A Life Of Shadows

by Kristen Banet

  “You got hurt,” he growled, sounding like an animal in pain. “Someone hurt you when you could have been with Zander and me. We should have protected you. And I have no right to be mad at you after what you went through, but I am. Being mad at you is the last thing I want. You getting hurt was the last thing I imagined when Zander and I left. I had wanted so much, but never that.” The anger left him and he grabbed her arm and pulled her to him, slowly, knowing that if he forced her around, he could trigger something. Once he had her close enough, he took her chin. “I’m no good at this.”

  He swooped down and cautiously kissed her. He’d been wanting to kiss that tiny scar. He’d been wanting to devour her. If she wanted him to confront his feelings, then fine, but he was going to confront all of them, including the ones that he’d avoided as a teenager. The ones that made all of this so much more complicated. The ones that never seemed to go away.

  Her lips parted against his, and he growled softly, deepening the kiss. He felt her nails bite into his shoulders, and she pushed him back gently.

  “Jasper,” she gasped when he pulled back reluctantly.

  “I have always wanted to do that,” he whispered against her lips. They were swollen now. “Sawyer…”

  “I liked that but… I’m sorry,” she whispered back. He narrowed his eyes on hers at the guilt that laced those words. “I can’t. Between you and Zander and… shit.”

  “And Elijah?” Jasper pried, knowing where this was going. He’d seen those two flirt with each other, now, more times than he could count. It made him jealous as hell in ways he never felt when it was her and Zander. She always was a bit of a wild spirit. He could totally see her falling into Elijah’s bed without thinking about the consequences. Hell, it was what got her caught. “We’ll deal with this after Axel.”

  “Good idea,” she mumbled. “I am sorry, Jasper. I don’t know where my head is at, I can only imagine how twisted this is for you.”

  “We’ve got a lot of unresolved shit,” Jasper sighed, leaning against the Range Rover.

  “Yeah.” He watched her bite her bottom lip. “I didn’t realize how much. Sorry for being a bitch.”

  “I needed you to be a bitch about it, or I never would have told you.” He chuckled, feeling a little lighter.

  “Anything else you want to talk about?” She asked him quietly.

  He stopped chuckled as the weight immediately dropped back on his chest. He couldn’t tell her that he knew about her nightmares. She would think he was violating her privacy, and he didn’t want her to think he was prying into her mind.

  “No.” He gave her a weak smile. “Let’s go get something to eat.”

  “Maybe we should just head back,” Sawyer mumbled. “I need some time to myself.”

  That hurt, but he knew better than to think she would still want to hang out after he kissed her. He shouldn’t have done that, but he didn’t regret it either. And she had liked it.

  “Yeah,” he said, walking to the driver’s side. He watched her get in silently, and didn’t miss the way she touched her lips while they rode home. He wanted to do it again, and that was a feeling he was more than okay with.

  He watched her disappear into the house when they got back and leaned back in his seat. He felt better from having spoken to her. He just needed to figure out what to do about her nightmares without her figuring out that he knew about them. He also needed to apologize to Zander. Jasper had been an ass and he knew it.

  He readjusted his pants and slid out of the Range Rover out, heading for his office. He thought the hard on would pass on the drive home, but that hadn’t happened.

  “Zander.” Jasper pushed into the office, and he groaned at Zander who was nearly nude for some reason. “Why are you wearing less clothing now than earlier?”

  “The AC broke in here and it’s fucking hot,” Zander growled. “You’ll be just like me in about ten minutes, I promise.” Jasper closed the office door and sighed. It was hotter than sin in the office.

  “I’ll tell Elijah later,” Jasper said as he walked to his seat. He stripped his shirt off as he went, throwing it on the back of his chair. “I did something really fucking stupid.”

  “Oh?” Zander was suddenly curious, and Jasper nodded.

  “I kissed Sawyer,” Jasper informed him, hoping he didn’t piss off his best friend. The response wasn’t the one expected.

  “Fucking finally,” Zander laughed. “Thank god.”

  “What?” Jasper frowned at the redhead.

  “Golden boy,” Zander continued to laugh as he tried to talk. “Oh, golden boy.”

  “I hate that nickname,” Jasper reminded him. It came from his blonde hair, but Zander also used it because Jasper was the good one of the group. He didn’t break the rules, he didn’t sleep with random women, none of the stuff his teammates had a good time doing. Hell, he didn’t drink.

  “Too bad,” Zander chuckled, falling back into his chair. He kicked his feet up on his desk and grinned at Jasper. “You going to kiss her again?”

  “What the fuck?” Jasper was confused as hell.

  “No,” Zander looked away as he spoke. “You’ll probably want to wait until the Axel stuff is taken care of. It’s the best idea, really.”

  Jasper suddenly figured it out.

  “We were dumb teenagers when we made that plan, Zander.”

  “Could still work now,” Zander shrugged. Jasper didn’t like the devilish smirk that curved across that handsome face. Zander, in that moment, looked every bit the playboy he was known for being. “I’ll do the heavy lifting, promise.” He winked at Jasper.

  Jasper looked to the ceiling and prayed to the gods for mercy. Zander was going to get him killed.

  “Oh shit, one more thing happened while you were out.” Zander sat up straight. “Vincent let me know that Jon escalated his complaint about us yesterday. We might get stuck in mediation with his team.

  “For fuck’s sake,” Jasper sighed. “Why can’t he let this go?”

  “Because he’s jealous that Vincent gets special treatment from the higher ups. He hates that a young team like ours gets kept on an assignment like catching Axel.” Zander grabbed a thin file and showed it to Jasper. “He also had his team look into us and Sawyer, so they’re looking into our personal relationship with her and trying to make sure we aren’t using our jobs to protect her from justice as a criminal. Shielding her from repercussions.”

  “Of course,” Jasper groaned. They were doing exactly that. “What’s Vin say on it?”

  “He wants us to step back from her, so they don’t think we’re favoring her in anyway. We need to treat her like any other protectee. Maybe kissing her is a bad idea…” Zander looked thoughtful for a moment, and Jasper glared.

  “Kissing her is a bad idea, no matter the circumstances, right now.”

  “Says the guy who’s kissed her.” Zander sent a grin to Jasper.

  Jasper didn’t have anything to say to that.

  19

  SAWYER

  Damn. Damn it all to hell. Sawyer was so mad at herself. Of all the guys she locked lips with, it was Jasper. Just when she didn’t need another layer of confusion, she had to let those feelings get stirred up.

  It was a fantastic kiss, though.

  “I’m so stupid,” she mumbled. She knew what he’d been doing when he pulled her close. She couldn’t be kissing a guy like that when she was also living with him. And lying to him. Lying through her teeth, every damn day, about all of it.

  Does Sawyer know anything about Axel? No, she would tell them. She had ‘no idea’ why he wanted her dead. Every time she said it in some bid to protect herself from their condemnation, she felt the guilt eat away at her. It was bad enough when she could pretend her feelings for Jasper and Zander were platonic. Now, Jasper had to go and reawaken the rest: ones she never got over, but instead had buried away. She was crushing on Elijah something fierce, and she blatantly ignored the awkward sexual tension between her and Vincent duri
ng training. She wasn’t touching that situation with a ten-foot pole.

  There was no ‘after Axel’ for her.

  A knock on her door startled her out of her thoughts. She’d been pacing around the room, lost in her anger at herself and not paying attention. Normally she heard someone coming up the stairs…

  “Come in,” she called. The door still didn’t have a lock, and that was still a problem. She found Shade and Scout in her room every couple of days, just covering all of her stuff in their fur.

  “It’s me.” Vincent stuck his head in the room. “We need to talk about something. Come to my office?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be right down.” She nodded and watched him leave. Her body betrayed her at the mere sight of him now. Any of them really. She hadn’t gotten laid in months and was now locked in a house with five sexy men. She still wanted to dislike Vincent. He was still controlling, intelligent, and a bit manipulative. He was gorgeous and did terrible things to her libido though.

  She gave it ten minutes before heading down into his office on the first floor. She met his dark green eyes as she entered the room. Those eyes were stunning in his face. Maybe she just really liked Italians, no matter what Axel had done to her.

  “Have a seat,” he told her quietly, gesturing to a seat on the other side of his chess set. She had eyed it several times since she was forcibly moved into their home, but hadn’t played yet.

  She was decent at the game, but not great. It helped her learn to plan ahead and make strategies. It was game for those who knew how to get into their opponents’ heads.

  “You play a lot?” She asked, sitting down slowly. She was on the white side. She was always black side when playing before, so this was a new experience for her.

  “I do.” Vincent was focused on the board, and she was starting to wonder why he wanted to see her. It couldn’t just be for a chess match. “You?”

  “I was taught a long time ago,” she said, toying with the pawn she knew she wanted to move. She pushed it up to d4 and Vincent gave a small smile.

  “Really?” Vincent gave a soft chuckle. He pushed up his d-pawn into d5.

  “I don’t play white side, but I do know the Queen’s Gambit.” She smiled at him.

  “I should have expected it from you.” He met her eyes as he said it. She moved her c-pawn to c4, completing the opening. Now it was his turn to accept the gambit or not. “Choices, choices,” he mumbled. He took her c-pawn with his d-pawn and accepted.

  The game was on.

  “Who taught you how to play?” He asked as they continued to play slowly.

  “My ex,” she whispered, thoughtful over her next move. “You?”

  “My older brother,” he told her. “He always played white side. He liked having the first move, as older brothers normally do.”

  “My ex normally played white side, as well,” she sighed. “I wonder what would happen if we introduced them.”

  “My brother would find a way to get his side of the table,” Vincent moved another piece, but she wasn’t paying attention. She watched the way his eyes lit up when he stumbled on the opening she had left.

  “I don’t know.” She shook her head and completed her move, letting him fall into the trap she’d set. His eyes narrowed on her. Axel had used the same trap on her multiple times. “Check.”

  “I haven’t seen…” He trailed off, staring at the board. He blinked a few times, and she watched his face. It was stupid of her to use the trap, but she wanted to see how well he knew Axel. She wanted to test his intelligence. She wanted to know if he was as smart as he thought he was. “Huh.”

  She was a little irked when he correctly got out of check and backed her into a corner through the next two turns.

  “Check,” he whispered.

  “Wasn’t there something you wanted to talk to me about?” She finally asked, knowing that it going to be check mate for her in two more turns.

  “Yes.” He looked up from the board. “Sorry. Only Jasper normally plays with me, and he isn’t as good as you.”

  “That surprises me,” Sawyer chuckled. “What’s going on?”

  “In about a week, we’re going to be needed in Atlanta for a meeting with Jon’s team. He’s discovered your prior friendship with Jasper and Zander. He’s using it to get back at the team for some nonsense. I wanted to give you a heads up, so you can remain on your best behavior. You’ll have to come with us.”

  “Oh goodie,” she rolled her eyes, “that asshole.”

  “Yes, that asshole,” Vincent grinned at her and she melted. That was stunning.

  “What day?”

  “It’s not official yet, I just know it’s coming.” Vincent leaned back in his seat and looked out the window, thoughtful again. “He likes to think he can outplay me.”

  “Well, maybe he’s smarter than me,” she shrugged.

  “Definitely not,” Vincent flicked a look at her. “This was the best game of chess I’ve had in years. Thank you. I wasn’t expecting you to put a real fight. Cute trap.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m useless on white side. You take it next time.” She grinned at him. This was the only game of chess she had ever enjoyed. Axel used to stomp her into the dirt and call her stupid.

  “I know why you’re good at it, just so you know,” Vincent commented as she stood up. Her blood ran cold. Did he? “Living the life you did, you had to think several steps ahead to stay safe. Chess probably feels like second nature to you.”

  “Sure,” she mumbled, shrugging again. He was partially right. It wasn’t to survive in general, it was to survive Axel. “Thanks for letting me know about the thing.”

  “Of course,” he said quietly, standing up. “Again, thank you for the game.”

  She left him there and rubbed her forehead. She was playing with fire in all ways possible, today. Calling Charlie, kissing Jasper, and whatever the fuck just happened during that chess game with Vincent.

  The next day, Sawyer hoped, would fare better, not worse. Before the sun came up though, it was off to a rocky start.

  “Get up, we’re going out for training,” a growl echoed in her room. She groaned and pulled a pillow over her face.

  “It’s fucking Sunday, Quinn. A day off,” she yelled, muffled by the pillow. “Piss off.”

  “Get up,” Quinn snarled. “Five minutes to get on the back porch, or I’ll drag you out there.”

  She wanted to strangle him. Fucking asshole. She threw the pillow at the door and heard it thump against the door as Quinn slammed it closed. The noise gave her an immediate headache.

  She rolled out of the bed, shoving the wolf that was there gently away from her.

  “Scout, what the hell?” She growled, as the damn thing tried to crawl in her lap for a pet. She was fine with them, now, but this was too early on her day off. Why did Quinn leave him in the room?

  She only took a couple minutes to grab clothing and her bag. When she got to the back porch with Scout on her heels, she glared at Quinn.

  “You better have coffee, mother fucker,” she snarled.

  “There’s no coffee in survival situations,” he told her blandly.

  “Fuck you and your survival situations,” she snapped, dropping her bag on the porch and going back inside. She headed straight for the kitchen, Scout still bouncing around her legs. She put coffee on and jumped up to sit on the counter as Quinn stomped in behind her.

  “You don’t need coffee every morning,” Quinn growled, as he walked over to her.

  “Yeah, I definitely do,” she hissed. She didn’t get much more out, as Quinn yanked her off the counter and threw her over his shoulder. She growled but didn’t fight.

  This wasn’t the first time. The last time had just been on Wednesday, when he got her up at two in the morning for a run-through of the things she’d learned already. She knew better than to fight him, this time. The last time, she hadn’t been able to escape no matter how much she fought. He had carried her until he dropped her into the stream that ra
n through the property. It was like he didn’t feel pain, the prick.

  He placed her on the porch and waited for her to grab her bag before walking off. She followed him, mumbling obscenities to herself. She hated playing in the dirt. She hated every damn minute of it. She would rather be tarred and feathered than rough it in the woods.

  She was incredibly cranky this morning.

  “Get started,” Quinn told her as they made it into a clearing. She dropped her bag and began work on a fire.

  Once the fire was started—it only took ten minutes—she began work on securing potable water. She moved through the process smoothly. Repetition had made the entire thing muscle memory for her.

  With water secured after an hour, she wiped sweat off her forehead and moved to making a shelter. A simple branch lean-to would have to be enough for him. She broke fallen branches to the sizes she needed and continued on her task.

  He just watched her silently as she finished the shelter. She looked around at the vegetation. She could identify several now. Most were inedible but the ones that weren’t, she collected quickly, to make a small stash of food.

  Finally, she collapsed next her fire and glared at him.

  “What’s next?”

  “How do you know you did it all correctly?” He asked, looking down at her. Shade was lying next to his feet while Scout trotted over to sniff her. She pushed the wet nose away from her stomach gently.

  “What did I mess up?” Last time, she had screwed up on which plants she could eat. A pretty bad fuck up.

  “Nothing, just wanted to know why you were so confident,” he shrugged.

  She kept glaring at him, mad that he had questioned her when she gotten it all right.

  “What’s next?” She growled.

  “Hunting and traveling,” Quinn sighed, “but I’m not teaching you those.”

  “Excuse me?” She sat up and raised an eyebrow.

  “I want you to hunt with your abilities, but you don’t have those. As for traveling, it’s not hard. You know the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, follow that.”