and her body relaxed, I slackened.
Both of her hands found my face. She pulled me up to her and kissed me with such insistence, such urgency. It was lustful and indulgent,
Eventually, we came up for air and fell asleep on the sunny, rumpled blankets.
THE NAP WAS NICE, BUT waking up to the smell of dinner about an hour later had me slipping into a pair of sweats and heading out to the kitchen. It wasn’t long before Myra walked around the bookcase with her gown and sweater back on. Her hair was a mess.
It was the sexiest sight.
