Chaos (Phoenix Undercover #2)

by C. A. Harms

  “That’s great news,” I said.

  She continued to smile at me, and something about her expression reminded me of the way a woman looked at a man she was interested in. That thought made me feel a little bit sick.

  “Listen,” I said after taking a moment to be sure I’d put what I was going to say in the kindest way possible. “I wanted you to know that I think you are a very brave girl.” She flinched when I referred to her as a girl, but I went on. “You’ll get through this, and in the end you’ll be one of the girls that uses your experience to help others. I can see that in you. You’re strong, and I want you to get all the help you can. The staff here is amazing, and the therapists are some of the top in their field—”

  “But I like talking to you,” she said, looking suddenly panicked.

  “I know, and I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share what you did with me. But I’ve already gone way above my job duties. I’ve overstepped some clear boundaries, and I need to step back,” I said, remembering Greyson telling me not to interfere. “I wish you the best, Zara, I do, but we can’t be friends.”

  “Friends?” she asked. “I thought we were more than—”

  “This was nothing more than me wanting to make sure you were okay.” It was my turn to interrupt now. This had gotten out of hand, and I had no one to blame but myself. I let my emotions get in the way, and now it was fucking backfiring just like Grey said it would. “It will never be more than that,” I went on. “I told you that first night that I was involved with someone. We can never be more than an agent and a young girl who got wrapped up in a world of hate. I’m sorry you thought it was more.”

  I left the room before she could say anything else, mentally cursing myself with each step. I needed some air. Letting my heart get in the way of my job was one fucked-up thing to do. I had planned to go to Gabby’s, but my mind was now fucked. So I decided to go back to the office instead to lose myself in capturing Leo.

  Chapter 24

  Gabriella

  “Do you want to keep waiting?”

  I looked up from my phone to find the nurse staring back at me. I had tried to call Josh four times and texted him multiple times too. Over the last four weeks, he’d become distracted and even irritable investigating every lead. I rarely saw him, and when he was with me, his mind was somewhere else.

  I understood it. I did. After everything he was put through, he was consumed with bringing down anyone who threatened his life. But today I couldn’t forgive his behavior so easily. Today he should have been focused on me and our child.

  Today was the day we were supposed to find out what we were having. It would have been the first time he was able to see our child, and he was unreachable.

  I was both heartbroken and pissed beyond belief. Throughout this entire ordeal, I’d been understanding and forgiving. I had accepted that until Leo was caught, Josh would be gone more often than not. But I refused to allow him to shrug off our child. The looks of sympathy Dr. Bali and the nurse were giving me only made the situation worse. I was about to find out the sex of my child without anyone to share it with. This should have been a happy day, but now I just wanted it to be over.

  My chest grew tighter and my tears built with each swoosh of a heartbeat and each word Dr. Bali said. And when he informed me that he was able to get the perfect view to determine the sex of my baby, the tears spilled over.

  “Looks like you’re having a boy, Ms. Shannon,” he said as he looked up at me. Mistaking my tears for joy, he smiled brightly.

  I was happy, but my sadness was outweighing my joy, and I suddenly hated Josh for that. He had known about this appointment for weeks. If he wasn’t able to make it, then he should have told me instead of taking this happy moment from me. Now, as I lay here alone looking at the screen that verified we were having a son, I wondered if he was really all that excited.

  ***

  I was numb as I made my way downtown. If Josh didn’t want to answer my calls, then I would go to his office and he would listen to what I had to say for once. I wouldn’t be giving him a choice not to.

  When I entered the lobby, I walked straight for the front desk. I knew I would need security clearance and would most likely have to wait for Josh to come downstairs to get me, but I didn’t give a shit. My anger would not dissipate while being forced to wait; if anything, it would only grow more intense. I had been waiting all morning for him, so what would another fifteen minutes matter?

  “Gabby?” I turned around to find Greyson walking toward me, looking concerned. “Are you okay?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “I’m not. Can you take me up to see Josh, please?”

  He placed his hand on my elbow and led me past the front desk toward the elevators. After he scanned his key card, the doors opened and we stepped inside.

  “Gabby, talk to me. You’re making me nervous.” Greyson watched me closely, scanning my face. “Did something happen?”

  “It’s not what you’re thinking.” I had told myself I would save my anger for the man that deserved it. But the problem was once I started, I couldn’t stop. “Josh stood me up.”

  Grey’s brow wrinkled in confusion.

  I took a deep breath. “Our doctor’s appointment was today. The appointment where we found out what we were having. He didn’t show up, he won’t return my calls, and I am fed up with him avoiding me.”

  “I’m sure there’s a damn good reason why he didn’t come,” Grey assured me just as the elevator arrived on the floor that held Josh’s office.

  Memories of the last time I was here flashed through my mind—visions of how he took me on top of his desk and the other agents graced me with knowing smiles as I exited his office. I should have been embarrassed by the way Josh and I carried on that day, but I was too pissed to care.

  “Don’t make excuses for him. You know just as well as I do that he has been ignoring everyone. I get that he has a job to do, Grey, I do. But today was our day. One fucking hour of his time was all I needed.”

  I didn’t wait for him to respond before hurrying down the hall. I knew where Josh’s office was. I could hear Greyson approaching, but I only walked faster. I would not waste any more anger on him. My anger was meant for Josh.

  I stopped just outside Josh’s open office door when I heard voices inside. The last thing I needed to do was interrupt some meeting.

  As I listened, though, I began to feel sick. This wasn’t a conversation I was meant to hear.

  “I wanted to apologize.” The voice sounded young. “I understand now that I developed a bond with you. I think it was because when I met you the night at the warehouse, you made me feel safe. Even though we were being forced to perform in front of Leo and his men, you still made me feel like nothing could hurt me.” There was a pause, and I could feel Greyson’s presence behind me.

  “Josh, I know you were only doing your job, but I let myself think it was all real. Remembering the way you touched me and kissed me kept me going during the time I was trapped. When someone was using me, I would just allow myself to float back to you and our night together. And then a couple weeks ago when you saved me, those fantasies I had created suddenly felt so real, like you had finally come for me. I know it all seems crazy, but I had to do whatever I could to survive, and thinking of you gave me that.”

  “Zara,” Josh said, and I knew that tone. It was the one he used when his heart ached; when he had done something he was having a hard time facing.

  The entire thing was surreal, and I hadn’t realized I was crying until I felt the tear drop from my face and hit my arm.

  “Gabby, come on.” Grey tried to lead me from the doorway, but I refused to budge.

  I stepped into the room and found Josh hugging a young girl close to his chest. It was like someone kicked me in the stomach. But instead of falling into a crying mess on the floor, I stood tall and stepped farther into the room. Of course Greyson followed close behind, and I wished he hadn’t. It was bad enough I had to
share this with a complete stranger.

  Josh looked up and pushed back from the young girl in his arms. “Gabby,” he said as he stepped around the girl, who was now watching me too. “I was gonna call you back, but I had some things to take care of.”

  “I can see that,” I replied with little emotion.

  Josh looked up over my shoulder, and I assumed he was making eye contact with Grey, but I refused to turn and be sure. “Can you take Zara to your office and give Gabby and me a few minutes?”

  “That won’t be necessary,” I said loud enough for everyone to hear. “I actually just stopped by to give you something.”

  Josh stood before me with his hands on his hips as I pulled out the pictures the doctor had given me less than an hour ago. Doing my best to fight back the tears, I held them out before me, and Josh took them from my hands. I saw the moment he recognized what he was holding, and then the realization of what he had missed washed over him. He stepped closer, and a look of defeat covered his beautiful face. “Shit, baby.” He reached out for me, but I stepped back.

  “I just thought you should know it’s a boy.” My lower lip trembled, but I bit down to hide it. “Since you had more important things to take care of.”

  “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I got lost in work and then—” He looked up, and his gaze fell on the girl.

  I didn’t need to know anything more about her. I had heard enough. I was so close to falling apart, but I refused to do it in front of any of them.

  “I have gone through this entire pregnancy on my own from the beginning. I know that isn’t your fault, but damn it, Josh, you’re here now. Be here!” My voice rose higher than I had intended it to. “What you missed today is something that can never be repeated. You missed a magical moment, and right now I’m so angry and hurt that you didn’t show up, I feel numb.”

  “Baby, please. Just let me explain.” He tried to reach out for me again, but I shrugged away.

  “There is nothing to explain. You should have been there today. We should have found out together, and nothing—” I pointed at the girl who stood only a few feet away. “—and no one should have stopped you from being there.” I turned around and rushed from the room because I could no longer hold back the tears.

  I angrily hit the call button on the elevator as I bit down hard on my lower lip. When you’re in a hurry, an elevator always has ten stops. But god damn it, when you had all the time in the world, the fucker was waiting for you.

  “Sweetheart!” Josh’s pained voice caused chills to run through me.

  The elevator bell announced the car’s arrival, and the doors slid open. I stepped inside, then turned around to face Josh. He tried to step in after me, but I held up my hand to stop him. “No,” I said. “Don’t follow me. I need some time to think before I decide whether or not I want to talk to you.”

  I couldn’t take another moment of his sad eyes. I had a right to be angry, and if I allowed him to step inside this elevator, my anger would fade.

  The doors slide closed, and I rested back against the wall as the tears fell. I needed him to understand that missing today broke my heart. And for what? To meet up with one of the girls he was forced to do God knows what with when he was undercover?

  And then what the girl said truly hit me, and a sick feeling washed over my stomach. What exactly had he done with that girl? And was it before or after he met me?”

  Chapter 25

  Josh

  I fucked up.

  I mean royally fucked up, and I wasn’t sure this one could be repaired. The heartbroken look in Gabby’s eyes confirmed that.

  I woke up this morning and slipped out of bed before she woke, but even last night she had talked about how special today was going to be.

  I went to work thinking I would get ahead of the game and sneak out thirty minutes before the appointment. What I had not counted on was for Trevor to bring me footage from the lobby of Leo’s apartment. It showed a woman slip in and leave moments later carrying a large, unidentified package. It seemed Leo still had people to do his dirty work.

  I became so absorbed in the footage looking for any sign of who this woman may be, and then Zara arrived unexpectedly, blindsiding me.

  I had missed one of the most important moments in Gabby’s pregnancy, and I had no one to blame for it but myself.

  “Josh?” I hung my head and took in a deep breath before turning to face Zara. “I’m really sorry if I caused any problems.”

  “It wasn’t you, it was all me. I messed this up,” I confessed. Not because I was attempting to make her feel better, but because it was true.

  “So you’re gonna be a dad? Is it your first?” I nodded. “Congratulations! I feel like I should throw blue confetti or something.”

  I knew she was attempting to make this moment a little less tense, but it felt wrong. I should be with Gabby. We should be laughing and smiling as we talked about having a boy.

  I could fucking kick myself for how stupid I had been.

  “Listen, I gotta go,” I told her as I brushed past her toward my office. “Good luck with everything, Zara, really, but I have somewhere to be.”

  After getting my keys and rushing back downstairs to my car, I drove as fast as New York City traffic would allow, which unfortunately was not fast enough. On more than one occasion, I considered ditching my car and fucking running there on foot. But when I finally arrived at Gabby’s door, I quickly unlocked it and hurried inside. I was rushing straight down the hall toward Gabby’s room when Brook’s voice stopped me.

  “Hey, Daddy, what are you doing here?” I turned to find her standing just to the side of the couch looking at me in confusion. “I figured you would have gone with Gabby to tell my parents.”

  Her words made my stomach twist yet again. Obviously, Brook didn’t know about what happened. Had she known, I was more than sure I would have been on the floor cupping my balls after her foot connected with them. Audrey and Brook were both very protective of Gabby and vice versa. They were a solid trio, kind of like Mike, Greyson, and me.

  “Yeah, I had a few things to finish up at work, but I got done much sooner than I thought. So I decided to surprise her.” I looked around, trying to hide my anxiousness.

  “My parents decided to take Gabby to Nana’s,” Brook added as she opened up the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. “You have never had the pleasure of meeting the great Myrtle Shannon, have you?”

  I shook my head and wondered what I was about to get myself into.

  Brook walked toward me and hooked her arm through mine. “Oh, Josh, you are in for a treat. Our Nana is without a doubt one of the greatest women you will ever meet.” She led me toward the front door, and I took this as her saying she was going with me. Which I was grateful for, considering I had no idea how to get to her grandmother’s.

  “She is loud, and if you think I’m mouthy, ah hell, wait until you meet our Nana. She has a mouth like a sailor and she loves to gamble,” Brook continued as she led me downstairs to the parking deck and straight to her Malibu.

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to get in the car with her. I’d heard horror stories about her driving skills, or lack thereof, but I would have to endure it. I wanted to get to Gabby, and this was the fastest way.

  ***

  “Honey, I’m home,” Brook hollered as she entered the small apartment. “And I brought the baby daddy with me.”

  I was still trying to calm my racing heart from the multiple times I thought I would die on the way over. Brook was seriously the worst driver I’d ever been in a car with.

  I stepped in behind her, and four sets of eyes locked on me within seconds. Marshall and Judith, Gabby’s parents, sat on the love seat. An older woman, who I assumed was the grandmother, sat in the recliner, and Gabby sat on the other love seat across from her parents. She smiled at us, but I could tell it was forced.

  Gabby’s father was the first to stand. “It’s real good to see you, son. How’ve you been?” He h
eld out his hand, and I reached out to shake it firmly.

  “I’m good, sir, thank you.”

  Gabby’s mother wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. “It’s real good to have you here. Gabby said you got stuck at work and weren’t able to make it over, so she came to share the news of our grandson with us.”

  I looked over her mother’s shoulder, and my gaze landed on Gabby’s once again. Brook was standing near her as she talked to her grandmother.

  “Now I’ll be the first to warn you, my mother is full of piss and vinegar. She’ll give you shit and she has no filter, but take none of it seriously.” I found Marshall’s warning humorous, considering Brook had told me the same thing on the way over.

  “Thanks for the warning,” I said with a smile as I stepped past them and walked toward Gabby. I could immediately sense her anger, but I could also see she was doing her best to hide it from her family.

  I sat down next to her and leaned in to offer her a kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I whispered before pulling back and placing my arm over her shoulders.

  “Well, this tall drink of water must be Joshua.” The raspy, shaky voice made me smile. “Oh, Gabby, I see the appeal of this one.” Myrtle slid forward in her recliner and got closer. I noticed Marshall hang his head with a slight shake, but I was prepared to accept whatever Nana was about to throw at me.

  “So, listen, me and my friend Lauren went out a couple weekends ago to do a little gambling, and we stumbled upon this place called Dirty Harry’s. You know the place?” My throat tightened at Nana’s serious look. Yes, I knew what Dirty Harry’s was. It was a fucking strip club with women on the main floor and men on the second level. But the idea of this ninety-something-year-old lady in a place like that didn’t seem right.