The Queen B* Strikes Back

by Crista McHugh

  The Salish Lodge was one of those overpriced places on the Eastside where you mainly pay for the view of Snoqualmie Falls. Yes, the food was good, but the fact that Pete wanted to meet us there for brunch rather than one of the local cafés signaled that he was trying too hard.

  Strike one.

  And I couldn’t forget that Mom waited this long to introduce him to us, which raised my suspicions about this guy even more.

  Strike two.

  If he hit strike three during the meal, I’d have no problem calling him out.

  Pete was waiting for us when we arrived. Now that I had a chance to see him fully clothed in daylight, I could see why my mom might be attracted to him. He appeared to be in his late forties. It was hard to tell because hardly any wrinkles lined his face, a contrast to the silver in his hair. Maybe my mom was a cougar and dating a younger man who was going prematurely gray. Who knew? But he was wearing a suit and jumped to his feet with a huge grin when he spotted Mom.

  “Susan, so glad you could make it,” he said as though they hadn’t seen each other in weeks. He placed a chaste kiss on her cheek that contrasted with the heat in his eyes.

  Yes, they’d definitely been sleeping together for a while.

  He turned to my sister and me. “And these must be your girls,” he continued in a tone that implied he’d never seen us before.

  Mom played along with him. “This is Taylor, and this is Alexis.”

  “So nice to finally meet you.”

  The fake niceties grated on my nerves, and I decided it was time to expose Pete to the Queen B*. “We’ve met before. Friday night, actually. Remember?”

  Mom’s jaw dropped, and Pete looked away, clearing his throat.

  An elbow jabbed me in the ribs. “Stop it,” Taylor muttered under her breath. “You’re embarrassing Mom.”

  Luckily, the hostess interrupted the awkward introductions to take us to our table.

  Once we placed our orders, Pete tried his hand at small talk. Of course, he zoomed in on my fast-texting sister rather than me. “So, Taylor, Susan tells me you’re on the cheerleading team at Eastline.”

  She looked up from her phone and fluttered her eyes in surprise. “Um, yeah.”

  Mom gave her the “Put the phone away” glare, which my sister did with a drawn-out sigh.

  “I heard Eastline has a really good football team this year,” Pete continued, loosening his tie.

  “Yeah, they do,” she replied, “but you should probably ask Alexis about that.”

  If I’d been sitting close enough to Taylor, I would’ve kicked her shins for bringing me into this. Something in her comment, though, didn’t sit well with me. She was Summer’s little minion, after all, and I wondered if she’d been the one who turned on all the lights last night. If she was, how much had she’d seen? And more important, how much had she tattled to Summer?

  Mom looked at me in surprise. “Since when are you a football fan?”

  “I’ve been giving Richard rides to the last few games,” I replied, forcing my voice to sound casual and disinterested.

  Taylor’s eyes narrowed. She knew I was lying, and once we got home, I’d grill her about last night.

  Pete looked grateful that I wasn’t busting his balls over Friday night. “I read in the paper that your quarterback broke some kind of record.”

  “Yeah, Brett did.”

  “Brett?” Pete asked. “You sound like you know him.”

  A nervous twitch enveloped my toes. Across the table, Taylor hung on my every word. If she’d witnessed us kissing last night, would she out me over the brunch table?

  “Yeah, we recently worked together on a school project.”

  A smirk appeared on my sister’s face, and she reached for her phone.

  My mom snatched it away before Taylor could get her hands on it. “No texting at the table. You’ll get this back at the end of the meal.”

  Taylor pouted for a few seconds, but when she realized it wasn’t working, she turned back to me.

  The look on her face made my stomach twist into knots. She knew, and she was going to torture me about it as long as she could.

  Time to switch the subject.

  “How long have you two been seeing each other?” I blurted out.

  They exchanged glances as though each wanted the other to answer that question. My mom nodded and turned to me. “As you know, Pete’s been teaching me how to use a laser for cosmetic procedures in my office since the beginning of the year.”

  “So I can assume you’ve been dating that long.” Not to be outdone, I added, “Is there a reason why you’ve kept everything hush-hush? You’re not married to someone else, are you? Waiting for the divorce to be finalized or something?”

  “Alexis!” Mom punctuated my name by slamming her mimosa glass on the table and rattling the silverware. “That’s enough.”

  She looked to Pete and placed a hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry about her. She runs this exposé blog and suffers from a case of rude bluntness.”

  Score one point for me for embarrassing my mom. Not that I haven’t before, but now I could see why she’d rarely introduced me to any of her prior boyfriends.

  Pete, though, didn’t seem offended at all. Much to his credit, he actually smiled. “Don’t worry about it, Susan. I kind of expected these kind of questions from her, especially after everything you’ve told me about her.”

  Oh, great. My mom had already warned him about what a bitch I could be.

  “Alexis, I understand your concerns, especially after the other night, but I wanted to assure you that none of that is the case.” He covered Mom’s hand with his own, and when he looked at her, his entire face lit up. “What started off as a collegial friendship turned into something more, and your mother has been worried sick about how to bring this up to you and your sister.”

  She wasn’t the only one who was worried sick. The lovey-dovey expressions on their faces made my stomach lurch. This went beyond dating. They were as serious as a heart attack, and I waited for the other shoe to drop.

  “We’re not rushing into anything,” he continued.

  Except, of course, having sex on the couch.

  “But as a man who’d just about given up on finding the right woman, I consider myself very lucky that your mother came into my life.”

  Hand me a bucket. I thought I was going to puke.

  “Aw, Pete, you’re such a sweetheart.” Mom leaned over the table to kiss him.

  Taylor backed away as though she might catch old-people-in-love cooties from them, but I couldn’t move.

  They were beyond the casual dating stage, and it was only a matter of days before Pete became a permanent fixture in our lives.

  Just one more thing I didn’t need in my life.

  Graduation was less than nine months away, but it couldn’t come soon enough.

  Chapter Fourteen

  As soon as I got home, I called Brett. I needed not only to vent, but to also warn him that Taylor had seen us and to expect some sort of drama from Summer.

  He didn’t answer.

  Instead, I got a text message that said, Busy right now. Will call back later.

  I was already queasy from brunch, but Brett’s reply left chills in its wake. Something was going on, but what?

  I fired up my laptop and Skyped the one person who could help me make sense of it all.

  My dad.

  He answered right away. “Hey, princess. How’s life treating you?”

  “Shitty.”

  His grin disappeared from behind his grizzled beard. My dad looked more like an old hippie or maybe even one of those wilderness men up in Alaska than a college professor. The giant marijuana leaf on his T-shirt didn’t help, but he was one of the world’s experts on the philosophy of sex and frequently lectured around the world.

  “Let’s talk,” he said. “Is this about that guy from a couple of weeks ago?”

  “Partially, but did you know Mom’s seeing someone?”


  He shook his head without a trace of jealousy in his body. “Nope. If she’s getting laid, more power to her.”

  “Dad!” Another flashback from Friday night ripped through my mind and left me shuddering.

  He laughed. “So they are sleeping together, huh?”

  “Dad!”

  “What? Sex can be an awesome, wonderful, highly spiritual thing.”

  “Okay, I know this is your thing, but when it involves either one of my parents, just… Ew!”

  Dad laughed even harder this time. “Tell your mom I hope she enjoys his wang.”

  “Not even going there, Dad.” I waited for my face to stop burning. “But they are serious. I fully expect him to pop the question to her any day now.”

  “Cool.” Dad rocked back in his chair. “I know you’re expecting something more from me, princess, but like I said, it’s about time your mom moved on and found happiness.”

  I paused and let his words roll around in my mind. I had expected him to react differently, to fly into a jealous rage or at least pump me for details on the new guy, but he didn’t seem to give a damn. “Are you high?” I asked.

  “Nope.” He slid his hand along his face, tugging the skin in a way that would’ve made Mom cringe for destroying his collagen fibers. “I’m trying to work on this damn book so I can say I did something constructive during my sabbatical.”

  “So you really don’t care about Mom and Pete?”

  “We’ve been divorced for twelve years, princess. I refuse to dwell on the past and the things I can’t change. I can only control the present and my place in it.”

  This was where having a philosophy professor for a dad blew.

  “Okay, fair enough. Then help me figure out this guy issue I’m having.”

  He sat up straighter. A protective gleam appeared in his eyes. “I’m all ears.”

  “So, we finished our project, and he asked me out.”

  “And?”

  “And I told him he was crazy. There’s no way we’d ever work out. I mean, he’s one of the most popular guys in school. His friends would crucify him if I was his girlfriend.”

  “Or, knowing you, you’d crucify them.”

  “If I haven’t already.” I grinned and recounted how many of the in-crowd I’d skewered on my blog over the years. But my thoughts sobered as I replayed last night. “Only now, I’m beginning to think we might actually be good for each other.”

  “What’s changed?”

  The great thing about my dad being all the way on the other side of the United States was that he was so far removed from this suburban hellhole, I could be completely honest with him without fearing the repercussions. I could tell him things I couldn’t even tell Morgan and Richard.

  “I’ve been kind of, sort of hanging out with him.”

  Dad quirked a busy brow, but said nothing.

  “I mean, it started out as a school thing. He needed help with his admission essay, and I agreed to help him. But then, I kept running into him in other places, like that concert last week.”

  “You were able to get a fake ID and sneak in?” Dad pumped his fist in the air. “Way to go for breaking some stupid rules!”

  Always the hippie. Always the rebel. Always the man who stood up to “the man.” That was my dad. Any other parent would’ve been outraged about their teenager using a fake ID to sneak into a concert.

  “What was he doing there?” Dad asked after his victory dance.

  “Apparently, he’s a fan, too. He claims to have even met him.”

  Dad’s eyes formed huge circles. “No way!”

  “Yes, way. At first, I thought it was a load of crap and he was stalking me, but he knew all the lyrics, Dad.”

  “Maybe this was some sort of cosmic sign from the universe that you two need to hook up.”

  And we were back to talking about sex again. “Dad, just because we like the same music doesn’t mean we need to hop in the sack together.”

  “Why not? I’ve hooked up with girls for lesser reasons.”

  “Again—parents having sex—ew!”

  He chuckled as though he found some sort of pleasure in my discomfort. “And when I said ‘hook up,’ I meant, you know, like go out with him. Save the sex until you’re ready to handle it. Or at least until you want it so badly you can’t see straight. Never screw someone unless it’s on your terms—got that?”

  I shielded my eyes from the screen. As much as I loved my dad, sometimes our conversations veered off into territories I’d rather not discuss. “Yes, Dad.”

  “And use a condom.”

  I was so hot from embarrassment, I wanted to melt into a puddle on the ground and end this conversation. “Dad, can we just put the sex talk on hold and get back to my issue with him?”

  “Fine, but just to remind you that everything comes down to sex in one way or another.” He crossed his arms and resumed rocking in his desk chair. “So, you have a few things in common with him. What else?”

  “I actually have a good time with him when we’re not at school. And according to Richard and Morgan, he’s not at all afraid to claim me as his girlfriend.”

  “Any proof?”

  I retrieved the team shirt from the laundry basket. “He gave me this. It has his number on the back.”

  Dad stroked his beard and nodded. “So your holdup is?”

  “Let’s forget about how much crap he’ll get from his friends for dating me. I’m more worried about getting hurt by him. As much as he claims he likes me and wants to go out, I can’t shake the feeling he’s still involved with Summer Hoyt.”

  For the first time in our conversation, anger flashed in my dad’s eyes. He’d seen me cry far too many times over the years from her backstabbing. “Did he go out with that bitch?”

  “He says no, but she says yes.”

  Dad’s silence embodied my own doubts over the situation. Who was I to believe?

  After rocking for a solid minute, he finally spoke. “Any evidence one way or the other?”

  “I’m the only girl who’s met his family, and I’ve had breakfast with them twice now. But he’ll also drop everything when Summer calls for help, and when I tried to call him a few minutes ago, he didn’t answer. He just sent me a text message that he was busy.”

  “Have you told him the story about you and Summer?”

  “No, because I’m sure she has his mind so twisted, he wouldn’t believe me if I did. He’s always coming to her defense when I talk smack about her. Further complicating matters is that I think Taylor saw us kissing last night in the driveway—”

  “Time out!” Dad made a big T with his hands. “You’re kissing him, but you’re not going out with him?”

  “I, uh…” Yeah, I sounded like some hypocrite who wanted the fun without the commitment part. In other words, I was turning into my dad. “Well, it was kind of like a date. He took me to the U-Dub game yesterday, and as he was saying good night, one thing led to another.”

  “Here’s a tip to keep your head on straight. No more kissing until you decide what to do about him. Guys hate a tease.”

  Great. Now I was a tease. No wonder Brett didn’t answer my call. Maybe I’d given him a case of blue balls.

  “Can we get back to Taylor and the implications of her spying on us last night? I mean, she’s got her lips glued to Summer’s ass in the hopes of making head cheerleader someday, and I suspect she’s reporting everything she sees and hears to Summer.”

  Dad suddenly turned stern as he always did when it came to Taylor. “Maybe I need to have a talk with your sister.”

  “No, don’t, because it will only confirm that Brett and I are seeing each other. Sort of. Maybe, but not really.” I smacked my palm against my forehead. “See, Dad? I don’t even know what to call it.”

  “Do you trust him?”

  Dad hit the nail on the proverbial head. I didn’t trust Brett. At least, not completely. Not while he was still tied to Summer in some form or fashion.

  �
�There’s your answer, then.” Dad gave me a sympathetic smile. “Talk to him about your doubts. Ask him to make a choice. See how he responds. If he’s really into you, he’ll prove himself. If he’s Summer’s lackey, then it’ll show.”

  “I thought guys didn’t like ultimatums.”

  “In this case, it’s warranted. He can’t have his cake and his ice cream, too.”

  In other words, he could have me or Summer. But what were my chances? As much as I wanted to believe he saw something wonderful in me, I knew Summer made more sense for him from a high school perspective. She was pretty, popular, rich, and his equal when it came to the social hierarchy. If he went out with me, his standing would plummet. Besides, in a few short months, we’d graduate and go our separate ways. Definitely not conducive to a serious relationship.

  And that perhaps was part of my underlying problem. If I just wanted to be friends with him, I wouldn’t stress as much about it as I did. But I wanted more.

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Anytime, princess.”

  He ended the call and left me more to think about than before we talked.

  I pulled out my phone and waited for Brett to call back.

  He never did.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I woke up Monday morning in a foul mood, and I knew exactly who to blame.

  Brett.

  I spotted him near my locker when I got to school, but Summer had her arm tangled around his. The moment he tried to take a step toward me, she yanked him back. He rolled his eyes as if to say he didn’t want to stay by her side, but once again, his actions spoke louder than any words could. He stayed with her instead of coming over to speak to me.

  And the victorious smirk on Summer’s face told me all I needed to know.

  I didn’t see him again until he dropped into the seat next to me in fourth period. “Sorry about yesterday, Lexi.”

  I squeezed my pen with the intention of splintering it. “How many times do I have to ask you not to call me that?”