The Heart of a Cowboy

by Trish Milburn

  Natalie spent almost all of Sunday catching up on the sleep she had missed during the past week. What little time she was awake, she spent microwaving and eating the couple of frozen dinners she’d picked up at the convenience store on the edge of town. She tried watching TV and going for a short walk, but the fatigue continued to weigh her down as if she hadn’t slept a wink.

  She still felt as if she could sleep another twenty-four hours straight when she awoke midmorning on Monday, but her growling stomach had other ideas. Her miserable eating habits of the past several days had finally caught up to her, trumping any anxiety that made eating difficult. Feeling as if her stomach was caving in and wanting a real meal, she dragged herself from bed and to the shower. The stream of water woke her enough that she didn’t look too much like a zombie extra on The Walking Dead when she exited her room.

  A beautiful day greeted her, one of those fresh and clean days that came after a rain when the sky was wide, blue and for a brief moment free of so much cut-it-with-a-knife humidity and haze. She knew it wouldn’t last long, this being Central Texas, so she decided to take full advantage and walked toward the downtown area instead of driving. It was only a handful of blocks to the Primrose Café anyway.

  She sank into a chair at a table near the front window and looked at the menu. She’d arrived just in time to hit the end of the breakfast time slot, so she ordered French toast and bacon when the waitress came by.

  It wasn’t surprising that her entry had drawn a few curious looks. Even with Blue Falls being a tourist destination for wildflower enthusiasts and day-trippers wanting to poke around its variety of shops, every unfamiliar face was likely met with curiosity and speculation. And though she’d once been a local, it was so long ago that she might as well have walked into town for the first time an hour ago.

  Hoping to appear casual and unaffected, she grabbed a newspaper off the vacant table next to her and flipped it open. She skimmed the local news, surprised to recognize the occasional name. It shouldn’t be shocking that people she’d gone to school with were still around, but for some reason it was. As if when she’d left Blue Falls behind, everything she remembered about it had been altered or deleted entirely.

  She startled when someone plopped down into the chair opposite her. When she looked over the top of the paper, she saw a face that she would recognize anywhere. For the first time in what felt like ages, she really and truly smiled. Dr. Harry Franklin grinned back at her the same way he had when she’d been a kid. Though the lines on his face were deeper and more plentiful, she still expected him to reach into his pocket for a sour-apple candy for her.

  “You haven’t changed a bit,” she said.

  “You, my dear, are a liar. But I’m glad to see you anyway.”

  Natalie folded the paper and tossed it on the empty chair beside her.

  “I hear I owe you a huge thanks for helping out at the Brody ranch Saturday night,” he said.

  “It was nothing.”

  Dr. Franklin was right, she was a liar. The time she’d spent at the ranch had stirred up a confusing mixture of nervousness, curiosity, guilt and yearning inside her. When she’d fled into the night, she’d been convinced it was guilt that had been the impetus. She’d been halfway back to the motel before she realized the yearning had been equally responsible. A yearning for closeness, happiness and, yes, Garrett Brody. She forced that thought to the back of her brain, hoping it would disappear into the file of forgotten things, wherever those resided.

  “That also is not true. You did a good thing, and I appreciate it. And may I just say that it makes my heart happy that you became a veterinarian. You were always so good with the animals, especially the ones that really needed a little extra TLC. They could sense that about you, your kind heart.”

  Dr. Franklin’s words made tears pool in her eyes. She blinked a few times to keep from making a fool of herself. She could see the headline now—Local Vet Makes Woman Cry in Primrose Café.

  He reached across the table and patted her hand. “Aw, now, sweetie, I didn’t mean to make you all misty-eyed.”

  She smiled. “I’m okay. It just means a lot to hear you say that. Those days I spent at your clinic with Mom, that’s what made me want to become a vet.”

  “No surprise there. You’re a natural. Your mama used to have to almost drag you out of the clinic. I think you would have slept there if she’d let you.”

  She certainly would have. That would have been more peaceful than worrying about her drunken father coming home late and tripping over the furniture, waking up her sisters. Natalie couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t felt protective of Allison and Renee, when she hadn’t felt more adult than child.

  Well, that wasn’t true. Those wonderful times spent at the Brody ranch, where Chloe’s parents had treated her like the child she was, had been her sole reprieve. She treasured those memories of playing with new kittens in the barn, splashing in the creek that only came up to their ankles after a rain, board games and fresh-baked cookies. She’d been able to relax at Chloe’s house, something that was much rarer at her own.

  There had been so many nights when she’d lain in bed at home listening to her father’s slurred speech and his inability to walk straight making him bounce into chairs and tables like one of those metal balls in a pinball machine. She’d had to grip her sheet in her hands to tether herself to the bed so she wouldn’t climb out the window and walk all the way to the Brody ranch.

  The waitress brought Dr. Franklin a steaming cup of coffee and a plain glazed doughnut. He smiled up at the young woman. “Thanks, Daisy.”

  Daisy smiled back before heading over to check on a table of older ladies.

  “So, what brings you back to town?”

  The question shouldn’t have caught Natalie off guard, but it did. She really should have had an answer ready to go before she arrived in Blue Falls, but somehow that necessity hadn’t made its way through all the other thoughts bombarding her brain.

  “Just had a few days off and thought I’d take a road trip.”

  “Well, I’m glad you did. I’ve thought of you often through the years.”

  Please don’t ask me why we left.

  Thankfully, he didn’t.

  “Same here,” she said. “Especially when I was in vet school and wondering if I’d make it through.”

  “How’s your family?”

  “Okay.” She didn’t feel up to explaining about her dad being gone, where her sisters were and what they were doing.

  Dr. Franklin nodded once, as if her single-word answer was enough for him.

  “What about yours?” she asked.

  “Oh, Sheila is still putting up with me. We just went to the coast to visit Tim and spoil the grandkids. We were taking a walk on the beach when you saved the day.”

  “Do you get to see them often?”

  “Not as much as I’d like, but I hope to retire one of these days and relocate closer to them.”

  Natalie experienced a pang even though she wouldn’t be around to see it. “I can’t imagine Blue Falls without you here.”

  “We all leave at some point, willingly or not.”

  She thought he was probably talking about death forcing a person to leave, but she wasn’t sure there wasn’t more to his words. When his gaze met hers, she wondered if Dr. Franklin was as intuitive about people as he was his four-legged patients. Fear squeezed her heart. He couldn’t possibly know what her father had done, could he?

  But the way he took a large bite of his doughnut in the next moment made her think she was simply being paranoid.

  “Have you seen the Brodys’ horse since you got back?” she asked, then realized that she probably shouldn’t have brought up anything to do with the Brodys. But it was too late now.

  “Actually, I’m going to let you do that since
I hear you took such good care of the mare the other night.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t.”

  “It shouldn’t take long, and you did the initial care. Plus, I’ve got appointments stacked up to my eyeballs today. That’s the problem with taking days off.”

  Natalie searched for some way to get out of having to go to the Brody ranch yet again. Even after several hours of sleep, she didn’t feel anywhere near ready to face them again, to see Garrett and perhaps become even more attracted to a man who could never be a part of her life, not after she revealed her true purpose for being in Blue Falls.

  “Plus, I’m slowing down,” Dr. Franklin continued. “I’m just not as quick and spry as I used to be. You’d be doing me a huge favor.”

  How could she possibly refuse the man who’d been so kind to her when she’d really needed it, the man who had introduced her to her life’s passion? The man who had once given her a puppy to be “her special friend.” Now that she was an adult, she realized that he had probably seen how hard life had been for her and that she’d needed that puppy every bit as much as it had needed her.

  She couldn’t refuse such a simple request, but how did she manage to keep getting in these situations where she couldn’t say no?

  So she found herself nodding, agreeing to walk right back onto that ranch with her awful secret still festering inside her. On her stroll to the Primrose, she’d even been considering driving back to Kansas today, returning to Blue Falls later, when all the Brodys were in residence and the newlyweds had enjoyed a few weeks of married bliss before she became the harbinger of heartbreaking news.

  Dr. Franklin rapped his knuckles on the table. “Great! You are a lifesaver.” He stood. “And when you’re done out at the ranch, come by the clinic. I’d love to hear more about your life now, and I could use an extra set of capable hands.”

  It was on her lips to say she’d be willing to take on his entire patient load at the clinic if he’d just go to the ranch to do the follow-up visit with Penelope. But that had red flags and too many potential questions written all over it, so she sucked it up and said she’d pop by the clinic after she was finished with Penelope.

  Her stomach threatened to twist into knots again, but damn it, she fully intended to enjoy an actual meal. She couldn’t keep functioning on a bite here and a nibble there. If she had to go to the ranch again, she needed her body and especially her mind operating at a much higher level than they had been during her previous visit.

  Partly because she needed the time to mentally prepare herself for facing the Brodys again but mainly because she frankly was starving, she allowed herself to eat at a leisurely pace as she perused the rest of the Blue Falls Gazette. She even laughed a little when she saw a picture of Greg Bozeman standing out in front of the garage his dad had owned when they were kids. He had the same mischievous grin on his face that she remembered from a day in first grade when he’d put a toad in Mrs. Shackleton’s desk, causing her to scream as if she’d opened the door to Freddy Krueger.

  After eating the last bite of her French toast and wiping her mouth, she took a deep breath. She couldn’t put off checking up on Penelope any longer. So she left enough money on the table for her bill and a tip and walked back to the motel to retrieve her truck.

  The drive out to the ranch was peaceful, if you didn’t count the ball of twitching nerves currently occupying her middle. When she pulled up the driveway and parked, she spotted Mr. Brody staring up at the top of the barn, where it appeared roofers were at work fixing the hole caused by the fire.

  “Hey there,” he said when he spotted her. “Doc Franklin said you’d be coming out today. Must say, you’re a good bit prettier than he is.”

  For the second time that day, an old friend made her smile. If felt so good after the past several days, as if the ability to smile was lifting some of the weight off her heart. She glanced around the main part of the ranch, searching for Garrett. But he was nowhere to be seen. She told herself that was a good thing, that she needed to forget how her brain seemed determined to fixate on him and the way her body went on high alert when he was near.

  “Garrett’s out riding the fence line today, making sure the storm didn’t do any damage. Don’t want our herd wandering out into any roads.”

  Natalie turned to retrieve her bag of vet supplies from her truck so that Mr. Brody wouldn’t see the blush rushing into her cheeks. Had she really been that obvious about scanning their surroundings for a glimpse of Garrett? But how could she not? Despite everything she was hiding and the number of years she’d been away, Garrett Brody still made her heart race. But while she’d liked him as a kid, that had been puppy love, the first brush with liking a boy. This attraction now, it was entirely different.

  His strong, lanky frame, sexy voice and handsome face were enough to make any woman’s knees go weak, a perfect male specimen in her book. Too bad he wasn’t a complete stranger she’d met in Kansas, where maybe something could come from the wild and instant attraction she’d felt toward him two nights before when he’d stolen that first cheese fry.

  Though she really liked Mr. Brody, she hoped he would stay outside the barn. But that wasn’t to be. He accompanied her and she searched for something, anything to say that had nothing to do with Garrett or the real reason she was in Blue Falls.

  “So, tell me about Chloe’s husband,” she said as she entered the stall where Penelope stood.

  “Wyatt’s a good guy, a former bull rider. She patched him up after he got gored, and that was that. My little girl fell in love. What about you? Married? Got a guy back home?”

  Well, so much for steering to safer subjects.

  “Nope, too busy.”

  “Nobody’s too busy for love. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone.” The sadness in his voice made her heart ache. “I’m glad Chloe and Owen have found good people to love. Now if I can get Garrett settled, I’ll die a happy man.”

  She gasped and felt her eyes widen as she looked at him.

  He waved off her concern. “Don’t worry. I’m still as healthy as a man my age can be. But it’s just something you think about when you have children. You’ll see someday.”

  The idea of having children seemed so unattainable, what with not having anyone special in her life with whom to make those children. Part of her had started to think of her dog and two cats as her children, that they were the closest she’d ever have to kids of her own. As she stood there examining Penelope’s wound, glad to see there were no signs of infection, she wondered when she’d stopped thinking she’d marry and have children and instead started focusing all her energy on work. When anyone needed a shift covered, she was always the first one to volunteer. Had she worked so much to fill a hole in her life she didn’t consciously realize was there?

  “You okay?”

  She glanced at Mr. Brody. “Yes, why?”

  “You looked as if you’d drifted off somewhere far away.”

  “No, just thinking that Penelope here was a lucky girl. Her injury could have been much worse.”

  Mr. Brody didn’t look as if he believed her, but she ignored his doubt.

  “So, she’s doing well, then?” he finally asked.

  She nodded. “Keep an eye on the wound. As long as there are no signs of infection, she should be good as new before you know it.” She let Penelope nuzzle her hand before she gathered her supplies and exited the stall.

  “Have you had lunch?”

  “I ate a late breakfast, so I’m good.” She headed out of the barn, intent on leaving before Garrett returned and scattered her brain cells like a gust of wind hitting the puffy head of a dandelion.

  When she caught a momentary look of disappointment in Mr. Brody’s eyes, the guilt almost choked her. She could tell him the truth right now, right here, and she’d never have to face the rest of the Brody clan. Ins
tead of seeing anger and pain in an entire family’s eyes, she’d have to contend with only one set. But she couldn’t make the words form, probably because her heart knew it wasn’t right. They would need each other to lean on, and she needed it all done in one fell swoop because she feared she’d break down, too.

  Even if that meant she had to face Garrett and the hyperaware effect he had on her.

  “Plus, I promised Dr. Franklin I’d come by the clinic and lend him a hand.” She forced a smile, hating that in the days ahead she would hurt this dear man.

  “I’m sure he’ll be thankful for the help. But it’s a standing invitation. You come out and see us anytime, okay?”

  She nodded because she was afraid of what her voice might reveal. Before she lost her tenuous grip on her emotions, she hurried from the barn. The way her luck was going, she half expected to slam right into Garrett. But he was still absent as she crossed to her truck and drove away from the ranch with her horrible secret yet again.

  A couple of miles up the road, she spotted someone on a horse in the distance. She slowed then pulled off to the side of the road. Even though he was too far away to see his face, she knew it was Garrett. Though she hadn’t seen him atop a horse since she was a young girl, there was no denying how natural he looked, as if he and the animal were one.

  There were people who had no need to go out into the world and find themselves because they were perfect right where they were. Garrett Brody was one of those people, just like his father before him. There was something deep and very attractive about that to her. Though she’d lived in Kansas for more than twenty years, it didn’t feel like home. She’d never understood why she felt that way considering she’d left Blue Falls so long ago. The town was nearly as foreign to her as Alaska or Austria.

  As she watched Garrett ride along the fence line, she envied his absolute rightness here in this place. Though she had a family, a home and a job she enjoyed, an overwhelming sense of being alone and adrift washed over her.

  Before Garrett spotted her or rode any closer, she pulled back onto the road and headed toward town. That image of Garrett, the romantic ideal of a cowboy riding the range, refused to vacate her thoughts as she pulled up in front of Dr. Franklin’s clinic and walked inside.