The Derring-Do Club and the Empire of the Dead

by David Wake

  “Surely if we got one of their bombs, then Major Wotnot would have to believe us.”

  “By Jove,” said Merryweather. “Would they let you in just because you’re in their Aerial Corp?”

  “That and I’m married to the Crown Prince.”

  “No,” said Merryweather, although his eyes betrayed excitement at the idea. “They wouldn’t let me through with you and it’s too dangerous for you girls.”

  “It’s in a field, miles away,” said Charlotte. “I just go in and say I’ve forgotten my… umbrella.”

  “That might work… no.”

  “Arthur, you can keep watch,” said Georgina. “Either we get what we want or we don’t. Nothing can happen.”

  “What if they don’t let you leave afterwards?”

  “Then you have the excuse you need to come and rescue us,” said Georgina. “There’s no other way, dearest.”

  Merryweather sat back and folded his arms in front of him, a sure sign that he wasn’t happy: they had won the argument.

  “I think perhaps,” said Earnestine, “that you men might have need of us women after all.”

  Miss Charlotte

  Tiffin was jolly exciting because they’d been invited to dine in the Regimental Club. Not the stuffy main area, but the side wing that allowed women too. After tea and Battenberg, the men went to see some old soldier who kept an office in the Club. And there was sherry, but sadly only in the smallest of glasses.

  Merryweather explained to Georgina: “If you don’t mind waiting outside while we see M–”

  “I’m fine, darling,” said Georgina, “don’t fret.”

  She smiled sweetly at Arthur and put her hand on his arm. He nodded and went in, the large oak door closing behind him.

  It was dull, Charlotte thought, sitting in the corridor with her sisters as they were both being silent and boring.

  There was a shout from inside the room.

  “Thunder and lightning, Merryweather!” The voice of was husky, the sign of a heavy smoker. “This report reads like one of Wells’s concoctions. This is all very Doctor Moreau.”

  “I think, Sir, it’s more Shell–”

  “Sherry?”

  The sisters didn’t hear the next exchange. There was mumbling, but it was a chance to take in the opulent surroundings, the oak panels and dusty paintings with various mismatched chairs lined up against the walls at intervals. It was an expensive waiting room.

  “Balderdash!”

  “Sir, sir… please.”

  “We cannot raid a foreign embassy. It’s tantamount to an invasion, an act of war!”

  “Sir, it’s not the embassy, it’s a field, practically in Hertfordshire and–”

  “It’s just not done. We have to play by the rules otherwise we’ll be as bad as Johnny Foreigner.”

  Charlotte couldn’t really tell who was speaking any more, the shouting and the distance made the voices all sound the same.

  Another rumble sounded from inside: “Who? Dash it, man, out with it.”

  “She has a uniform.”

  “See,” said Charlotte, “I’ll have to change into my uniform.”

  Her sisters reacted as one: “Shhh…”

  The volume dropped again and it seemed almost as if the two men were circling each other as the General’s bass rumbles oscillated with Captain Merryweather’s level baritone.

  “You’re going to send these gals into that hellhole?”

  “It’s the only way.”

  “The only way? Are you telling me that all that stands between the British Empire and disaster are three young ladies?”

  “My Lord, they are jolly plucky young ladies.”

  The door opened, all the sisters jerked back having unconsciously leant forward.

  “Well, on your own head be it.”

  “Sir.”

  Merryweather closed the door: “Darling, I think… I’m afraid.”

  “He agreed?” Georgina said.

  “Yes, I’m afraid he did.”

  Chapter XX

  Miss Deering-Dolittle

  Back at the house as Charlotte changed, Earnestine checked she had everything. She’d have to travel light, she knew, so she chose the small kit: umbrella, flash-

  “This will be such an adventure,” said Charlotte.

  Earnestine tightened her lips: “No, it won’t!”

  Where was she? Umbrella, flashlight, shillings and a pound note, penknife and Pieter’s ruby ring on a chain tucked in her bosom.

  “Charlotte, take some gloves,” said Georgina.

  “Those don’t go with the uniform.”

  “Lottie, put them in your pocket in case it turns cold.”

  It was like old times, bickering like this, and so bizarre that they were about to take a terrible risk.

  They waited in the drawing room, not saying anything, and then gathered outside in Zebediah Row once the carriages arrived. There were six, full of men: soldiers, soldiers in civilian clothing and Peelers with their helmets, handcuffs and truncheons. Major Dan had tried to cover every contingency, so that he could move once there was proof. Some of them were going to the airship field and others were heading off to watch the Austro–Hungarian embassy.

  Captain Merryweather was in charge of the contingent going with the sisters to the Zeppelin, Captain Caruthers was destined for observation and Lieutenant McKendry was disguised as a cab driver. Charlotte had been excited – silly girl – and had leant over the maps as everything was discussed. They went on about some girl, Emilia or Emily, who was going to be here… and here… and there, but Earnestine had paid no attention. She found her thoughts wandering to the Austro–Hungarians and the possibility of meeting… no–one in particular.

  Charlotte spoke first: “We showed them, didn’t we?”

  “We– you first– we did,” said Georgina and Earnestine together.

  They all laughed.

  “What’s the joke?” Merryweather asked.

  “Oh, Arthur,” said Georgina.

  “It’s the Derring–Do Club against the world!” said Charlotte.

  The giggling hansom journey seemed to go on forever and then they came to a halt all too soon. No–one seemed to want to say anything even after the vehicle had stopped rocking on its suspension. Outside the horses snorted.

  It was exciting: a little adven– no: no trouble, no exploring and no adventures. They were on an errand, that was it.

  Captain Merryweather coughed as a prelude to speaking, but Georgina, Earnestine noted, put her hand on his knee.

  “We’ll be careful,” she said. “We won’t take any risks and we’ll demonstrate caution at all times.”

  “I’d be happier if you’d take this,” he said, and then added: “Darling.”

  Georgina blushed.

  “It’s my service revolver,” he said. “A Webley, Mk 1.”

  “The British Peacemaker,” said McKendry, indicating the big black object.

  “I can’t carry that,” said Georgina. “It’s huge.”

  “I’ll have it,” said Charlotte.

  “Shhh, Lottie!” said Earnestine.

  “I know, darling,” said Merryweather. “But how about this, the Bull Dog Revolver, the civilian pocket revolver, and it’ll go in your sock garter. I usually keep it in my sock garter on these… climbing expeditions.”

  “As you well know, my garters are up here,” said Georgina.

  “You could put it in your purse, darling.”

  “Honestly, I wouldn’t know how to use it,” said Georgina.

  “I–”

  “Lottie!”

  “You keep it,” said Georgina.

  With obvious reluctance Merryweather raised his trousers and put the silver gun back in its place.

  As they came to a halt, Earnestine realised that this was it, but it wasn’t. Merryweather disembarked to transfer and organise the rescue party. Once he’d done that, Earnestine had to look away across the green fields towards Essex as Merryweather lea
ned in to touch and canoodle with his wife. It was typical of Georgina to flaunt her good fortune.

  And then the sisters were alone with McKendry at the reins.

  The cab jerked on and rounded to the entrance to the Zeppelin field.

  There was some shouting, heavily accented, and then Charlotte stuck her head out of the window.

  “I’m Princess… oh, er…”

  With a snap to attention: “Your Royal Highness.”

  “I left something in the Zeppelin,” she explained.

  The guard shouted in German and the hansom moved forwards before coming to a stop again.

  The sisters disembarked.

  There were three Zeppelins, clearly being readied for launch, with their motors idling and a multitude of men pulling ropes and manoeuvring the huge behemoths from the air quay.

  “Which was mine?” Charlotte asked. “They are my maids. Come, come!”

  She strode across the field to one of the Zeppelins. Earnestine and Georgina followed in her wake, each trying to see everything and keep their heads down.

  There were distant shouts: “Seile los sofort!”

  One of the Zeppelins took to the air, rising in a remarkably graceful manner for something so huge. They had appeared large before, but now Earnestine was underneath one the sheer magnitude of the airship struck her again. She shielded her eyes from the sun to observe the rising and turning.

  “It’s starting,” said Georgina.

  “Yes,” said Earnestine and then she realised what Georgina meant. While they’d been having tiffin and waiting for the men to endlessly discuss action in their Clubs, the Austro–Hungarians had been moving ahead. Indeed, as if to emphasis Earnestine’s thought, the second Zeppelin was being cleared for launch. By chance, they were under the third.

  “Come on!” Charlotte shouted from the gondola. She’d climbed the steps while the others had watched the spectacle.

  “What do we do?” said Georgina.

  “We stick to the plan: we get a bomb and then report back,” Earnestine said.

  They went up the stairs and into the gondola beneath the huge rigid balloon. No–one appeared to be on board, probably because they were concentrating on launching the other Zeppelins.

  Next to a vicious looking gun, there were canisters in crates arranged by the door, but none of them were bombs.

  “What’s this?” Earnestine asked.

  “Ooh,” said Charlotte. “That’s an American gun: the Gatling. It can do a thousand rounds a minute and–”

  “No this,” said Earnestine. She read the label: “Silberjodid.”

  “Silver iodide,” said Georgina. “This isn’t going to take off with us on board, is it?”

  “Don’t be silly,” Earnestine said.

  “This is all new, I didn’t see this before,” Charlotte said, examining a machine feeding into pipes that stuck out of the gondola at angles. “There’s a place here for the canisters.”

  Earnestine took over: “Goes in here… and… funnels outside – why?”

  “It’s used for photography,” said Georgina, “that’s all I know. It says ‘Regenmacher’ on the side.”

  “Isn’t ‘macher’ ‘maker’?” Earnestine said. “What was a ‘Regen’ then? A type of daguerreotype perhaps?”

  On the side of the machine was a sign with instructions, frustratingly in German, as well as numbers, possibly heights in metres, which Earnestine knew were about a yard, and symbols like clouds.

  “You use this above the clouds,” said Earnestine, mostly to herself.

  “Is it poisonous?” Charlotte asked.

  “Not particularly, I wouldn’t want to eat it, but they have far worse yellow smoke weapons,” Georgina said and she shuddered. “They were dreadful, really awful…”

  Earnestine knew why as she remembered the horrors on the train all too well: “Don’t be a baby, Gina.”

  Earnestine poked at the machine with her umbrella: what could it be?

  “Perhaps they spray it on the clouds to stop it raining,” said Charlotte.

  “That seems unlikely,” said Earnestine. “Why come all this way to make it sunny? I could believe it of the MCC.”

  “Maybe it’s to make it rain,” Georgina said.

  “Oh Gina! Do think. It rains all the time in Britain, why would anyone want to make it rain more?”

  “Maybe they want to ruin our cricket, maybe they want it to be stormy, maybe… I don’t know.”

  “Gina, turning drizzle into rain or rain into a thunderstorm might have utility in the desert, where you need irrigation, but–”

  Suddenly, it was obvious, utterly obvious.

  “Ness, you’re worrying Charlotte and me.”

  “Thunderstorm and lightning!”

  And they’d launched one Zeppelin already, the other was ready too.

  Get to McKendry and the hansom, ten minutes, drive like the wind back to London, forty minutes, and then argue with Major Dan for a month of Sundays… they were too late. Their time had run out. Graf Zala’s Great War plan had succeeded.

  “We have to try!” she said. What else could they do? “Come on!”

  She led the way to the staircase, her foot touching the top step, when she saw Kroll directing the men holding the ropes.

  They looked at each other, recognition in their expressions. She shouldn’t have come; her very presence had betrayed them.

  The heavy Oberst started to move: “Achtung!”

  “Cast off!” shouted Earnestine at Charlotte.

  “They do it outside,” she replied.

  What had they shouted before?

  Earnestine turned: “Leaning loss!”

  Kroll reached the bottom of the stairs.

  “Ziler. Los. Zofart!”

  Some of the men reacted and let go, but not enough. The Zeppelin skewed around. Kroll stepped across the widening gap and was, for a moment, standing on the stairs and the access ledge. Earnestine pushed him, lightly, enough though for him to slip.

  The Zeppelin was solid, firm and sound; whereas the ground with all the people seemed to jitter and pitch about.

  Kroll hung on to the lip, looked up and snarled.

  More men, fearful of being drawn into the sky, let go and that was enough: the Zeppelin rose.

  Kroll’s feet slipped off the top step and he dangled in the air.

  Earnestine and Georgina each stepped on a hand; the man cried out and then dropped onto the grass below.

  The ground fell away at an alarming rate.

  Kroll stood up, unhurt, and began to order the men towards the other Zeppelin.

  The men became like dolls and there was McKendry on the hansom cab and beyond, somewhere, was Merryweather and their potential rescue party. They’d assumed that the Austro–Hungarians couldn’t take them from the field without being intercepted, but the enemy had flying machines and could take them anywhere.

  “There’s no–one on the bridge,” said Charlotte, “but we’ll need to barricade the rear door as there will be airmen in the main fuselage.”

  “We’re flying!” said Georgina.

  “Yes,” said Charlotte, “rear door.”

  “We’re in the air,” Georgina whined.

  “Leave it to me,” said Earnestine.

  “Oh lummy…”

  The rear door turned out to have a bolt, so it was very straight forward. She also found a few chairs in the cabins and put those in the way. Unfortunately everything was flimsy as it was made from light wood, but it might slow them down. Earnestine wondered when they’d realise.

  Back at the bridge, Charlotte operated the controls like an expert. She let go of a lever and the engine note changed abruptly. The floor tilted alarmingly as the airship rose. Earnestine found her stomach lurched.

  Georgina was there too, bent double with her hands gripping the ropes that acted as rails on both sides of the gangway: “We’re flying… oh help.”

  “It’s jolly exciting,” said Charlotte.

 
“We’re going to crash,” Georgina whined.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Earnestine said. “Who’s ever heard of an airship crashing? It’s lighter than air, so it can’t crash.”

  “It’ll explode!”

  “An airship is lifted by the negative weight of hydrogen. Hydrogen burns with oxygen to produce… come on… Gina, you know chemicals – hydrogen dioxide, which is water. Any fire on a Zeppelin would automatically put itself out. Do think, Gina.”

  “We’re coming up to 850 metres,” Charlotte announced, reading off a dial.

  “What’s that?”

  “Er… about two and a half thousand feet, maybe more.”

  “We’ll fall,” Georgina said.

  “Don’t whine, Gina, you’re a married woman.”

  “Turning to 180,” Charlotte said.

  “What’s that?” Georgina asked.

  “South!”

  It would take them half an hour at least to land, assuming they could, and they were miles away from McKendry and the hansom. Perhaps they should go straight to London. Was there anywhere to land in London?

  “Follow the other Zeppelin!” Earnestine shouted.

  Charlotte started manoeuvring.

  Georgina cried out: “What?”

  “We have to stop that Zeppelin before it starts regen maching.”

  “There are soldiers and peelers and gentleman mountaineers to do this,” Georgina shouted: “Down there!”

  “Yes and we’re up here, so it’s up to us.”

  “This is an adventure,” said Charlotte.

  “No, it isn’t,” said Earnestine. “And keep your eye on the… sky.”

  “I’m levelling.”

  “Charlotte, we’re still below the clouds.”

  “Eight fifty metres is the operational ceiling.”

  “One can’t spray silver iodide on clouds that are above one.”

  “It would be dangerous.”

  “I think they’d take the risk considering what with the stakes being so high.”

  Charlotte grinned: “All right, I’ll try for a thousand metres.”

  At Charlotte’s bidding, the Zeppelin rose and a mist seemed to descend. It was quieter, the windows spotted with moisture, and then, like a Nautilus rising from the depths, they broke free and were greeted by the most brilliant sunshine. It was breathtaking, even Georgina came to stare.