by M. Mabie
“Hungry?” I asked, putting the roast on a platter to rest. It was a bit of a chore because it kept falling apart went I lifted it out.
“I’m starving.” Stepping around me, her hand grazed my back. She got into the cabinet and removed the plates and retrieved silverware from the drawer. “Do you have wine glasses?”
I paused. “I don’t think so.”
“These will work,” she replied with two juice glasses in her hand.
We ate at the table. I should have thought about getting rolls when we were at the store, but good old bread and butter did the trick.
Meat and potatoes. My girl was home. It didn’t get much better.
26
Myra
“When do you want to talk about sex?” I asked.
Abraham choked on his wine as we watched a movie on the couch. He’d swiveled me earlier and rested my legs over top of his, but I pulled them to me so he could sit up and cough.
He leaned forward, and I gave him a few swats on the back.
“You caught me off guard.” Patting his chest, he cleared his throat. “Whenever you want.”
I pressed the power button on the remote between us and folded my legs under myself. “You mentioned consent. Let’s talk about that first,” I said.
Not that I didn’t have a magnificent afternoon. I had. I wasn’t ungrateful for the things we’d done. And the best part was that it was even. I felt so powerful after what I’d done for him. So womanly. We hadn’t talked about it specifically, but I was sure from what I’d seen in videos what he did was a positive reaction to what I was doing with my hand.
I’d done that.
And what he’d done to me in return?
Whoa.
I wasn’t sure what that was, but I wanted to do it again. Total bliss.
Everything with Abraham was like that: pleasing and rewarding and it just felt so good.
So I wasn’t in too much of a hurry to skip past things or rush into anything, but if the time came I thought it best to have whatever conversations he thought we needed to have out of the way.
We’d be ready.
I was ready.
“Consent is important because I don’t think that women who grew up the way we did have a lot of it.” He leaned back into the cushion and stretched his muscular arm over the back of the sofa. “Submission and obedience are not the same thing as consent. Are you ready to take the next step?”
I’d thought about this quite a bit. According to most articles and my doctor, a woman could decide who she slept with and when. Regardless if they were married or not. Raised in Lancaster, that was unheard of. You married young and you were with that person, and only that person, even after you passed through the gates to Heaven. That was final.
Either way I looked at it, sex with Abe wasn’t immoral. I could make my own decisions, but we were also married. “You are still my husband.”
“But that doesn't me I give the right to your body. You have a choice. You have to consent. No. More than that. You have to want it. We're legally married, yes. But sex isn't just for making children. And if I wanted them now, I'd want your consent on that as well. That's a what a real relationship—a real marriage—is made strong by. Trust, agreement, common goals. As bad as I want you, I have to wait until you want me the same way. Without obligations or motives. I want you to decide me. Choose me. Need me. Because then you're really mine.” He scratched his head and took a drink of his wine.
He’d said a lot. I agreed with it all.
“I don’t want to get pregnant right now. I got the shot that prevents it last week.” It was a big decision, but I was happy with it and glad I had the option.
“You did?”
I may have only been gone over a month, but my eyes had been opened to a lot of things. I sat straight and nodded.
“Why?”
“Because I’m taking classes and I want that job at Hobby Lobby. Up until today, I was staying in someone’s spare room. But mostly, I don’t want to do something I can’t undo right now. I don’t want children with a man who might not want me after I sort all of this stuff in my head out. But I do want to be with you, and so I got the shot.”
He was silent and without the TV on it was dim in the room. While I waited for him to say something I uncurled my legs and crossed them over his knee.
Abraham shook his head and ran his hand over my shin.
“It lasts three months and was effective the day I got it. Take it from me, a lot can change in three months, but I’ll deal with getting another one then.”
“Well, okay,” he stated.
“I think I’d like to give you oral sex first though.” He laughed out loud, and it made me giggle. “I’m serious. I don’t know how, but I’m interested in trying sometime.”
Pitching forward, he puckered his lips. “Kiss me.”
When I met his mouth, he said it again.
“I love you.”
27
Abe
Was there a man alive who would turn that down? When the time came, I wouldn’t.
That was just the last shocking thing to come from her pretty face.
I cared about her—I had for a long time—but I respected the hell out of that woman. After everything life had tossed at her, she was taking it all and actually dealing beautifully. She had an ability to cope like no one I’d ever known. Her world had been rattled, shaken, and turned upside down, and she just kept growing and thriving and moving forward.
That took guts and my girl had them.
As far as the oral went, we kissed for a while before bed, but I wasn’t going to press the matter. I wasn’t going to object either.
I couldn’t wait to have her in my mouth, but thinking about that didn’t help my morning wood as I filled the coffee pot.
Myra was already awake that Sunday morning, sweeping and dusting. Two things I’d neglected while she’d been gone.
“Good morning,” she said from the corner near her machine. “I was waiting for you to get up. I’m making French toast.”
Stretching, I answered, “Good morning. That sounds good.” I saw no need to hide my erection, but when I was stretched out, I pressed it down. She laughed and scooped up the sweepings into a dustpan. “I’m going to church at nine.”
She stopped before she made it to the garbage. “Church?”
“Yeah, I’ve been visiting a few different ones lately. I’m going back to the one I went to last week. I like it.”
“Do I have to go?”
“No. Of course not.”
Myra emptied the pan and tapped the plastic against the trash can. “I have a lot of studying to do.”
She didn’t have to explain anything to me. I’d been out of Lancaster for years and only lately felt like going to Sunday services. But I felt good after last week’s sermon and wanted to go back.
I was ready for it, but that didn’t mean she had to be. Now or ever.
MY PHONE HAD BEEN ON silent, so when I got back to my truck that afternoon, I had one missed call from my father—nothing new—and a text message from Robbie Carter.
ROBBIE: If you have a minute this week, give me a call.
I’d thought about it but didn’t see what we’d have to talk about. He was a nice guy, but we didn’t have anything in common anymore. As soon as Myra got the rest of her money, which was something I needed to address with my father, I was cutting my ties.
I couldn’t ever imagine a reason to go back or stay in contact with anyone there, aside from my mother who my father would never release. She was damned to be by that man’s side for all eternity. That was her choice.
Myra didn’t want anything to do with Lancaster anymore either. Her decision about birth control was a huge sign she’d had a revelation about what she believed. Contraception was forbidden and that told me all I needed to hear about where her loyalties were.
Honestly, I hadn’t even seen her pray or read her Bible since she’d been home. Granted, it had only
been one day, but compared to before she left, that was a noticeable change.
I decided that if she was studying, I wouldn’t bother her. And before I headed home, I drove to McHenry’s to buy myself a mattress and box spring and picked up a steel frame to attach the foot and headboards on the bed I’d made. When it came to mattresses, I wasn’t picky and would take what they had in stock. As long as it wasn’t too soft. Luckily, they made me a good deal on the queen size I needed, and I loaded it up.
The last pieces I’d brought them were still on the floor, but I didn’t worry. They’d eventually sell.
I went by Wal-Mart for a set of sheets and ended up leaving with two sets, a cart full of snacks and junk I didn’t need, and thick bathrobe for Myra. She’d been wearing a sweater over her pajamas, and I thought she’d like it.
My phone was ringing in my pocket as I carried bags up the stairs at the cabin. Myra saw me coming and opened the door for me. Then she ran out for a load too.
When everything was inside, I looked to see whose call I’d missed.
Ted.
I called him back.
“I just left you a message. Turns out Myra knows what she’s talking about. Ash woke up feeling great, went for a walk and her water broke on the way home. We’re heading to the hospital now, just wanted to give you a heads up. Chris won’t be at the mill in the morning and, depending on what time the baby gets here, I might be late. We’re playing by ear now.”
“Okay, I hope everything goes smoothly. Call or text with details when you can.”
I could hear Dori in the background yelling about an open parking spot.
“Will do, Abe. Bye.”
The call ended, and Myra was waiting to see what was going on. She looked like she had a good clue by the smile on her face.
“Ashley’s in labor.”
She clapped. “That’s so exciting. I hope she does okay. They don’t call it labor because it’s easy.”
I emptied the bags on the counter and began sticking things where they went. Myra went back to the table where her books were open.
“Getting a lot done?” I asked and offered her a chewy chocolate chip cookie out of the package before I put them in the cabinet.
She took one and then pulled a second from the tray. “I think so. Language arts is going to be more about if I can understand what I’m reading and explain it properly, from what I can tell. Less memorizing that social studies. At least, I hope.”
I popped a cookie in my mouth and started opening the new linens I’d bought.
“You got a mattress?” she asked.
“For that bed I made. Figured while you were working I could get it moved down there. Get things set up.”
“Are you sleeping there tonight?”
I’d told her it was up to her on weekends, but Sunday was a gray area. “That’s up to you.”
She got out of her chair and strolled into the kitchen. I liked how easily she came to me, putting her arms around my waist. “I want you to stay up here with me.”
“You got it.”
“Plus, when the baby news comes in, I want to know.”
I bent and kissed her forehead.
She held me tighter and pressed her cheek against my chest. “I’m going to get her flowers and take them up to her tomorrow. And I’ll make some easy meals for their freezer in the morning, I didn’t expect her to go early. A lot of first babies come late.”
I wondered if she missed her nieces and nephews. She had to have dozens. Chris and Ashley’s kid would be the closest thing to a niece I’d ever have.
I had to admit, I was excited for them.
“Well, I’ll get out of your hair. You study.”
She tipped her head back and said, “I’ll warm up those leftovers in a few hours. There’s a lot left.”
Myra lifted onto her toes and paired her lips with mine. She kissed me slowly and I could barely believe how things had turned out. How they’d changed. Even though it hadn’t been the best of beginnings, I’d go back to Lancaster to get her all over again.
God put me in her life, and her in mine. I’d be forever grateful for it.
I wondered if I’d feel that lucky every time she kissed me. Every time she was affectionate and loving.
Chris’s advice played through my head, and it made more and more sense. He was right. Every day was different and how I felt for her changed and grew.
That night, with her leg kicked over mine, her hand on my chest, playing with her ring, I didn’t miss out on the opportunity to tell her again.
“I love you.”
28
Myra
Abe told me every night, whether it was a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday and he was upstairs in our bed, or when he kissed me before we parted through the week. He always said it, but I hadn’t yet.
I wanted to say it back. Many times I almost did. The words would get stuck in my throat and I’d think tomorrow it will feel right. And then that will be the right time.
Then tomorrow I’d say tomorrow again. I couldn’t put my finger on my hesitation, but then it started feeling awkward because I’d waited too long. So I needed to make sure he knew it was special. Knew I meant it.
That night I didn’t want to hold anything back. Didn’t want to stop when we were both at our boiling points. It was strange how we were more hot and heavy on the days he slept in the extra room. Like we had to soak up as much of each other as we could before we went different ways for a few hours. There were many times I thought he’d bring up crossing that line, but he didn’t.
He did love oral sex though. Getting it especially. Well, to be fair, he hadn’t done it to me yet—not that he hadn’t offered.
Repeatedly.
It was going to take me some time, but I swore to him I’d let him the second I changed my mind.
He’d argued, “You better. And then you should probably clear your schedule for the week because I’m not stopping until we’re even. I owe you a lot of good times.” That’s what we were calling it.
A good time.
He always wanted to know if I’d had one, and I was always honest. Usually, I had a really good time. Once I had two in a row. But sometimes my head was somewhere else, worried about a class—math—and things just didn’t click into place.
Abe tried, but he knew how to touch me the way I liked, and I was never too upset about it not happening. It made the good times even better. He didn’t take it personally either, which was nice since I didn’t feel any pressure or disappointing to him when I didn’t get there.
Since I had class most nights, Abe continued to churn out piece after piece of furniture. His bed frames were taking right off, which had led him into working on sets with dressers and night tables that matched.
Ashley and Chris were tired new parents, but Chris was an incredibly hands-on father. That wasn’t common in Lancaster. Mothers and the women took care of the babies.
Not at their house. He was a diaper changing, bath giving, bottle warming champ. I think Ashley fell in love with him even more after Violet arrived.
Their daughter was going to have such a happy childhood.
We all spoiled her.
In fact, I was buying her another outfit and a precious bath towel when a calm came over me, looking through baby clothes. Absentmindedly, my imagination had wandered into the future and I actually pictured Abraham and me with a baby of our own.
Excitement filled me.
Right there I decided, if could picture a life with him where we were that joyful, I was time to give him everything he wanted. I wasn’t ready for children yet, as busy as we were, and selfishly, I was enjoying life so much that I just wanted to keep enjoying it for the time being.
That didn’t mean we couldn’t practice. I was fast learning the more you do, the better you get.
For example, I failed my second practice GED test, but Mr. Paxton said I’d done much better. I hadn’t even left any answers blank.
Progress was progress
, and I was ready for the next step.
So along with the baby things and a few other odds and ends, I spent some time in the personal hygiene aisles and bought new razors, a flowery new bath soap, and lubricant. Every article I’d read about losing your virginity mentioned it. So it was good to have some on hand.
Just in case.
I had to admit, sometimes I worried if it would be painful.
Abe wouldn’t hurt me though.
As I checked out, I put my items on the conveyor and a familiar face came through the automatic doors a few feet away.
Ms. Petty and she was holding hands with another girl. As they strolled in the opposite direction from where I stood, the girl my sometimes-classmate was with kissed the hand that was linked with hers.
I’d never seen that before, but by the time I got to my car and drove away, I hoped she was happy. Maybe that was why she’d been less grumpy in class—when she attended.
29
Abe
It was dark by the time I shut down the lights in the shop and headed to the house. Seeing the light in the bathroom, I paused and shamelessly watched like I had the first night she’d stayed in the cabin. Myra looked content, swaying in front of the mirror, brushing through her hair.
She’d found a small radio at a second-hand shop and had taken to listening to the oldies when she soaked in the tub.
It was a Friday, and I was glad. It had seemed like a long week, and although the bed I made was comfortable, I slept better when she was beside me.
Her being beside me was better for most things in general.
When she was finished in the bathroom, I’d take a quick shower too after the long workday I’d had. Then I didn’t care what we did. She’d gotten herself hooked on HGTV and could watch hour after hour of real-estate and renovation shows.
Eventually, she came out in her robe and met me in the kitchen.
“Hi.” She smiled my way as I checked out the newest thing she’d bought for Violet on the counter. “She needs that,” she assured me. The hooded bumble bee bath towel was pretty adorable.
