The Game of Denial

by Brenda Adcock

  JOAN WAS DRYING the last breakfast dish when Evey came through the door from the mud room and stepped into the kitchen.

  "God! Father was wound up like an eight day clock this morning," Evey said as she made her way to the coffeemaker and poured a cup. "We saw the kids arriving when we finally escaped."

  Joan opened a cabinet and slid the plate inside.

  "Thank you for washing the dishes," Evey said.

  "You were right," Joan said. "Washing dishes gives you lots of time to think without being interrupted."

  "Joan," Evey said. "I'm really sorry about last night."

  Joan shrugged. "Forget it."

  "I can't! I didn't raise my children to be so small-minded. I don't know what Tully was thinking."

  "He'd had a few drinks. Maybe he thought I was hurting you."

  "No matter how angry you might get, I know you'd never harm anyone."

  "I hope I wouldn't," Joan said. "I confess to having a pretty bad temper though."

  Evey finished her coffee and rinsed out the cup. "You know, I was thinking on the way home that today would be a perfect day for a picnic. Would you be interested?"

  "That sounds like fun."

  "We usually take Sundays off except for feeding the horses anyway and lounge around."

  "What about lunch for everyone else?"

  "I have a ton of sandwich stuff in the refrigerator. They can fend for themselves."

  Evey's eyes sparkled in anticipation and Joan wanted to do something to take her mind off the events of the night before. Joan went upstairs to her room to change. When she returned to the kitchen, Evey was packing a lunch basket.

  "Anything I can do to help?" Joan asked.

  "If you could get a small bag of ice from the freezer we would be about ready."

  "You're planning to carry all this on horseback?"

  Evey shook her head. "I'm borrowing Ralph's pick-up."

  Joan lifted the basket and cooler into the bed of the old pick-up and climbed into the passenger seat. Evey readjusted the seat to reach the pedals and the old truck rumbled to life. She pulled it alongside the barn and called out to Ralph, telling him where they were going and about how long they would be gone.

  "I didn't know there was a lake on your property," Joan said as they bounced along.

  "More like a big pond," Evey said. "It was a pretty safe place to take the kids swimming when they were younger."

  "How's your mare doing? The pregnant one?"

  "I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll wait until after the wedding before she foals. She's miscarried three times already. This is the first one that should go to term. I'm a little worried that all the extra activity around the farm will stress her out, but we keep her as calm as we can. Her appetite has been good."

  "She's your favorite, isn't she?"

  "I shouldn't have a favorite, but I've had Sheba since she was born. I had to practically hand raise her because she was a little sickly. It's like taking care of a kid. She's a little small for competition riding. Ralph and Tully tried to convince me to sell her to another riding school, but I couldn't do it."

  "You have a soft heart," Joan said.

  Evey looked across the seat at Joan. "Yeah. I probably do. Just like with people, there are some that you're drawn to for some reason you can't explain."

  A few minutes later the truck climbed over the top of a hill. Joan could see the pond at the bottom as Evey pulled the truck into the shade of a stand of trees. A breeze blew up the hill and made the heat from the sun tolerable while keeping insects away. Joan stepped out of the truck and lifted the basket and cooler from the back. Evey pulled a blanket from behind the seat and carried it to an area that was half in the shade and half in the sun. Joan set everything down and helped Evey spread the blanket out. They found four medium-sized rocks to hold down the corners of the blanket and placed the basket and cooler in the shady half.

  Joan rooted around in the cooler and pulled out a bottle of water. She took a long drink and stretched out on the blanket. "This is a peaceful place," she said.

  "It's another good thinking spot and a lot more picturesque than over the sink," Evey chuckled.

  "If I stayed here very long, I'd probably fall asleep."

  "I've actually done that," Evey said. "When I woke up half of me looked like a lobster. Couldn't ride for a week."

  "Why?"

  "I was so sunburned I couldn't bend my knees. Walked around like a robot." Evey laughed. "The kids thought it was fun to press their fingers into my skin and then watch the white imprints slowly disappear."

  "Children can be sadistic. If I fall asleep please make sure I'm in the shade." Joan propped herself on her elbows and took deep breaths. "This is nothing like being in the city. No noise, no car horns, no carbon monoxide. How do you stand it?"

  "It's tough, but you get used to it," Evey said.

  "Fran asked me to walk her down the aisle this morning," Joan said. "I wasn't expecting that. I thought maybe my brother or Tucker would have that role."

  "I think it's wonderful. Not many mothers get to escort their child down the aisle."

  "Did your father give you away?"

  Evey laughed and shook her head. "More like signed my deed away."

  "What do you mean?"

  Evey sat up, her face sober. "I'm not who you might think I am, Joan."

  "I think you're a nice person, a good mother, a caring friend, a hard worker. Am I wrong?"

  "I like to think I'm all those things, but I wasn't always."

  "Everyone changes, Evey."

  "When I was about Tully's age I was just beginning to become noticed on the riding circuit and was pretty full of myself. I partied and drank and thought I was enjoying life. My father thought I should start thinking about settling down, getting married. The circuit wasn't a seemly place for young women back then. Anyway, I met Les and liked him okay. Not the man of my dreams or anything, but someone to hang around with, you know? My father liked him and knew Les wanted his own farm. But Les' folks didn't have much." Evey looked around and took a deep breath. "After an event in Richmond, Les and I went out and had a few drinks." She shook her head. "We actually had a lot of drinks, or as it turns out, I had a lot of drinks. I don't remember much about that night. But I know that was the night I got pregnant with Brad. That was the night everything about my life changed."

  Joan didn't know exactly what to say and waited for Evey to continue.

  "A couple of months later, when I was certain I was pregnant, I sucked up the courage to tell my daddy. He laughed! I couldn't believe it. He called Les and told him "˜the good news'." Evey looked at Joan and blinked hard. "My daddy paid Les to get me drunk and pregnant because he knew I would agree to get married because of the baby."

  "Why would he do that?"

  Evey brought her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them. She lowered her forehead to her knees and seemed to be trying to decide what to say.

  "If I was married and had a baby I would seem more normal, I guess. Like everyone else we knew." Evey shook her head and tossed her hair back as she gazed up at the blue sky. Finally she turned her head toward Joan. "I shouldn't be telling you any of this. I don't want Brad to know. You won't tell him will you?"

  Joan rested her hand on Evey's back. "Your secret is safe with me."

  "It actually feels good to tell someone after all these years. I guess I thought Brad would think less of me if he knew the truth."

  "Everyone has secrets."

  "Do you?" Evey asked.

  "Of course." Joan smiled.

  Chapter Eight

  MONDAY AFTERNOON JOAN paced restlessly back and forth on the front porch of the Chase home listening to her personal assistant, Cleo Morrison, run through a lengthy list of messages with questions only she could answer. There were deadlines for both print and television advertising campaigns looming on the horizon and Joan wasn't used to being so out-of-pocket. For the first time she wished Fran had
chosen a location closer to New York for her ceremony. After all, most brides did get married in the bride's hometown. She understood why Fran had chosen Virginia but while it was beautiful and peaceful, it was also the ass end of nowhere. Joan paused to jot down a question concerning one of Charmaine's clients and was relieved when Cleo said it was the final message.

  "I'll pass this along to Charmaine," Joan said. "She will probably call back shortly. We'll both be back at the office next Monday. Can you keep everyone calm until then?"

  "Certainly, Ms. Carmichael. I don't foresee a problem. Do you still want me to call with an update each day?"

  "Yes. At least until Friday. The rehearsal is that day and we'll be up to our asses in last minute preparations. You deserve a bonus for this, Cleo."

  "I like that," Cleo said. "A bonus for doing my job. Give my best to Charmaine and Fran and try to relax and enjoy yourself."

  "I will, Cleo. Talk to you tomorrow."

  Joan disconnected and released a sigh. "Charmaine!" she called out. A moment later Charmaine walked around the side of the house and looked up to the porch.

  "What's up?" she asked.

  "Call the office. The art department has a question concerning the new campaign for Sag Harbor that will run in the December issue." Joan handed Charmaine her cell phone. "What is everyone doing?" she asked.

  "Giselle and Tucker are taking the kids for a ride in a little while. I have no idea where Meg is. She took off a little while ago to commune with nature, whatever that means. What are you going to do?"

  Joan rolled her eyes. "The minister performing the ceremony called and wants to meet with Brad and Fran and, unfortunately, with their parents."

  Charmaine laughed. "That should be delightful."

  "It will be brief," Joan said.

  Joan opened the front door of the house and walked inside. She needed a drink, preferably something stouter than coffee or sun tea. Maybe a Long Island Iced Tea. She heard what sounded like a moan and heavy breathing as she started to close the door. Recognizing what it was she stomped on the wooden floor, coughed loudly, and slammed the front door. Brad's head popped up from the sofa, his hair disheveled, followed by Fran, hastily rearranging her blouse.

  "Greetings Earthlings," Joan said. She shifted her eyes to Fran and smiled as her daughter blushed and straightened her hair. "You missed a button, dear."

  "We were, uh, just..." Brad said.

  "Practicing?" Joan asked, trying to keep a straight face.

  "Mother! Stop it!" Fran said.

  "I think that was my next statement. Without the Mother part, of course."

  "Don't try to pretend that you and Mama didn't"“"

  Joan's hand flew to her neck and she gave Fran her best outraged look. "Well, I never!"

  "Oh yes, you did!"

  Joan nodded. "You're right, but you weren't supposed to know that."

  Brad sat looking back and forth between the two women as they helplessly began laughing.

  Evey walked in from the kitchen, rubbing lotion on her hands. "Reverend Nagle will be here in about fifteen minutes," she said. She stopped and took in the scene before her. "What are you laughing at?"

  "You don't want to know," Brad managed as he joined in the laughter. He finally stood and pulled Fran up from the couch. He kissed her cheek and they walked past Evey.

  "Oh, Fran," Evey said. "One of the buttons on your blouse is undone."

  Fran looked down at the offending button as Joan and Brad broke into uncontrollable laughter again.

  It took Joan a few minutes to get herself under control and calmed down. By the time she finished a non-alcoholic bottle of water, a solid knock on the front door alerted her that it was time to face the minister. All Brad had told anyone was that Reverend Thomas Nagle had been recommended by one of his professors at William and Mary. He apparently wasn't associated with any particular denomination, but did have a license from the state to perform wedding ceremonies.

  Joan walked casually back into the living room in time to notice that Fran had changed her blouse. A swarm of bees took flight in her stomach when there was another knock at the front door. It was time to corral her feelings and behave as diplomatically as possible. Evey opened the front door and invited their guest inside.

  "Mrs. Chase?" the man asked. When Evey nodded, he said, "I'm Dr. Thomas Nagle. It's a pleasure to meet you." Nagle was well over six feet tall. Even though his face appeared middle-aged, his thick hair had turned prematurely gray. That, along with the wire-rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, gave him quite a distinguished appearance. His smile and demeanor were friendly. He looked at those gathered in the living room.

  His gaze stopped when he reached Brad and Fran. He strode toward them, his hand extended. "Is this the happy couple preparing to embark on the journey of a lifetime?"

  Brad took a step forward. "Bradley Chase and this is my fiancé, Francesca Carmichael."

  "Francesca. What a lovely name for such a beautiful young woman." Nagle winked at Brad. "You are indeed a lucky, and blessed, young man, Brad. My heartiest congratulations to you both."

  "Thank you, Reverend," Brad said.

  "Doctor, if you don't mind," Nagle corrected. "Reverend is a nickname my colleagues at the university have given me because of the subject-matter I'm interested in." He saw the look on everyone's face and nodded. "I am licensed by the state, but have not been ordained as a minister in any church. I suppose I am rather like a civil servant, a justice of the peace if you will." His gaze traveled from person to person. "Were you expecting a man of the cloth?"

  Brad looked at Fran and shrugged. "I don't really know, Dr. Nagle. You were recommended to us by Dr. Bernardy of the English Department at William and Mary."

  Joan watched as the man rocked back and forth from his heels to his toes.

  "Bernie is a colleague. I teach Comparative Religions and Religious Philosophy at the university. In fact, it hasn't been that long ago that I officiated at his wedding celebration. I have my license with me if that would put you more at ease."

  "No, Dr. Nagle, I think you will do just fine," Joan said as she stepped forward. She offered her hand and said, "I am Joan Carmichael, the mother of the bride."

  "A pleasure, ma'am," Nagle said. "Well, now that we've taken care of the momentary confusion and since all of the parties are present, I suppose we can either stand around making civil small talk or discuss what Brad and Francesca have in mind for their ceremony."

  "I thought we could sit at the dining room table," Evey said.

  "An excellent idea," Nagle said. "Frankly, I suck at writing on my lap."

  His unexpected comment seemed to put everyone at ease and freer to speak openly without fear of offending Nagle. Joan, in particular, appeared relieved.

  Nagle opened his briefcase and took out several papers, spreading them out on the table. "There are a few forms that need to be filled out and signed in order to satisfy the state" He handed some papers to Brad and Fran. "This is the application for an official copy of your marriage license. To save you a little time after the ceremony, I've brought a name change request form for your Social Security card, Fran. Am I correct in assuming you will be taking your husband's last name?" .

  "Yes," Fran answered with a nod as she squeezed Bran's hand.

  "It's not required by law and many women are opting to retain their maiden name," Nagle explained.

  "I understand," Fran said, "but I'm not planning to ever divorce Brad and will be proud to have the same last name."

  "Very well," Nagle said. "Have both of you had blood tests to rule out any venereal disease and a genetic test to detect any disorder that may affect children in the future?"

  "Those tests are not required for a marriage," Joan said.

  "You're correct, Mrs. Carmichael. However, I believe anyone getting married today would be wise to rule out any potential problems."

  "It can't hurt anything, Mom," Fran said. "Better safe than sorry."

 
Once all of the paperwork was completed, Nagle rubbed his hands together. "Now comes the fun part. I will be asking each of you to pledge yourself to one another. Other than the standard vows, is there anything different or special you would like said."

  Fran took Brad's hand. "We would like the obey part removed."

  "Is there anything you wish to replace it?"

  Fran shrugged and looked at Brad. "I will promise to love, honor, and respect Brad for the person he is."

  "And you, Brad?"

  "That works for me, too."

  "Do you mind if I ask why you have chosen a secular ceremony rather than a religious one?"

  "Fran and I were brought up in different religious beliefs," Brad said.

  "Which ones?"

  "Well, I'm Episcopalian," Brad said.

  "And I'm Roman Catholic," Fran said. "I have no desire to change my religion and I don't expect Brad to change his. I don't believe any children we have will suffer because their parents belong to different denominations." She looked at Brad. "It's really a non-issue."

  "Are your parents of different faiths?"

  Joan leaned forward, but didn't speak. There was absolutely no reason for her lifestyle to interfere with Fran's wedding. Fran looked at Joan and smiled.

  "My Mama, my brother, and sisters are all Roman Catholic. However, my mother was brought up in the Lutheran faith."

  A short round of laughter went around the table at the look of confusion on Nagle's face. Finally Joan said, "Although I don't believe it has any bearing whatsoever on the marriage of my daughter and her fiancé, my wife, who was brought up as a Roman Catholic, was Fran's birth mother. But I am also her mother. In other words, Fran's legal parents are two women."

  "Where is your wife? She should be here for this meeting," Nagle said.

  "There is nothing I wouldn't give for that to happen, Dr. Nagle, but Martine, my wife and Fran's biological mother, passed away ten years ago."

  "I'm very sorry for your loss, Mrs. Carmichael," Nagle said. Joan met his eyes and decided he was sincere.

  "Thank you." Joan sat up a little straighter in her chair. "I am not ashamed of who I am and as far as I am aware neither are our children. We pledged our lives to one another in a private ceremony. However, neither of the faiths in which we were raised accepted our union and it wasn't until after her death that some civil authorities would have recognized us as a legally married couple. There is nothing I would not do for my children, Dr. Nagle. Their happiness is most important to me and I don't want my lifestyle to interfere with that happiness. But I will not apologize to anyone for the way I live my life."