The Sweet Smell of Magnolias and Memories

by Celeste Fletcher McHale

  Penny refused to let them talk to her on the phone, but she said Jacey could write them letters. Jacey asked if she could e-mail them, but Penny gave an emphatic no. She said they did not believe in technology, and the boys would be better off for it in the long run. So Jacey wrote letters to each of them, being very careful of her words, assuming Penny was going to read them first and only hoping the boys would get to read them at all.

  She turned on the radio and flipped it to her favorite station. Of course, a sad love song floated through the airwaves.

  “Colin,” she whispered.

  Even his name hurt her. So much had happened in the past few days—she hadn’t allowed herself any time to think about it. But driving down this stretch of road, Adele’s voice serenading her, she couldn’t shove the thoughts away anymore. She loved him—she was sure of it. She wanted to call him and demand he tell her what had happened. That was a fair question, wasn’t it? Didn’t he owe her that much? It was Colin who had pursued her—not the other way around. Why had he even bothered? She was doing fine before he showed up. Sort of. Maybe. Not really.

  Okay, he had helped her. She had to admit it. Even if he didn’t realize it, he had helped her regain her memory of the accident, and for that she would be forever grateful. But seeing him again had jolted things inside of her she’d never had to deal with before. Her memory was the least of it. Just being in the same room with him made her feel different somehow. And waking up beside him . . . It was hard to imagine a better place than being in his arms. It would be hard to let that go. But she had no choice. She had reached out to him, and he had rejected her. She could not and would not pursue it anymore. Neither her pride nor her aching heart would allow it.

  She sighed deeply and switched the radio channel to a comedy station. No more Adele for her today unless Adele wanted to pay for the therapy she’d surely need after one more sad song. Before long, she found herself laughing at a radio comic who had plenty of jokes about his children.

  Jacey got into Baton Rouge during high traffic time and drove straight to her bank. She had a meeting with a mortgage broker before the appointment with the Realtor. Thankfully, that process went smoothly, and she made it to Prairieville just as her Realtor drove up. Jacey had called Georgia to meet them there, and she pulled up behind them. Before Jacey could even turn off the ignition, she knew this was the place she wanted.

  “It’s beautiful,” Jacey said as she stepped out of the car. “And perfect.”

  “Hush,” Georgia whispered. “You don’t want to act too excited. She’ll up the price five thousand dollars.”

  “I love it!” Jacey exclaimed even louder.

  Georgia rolled her eyes. “She’s just being silly,” she said to the Realtor. “She says this about every house we’ve seen. This one is like . . . I don’t know . . . the fifth one today. Right, Jacey?”

  Jacey ignored her and hurried to the front door. “I knew this was going to be the place,” she said. “I could just tell from the pictures.”

  “I give up,” Georgia muttered.

  Jacey ran through the house like a kid at Christmas. The kitchen was lovely—a mixture of exposed logs with a modern backsplash, a huge island with bar stools, and French doors that opened to an outdoor kitchen and a large fenced-in backyard. The den was spacious with hardwood floors and beautiful built-ins. She could already see the boys wrestling on the floor and watching cartoons. She hurried down the hall to the bedrooms and peaked inside each one. This was the house, and she didn’t even want to look at another one.

  Jacey came back to the kitchen where Georgia stood with her hands on her hips beside the Realtor.

  “I’ll take it,” Jacey said, smiling broadly.

  “I’m stunned,” Georgia said dryly.

  After discussing the fine points of the purchase, the Realtor locked up the house and left Jacey and Georgia standing in the driveway.

  “Is there a phrase stronger than ‘eager beaver’?” Georgia asked.

  Jacey laughed. She didn’t care what Georgia or the Realtor thought about her enthusiasm. This house was exactly what she wanted, and she couldn’t wait for the paperwork to go through so she could get started inside.

  “Wow,” Georgia said. She leaned against her car. “I started looking for a new condo this morning. This is really happening.”

  Jacey shook her head. “It really is.”

  “No more roomies,” Georgia said.

  “I can’t believe we’ve known each other seven years,” Jacey said. “We were such little snot-nosed brats back then.”

  “And my hair . . . ,” Georgia said. “What was I thinking? No wonder he was fooling around.”

  Jacey laughed. “It wasn’t that bad, and it surely wasn’t the reason he fooled around.”

  “You’re right. It was probably this twenty extra pounds,” Georgia said.

  “Stop it,” Jacey said. “He was a bad apple. That’s all. Looks like both of us picked one.”

  Georgia didn’t respond. Should she tell her about Colin’s phone calls? She asked herself that question at least ten times a day. She was carrying around a tremendous amount of guilt for erasing Colin’s message but was equally convinced it was the right thing to do. Most of the time, anyway. She couldn’t tell Jacey now, amid her buying a house and going to adoption classes and adjusting to her new life. It was best that she keep it to herself. At least for now.

  “There’s all kinds of time for men,” Georgia said. “Right now we need to focus on making the inside of this house exactly what you want it to be. Do you have any idea what kinds of things the boys like? I mean, movies or characters or things like that?”

  “All of them love Star Wars,” Jacey said. “Lillian had taken them to see it right before the flood. They talked about it nonstop on the roof.”

  “Shall we buy Star Wars–themed bedspreads and curtains, or do you have something else in mind?” Georgia asked.

  “You know, I think that would be awesome,” Jacey said.

  “Then let’s go shopping,” Georgia said. “The bedroom stuff is on Aunt Georgie.”

  “Aw, Georgie, you don’t have to do that.”

  “I do, actually,” Georgia told her. “I intend to practice on your kids before I get my own. Someday. Maybe. Anyway, I’m going to see if I can buy their love.”

  Jacey laughed. “Deal. Do you want to buy my love? Because I’ve had my eye on a new Coach purse.”

  “You’re on your own,” Georgia said. “Now let’s go spend some of my hard-earned emergency room money.”

  The next few weeks were consumed by moving into her new house and preparing for the adoption. Jacey had been through three home inspections by the State of Mississippi and was returning to Biloxi once a week to go to the classes. She actually enjoyed the classes even though they were heartbreaking on many occasions. There were so many children in the United States waiting for adoption, especially older children. Most people wanted infants. Older kids practically had zero chance of being adopted . . . or what Jacey deemed “being rescued.”

  Penny continued to frustrate and annoy her. The boys were less and less their cheerful selves every time she got to see them. She had been careful not to mention the adoption in front of them, because she didn’t want them to suffer yet another disappointment if something were to fall through. On this day, however, she changed her mind.

  “Dewayne, what’s the matter, honey?” Jacey asked as they watched Devin and Derek play on the swings in the park. “Is school going okay?”

  “Yes, I like being at school,” he said.

  “Is something else wrong?” she prodded gently.

  Dewayne didn’t respond.

  “Something at Penny’s house?”

  “Nothing,” he said, looking at Penny as she sat at the picnic table under the trees.

  Jacey looked over at her too. “She can’t hear us,” she said. “You can tell me. I promise.”

  “She said you don’t really care about us,” Dewayne blu
rted out. “She said she heard you were going to try to adopt us, but you probably changed your mind by now. She said you thought you were better than she was, all pretty and neat. Or something like that. And you didn’t want a bunch of kids to mess up your life. She said you were just being nice when you came to see us.”

  If someone had poured a bucket of tar over her head she couldn’t have been angrier. “She said what?” Jacey asked through clenched teeth.

  “Please don’t tell her I told you, Jacey,” Dewayne said, his eyes round with fear.

  Jacey calmed down when she realized how scared he was. “It’s okay, buddy,” she said. “I’m not going to say anything. I promise. I just don’t understand why she would’ve said something like that when none of it is true.”

  Dewayne shrugged. “She said she was the only white woman who would put up with black kids because God doesn’t like black kids to live with white people. She said nobody wanted black kids, and you would take us back in two days if you ever adopted us. Or maybe you’d just split us up and keep the little ones.”

  Jacey put her hand up. “Stop, Dewayne,” she said.

  He put his head down. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, that’s not what I meant,” Jacey told him. “Look at me.”

  Dewayne lifted his head.

  “It is true that I’m trying to adopt you,” Jacey said. “But I’m trying to adopt all of you. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to be disappointed if the judge were to say no for some reason. But I would never, ever separate you from your brothers. Do you hear me? I want all three of you, and I am working as hard and fast as I know how to make that happen.”

  Dewayne began to smile. “You promise?” he asked. “You promise?”

  “I do promise,” Jacey reassured him. “And just so you know, Penny is wrong. God doesn’t see color. Only people do, and only ugly people at that. God only sees our hearts. So don’t worry about what Penny says. I just need you to hang on and help your little brothers to hang on, okay? Be nice to Penny. Don’t upset her, do what she says. Okay? I’ll try harder to make this happen faster. I promise.”

  Dewayne threw his arms around her, and Jacey squeezed her eyes hard to stop the tears.

  “It’s going to be fine, baby, just hold on. Keep your brothers close.”

  “I will,” he said.

  As soon as the boys left with Penny, Jacey called Roger Jefferson.

  “Sheriff?” Jacey said. “It’s Jacey Lang. I know you may not be able to help me, but is there any way you know of to speed up this adoption process?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Colin stood on the shore with his mother and watched the Gulf waters gently caress the shore.

  “This view never gets old, does it?” she asked.

  “It doesn’t,” he agreed. “I’m just glad you are able to enjoy it again.”

  “Me too,” Ava said. “Where did your father go?”

  Colin pointed up the beach. “Where do you think?”

  Ava shook her head. “Can you believe how he acts with that dog?”

  Colin laughed. “I can’t believe he lets him in the house. Yesterday he was in his lap asleep in his recliner.”

  “I saw that too,” Ava said. “The man has reinvented himself over the past few months. In fact, I think we all have.”

  Colin couldn’t argue. The house on the bluff above them contained more laughter, more joy, and more hope in the past few months than it had in the last thirty years. Getting to know his father was a gift he’d never expected and one that couldn’t be equaled. Jasper was still reserved, but Colin thought some of that was just his personality. He was nowhere near the closed and aloof man Colin had known his entire life. In fact, Colin found him to be quite funny at times, especially when he teased Ava. It was obvious Jasper adored her.

  “Dad?” Colin called. “We’re going up. You coming?”

  Jasper waved and jogged their way, his rescue mutt from the pound close on his heels.

  “Shall I carry you up?” Colin asked as they began to climb the wooden stairs to the yard.

  “Not today.” Ava smiled. “I think I can make it all the way.”

  “Don’t push it,” Colin warned. “I’m right behind you.”

  “I promise I’ll tell you if I need help,” Ava said. “I do not want another stay in Biloxi General. I don’t care for the room service.”

  “I wasn’t crazy about it either,” Colin said.

  He watched his mother carefully ascend and marveled at the progress she had made. A month ago she couldn’t climb the first ten steps without help. Yesterday she had made it almost to the top before asking for help.

  “How are you doing, Ava?” Jasper asked behind them as the dog raced past them all.

  “Good,” she said. “Almost there.”

  “Don’t push it,” Jasper warned.

  “You two are the same exact person sometimes,” Ava said. Within a few minutes, Ava made it all the way to the yard without stopping. She was clearly elated.

  “The first time in years,” she said. “I didn’t think I would ever do it again.” She did a little dance move Colin had never seen before.

  “Did you just . . . dance?” Colin asked.

  “She used to be a fabulous dancer,” Jasper said, grabbing her hand. He began spinning her around in the yard while the dog danced and yapped around them.

  “Who are you people?” Colin asked.

  “The hippie parents no one ever told you about,” Ava said as Jasper kissed her neck and made her giggle.

  “I’ve seen enough. Y’all should get a room.” Colin walked to the house with their laughter trailing behind him.

  Colin went to his bedroom and checked his e-mail. He’d gotten much more proficient at computers over the past couple of months. Working in an office would do that for you. He sometimes still had a hard time believing he was behind a desk at Jennings Construction, but someone had to step up—and Jasper was consumed with Ava’s recovery. That left Colin at the helm. Of course, he had an exceptional board of directors whom he trusted and relied on to guide him as he learned the ropes.

  If someone had told him a few months earlier he would’ve been living back at his parents’ house and working for his father, he would’ve told them they were crazy. For years he couldn’t even imagine being in the same room with his father, much less living underneath his roof again. But circumstances sometimes had a way of figuring things out for a man when he was too mule-headed to figure them out himself. This had certainly been one of those times.

  Colin and Jasper were still working on their relationship, but it was a thousand times better than it had ever been. Ava said part of their problem had come from being too much alike. Both of them stubborn and hardheaded, unwilling to bend—and in some ways, still insecure little boys. It wasn’t exactly a flattering picture, but Colin reluctantly agreed with her. One morning, a few days after Ava came home from the hospital, Jasper had walked out onto the patio and approached Colin with a cup of coffee in his hand. “Do you have a minute?” Jasper asked.

  “Sure,” Colin said.

  Jasper slid a wrought iron patio chair from the table and joined Colin. “I need to talk to you, son,” he said. “I need to apologize.”

  Colin paused a moment, then took a sip of his coffee. “You don’t have to say anything . . . we have both—”

  “Yes, I do,” Jasper said. “I haven’t been the father I should’ve been to you. I was gone too much, I wasn’t around when you needed me . . . and I wasn’t around when your mother needed me either. I have suffered the consequences for those failures.”

  Colin knew he was speaking about Ava’s affair, and he could see the shadow of hurt on his father’s face.

  “I’m sorry, Dad,” Colin said. “I know it must’ve—”

  But Jasper cut him off again. “No, don’t be sorry for me. I got what I deserved. You can’t walk around thinking you’re untouchable, but that’s exactly what I did. I gave nothing
to Ava . . . All I did was take. And I expected her to accept that. I gave nothing to you but insisted you respect me. It doesn’t work like that. I was wrong, son, and I’m sorry.”

  Colin had longed to hear these words from his father for years. In his imagination, this moment would resemble a scene from a movie where the music swells and the hero rides away. Instead, what he felt was a deep sense of regret over things he’d done himself . . . Years of shoving both his parents away from him and refusing to listen to anything they had to say . . . Regret for calling himself a minister and proclaiming the courage of forgiveness, all while declining to entertain the thought . . . He was a fraud, at best.

  “I’m sorry, too, Dad,” Colin said.

  Jasper stood up and opened his arms, and Colin walked into them. Tears were shed that morning, without promises, without declarations of change, but with much silent hope for the future.

  Colin closed the laptop, lay down on his bed, and closed his eyes. And just like every time he closed his eyes, her face appeared. Jacey. What had he done? It was the same question he asked himself every night. He gave back the one thing that had kept him sane the last year. Jacey was sweet and kind and generous and loving. And the worst part? She had trusted him. He had taken that trust and thrown in back in her face. Would she ever be able to understand that he had done it for her? Would he ever get the opportunity to explain?

  He was still surprised Jacey had never returned his call or answered his message. She wasn’t the type of girl to accept things at face value. Of course, her silence could be an easy way of letting him down. There was always the possibility that Jacey did not feel the same way he did. Maybe he had misread all the signals. He was a little rusty in the romance department, so it wouldn’t be hard to mistake the way she looked at him . . . especially the way she’d looked at him in his trailer that morning. No, he was sure of it. That was more than desire. He could tell the difference.