Speechless (Pier 70 #3)

by Nicole Edwards

  Right now, the doctors were in the process of getting Teague’s medication adjusted, and Hudson had been looking into that, as well. Of course there were side effects with every drug, and he felt he should know what they were. Some of that shit scared him, but he trusted the doctors would monitor him.

  As it was, he was also talking to Teague every day. Because Hudson couldn’t actually talk on the phone, the hospital had agreed that Teague would be allowed to text message for a few minutes every day. It made Hudson feel a little better. Teague didn’t seem exactly happy, but he wasn’t as angry as Hudson had expected him to be, either. It was an adjustment; they all knew that.

  “Did you find more information?” Cam asked, drawing Hudson’s attention from the computer screen.

  He looked up as Cam stepped into Hudson’s office.

  Hudson turned the laptop so Cam could see the place he’d been looking into.

  Cam’s smile was wide. “Awesome. I think that’s a great idea, by the way. I know how Teague is with Lulu.” Cam propped himself on the edge of the desk. “I honestly had no clue that they had service animals for that type of stuff.”

  Hudson had been going through all the information the hospital had given him and stumbled across a place that trained dogs to be emotional support and psychiatric service support for patients who could benefit from them. He had mentioned it to Cam one afternoon when they’d been having lunch at the marina restaurant, and Cam had convinced him to go for it. Because of the price of the animals, Cam, Dare, and Roan had all three offered to go in together with Hudson to purchase one. Hudson could’ve and would’ve easily spared the expense to help Teague, but he wanted to show Teague that his friends truly cared about him.

  “So, are you going to tell Teague about it?”

  No. Thought I’d surprise him.

  “I think that’ll be a good surprise for him.” Cam stood. “Let me know if you need anything else from me or if we can help in any way.”

  Will do.

  Now, Hudson only needed to reach out to the people and get the ball rolling.

  Which he was going to do right now.

  Thirty-Seven

  Wednesday, September 7th

  HUDSON WASN’T SURE what to expect when he arrived at the hospital to attend one of Teague’s counseling sessions with him. When Teague had asked, there had been absolutely no hesitation on Hudson’s part. He was genuinely thrilled that Teague wanted to include him. It meant so much that the man would want Hudson by his side.

  Teague had officially been in the program for twenty-five days, and things seemed to be looking up. However, Hudson still didn’t know how the session would go. He wasn’t sure if there was something specific Teague wanted to hash out, or if this would be more about Hudson. Whatever it was, he was ready to embrace it.

  After signing in and then being taken back to the room where the counseling session would occur, Hudson sat patiently. The room wasn’t anything special. The walls were a muted tan color, the carpet blue and a little worn in spots, there were a couple of high-back upholstered chairs that sat across from a tan-and-blue loveseat, along with a few framed prints on the wall, all in various shades of blue. Hudson was sensing a theme here. In one corner, a tall plant sat near a window, providing the only color other than tan or blue in the entire space.

  Maybe it was supposed to be calming or something.

  When Teague stepped into the room a short while later, Hudson’s heart stopped momentarily.

  God, he looked good.

  So good.

  The lines around his mouth had softened, and there wasn’t as much strain around his eyes. Clearly he was feeling better. Then again, Teague had already told him he was.

  “Thanks for coming,” Teague said, leaning down and kissing Hudson gently on the mouth. “I can’t promise how this will go, but I wanted you here.”

  I’m glad you invited me. I missed you.

  Teague’s smile was slow and genuine. “I missed you, too.”

  It’d been a little more than three weeks since Teague had admitted himself into the hospital. For Hudson, that sometimes felt like three years.

  They weren’t there long before the doctor stepped into the room.

  She smiled kindly when she turned to greet him. “You must be Hudson. It’s very nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Ashby.”

  Dr. Angela Ashby was a short, stout woman with strawberry-blond hair and gentle, light green eyes. She looked professional but somewhat casual in her black slacks and emerald-green shirt. Not at all intimidating as he had expected.

  Hudson nodded in greeting.

  “So, it’s my understanding that you can hear, but you can’t speak, correct?”

  Hudson signed. They had promised they would assign Teague a counselor who knew ASL, so he assumed she would be able to understand. That’s correct.

  “Okay, then would you prefer that I do everything verbally and you sign your answer when necessary? Or would you prefer that I sign, as well?”

  You don’t need to sign.

  “Good. Just wanted to get that out of the way.” Dr. Ashby turned to look at Teague. “You look good this morning. They told me that you’ve been spending some time in the gym. How are you feeling?”

  Teague was leaning back on the sofa beside Hudson, one ankle crossed over the opposite knee, his hands in his lap. “Better. They finally got my meds worked out, which made a huge difference. And yes, I’ve been utilizing the treadmill, though I can tell you, it’s really not my thing.”

  That made Hudson smile. He figured Teague was finding ways to pass the time.

  “So, you can feel the difference from the medication adjustment, then?”

  “I can, actually. I honestly didn’t think they’d make a difference, but they do.”

  “Do you think you’re ready to go home yet?”

  Teague instantly shook his head. “No. Not yet.” Teague surprised Hudson when he turned and looked at him. “I miss home and I miss Hudson”—he turned back to the doctor—“but I’m not willing to go home until I feel capable of dealing with everything on my own.”

  Hudson wanted to tell Teague that he would be there for him, but he knew what Teague meant. Although Teague had a solid support team, it was important that Teague could function on his own without needing them every minute of every day.

  “I have to agree with you,” Dr. Ashby noted. “I like that you’re committed. I think you’re doing remarkably well. Not nearly as rebellious as the beginning.” She smiled. “So, we’ll keep moving forward until you’re ready.”

  Teague took a deep breath while the doctor glanced down at a yellow legal pad she held in front of her.

  “I noted that you wanted Hudson to attend your next session.” She looked up at Teague. “Now that he’s here, what would you like to talk about?”

  Hudson turned to look at Teague. He could see the lines in his mouth forming. Whatever he wanted to talk about wasn’t going to be easy.

  “I want to talk about my mother.” Teague looked back at Dr. Ashby. “I’m not interested in telling this story over and over, so I thought it’d be best if he was here for it.”

  Something loosened in Hudson’s chest. The fact that Teague wanted to open up—something he had avoided doing for as long as Hudson had known him—was a huge step forward.

  “Okay, then. Why don’t you tell us about your mother, then.”

  “Mind if I move around?” Teague asked.

  Dr. Ashby simply motioned for him to do what he needed to do.

  Teague was up on his feet, pacing slowly across the room. Several minutes passed, and Hudson watched as Teague seemed to be gathering his thoughts. When he finally began to speak, Hudson focused solely on him.

  “From what I’ve heard, I was three years old when my mother committed suicide. My birth certificate didn’t have a father’s name, and I don’t have any recollection of ever meeting him. My mother had no family; her parents died when she was younger according to their death certificat
es. She was an only child. I found all of that out when I was a teenager. I only learned more because I looked into the details since they hadn’t been shared with me.

  “I was told that my mother worked for a grocery store, and her manager, a man she was intimately involved with, came to check on her a few days after she didn’t show up for work. According to the police report, he said they’d had a fight and broken up a couple of days before that. I assumed she had offed herself because of him.”

  There was absolutely no emotion in Teague’s tone. He relayed the story as though it were something he’d heard on the news.

  Teague’s eyes met Hudson’s. “He came to check on her when she didn’t show up for work on the second day. That’s when they found me and her body. Since I had no one else, I was taken into foster care.”

  Hudson swallowed hard, never taking his eyes off Teague.

  “From then on, I recall being bounced around from one family to the next. I can’t say I was the easiest kid to get along with. I’ve been giving the world the middle finger since I was old enough to realize my mother had left me like that. I always blamed her. I always believed she selfishly took her own life because of that guy.” Teague’s eyes met Hudson’s again. “It wasn’t until you told me that your mother suffered from depression and that was why she took her own life that I thought perhaps it hadn’t been a man she had killed herself over. I honestly never believed that shit was real, though.”

  Hudson didn’t interrupt, not wanting to stop Teague from sharing. There was a hint of emotion in his voice now, and Hudson knew this wasn’t easy for him to talk about.

  “Anyway…” Teague looked away, continuing to pace the floor again. “I’ve never been close to anyone in my life, and I did that on purpose. I didn’t want to be left again. I wasn’t going to invite someone into my world and let them leave me. So, I kept myself distanced on purpose. Sex was a simple act. It had no emotional value. And that’s the truth. I didn’t use sex to get close to people.”

  Hudson noticed the way Teague stated that in past tense.

  Teague turned to look at Hudson directly, which only made his heart pound more.

  “Then you came along.”

  His chest swelled, and he felt a wealth of emotion consume him as Teague once again held his gaze.

  “You never thought when you made that offer that I’d go and fall in love with you, did you?”

  Oxygen was now scarce, and Hudson could hear his own heart pounding in his ears. Teague loved him?

  “I didn’t know what I was feeling when you sent me that text. It scared the shit out of me that it affected me so much, I think. And then I panicked when you went to your brother’s,” Teague continued, looking right at him. “The loneliness consumed me because I let it. I’d been fighting what I felt for you, and I felt abandoned.”

  Hudson did sign then: I shouldn’t have left you.

  Teague shook his head. “It’s not your fault. That’s definitely not what I’m saying. If it wasn’t then, it could’ve been a month from now. A year. Who knows. I’ve contemplated suicide before, Hudson. Nothing you did or didn’t do could’ve pushed me that direction. I might be confused about a lot of things, but not once have I blamed you. I did it because I felt that was my only option. Now, I know that it’s not. I know that these feelings I have, the constant sadness, the anger, the bleakness … there’s a reason for them. And I’m learning how to cope.”

  I want to help you cope.

  Teague smiled. “I’d definitely welcome that.”

  And those were quite possibly the sweetest words Hudson had ever heard.

  Thirty-Eight

  Monday, September 12th

  “IS TEAGUE STILL scheduled to come home on Friday?” Roan asked as the four of them sat on the pier at the end of the day.

  Although it was after Labor Day and the summer was officially coming to an end, the lake had been unusually busy today, so they’d decided to relax for a bit once the marina closed. Hudson didn’t mind, because if he wasn’t there, he would be in his apartment pacing the floor, wondering about Teague.

  Hudson nodded. That’s the plan. When I talked to him yesterday, he said everything was still a go. He sounds so much better.

  “That’s great to hear, man,” Dare chimed in.

  Hudson knew something was up when Dare turned to look at him more fully.

  “So, what’s the deal between you and Teague? Y’all serious now?”

  Hudson shook his head in disbelief. He should’ve known Dare would call him out like this. In fact, he was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. For the past four weeks, he’d been waiting for one of them to bust his balls about his relationship with Teague. Which was why he’d talked to Teague about whether he wanted them to know. When Teague told him he didn’t care if Hudson told them, he’d been elated.

  We’re serious.

  “Well, fuck me stupid. That’s fantastic,” Dare announced. “Any wedding bells in the near future?”

  Cam interrupted. “Wedding bells? We’re still waiting for you to announce your wedding date.”

  A round of laughter ensued.

  “What? We’re getting there.”

  “Well, I suggest you don’t go pushing other people to the altar before you make that trip down the aisle.”

  “Fine.” Dare glanced at Hudson again. “So, y’all gonna move in together?”

  We’re gonna take things slow.

  Dare nodded as though he understood.

  Hudson could’ve told them that he was hoping to move in with Teague. That he was scared to leave Teague alone. That he never wanted to spend another night away from him, but he didn’t. He had to take this at Teague’s pace. He wasn’t sure how things would go when he got out on Friday. They still had another month of intensive outpatient care, which involved Teague spending several hours a week at the hospital to undergo therapy. After that, they would have to seek counseling on their own. They weren’t out of the woods yet, and Hudson damn sure wasn’t going to push himself on Teague.

  He’d learned what happened the last time he’d tried to manipulate the situation to get what he wanted.

  It had backfired in the worst possible way.

  “Well, the good thing is, y’all live across the hall. Just leave the doors open and it’s like you’re sharing a place,” Dare mused, staring out at the water.

  “You seem awfully worried about Hudson and Teague all of a sudden. Something we should know about?” Roan inquired.

  Dare smirked. “Unless you want to hear about all the slap and tickle Noah and I are engaging in, no, probably not.”

  “Spare us the details of that,” Roan snorted.

  “Speaking of Noah,” Cam inserted. “Where is he?”

  “At home. Probably waiting for me. Naked.”

  Hudson laughed with the others. That was Dare for you.

  “What about Gannon?” Dare countered. “Where is he?”

  “He’s having dinner with Milly,” Cam said, his tone less playful. “Something’s going on with her.”

  Is she okay? Hudson signed.

  “Yeah. She said she needed to talk, so he took her to dinner.” Cam lifted an eyebrow as he focused on Hudson. “Do you know if AJ’s talked to her?”

  Last he’d heard from his brother, AJ had given up on trying to get in touch with Milly. They had talked briefly at the hospital when Teague had his incident, but according to AJ, it hadn’t been good. He said he couldn’t be that guy who spent all his time chasing after a woman who didn’t want him. Rather than tell Cam all that, Hudson shook his head.

  “What about you?” Dare asked Roan, clearly not finished being nosy. “How’s your sister?”

  Roan frowned, then looked out at the water. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Y’all have another fight?” Cam questioned, clearly not taking the hint.

  “Yeah. Big one this time. She’s gone off the deep end again.”

  When Roan looked back, Hudson si
gned: You really need to get her admitted.

  “It’s not that easy. If she’s not willing to do it, they won’t take her. And she’s definitely not willing.”

  Hudson hated to hear that. From what he’d heard Roan say lately, his sister was on a downhill slide. Considering she was already at rock bottom, he knew that couldn’t be good at all.

  “Well,” Dare announced, standing up and stretching, “I think I’m gonna head home. Got a man waiting naked for me.”

  Hudson shook his head again.

  “I’ll see y’all in the mornin’, yeah?”

  “We’ll be here,” Roan replied.

  Hudson watched Dare trot off toward the parking lot. He envied the man getting to go home to Noah. It made him think of Teague. He couldn’t wait for him to come home on Friday. Although he was excited, he was also terrified. He wasn’t sure how this would work, and the last thing he wanted to do was make it worse. Everyone kept telling him to treat Teague the same as before, only to keep an eye open for signs of problems.

  Now that he knew how bad things could get, he would certainly be doing that.

  As for treating him the same…

  Fuck, he hoped the kid was up for some serious fucking, because it’d been thirty-two days (yes, he’d counted) since he’d had his hands on Teague, and Hudson’s balls were about to shrivel up and die.

  Thirty-Nine

  Friday, September 16th

  “WHERE ARE WE going?” Teague asked Hudson as they were leaving the hospital.

  Technically, he was leaving the hospital and Hudson was his ride.

  And holy fuck, he was glad to be out of there. Sure, they might’ve helped him, and he knew he would be going back for a while, but spending every day and night in that place for weeks on end… It’d been a whole lot harder than Teague had anticipated.

  Which only made today that much sweeter.

  Teague had checked himself into the inpatient care program after being assessed by one of their doctors. It wasn’t necessarily because he’d wanted to, but he had seen the look on his friends’ faces when they’d come to see him in the emergency room, and he’d known he had to do something. He’d put them through hell, and Teague had trusted that Hudson knew what he was talking about when he’d said the doctors could help him cope with his depression.