The Heart of a Cowboy

by Trish Milburn

  “Not sure it matters.”

  He glanced at her, trying to judge by her profile why she sounded so...sad wasn’t really the right word, but he couldn’t place the exact emotion. All he knew was that his sister would be as fascinated by the “magic” of a meteor shower now as she’d been as a kid. It seemed that Natalie had left some of her childlike wonder far behind. He wondered why, but he didn’t feel right about asking. They barely knew each other, and when she left Blue Falls this time, who knew if he’d ever see her again.

  Not wanting to think about that or why he didn’t like the possibility, he shifted his gaze to the sky.

  * * *

  WITH EACH METEOR that streaked across the heavens, Natalie silently thought about all the things she’d wish for if that kind of power existed.

  That Natalie and her family had never left Blue Falls.

  That her father had been able to kick his drinking problem.

  That Karen Brody was still alive.

  And that as she sat out under the stars with Garrett Brody, she could enjoy it.

  Part of her ached to use the cloak of darkness to tell him the truth. Things were easier to say in the dark, right? But she just couldn’t. He might not be married and off on a Caribbean cruise with his significant other, but he seemed happy enough. She didn’t know if she could go through the rest of her life knowing that she’d ruined that happiness, that every time he thought of her he’d feel nothing but anger and heartache and betrayal.

  “You’re not watching the meteors,” Garrett said.

  “Huh?” she asked as she glanced over at him.

  He pointed toward the sky, and that’s when she realized she must have been staring out into the darkness of the surrounding rangeland. “Guess I’m more tired than I thought.”

  “You sure that’s it?”

  She fixed her gaze on her cast, cursing it and how it prevented her from making a hasty exit from her current situation.

  “Yeah.” She knew her answer sounded weak and not entirely truthful, but it was the best she could muster. Sitting so close to Garrett made it hard for her to think.

  Garrett slid off the tailgate. “I’ll take you back in.”

  She reached out and grabbed his arm. “No, it’s okay. We can wait until it’s over.”

  He captured and held her gaze. “You said you’re tired.”

  She fought the burning need to lower her gaze to that amazing chest of his. “I’ll sleep later. This meteor shower doesn’t come around very often.”

  He stared at her in a way that made her feel as if he was picking through the layers of her brain. And then she watched as his eyes lowered for a moment to her lips. How she wished she could lean forward, invite him to do more than look at her lips. His mouth parted, and her breath caught as she waited for him to speak. Instead, he closed his mouth and leaned back against the tailgate.

  The longer they sat and watched the celestial show, the more Natalie found herself relaxing. It didn’t make any sense considering nothing had changed between them. And it only served to make her wish even harder for things she couldn’t have, such as being able to sit under the stars with Garrett, hold his hand, maybe even have him put his arm around her. But this would be all she’d have, so she made up her mind to soak up every moment of this quiet time together.

  Gradually, the meteors came further and further apart. The silence of the night was broken by Garrett yawning. She looked over at him.

  “I’m sorry for keeping you out here. You need to sleep.”

  Garrett shifted to face her. “Don’t apologize. I enjoyed this.”

  A couple of moments ticked by as he watched her, as she wondered what it would feel like if she placed her palm against his cheek. She imagined his warm skin, stubble that he would shave away in a few hours.

  “Me, too,” she finally said, realizing she meant it despite the stress of the secret she carried. For a moment, she imagined telling him the truth and having him understand how hard it was for her, that they would hold each other as they both grieved their losses.

  Knowing it was nothing more than a fantasy, she broke eye contact.

  “Guess we should both get some more beauty sleep,” he said. In the next moment, he lifted her into his arms again and carried her back to the porch.

  Natalie wondered if he could feel how fast her heart was beating, but there was no way she could control it. As he crossed the distance to the porch, a very lonely part of her allowed herself to imagine him carrying her as effortlessly to bed then joining her there. Even if she could be with him only once, she wished with all her heart she could have that memory to cling to.

  When he reached the top of the steps, he lowered her gently to her feet but didn’t immediately let go. For a long moment, his hand stayed at her waist and she looked up at him. Panic bloomed to life in her brain, demanding she say something before she made a horrible mistake and invited him to kiss her.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  Despite the darkness, she’d swear she saw something change in his eyes. But before she could even begin to figure out what it was, he nodded then bent to retrieve her crutches. He didn’t meet her eyes again as he held the door open for her or as she made her way as quietly as she could into the living room.

  When he didn’t follow, she glanced over her shoulder. “Good night, Garrett.”

  “Good night.”

  The heaviness returned to her heart as she made her way back to the guest room. As she sat on the side of the bed, she couldn’t help the tears that pooled in her eyes. But this time they weren’t for her father or Karen Brody. These tears came from the part of her heart that wished it could love Garrett Brody.

  * * *

  GARRETT TOOK HIS time letting the horses out into the corral so they could get some exercise. He didn’t want Natalie to know that he was watching her, making sure she didn’t fall and break another bone.

  After their night of watching the meteor shower, she’d been quiet at breakfast and hadn’t met his eyes once. When he’d seen her outside, making her way awkwardly down the driveway, his heart had leaped into his throat until his dad had said she’d come out through the back door. Thankfully that way she had to navigate only one small step instead of the steep ones in the front.

  So he’d fed the horses and mucked the stalls while his dad conducted business on the phone. All the while, Garrett listened for any hint that Natalie might need help. When he managed to move to where he could see her, the tight, clenched-teeth look on her face told him just how painful using crutches on the uneven ground must be for her. But based only on the few days she’d been back in Blue Falls, he’d figured out that Natalie was not a woman used to just sitting around doing nothing. In that they were alike, which just made him like her more.

  “When are you going to cave and ask that girl out?”

  Garrett sighed then slowly looked at where his dad was leaning against the top rail of the corral. There was no sense trying to lie and say he wasn’t interested in Natalie.

  “Not a good idea.”

  “I disagree.”

  “You’re entitled to your opinion.” Forcing himself not to look toward where Natalie was making her way back toward the house, Garrett returned to the barn to saddle his horse so he could go look for a few stragglers they’d missed while moving the herd.

  His dad followed him. “All I’m saying is that sometimes you have to grab the opportunities life places in front of you because they might not come again.”

  Garrett knew his dad was thinking of the wife he’d lost, the mother who would have been beaming at Chloe’s and Owen’s weddings had she lived.

  He didn’t respond to what his dad said, but he couldn’t get it out of his head the whole day he was out riding the acre upon acre that had been passed down through the Brody g
enerations. He even allowed himself to think about providing a new generation, but that seemed so far out of reach. He’d thought he’d seen a flicker of interest in her eyes the night before, but he’d also felt the deliberate distance she placed between them, as well. Maybe she realized, as he did, that getting involved would be a bad idea. Or perhaps she had someone back home. That thought made him squeeze his reins until his knuckles turned white.

  He pulled to a stop along a gentle rise in the landscape. As he scanned the area for the last of the stragglers, his thoughts settled back on Natalie. Away from her, he was able to concentrate more. Though she was friendly enough, his gut told him that something heavy weighed on her thoughts. She did her best to hide it, but sometimes he’d swear he could feel tension coming off her like heat from flames.

  Maybe she was just mourning her father. He knew from experience that people mourned their losses in different ways. He and his siblings were prime examples of that. He wished he was one of those people who was good at talking about feelings, but that wasn’t his domain. He supposed he was a stereotypical guy, keeping most of that kind of stuff to himself.

  Movement in the distance proved to be his renegade cow. Glad to have something to pursue that he knew how to deal with, he set off down the hill.

  An hour later, he made his way back toward home. When he walked into the barn leading his horse, he was surprised to see Natalie standing next to Penelope’s stall, her forehead leaning against the mare’s.

  She jerked her head up at his approach, the sudden movement causing Penelope to toss her head, as well. Natalie quickly moved to soothe the animal, rubbing her hand down the horse’s face and talking to her in a soft voice that also drew Garrett closer.

  “Looks like you’re getting around better,” he said.

  “Yeah. Next thing you know, I’ll be starting a crutch 5K.”

  He laughed, happy that she seemed to be in a good mood. “That has a lot of comic potential.”

  She snorted then laughed when Penelope did the same.

  He went about removing his horse’s saddle and tack, checking the hooves for any rocks, then giving him feed and fresh water. Garrett half expected Natalie to vacate the barn before he finished, but when he stepped out of the stall, she’d moved to a different spot in front of one of Owen’s horses.

  “You trying to charm all the horses?”

  She grinned at him, and his stomach performed an unexpected cartwheel.

  “Maybe.”

  “You want to go for a ride?” The words were out of his mouth before he realized his brain had even formed them.

  She thunked the side of her cast with one of the aluminum crutches. “Don’t think that’s in my immediate future.”

  Damn it, he wasn’t giving up that easily. Whether his dad’s words from that morning had wormed their way into his brain or he’d just finally decided to toss all common sense, he didn’t know. But he was going with it, at least until he got totally and utterly shot down.

  “We can make it work.”

  “You just got in from all day in the saddle.”

  “And I suspect you’ve been on enough ranches to know that the fact there is a good amount of daylight left means this isn’t anywhere near the longest day I’ve put in on horseback. Plus, riding with a pretty gal is a lot more fun than chasing ornery cows.”

  He’d swear he saw her cheeks redden before she turned away. It was all the encouragement he needed to grab his gear and saddle up Sophie, one of their gentlest horses.

  “Garrett, really, you don’t have to go to all this trouble.”

  “It’s no trouble.”

  She sighed. “You really are stubborn.”

  “I think you might have mentioned that before.”

  She shook her head, but it was accompanied by a small smile that made him ridiculously happy.

  He hurried to ready Sophie and guided her over to the mounting block. Then he nodded for Natalie to come over.

  “This feels like a terrible idea,” she said, but she made her way over to him anyway, taking a moment to let the horse nuzzle her palm.

  “I won’t let you fall off. And if it hurts too much, we’ll come right back. But I’d venture a guess you’re going stir-crazy.”

  She met his gaze, and something flickered in hers. Appreciation, maybe? Gratitude?

  He held her hand as she made her way up the steps of the mounting block, ready to catch her should she stumble. But with a determined look on her face, she made it to the top. The problem came when she went to mount the horse. The grunt of pain from her as she tried to maneuver her broken leg over the horse’s back made him want to kick himself.

  “Wait,” he said as he squeezed her hand. He stuck his foot in the stirrup and mounted. “Here, ride sideways in front of me.”

  At the look of concern on her beautiful face, he ran his thumb across the back of her hand as if it were a natural response. “I promise, you won’t fall.”

  Part of him wondered if her concern stemmed from a fear of further injury or something else entirely. And as he eased her down in front of him and he secured his arms around her, he wondered if her concern was valid. Because having Natalie nestled that snugly next to him was going to have an effect, one he was going to be very lucky if she didn’t notice.

  Trying to focus on anything but the fruity scent of her hair, how closely his arm came to the swell of her breasts, and how tight his jeans were already becoming, he guided the horse up the hill behind the house. He, Chloe and Owen all had their favorite parts of the ranch, but he’d never told anyone where his was, a little knoll that afforded a great view to the west, what he considered the most perfect place in the world to watch a sunset. So as the sun slid toward the horizon, that’s where he pointed the horse.

  They didn’t talk for several minutes, but he thought he could detect Natalie relaxing. Not wanting to cause her to tense up again, he kept silent—at least outwardly. In his head, things resembled the spin cycle of the washing machine. Despite the fact that he and Natalie hadn’t really spent that much time together, he knew little of her life in Kansas, and his instincts told him that her thoughts were sometimes a million miles away, he still felt drawn to her in a way he didn’t understand. In the safety of his own head, he imagined riding around the ranch with her like this for years to come. Maybe that was crazy, but he couldn’t seem to help it.

  They didn’t really know each other, but his gut told him they were well matched. Though he loved Linnea like a sister, she was a city girl still learning the ways of ranch life. But Natalie? She wouldn’t shy away from cattle and horses, from getting dirty and sweaty when the job required it.

  And damned if that thought didn’t lead to others of even more reasons for getting sweaty. He tried to resettle himself, but Natalie must have realized why because she stiffened.

  Damn.

  “How’s your leg doing?” he asked, trying to deflect attention away from what was going on behind his fly.

  “Okay.” She didn’t sound particularly convincing, and he considered turning the horse around.

  But they were almost to the spot he wanted to show her, and from the look of the sky toward the west, it was going to be a stunning sunset. A couple more undulations in the landscape and they arrived. Natalie’s little intake of breath made him smile.

  “It’s beautiful,” she said.

  Those two simple words, spoken with such appreciation for a view some people would consider barren, lifted his heart. And damn if he didn’t think he could fall for this woman.

  “Yeah, feels like you can really think and breathe here.”

  “As if the rest of the world and its problems have fallen away.”

  Their awkward moment seemingly forgotten, she watched as the sun headed toward the other side of the world. He glanced at the sunset a few
times, but his gaze kept drifting back to her. He didn’t think she realized how much she’d relaxed against the arm he had at her back, making sure she stayed safely atop the horse.

  “It’d be nice if everything in life was this simple, wouldn’t it?” she asked when the sun was nearly gone from sight.

  “Yeah.” Unable to stop himself, he reached up and smoothed a few tendrils of her hair away from her face.

  He expected her to tense up again. Instead, she slowly turned her head to face him. Taking that and the open look in her eyes as permission, he lifted her chin gently, allowing her time to pull away if that’s what she wanted. But when she didn’t retreat, he lowered his lips to hers.

  * * *

  GARRETT’S LIPS FELT like heaven, so much better than Natalie had imagined. Some rational part of her brain told her this was wrong, that she should pull away, protect herself and him. But she shoved that voice of reason away, wanting this moment of bliss to last forever.

  When Garrett deepened the kiss, she allowed herself to be swept up in the feel of his arms around her, his warmth, his strength, the taste of coffee that had gotten him through his long day of work. His arms pulled her closer, and he uttered a moan that sent pure desire racing along her veins. Her body leaned into his of its own accord.

  Pain caused her to gasp and jerk away from him. The haze of desire scrambled her brain cells, so it took a moment for her to connect the feeling of pain to the fact that she’d mashed her injured arm against his belt buckle.

  “You okay?” Garrett asked, the genuine concern in his voice making her thundering heart expand.

  “Yeah, I’ll live.” But reality started rushing back into her brain with such force that it nearly knocked her to the ground. He’d kissed her, and she’d kissed him back. The enormity of that mistake hurt more than the pain in her arm. “But I think I could use one of my pain pills.”

  If only they worked on a heart full of different shades of sorrow.

  She glanced up at him in time to see a flicker of doubt, but he tugged on the reins, guiding the horse back toward the main part of the ranch. The tension returned to her muscles as she waited for him to say something. But he didn’t, and she wasn’t sure if she was glad for that or not.