by Allison Rios
“Life’s a little strange, huh?”
“Strange doesn’t begin to define my life right now,” she half laughed, leaning back and letting her legs stretch out in front of her.
She closed her eyes, basking in the gentle warmth of the sun as it beat down on her bare skin. The anxiety and anger coursed through her and caused chills she couldn’t shake. The sun’s rays were a welcome respite from the shivering.
“How did I get here?”
“Are you forgetting more?” AJ asked, suddenly very concerned about the effects of the mind cleansing she had been given.
She turned her head without moving the rest of her body, her tan face plastered in a gentle grin.
“No, no,” she laughed.
She reached her hand over and placed it on top of his. They were virtually strangers, she thought to herself, but somehow it just felt right; natural even.
“I mean, how did life get this complicated?”
AJ tensed at her touch not because he didn’t want it, but because it made his entire body tingle. He wanted to reach over with his other hand and capture hers between his. He withheld the urge.
“Life is always complicated.” At least it would be for him, he thought. “You doing okay though? Really?”
“I don’t know, to be honest. That’s Robert, in case you didn’t know.”
“I figured as much.”
“He’s back.”
“I see that.”
“I don’t know for how long. Or why. Or where he’s been. There’s a lot we have to talk about.”
AJ paused, a question lingering on the tip of his tongue. “Do you want him here?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “That’s the only thing I know for sure.” She laughed, her hands rising back to her head. “I don’t know what I want. I take that back. I know that I want to punch him. I want to scream at him and yell and make him suffer for all of the pain I’ve felt since the moment he left. I know I want to do all that. And then part of me just wants to pretend it never happened and that we’ve always been together, that we are complete now that he’s here. Sounds crazy, right?”
“Not at all, Addie. Sounds like a normal response.”
“As though any part of my life is normal,” she laughed.
“Do you need me to stay? I mean, are you scared or anything?”
Her face had aged years in just a few days, he thought. Not that she was any less lovely. She just looked tired and lost, which she was, undoubtedly.
“No, really. He’s never been a violent type. He’s nothing like Joseph,” she said, looking right into AJ’s eyes.
She knew what he was thinking – what was the type of guy she fell for? He’d only known Joseph and probably feared that Robert would be similar. “It’s just been a really long few days. He and I have a lot of talking to do. Gram may take Rose for a day or two so we have some time.”
“I could watch her for a while, if you want.”
“That’s okay, AJ, really. I’m just going to make some dinner and he and I can talk this evening. I promise to call you if I need you.”
He glanced at her again, the fear evident on his face. As she looked more closely at him she could feel that it wasn’t fear she’d be hurt by Robert. It was a different kind of fear… she just couldn’t put her finger on it.
The screen door swung open lightly, Rose bounding down the stairs.
“Mama, we finished our ice cream! Come inside!”
Her little body seemed to fly across the yard, the purple cotton dress she wore swaying in the light breeze.
“Hi AJ!” she smiled, grabbing Addie’s hand and trying to pull her up.
“Hey there Rose,” AJ replied as he lifted himself up. He grabbed Addie’s free hand once he was balanced, helping Rose to lift her.
His eyes rose to meet the stranger on the stairs and an instant pang of disapproval shot through him. Addie was brushing herself off as Robert cautiously approached. He had the same feeling of dislike towards AJ and his body language was a clear indication.
Robert wrapped an arm around Addie as he arrived near the trio, which she quickly shrunk away from. The tension was flagrant as they stood in awkward silence. Trying to break the monotony, Addie began the introductions that she had hoped to put off.
“Robert, this is AJ. AJ, Robert. And you all know Rose.”
“Hi,” AJ said, extending his hand.
He tensed his muscles to appear as daunting as possible. Intimidation always seemed to work well and he wanted the man in front of him to know he wasn’t afraid or weak.
“Hi,” Robert replied, gripping AJ’s hand with his.
The handshake on both sides was firm, almost menacing. Their eyes were locked on each other, entranced as if they were studying each other’s souls. Addie broke the silence.
“Rose, let’s go get cleaned up and you can help me make dinner.”
“Okay! Can AJ come?”
“Not tonight,” AJ replied, still locked in a handshake with Robert but loosening his grip. “I promised to eat with Helen. She’s had a rough week. But I’ll tell you what. If you eat all your dinner, I promise to bring back a treat from in town when I head up there to see Bob.”
“Okay!” she squealed, delighted by the attention.
She raced back up the stairs and into the kitchen. Addie followed behind and glanced back once more at the duo of men.
AJ had felt it and he was certain now that nothing else was clouding his judgment. It wasn’t simply a dislike of this man who had abandoned Addie; it was the feeling given off by a Grim. Robert was a Grim, although not the same as Devin. Robert had a gentleness about his soul; a kindness. If he was a Grim, his purpose was balance, not hatred. That much was evident to AJ.
Robert sensed the same from AJ, instantly gathering from his touch that he was a Healer. Not just a Healer, but one of a greater power.
“So you’re Robert,” AJ spoke when Addie was out of ear shot. “Addie’s told me a lot about you.”
“She hasn’t mentioned you,” Robert lied, a smirk parting his lips.
“She doesn’t remember much about me,” AJ replied as though Robert knew all that had happened in town over the past month. “She had an accident.”
“What type of accident?” Robert’s concern was immediate.
It changed the tone of the conversation, no longer a barking match between men. Rather, it translated to utter concern for a woman they evidently both loved.
“Probably the one that called you to come back to town. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you’ve shown up when you did. How long have you known what you are?” AJ asked, his eyes narrowing.
He wanted to trust Robert, to give him the benefit of the doubt. He wanted to make sure his gut instincts about Robert’s soul was accurate.
“I could ask the same of you.”
“Only a few years for me,” AJ replied. Robert was shaken by the answer, immediately believing AJ was lying. No one a few years out from becoming a Healer would possess a presence as strong as this.
“You’re lying. You’re strong, far stronger than a few years.”
“I’m not lying. Things have evolved, so to speak, around here. And you didn’t answer my question.”
“Since Rose was born.”
The realization was instant: Robert hadn’t left because he wanted to hurt Addie; he’d left so he wouldn’t hurt her physically.
“I didn’t want to leave.”
“I understand.”
And strangely, the Healer did. There they stood, partners and enemies at the same time in mother nature, face to face and both in love with the very same woman; the very same beautiful, sweet woman.
“You didn’t leave because you wanted to, did you?”
“No. I left because I had to.” Robert couldn’t stop the words.
He didn’t want to speak about his private life with this stranger. Somehow, he felt a type of kinship. While they were on opposite sides of the spectrum, they shared
in the same knowledge of how the world worked and their roles in it. They shared the guilt of the tasks they were faced with in regards to continuing humanity.
“You know what my hands can do.”
AJ nodded.
“I couldn’t get near them. It would have been worse to stay and never touch either of them, rather than to go and hope they built a better life without me.”
While AJ didn’t like it, he understood. He remembered back to when he’d first healed someone and the strain it had caused in his life – and he’d done something good with his hands. He couldn’t imagine having been the one to discover he could remove life with his hands as well, especially with a newborn at risk.
“I can tell you love her,” Robert replied, his face softening. “I can understand that as well.”
AJ paused, kicking the ground a bit with his feet. His eyes closed as understanding flooded through him. He’d never be able to have her and he couldn’t ask her to go without love forever just to ease his own suffering. The love of her life was back and standing here in front of him. He couldn’t stand in the way of the inevitable. It wouldn’t do any good anyway. They’d find a way.
“I’m worried you’ll hurt her.”
“I won’t,” came Robert’s quick response. “There are a lot of bad things I’ve done in life. Hurting her again will not be one of them. What about you, though? I can see you love her.”
“I can’t be with her.”
“It’s the strength I felt from you, isn’t it?”
“Let’s just say that there’s been a shift in my dynamic and I have obligations to fill, obligations that supersede my own happiness and her happiness. I can’t love her the way she needs, regardless of how I feel about her.” He stepped closer to Robert. “Would you give it all up for her? Have you given it up for her?”
“I will. I haven’t yet, but I will. I need to see if she wants me. If she doesn’t, I’ll need to have another focus, another motivation. I can’t let go of this until she tells me,” he said, staring down at his hands.
“Then I won’t stand in the way,” AJ said, giving the man a little breathing room. “Unless I feel like you’re going to hurt her. I’ve taken out one Grim and I won’t hesitate to do it again – especially one that threatens her,” he gestured, pointing to the house.
Addie was unobserved, watching from the screen door.
“You’ve taken out a Grim?” Robert’s defenses stormed his body.
“It’s a long story,” AJ sighed, not wanting to get into all of it. “He wasn’t like you. He wasn’t controlled and balanced. He was vengeful and wanted to kill Addie. Hell, he almost killed Rose. I couldn’t let that happen. Addie was there when it happened.”
“She was there?”
The anger began seething through Robert’s veins, his hands forming fists. Addie watched, convinced the men were ready to go at it. A vision flashed into her mind – AJ kissing her. His lips pressed to her, his arms wrapped around her. Was it a real memory? Or a daydream? She couldn’t remember the past few months, but watching him out there, she knew it wasn’t merely a friendship they had shared.
“She wouldn’t take no for an answer,” AJ replied, flexing his muscles again and standing as tall as he could. “She was going to get herself killed if I didn’t let her help. If I let her, I could control the situation, monitor her, and keep her safe, which I did.”
Robert softened slightly. Addie was still here. She was safe. AJ wasn’t lying about that.
“And he almost killed Rose?”
“He touched her. She fell off a ladder and the rung speared her leg. Addie was there and that’s when she found out about me. I had to heal Rose. I couldn’t let her die.”
Robert’s eyes had a hint of gloss to them as AJ spoke. The disgust rose into his throat with the bile, making him want to vomit that his own people had such an evil streak in them. He wasn’t like this Grim, the one AJ had fought. He would never be like that, he swore to himself silently.
AJ didn’t know why he was saying all of this. Robert undoubtedly knew the rules of both sides and a human seeing something like that meant that a Healer had to lose his powers.
“How do you still possess your gift then? Shouldn’t it be revoked?”
“It’s a long story. A friend stepped in, took the fall. Figured I had the heart of someone who would benefit the world and who could do more good things. I know we broke the rules, but there are extenuating circumstances.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” Robert said, meaning every word. “Thank you for saving my little girl.”
“That’s why Addie can’t remember me,” AJ said softly. “The elders came. They made me stronger. But she’s human. She couldn’t know about everything. The elders, they follow the rules. If she remembered, she’d be considered a threat. And I didn’t have a choice. I had to take the path of helping the world. I couldn’t give up my gift.” He didn’t mention that Rose still remembered him, although he remained unsure as to why he didn’t mention it.
“So they wiped her memory?”
“Yeah. Everything. From the day I arrived in town.”
“Oh, God.”
“They’re fine, Robert. Both of them. Addie’s just confused. Really, really confused and I don’t blame her.”
“Does she know you love her?”
“No. Not now.”
“Did she?”
“I told her, the night before the fight. I kissed her and told her how I felt. But she won’t remember now.”
“Did she feel the same about you?” Robert asked.
AJ was growing uncomfortable with the conversation.
“I need to know what I’m up against.”
“She said she loved me,” AJ replied, his eyes steady on the ground. “But she won’t remember that now, Robert. You have nothing to worry about. No contenders except for Addie’s fear of you. I’m not going to stand in your way, as long as you promise to take care of her the way she deserves. I chose this life, the life of a Healer.”
Robert could only imagine the restraint that choice took. As much as he loved Addie, he could see in the Healer’s eyes that the man felt the same. The decision had to be killing him inside, he thought.
“I will take care of her, of both of them; that I can promise you.”
“Then I won’t stand in the way of that,” AJ replied.
“I’d like you to stay.” Robert hadn’t meant to say the words; they’d just risen to his lips. “I’d like you here, protecting my family.”
“I don’t know if … I don’t know if I can do that,” AJ stuttered.
Robert nodded in understanding.
“I’ll leave it up to you. But after all you’ve done for them, AJ, you are always welcome around me and around them. I will always consider you a friend.”
18 TO SLEEP
The afternoon had been long. Addie wanted to just go to bed after dinner, longing for a hot bath and some sleep. She’d called Gram to let her know perhaps another night Rose would be over. After years of waiting, she figured whatever explanation Robert had for his whereabouts could hold off one more day. Obviously, he wasn’t going anywhere. He had all that he owned, which wasn’t much, in the back of that beat up truck.
She watched from the doorway as Robert tucked Rose in. Rose definitely rejoiced in every moment shared with the man who had only been a creased, faded picture her entire life. With arms crossed and leaning against the doorframe, Addie took in the sight that she had only dreamed about before: Robert tucking his daughter into bed.
Robert carefully placed each well-loved stuffed animal in place where Rose directed him to, her pink and polka dot nightgown landing mid-thigh on her tiny little legs. He marveled at her beauty and innocence and cursed his heritage for the fact that he’d had to miss out on watching her grow for so long. The anger was fleeting as he placed the last teddy bear in place. As he reached to draw up the blanket, he paused at the vision before him – the scar on her thigh. He traced his fingers
softly along it, feeling the same strength he had felt in AJ’s handshake earlier. It was a mark of sorts that any Healer would leave on someone they’d touched; a remnant of the good they’d done in the world, like a legacy. The reminder of him would forever be etched onto and inside of the scar.
Robert recognized feeling it on Addie, too. Even if she couldn’t remember AJ, he’d always be a part of her soul and Robert would be reminded of it every time he touched her.
“That’s a big boo boo, isn’t it Daddy?” Rose said, bringing him back from his thoughts.
“It sure is! What happened?”
“I don’t remember exactly. It left a big mark though. I think it’s kind of cool. The boys will think I’m tough!”
“Boys?” Robert said, feigning surprise. “You better not be talking to any boys!”
“Daddy,” she replied with her sweet smile, “I was kidding. I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Well that’s good,” he said, pulling the blankets up. “I’d hate to have to give a good talking to, to such a young man.”
“Boys have cooties.”
“Even daddies?”
“Nope! Only boys that are my size.”
“Well, then let’s not get cooties okay? I got rid of mine a long time ago when I grew up and I don’t want them back again.”
“Okay,” she giggled, clutching her teddy bear closely to her chest.
Robert noticed it looked more tattered than the rest. Surely Addie hadn’t really kept it, had she?
“That’s the one you bought her at the hospital,” Addie’s voice said softly, tears evident in the tone. “She’s slept with it every night of her life.”
Robert smiled, his eyes moving over to meet Addie’s. She smiled back at him; she couldn’t help it. This was the life she’d dreamt about.
“Thank you,” he whispered, his own tears forming.
After years of holding back all emotion, the past few days had been too much. He didn’t want to hide anymore. He placed a soft kiss upon Rose’s forehead, tucking her in more tightly as he stood up.
“Are you leaving?” she asked, distress tainting the sweet sound of her voice as her hands clutched the blanket taut enough to make her tiny knuckles turn white. She’d asked the same thing the past few nights.
