The Corporate Bitch

by J. J. R.

  I try desperately to keep my face straight, professional. “We knew you had that family thing today, otherwise we totally would have invited you,” I stammer.

  “Right, yes, well, it was wonderful seeing you all. And maybe some coffee would do you some good?” She gives us the once over scan that she is famous for. We can literally feel the judgment with each inch she assesses from head to toe.

  “Ciao!” Vain yells out a little too loud and she is gone.

  That’s it. It is over. She knows. She judged. She is pissed.

  Vain and Bestie turn to me out in the sunlight and break into a fit of fresh giggles.

  “Did you see her face?” Bestie howls. “She is so pissed!”

  “No!” I say, almost completely sobered by the run in. Okay, maybe twenty-five percent more, which I demonstrate as I trip over the curb.

  “Easy there,” Vain says and pulls me back up straight.

  “Is she really pissed?” I ask and I watch Bestie’s face turn to butter at my clear fear.

  “Who cares? You said so yourself. We don’t have to prove anything. And shame on her for expecting us to hate who she hates…shit, sorry Vain.”

  Vain shrugs and laughs.

  “You are right,” I say. “Shame on her.”

  “You guys are the best,” Vain says through a mouse-like hiccup. “I owe you one for helping me out today. And I’m so sorry if I just committed corporate murder.”

  “Forget it. I’m going to start my own circle of Divas!” I yell out into the screeching cabs.

  “Easy does it. Take a nap first and then plot your world domination.” He hails a cab for us and we tumble in with our giant bags.

  “Bye Bestie, we love you!” we yell out as the cab pulls away.

  * * * *

  Finn finds me face down on my super soft bed, still clutching my new navy dress. He slips off my heels and tucks me in for a long winter’s slumber.

  “What have these women done to you?” he whispers with a mischievous grin and leaves me to sleep it off.

  * * * *

  Jade has agreed to meet me for coffee the next day, but based on her text tone, she isn’t over my letting her guard down quite yet. Today I intend to set things right again.

  She looks so pretty sitting in the café against the window, the first snowfall of the season floating around behind her. Isn’t it amazing how we take those that we love so much for granted? Jade is my best friend. The best. She’s there for me at the drop of the hat. She listens and really listens, offering sound and reliable advice. We can get smashing drunk together, sit and read quietly next to one another or talk until the sun comes up. There’s a comfort there that I have only found with Finn and she is irreplaceable. That’s why I’m kicking myself right now. How could I blow her off…for them? They will never hold a candle to her and I’ve let her down.

  “Hi,” I say and slide into the booth opposite her.

  “Hey.” She smiles. She has her dark curls pulled up in a messy bun and her sky blue eyes are peeping out under long eyelashes.

  “New mascara?” I say and crack a smile. I’m hoping we can just fall back into our comfort zone, but she doesn’t take the bait. She just shakes her head no and takes a drink from her cappuccino.

  “Jade listen,” I start again. “I feel so bad. I really let you guys down and I’m truly sorry. Can you forgive me?”

  She glances out the window, watching the big flakes fall in inconsistent patterns.

  “I was so worried,” she says softly. “When you left, I was terrified that we would change. I thought there was no way that we were those work friends that couldn’t hack it in the real world. There was no way that our friendship was superficial and only meant from nine to five. But then I saw you less and less. You canceled on two of our Diner’s Clubs and never answer my calls. I’m lucky if you reply to an email. And the whole Trevor thing was just icing on the cake. You’ve changed, but even more so, we’ve changed. We aren’t Mel and Jade anymore and I think that’s what hurts more than anything.” She keeps staring out the window and never once looks at me. I can feel my heart breaking with each word she says.

  I clear my throat and try to get my words just right. “Jade…” I start.

  “You can apologize all you want, Mel. It doesn’t change the truth. I’ve lost my best friend, I believe. And if you really look at it, it’s more like I thought I had a best friend, but it was actually just a work acquaintance.” With that word, she shifts her gaze back to me and I feel like she has cut right through me. I’ve never heard her utter a bad word about anyone and here she is just ripping me apart. I’d say if anyone has changed it’s her with her new-found direct line of communication.

  I excuse myself to order a coffee and gather my thoughts. There is seriously a moment there that I consider dashing because the last thing I want to do is be put in my place. But as my foam builds on my coffee, I look back at her and see such sadness.

  She’s right. I deserve to be put in my place. It just hurts, no matter which way you look at it. I thank the gentleman for my coffee and make my way back over to take the rest of the beating.

  When I settle back in, I am shocked. Jade has gone from angry to large, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

  “Jade, don’t cry!” I shuffle out of my seat and slide into her side, and before I know it we are a couple of sobbing sisters in a booth.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I told Trevor I was so mad at you and I was going to put you in your place. I’m such an idiot. I could never be mad at you.” She leans her head on my shoulder and I reach up to pet her bouncy curls.

  “Oh Jade, I’m the sorry one. I’m the idiot. I screwed up and you had every reason to feel that way, to put me in my place. But I will be damned if you try to lump us into the former work friends category. We are more than that, we are true best friends and you know that, even if you are mad at me. Right?” I ask and give her shoulder a tight squeeze.

  “Right. But I am mad at you,” she says with a little laugh.

  We indulge in some good old fashioned catching up for the next two hours. The sky is grey and the snow is building, but there isn’t anywhere I’d rather be than in this warm little coffee house with my best friend.

  I tell her about everything, finally blowing the cover of my picture perfect work situation. I expect her to be thankful to see it isn’t everything I built it up to be, but she isn’t like that. She looks deeply concerned, even disappointed.

  “Mel, I am so sorry. I really thought this was the dream job. I thought you were finally somewhere that deserved you. What a bummer. What are you going to do about the whole Puppet Master thing?”

  “I don’t think there is anything I can do. She is either going to hate me after our little rendezvous or not. I’m not sure I’m really up for begging for forgiveness because I was nice to Vain. Do you think I did anything wrong?”

  “No, you are just being you. In fact, I think you definitely did the right thing. Vain seems nice, maybe a little lost, or slutty, but nice.”

  “She is. I’m over-thinking it, I’m sure. Everything’s going to be fine.”

  As I utter the words, I’m reminded about the last time I talked to Jade and said everything was going to be fine. It was in reference to Puppet Master getting pissed over the advice I gave Admin. It wasn’t fine.

  For the first time in my life, Monday can’t come fast enough. If she’s going to lose it, I’d rather just get it over with. I eat an early meal with Finn and then read for distraction. I give up after ten minutes of rereading the same line and pop open my email. It’s been eerily quiet today, so I decide to fire off a few needed notes about the new digital displays myself.

  Less than thirty seconds after I send out the first one to Puppet Master and Pawn, I am hit with about fifteen in a row. I start answering them instantly and they are coming faster than I can reply. After the tenth email Puppet Master has sent, I am starting to see a pattern of her addressing things tha
t really could just wait until tomorrow. Is she doing it to prove a point or is she really working this hard?

  I keep on answering. She sends one. I send one. She replies. I reply. But not one word about Vain or lunch. After three hours of incessant emailing, I am almost tempted to ask her if she is okay, if she is mad.

  No, not professional. Plus, it’s a major sign of weakness. I should not apologize for being nice to Vain. Instead, I’m the first to give in to her, twenty-five, twenty six, twenty-seventh email and sign off for the night. I’m drifting off to sleep and hear the ding, ding, ding of emails. Not exactly the lullaby I wanted to fall asleep to.

  I check one last text, a love note from Finn.

  Night my snuggle bear, monkey lips. I think you looked sexy as hell over dinner. You are lucky you got away as fast as you did. Almost stole you away.

  I reply with a simple…

  Madly, totally and completely ready to be your wife. XOXO

  Everything is going to be okay. The city has turned into a winter wonderland over the last few hours and Christmas cheer is spreading fast. New York is the most magical place in the world for the holidays and not a soul in sight can be in a bad mood with Santa on every corner.

  Corporate Social Suicide

  Bitch Problem:

  The last place in the world you would expect to find a liar is at work. Maybe they lie about small things like what they had for lunch or large scale gossip. Whatever the lie, it has major repercussions.

  Bestie is the first person I see the next morning and he corners me into my office.

  “Social suicide averted. Puppet Master is in a good mood. I even went in to feel her out and she’s, dare I say, chipper? Don’t worry about a thing. Just act natural.”

  “You sure? She didn’t ask anything about that day. Like why we were there with Vain?”

  “Nope. Hold your head up high and act like you have nothing to say, because you don’t.” He turns to go and leaps across the room to pat my bottom. “Smoking hot in that navy dress!”

  I laugh. “Only you can get away with sexual harassment.”

  “It isn’t sexual harassment if you don’t get a rise from it. I could touch your ass all day and… nothin’. Smooches.” And he dashes away.

  I settle my stuff into my desk and fire up my computer, ready to move on, when I hear, click, click, click coming down the hallway. I swallow hard and take a deep breath to steady my nerves.

  She pokes her head into my office and is yes, surprisingly chipper.

  “I got your report on your recent social media efforts,” she says and her smile is so bright, it almost hurts my eyes and leaves me with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I really don’t care what Bestie said, I have a bad feeling about the once-over scan she gave us and the hard look in her eyes on Saturday.

  “Did Queen Bee pass it along? If I would have known, I would have sent it to you also.”

  “She shares all of your reports with me, and I interpret them for her, as they are always just a little bit vague. Like this one for example, you are only giving us snapshots. I need trends.”

  “Sure thing, I can do that. And I guess I’ll just copy you on the emails next time.”

  “Even better, just send them to me. I can pass them along once I finish them up. Thanks so much.” She turns to go.

  “It was nice seeing you Saturday…” I call out after her.

  “Mmm…hmm…ciao,” she echoes back.

  Social suicide.

  * * * *

  I am tin he kitchen area freshening my coffee an hour later and Pawn comes up next to me. She smiles slightly and says a mumbled hello.

  “Morning, Pawn,” I say brightly.

  “Heard you had a nice weekend?” she says absently and loads her black coffee down with artificial creamer.

  “I did and yourself?” I ask, avoiding the question completely. Puppet Master has clearly already brought her up to speed.

  “Did she say anything about me?” She looks up at me, a clear five inches shorter than me and her eyes are wide with confusion.

  “Who?” I make one last attempt to evade the question.

  “Obviously, Vain. Everyone knows you and her are good friends now,” she replies glumly.

  “I’d hardly say good friends, just did a little shopping. You would actually be proud of her. She wanted to shop for some less flashy stuff and we agreed to help her. She really isn’t all that bad. Maybe you guys could try talking again?” I ask.

  “Yeah, maybe. Puppet Master thinks I shouldn’t allow her back in though, so I probably won’t.”

  I start to ask her what she thinks, but Jock joins us and bluntly says, “You guys talking about shopping with Vain? Kind of surprised at that one myself. Oh well, who took all of the coffee, shit.”

  I stare down at my cup and consider offering her mine.

  “See ya,” she says and turns on her heels.

  “Bye,” Pawn says and follows after her.

  I have made a real mess of things. Jade is always right. I could really use her advice right now.

  * * * *

  It is around three o’clock when the first bomb hits. I am completely vulnerable and couldn’t have seen it coming if you paid me.

  We all shuffle into Queen Bee’s office: Pawn, Jock, Martyr, Sleaze, Vain, Mentor, Bestie, and Puppet Master, for a scheduled manager’s meeting that has been on my books since my first day but never actually happens.

  Bestie gives me an inquisitive glance and I kindly ignore him. This couldn’t possibly be about Saturday.

  Not exactly, but it certainly found a way to creep in on the meeting.

  “I’m here to discuss the Marketing team’s support of each of your departments. I’ve been getting some feedback, although I shan’t name names, on the quality and timeliness of work.”

  I instantly want to vomit. Everyone in the room turns to look at me and feel my face turn a lovely cherry red. I don’t know what to do. Do I interrupt? Do I ask questions? Bestie’s eyes are wide with horror as he bows his head. I take lead and lower mine, swallowing back the chunks of vomit rising in my throat like a volcano waiting to erupt.

  Queen Bee continues, “I can’t have any distress on my team and we all need to have a priority gut check, so I’m calling a time out.”

  The room is getting more suffocating by the second.

  “Now don’t get me wrong, our little Melanie here is doing a fine job, incredible, in fact. This meeting is simply a preventative measure to keep it from escalating. So Mel, why don’t you come on up here, come on, that a girl, and bring your little notepad. Let’s go ahead and get these things down on paper and get on with it.”

  I trip over my own feet as I make my way to the front of the group. As I slowly look up into their eyes, I am on a whole new level of shame. Each person looks like they could cry at any second for me. Or are they just glad it isn’t them? Puppet Master is giving me the once over yet again.

  “So who wants to go first? Just list out your needs so Melanie can get a good grab on them. I’ve heard a few complaints about taking care of some of the basic needs instead of external marketing? Any thoughts on that?” she prods.

  The group shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Eyes are glancing around, eager to see who will be the first to voice a complaint.

  With each awkward silence that passes, I feel more and more like a gladiator in a ring with lions, waiting to be attacked.

  Puppet Master clears her throat. “Melanie.” She smiles. “You are doing a fine job. And we are so lucky to have her, aren’t we team?” She beams out at the group. “If you’re forcing me into a corner to voice concerns, I suppose I would agree with Queen Bee. We do need the basics, like sales aids, new patient brochures and so forth. Your team has big ideas to get out there and do real targeted marketing, but I just don’t think we’re ready. We need to get our house in order before we take on a whole bunch of new projects. There, that’s it, the only thing I can possibly think to say.”
<
br />   “Good, good, thanks for sharing. Who’s next?”

  Who’s next? Is this serious? One point one million dollars. One point one million dollars.

  I repeat it in my head over and over until Jock speaks up.

  “I agree with Puppet Master. Basics first. Good thinking. You are always on it.” She nudges her friend and they share a boastful glance.

  Pawn has her head down and looks as if she too might vomit.

  “Pawn?” Queen Bee calls on her.

  “Nothing here,” she says quietly.

  “Nothing? This is our one chance to get it out. No gossiping if we don’t speak now,” Queen Bee says and nods firmly.

  Mentor speaks next, “I’m not sure this is appropriate way to discuss this, Queen Bee. Don’t you think any particular concerns should have been discussed directly with Melanie? And I personally haven’t heard anyone complaining.” Diane—formerly known as Mentor—speaks with conviction and when her gaze shifts to me, I silently say thank you with my nearly tear-filled eyes.

  “We are all about speaking directly here. We are professionals and have opinions that matter. This isn’t personal, it’s business, and Melanie knows that. We are her team and want to help her be a success,” Queen Bee says. “You know that, don’t you, Melanie?”

  I feel her gaze shift my way, but am hardly able to compose myself. I struggle to stand up straight, blink back the tears and say, “Yes, feedback is always welcome.”

  It is a robot’s answer, I know that, but what else am I supposed to say? I am so damn dumbfounded that I have been called into a meeting to criticize the amazing work of my team.

  I hear Bestie clear his throat and wait to hear what he will say. Will he save me? Will he speak on my behalf? I really should be strong enough to defend myself, but one point one million dollars chokes the words from me.

  “Bestie?” Queen Bee asks sweetly, batting her eyelashes a bit. “Any requests on your end?”

  “No ma’am, we are doing well,” he says and then lowers his gaze again.

  I’m not mad though. This isn’t his battle to fight.