by Allison Rios
“No, no sweetheart,” he whispered while crouching back down to her, his hand resting on top of hers and easing the tension with which she held her cover. “I will be back tomorrow, I promise. I am never going to leave you again. Okay?”
“Okay.”
The trust was barely evident in her response. He knew there was no way that either one of his girls trusted him right now, which was his own doing. He knew it would take time to earn their love and faith back – and he was more than willing to wait.
He kissed her again and turned off her lamp, shutting the door lightly behind him. He and Addie were inches apart, their breath close enough for the other to feel.
“You’re good with her,” Addie said, her arms still snugly wound across her upper body.
Her body language spoke volumes and he reminded himself that he deserved every bit of it. The fact that she had let him into her home at all had surprised him; he’d expected to be tossed, not-so-gently, to the curb. He hadn’t taken into account that Rose would know who he was when he arrived. While he had many of the same features, he’d also grown physically in the past years and had definitely changed in his outward appearance. He was harder and fiercer. And he hadn’t thought that Addie would even give Rose a picture of a man who had walked away from them both.
He smiled at the woman before him, older and wiser, yet still as shockingly attractive as the day he’d met her. He began to reach for her face, to touch it and feel her skin in his hands again, before stopping himself cold.
“It’s okay,” she whispered, reaching down and picking up his shaking hand in hers.
Part of her was trying to stop her arms from moving while the scared, teenage girl inside of her was coming forth and aching for the love they once had. Despite what had happened, he was the last thing she’d had in her life that was stable and normal. She missed the feeling of his skin on hers. She raised his fingertips to her cheek and he took over, smoothing his palm across the subtle skin of her face.
She closed her eyes, the feelings of her life years ago washing over her. She saw the last time they’d kissed, moments after the tiny, plump faced little angel they had made was placed in her arms. His smile had been inextinguishable, lighting up the entire gray hospital room. It was the first moment in her entire life she’d felt complete and totally consumed by love. Not soon after that, her world crashed. When he left, he took every ounce of hope and security she’d felt. She stopped herself from thinking of that moment, wanting to focus only on the good times they’d shared as if she were willing herself to forget they’d ever been apart.
His fingers traced the skin on her face, over her eyes, down her nose, across her cheek, and through her hair. He traced the ridge of her ear, which had been his favorite place to kiss her. It had always given her chills and he would promptly relish in pulling her into an embrace. Somewhere lost in all the feelings, her mouth had twisted into a smile.
She opened her eyes to his and he smiled back.
“I better go,” he said, letting his hand fall and tucking it into his front pocket along with the other. “You need some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow.”
“Robert?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask just one thing tonight?”
“Sure. Go ahead.” He knew what it would be.
“Did you leave because of me?”
“Never!” he said hurriedly, his arms instinctively reaching out to pull her into him.
Her body melded into his, their shapes fitting perfectly together as her head rested against his chest. Her hands clutched lightly at his waist, shaking and unable to fully control the movements she wanted to make.
“I had to leave. I don’t know how to explain it, but I will. Soon, I promise. I had to leave and it only had to do with not wanting to hurt you.”
“Well that didn’t work,” she huffed.
“It did, Addie. Trust me, it did. I’m here now. I want to be here forever, if you’d let me. I know it’s going to take time… a lot of time to fix things. Or just smooth them over. I don’t expect you to forget what I did, but I will do my best to prove I am worthy of your time. Your love and Rose’s love.”
“If you hurt me, well, that’s my fault,” she muttered, the tears falling freely from her eyes as they had so many years ago. “But if you hurt that little girl I swear to you, it will cost you your life.”
She didn’t know why, but she knew that if Robert hurt Rose in any way, AJ would handle it. And knowing that scared her – because maybe she didn’t know who she loved.
19 SEEKING
“Do you remember Isabelle, AJ?” Rose asked, hopping from one square to the next on her makeshift hopscotch board unsteadily drawn in chalk on the quiet street.
AJ watched her delicately leap on one foot, intense concentration wrinkling up her tiny forehead. He’d taken a break from the hot afternoon sun to share a few minutes with Rose after seeing her get off the school bus. He told himself it was for a rest, but knew it was simply because he liked to spend time with the little girl.
“I do,” he softly replied, his hands folded in front of him as he sat awkwardly on the curb.
He didn’t lead with more questions, though he was dying to know why she was asking. Talks like this with little ones were not his strength and he didn’t want to put thoughts into her head that weren’t already there.
“I remember her, too,” she said, stopping at the last square and turning around. “I miss her a lot.”
“I’m sure you do. There are a lot of people who do.”
“Have you ever lost a friend?” Rose looked up at him, locking her gaze onto his bright eyes.
“Yes. Everyone feels things differently, but I have an idea of how you feel missing your friend.” AJ stopped short of saying he’d lost his mother; the last thing he wanted to instill within Rose’s mind was the idea that her mother could get sick and die, too.
“I miss talking to Isabelle. We used to talk about a lot of stuff.”
“Like what?”
Talking seemed to relax Rose. Perhaps, he thought, she simply needed to talk about it without being hugged and hushed, as many adults tended to do when a child was scared or hurt. Her shoulders relaxed and she left her hopscotch square, sitting down next to AJ on the cool cement.
“She always told me I was special and that I was funny,” Rose replied, tugging at the weeds near her feet popping up through well-worn cracks in the asphalt. “At her big party, she told me she was going to have to leave. I told her I wanted to go with her, but she said I couldn’t.”
“Your mom would miss you too much.”
“I know. And Isabelle said I had to stay here and grow up and change the world someday. She said my smile would make lots of other people smile when they needed it.”
“I think Isabelle is right. You have a pretty amazing smile.” AJ pulled Rose closer to him. “She was a very smart little girl.”
“Why did she have to leave?” The question sent a shockwave through AJ’s heart. He had no good explanation – either human or supernatural – to explain this to a child.
“Sometimes there is just no reason Rose, at least not a good one. Sadly, sometimes people need to leave and others are lucky and get to stay a very long time, like Gram.”
“Do the ones who leave go to heaven?”
“They do,” AJ replied, not wanting to get into details of good versus bad, especially during a conversation focused around Isabelle.
“How come some people die so young, like Isabelle?”
“I don’t have an answer for that, sweetie. I wish I did, but I don’t. But I can tell you this: sometimes it is the littlest people that we lose, like Isabelle, who make the biggest impact on the world and make it a better place. Maybe that’s what Isabelle was talking about – maybe you will do great things in her name someday to honor her memory.”
“Maybe.” Rose sighed, unhappy still with the non-explanation about her friend’s death. “She told me you were special, too.
”
“She did?” AJ raised an eyebrow, curiosity getting the better of him. “What did she say?”
“She said that you couldn’t help her, but you can help others. She told me not to be mad at you that you couldn’t save her. She said you would save lots of other people someday.”
“That’s a lot of pressure,” AJ smiled, trying to play off the thought. “Did you ever tell your mom about your talk with Isabelle?”
Not that Addie would remember, but he also didn’t want her thinking Rose was making up stories.
“No. Isabelle told me not to. She said it was our secret and that I’d understand it all someday. But she said it would be okay to tell you. Is it true?”
What should he say, he wondered? She knew far too much and he was sure Benjamin would be back to take it all away if it was found that she possessed this type of information.
“I don’t know if I can fix people, Rose.”
“You fixed me.”
“Fixed you how?”
“My leg,” she said matter-of-factly, lifting up the hem of her shorts to reveal the scar, now nearly nonexistent. “The scar is almost gone, but I remember it. You fixed me so I didn’t die.”
“Rose,” he said softly. He didn’t want to lie, and yet didn’t want to verify her claim.
He examined where the scar had been. Barely visible now, simply a slightly off-colored line of flesh remained, not even causing a bump on the skin anymore.
“I’m not going to tell anyone, AJ. Isabelle told me not to. She said you’d be able to help me understand why she had to leave. That’s all.”
He looked at her again; a small frame of a girl with such an old soul at such a young age. Why would Isabelle tell her all of this? The sick children always knew who AJ was, but not one had ever spoken of it to another as far as he knew. It wasn’t possible, from what he understood – they were bound without knowing it, to keep the Healer’s secret.
“I wish I could give you a reason, but I can’t,” he whispered as he pulled her tiny hand into his. He had no idea how to broach the topic of his fixing her. “Why do you think I fixed you?”
“I remember it. I fell off the ladder and it hurt so bad when that stick went through my leg. Then I couldn’t see you and Mommy and Gram but I could hear everyone. I remember you put your hands on my leg.”
“How do you know it was my hands if you couldn’t see?”
“Because your hands feel different. Just like now,” she whispered as though she were relaying a secret, looking down at his hand wrapped around hers. “They’re warm. And then my leg didn’t hurt anymore.”
“And you remember all of this?”
“I didn’t until Benjamin reminded me.”
What the hell was Benjamin up to, AJ questioned? He was supposed to take the girl’s memory away, not reinstall it. AJ’s heart skipped a beat, wondering if this was all tied to somehow punishing them for Max taking the fall. Maybe Benjamin would be returning, blaming the girl for knowing too much and then wiping out AJ’s strength and everyone’s memory. It wasn’t the Healer way. However, even Healers were half human and still possessed the power of free will. It was rare, but not unheard of for a Healer to do wrong.
AJ hoped this wasn’t the case.
“Rose, you can’t talk about this, okay? It’s just… it’s something special between you and Isabelle. You should keep it that way.”
“Okay. I won’t.”
She went back to playing hopscotch as if the conversation had never happened, smiling and giggling as she wobbled her way from one end of the chalk squares to the other. AJ wasn’t as lucky, his thoughts worried about what the future might hold.
20 CONVERSATIONS
The days passed by in a blur, growing shorter and the nights cooler, as a few months passed by. AJ worked around the B&B with Matthew, spending time here and there with Rose, Addie, and Robert. He’d grown to like the man he’d first seen as an enemy, in part because Robert forced him to see the good in Grims as opposed to the Devins of the world.
His feelings for Addie remained, buried in the depths of his soul. Their conversations were easy, as though they’d known each other for all their lives. To her, however, he was merely a semi-stranger as she focused on rebuilding her relationship with Robert. It tore at AJ’s heart to watch as they cuddled on the porch swing at night, talking about life. It broke his heart further when he’d watch them argue through the shadows of their windows, undoubtedly because she wanted to know where Robert had been, and the Grim was unable to give her a proper explanation.
AJ had given up his hope of being with her. At least his mind had. His heart had thoughts of its own. No matter how hard he pushed away his wishes of pulling her into his arms and kissing her again, his mind reminded him he was forbidden from it. Even worse was pushing her towards Robert, knowing the man could give her a proper life; a drama free life that AJ himself couldn’t give.
He and Addie’s friendship grew and it was what tied him to the town. Helen and Matthew played a big role in his staying put, becoming the parents he needed; however it was being able to have Addie in his life in any capacity possible that kept him there.
He and Max began to heal their friendship as well. They went back to studying their history and learning how to keep moving forward, as well as getting back to the things they’d loved to do prior to Devin’s appearance in town. Fishing became a big part of their relationship, allowing the men to talk when they wanted yet still maintain silence when needed.
“AJ’s going to go with me out to the fields for a bit to check on things,” Addie called out to Robert from across the kitchen, spreading syrup over the pancake on Rose’s plate. “We’ll be back in a little while.”
Robert’s face clouded over with angst and Addie picked up on the wrinkles immediately.
“I’ll come with you,” he offered.
He hoped she would take him up on the request. While he’d had the chance to get to know AJ over the past months and believed the Healer’s promise that he’d only ever be friends with Addie, he couldn’t shake the knowledge that somewhere behind the Healer aspect of AJ hid his human side – and human emotions. Sometimes feelings were too much to push aside and that fear worried Robert. It didn’t help that he saw how at ease AJ and Addie were around each other. Addie couldn’t remember all that had happened between them, but the connection was evident and it wouldn’t be long, he figured, until the feelings came flooding back to her. He’d lost her once and he didn’t want to lose her again. Her voice snapped him back from his racing thoughts.
“I thought it might be nice for you and Rose to spend some time together, just you two. I promise I won’t be long.”
She smiled at him, kissed Rose, and bounded out the door and across the street. The truth was she didn’t want Robert feeling as though his arrival would make her completely give up the rest of her life for him. She wanted to seem independent, resourceful, and full of life. She wanted to force him to beg her to be a part of her life. And she knew spending time with AJ would keep Robert on his toes. It was cruel, but true.
“Ready?” she asked the towering man standing in front of her in his tattered and frayed shorts.
“Sure am.”
They hopped in the old pickup and headed towards the fields.
“Do you love him?” he asked as the truck rumbled down the uneven, earthy road.
The well intentioned question seemed simple enough but the answer wasn’t. She brushed her chocolate hair back from her eyes, staring out into the formerly golden fields that had always been her home. They were a barrier against the outside world and she had welcomed the protection they offered. Oddly, they seemed to coincide with her life right now; tainted with an unsure future.
If she had this much drama in a town this small, she could only imagine how crazy life was outside in the real world. She didn’t look at him as she spoke; he made her uncomfortable. She knew there was some sort of history between the two of them, but she couldn’t unr
avel it and AJ wouldn’t tell her. He always reminded her it was for the best.
“I do,” she said, nodding her head as though she were still trying to convince herself. “I don’t know exactly how to define it though, if that makes any sense. I see him with Rose and I love that she has her father back. I see the way he looks at me and can feel that he loves me. And I love him, too. I just feel lately like, I don’t know, it’s different than it used to be. He’s changed. Not that it’s a bad change; he’s just different to me now. Maybe that’s just my heart playing defense so I won’t get hurt again.”
“Do you want to be a family again?”
AJ knew the question was rude and above all, none of his business, and yet he couldn’t stop the loaded question from escaping his light pink lips. While the rest of him was tough, she couldn’t help but notice how soft his lips looked.
She stared over her shoulder at him with a crooked smile. She felt as though there was more behind his inquisitiveness and he feared she’d know she was right.
“I can’t answer that, not right now.”
She paused, her breath deepening. Her wringing hands gave away her nervousness of the topic.
“I mean, of course I want us to be a family. Who wouldn’t want a family for their child? Rose loves him. She’s so happy to have him in her life. Looking at her now makes my heart pump faster. She’s never been this happy.”
AJ couldn’t help but think to himself that not so long ago, Rose had smiled like that around him. He pushed the thought from his mind, horrified at the notion that he was basically saying he could have been her father. She had a father and he was back – no one could replace that and he knew it.
“But my heart, I don’t know AJ. It just doesn’t feel like before. It feels sort of … forced.”
“So what made you love him before? Maybe remembering that will help.”
“There’s a lot about my past you don’t know. He’s the only one who does. His acceptance made me love him.”
