Even Sinners Have Souls TOO

by Joy, E. n.

  Thirty minutes later, Kanesha stormed down the street with her three daughters in tow and baby Jordan on her hip. After the girls got on the school bus, Kanesha and Jordan walked one block down and waited for the Youngstown WRTA city bus to pick them up. After dropping Jordan off at daycare, Kanesha boarded another bus and finally arrived at the dollar store where she worked as a part-time cashier.

  Seven hours after leaving her duplex, Kanesha sat back in her seat as the number seven bus rode down Market Street. Kanesha's weeks were long and exhausting, but she rarely complained to anyone besides her children. It was Friday, and in a couple of hours the kids would be gone for the weekend and she could relax a little before going to her other part-time job at the bar. During the school year, Kanesha began each week day at five-thirty A.M. and ended around midnight. Her life was based around her kids and nothing else unless she happened to have a man to distract her.

  Like clockwork, Kanesha and Jordan returned home at mid-afternoon to find Percy planted on the couch. Kanesha looked at the forty ounce of beer resting in front of Percy and rolled her eyes at him in disgust. For the second time that day, she heard her mother's voice again. "If you're working one job and still struggling, then a man should be working two jobs and hustling in between." Hearing the words so clearly made Kanesha turn around in search of her mother. It was a lesson her mother, Cynthia Brooks, had tried desperately to hammer in Kanesha's head years before.

  "I see you've had a relaxin' day while I was out bustin' my tail," said Kanesha with her neck rotating and one hand on her hip.

  "Don't start that mess with me today, woman," Percy responded as if it was Kanesha in the wrong and not him.

  "Percy, I know you ain't been sitting here all day. You didn't go out looking for a job? How you plan on paying me back my money if you ain't looking for a job?"

  "Naw, girl, don't nobody go job hunting on Fridays, and I'm tired of you on my back about that couple of dollars you gave me. I'm gon' get you dat money, just get off my back." Percy took a drag of his Newport, a swig of his beer, and resumed surfing the channels with the television remote.

  "Apparently don't nobody go job hunting the other days of the week either," spat Kanesha.

  "Girl, don't come strollin' in here starting nonsense," he growled.

  "Whatever, man; you sitting on my couch. Let's not get this twisted, and I need my couple of dollars, as you wanna call it. The season is changing and that hundred is going toward my kid's summer clothes."

  "Calm down. I'll hit the pavement hard come Monday. I promise."

  Kanesha had heard it all before. Percy had been not looking for a job for the past four weeks. It was also the same amount of time the couple had known each other.

  Kanesha and Percy met each other at the neighborhood bar where she worked part-time as a barmaid. Percy had been a regular in the bar, but until the night he introduced himself to Kanesha, the two had never held a conversation. He had set out to hook up with a woman, any woman, that would take care of him because his woman had gotten fed up with his freeloading and thrown him out on the streets. Percy was a wolf in sheep's clothing and Kanesha was the unsuspecting Little Red Riding Hood begging to be taken advantage of.

  After fixing Jordan a snack and meeting her three girls at their school bus stop, it was time for Kanesha to help them get ready for their regular weekend away from home. They would all be going to spend the night with their respective fathers and grandmothers.

  Shakayla was the easiest to help because she didn't need an overnight bag. She had her own bedroom at her father's house and everything she needed was there waiting for her.

  Just as five year old Malisha finished stuffing her overnight bag with her favorite doll, the doorbell rang.

  "Percy, can you get the door please?" Kanesha called out from the two eldest girls' bedroom.

  "You come get the darn door. Ain't nobody coming to visit me," replied Percy who was seated next to the front door.

  "Come on, Percy. I got my hands full trying to get the four of them ready to go. Anyway, you're sitting right by the door."

  "Whatever, I done already told you to get it ya self." Kanesha could not believe how childish Percy acted at times. He was fourteen years older than her, but having him around made Kanesha feel like she had another child to raise. Their age difference was one of the reasons Kanesha got with him. She mistakenly thought that being involved with an older man would mean there would be no mind games played and Percy could take care of her. Had she taken the time to get to know the man she was moving into her home and the lives of her children, Kanesha may have discovered how irresponsible and manipulative Percy truly was before he could get his paws too deep in her.

  Percy put his forty ounce up to his lips and took a few gulps of his warm, brown liquid when the doorbell chimed for the second time. Kanesha ran from the girls' bedroom to answer the front door.

  Stephon Brown was always the first baby daddy to pick-up his child. "Hey Kanesha, how are you?"

  "I'm cool, come on in," Kanesha smiled and stepped aside so that Stephon could enter the apartment.

  Stephon and Kanesha met during their junior year in high school. Both were members of the French club and Stephon was the football quarterback. Their relationship moved fast, and before long, the seventeen year olds became parents. Despite the setback, Stephon went on to attend Florida A&M, leaving Kanesha behind to care for their shared responsibility.

  "Is Shakayla ready to go?" Stephon tried not to sound impatient.

  "She's helping Malisha put her shoes on, so have a seat for a minute."

  "Naw, I'm cool," replied Stephon as he took three steps into the doorway.

  "Dang, y'all can't see me tryin' to watch videos? Kanesha just get her out the dang door so this man can rise up out of here," demanded Percy.

  Stephon looked at Percy then back at Kanesha, waiting for her to respond to his ignorance. To Kanesha, Stephon must have known she had no intentions of putting Percy in his place, because he turned to leave.

  "Wait, Stephon; she's coming now," said Kanesha.

  "I'm straight; just send her out to my car," responded Stephon.

  "You don't have to leave, Stephon. Just ignore him," said Kanesha with pleading eyes. The last thing Kanesha wanted to do was antagonize Stephon in any way. Regardless of what happened between the two of them, Stephon was a wonderful father to Shakayla, and Kanesha would never do anything to alter their relationship.

  "Daddy!" Shakayla ran into her father's arms and led him out of the door.

  "Shakayla Patricia Brown, aren't you forgetting something?" asked Kanesha.

  "I'm sorry, Mommy." Shakayla turned back to give her mother a kiss and hug before leaving.

  There was another knock on the door immediately after Kanesha locked it. She answered it to find seven year old Brianna's daddy talking on his cell phone. Kanesha mouthed the word, 'Hi,' and stepped back to allow Byron Taylor to walk inside.

  "Yo, Mami, I gotta hit you back," said Byron before snapping his cell phone closed and giving Kanesha his full attention. "Yo, shorty, what it do?"

  "I'm good, Byron. What's up wit' you?"

  "Shoot, I'm doin' real good. Me and my Little Mami gon' chill together until Ma gets off work," explained Byron as he looked over at Percy. "You straight?" Bryon cut his eyes at Percy and gestured hello with a nod of the head.

  "Yea, I'm straight," replied Kanesha.

  "Why wouldn't she be straight? What you tryin' to say?" snapped Percy.

  "Man, chill with all of that," warned Byron.

  "Whatever, man. Just get yo' kid and keep it rollin'."

  "What's his freakin' problem this week?" Byron asked Kanesha.

  Unable to think of an answer, Kanesha shrugged her shoulders and held her breath. She was all too familiar with Byron's quick temper and knew the situation had to be defused before things got out of hand.

  "Why you asking her about me like I ain't sittin' here?" Percy said snidely and lit up another Newpo
rt. Having never done anything with his life to be proud of, Percy was very intimidated by other men. His goal in life was to be taken care of by a woman, any woman that would have him. Percy had numerous women in his life time but sooner or later they would all grow tired of his laziness and kick him out on the street.

  "Look here, old timer, all that tongue play 'bout to get you deep into something you ain't gon' be able to pull up out of," warned Byron.

  The two men stared at each other for what felt like an eternity to Kanesha. All three of them knew that Byron could and would lay Percy down without hesitation. The last thing Kanesha wanted was for something to happen in front of her kids. Percy opened his mouth to say something just as Brianna ran into the room with her overnight bag.

  "Hey, Daddy! Where is Big Ma at today?" Brianna squealed, looking over her father's shoulder for her grandmother.

  "Big Ma had to work late, so me and you gon' kick it for a little while. Cool?"

  "Yea, just me and you?" asked the seven year old with excitement.

  "Yep, Little Mami, just me and you," replied Bryon. "All right, Kanesha, I'll holla at you later. And on the real tip, you need to check that in," Byron nodded toward Percy.

  Byron may not have been a contender for any father of the year awards, but he loved his little girl with all he had.

  When Kanesha and Byron met at a house party, sparks flew between them. With his hair braided straight to the back with precision, over sized T-shirt and sagging pants, Byron Taylor was truly a hood boy. Kanesha received warning from her girlfriends not to get involved with him, but she reasoned that every girl gotta have a ruff neck at some point in her life.

  Their relationship was volatile and filled with break-ups and make-ups. To Byron, their relationship was only that of friends with benefits, but Kanesha thought they had a future together. When one of their make-up sessions resulted in Kanesha getting pregnant just months after giving birth to her first child, she thought Byron would marry her and fill the void that caused her to feel empty and alone.

  Byron told Kanesha that he was not in the market for a wife and kids right before suggesting she run her tail right on over to the clinic. Kanesha refused and Byron had doubts the baby was even his because of the reputation Kanesha was mapping out for herself. Sleeping with any man that looked her way was not a good thing, especially in a small town where everyone knows what so-and-so did five minutes after they did it. Seven months later, Brianna Marie Taylor arrived and Byron fell instantly in love with her. He does what he can to provide for Brianna, and his mother picked up the slack.

  At times, Kanesha and Byron mixed like oil and water, but he remained in Kanesha's system. Over the years, the two continued to kick it every now and then. Neither would have it any other way.

  Kanesha stood in the doorway wondering why her body continued to crave a man who broke her heart too many times to count. Before getting behind the wheel of his car, Byron blew her a kiss and winked his eye at her.

  "Two down and two to go," said Kanesha as she closed the door.

  "Why you ain't check that fool fo' talkin' to me like that?" questioned Percy. Kanesha simply ignored his question, because she couldn't believe he honestly wanted an answer.

  "Malisha and Jordan, y'all come on in here with me," ordered Kanesha. "Y'all will be leaving in a few minutes.

  Malisha was the only one of Kanesha's children who had no relationship with her father. Mike Whitaker was passing through town the night Kanesha met him. She saw his chocolate, tall, athletic frame stroll through the doors of Juin's Bar & Grill and knew immediately she had to get a taste of him. Their physical attraction was automatic, but all Mike could offer was a nibble. Kanesha accepted the offer of the one night stand, believing she could change his mind after giving him the most precious thing a woman can give a man-her body. He had a wife and three kids back home in Chicago and no woman would take him away from them. Mike made his living as a sports agent and was in town looking to sign two Youngstown State University athletes. Despite his marital status, Mike opted not to wear a condom during his sexual escapade with Kanesha because they both reasoned that it took away from the natural feeling. Kanesha was on birth control pills, but she was very irresponsible with taking them as prescribed. She just convinced herself that if she got pregnant she was supposed to be, and that was that.

  After sleeping with Kanesha, Mike left his business card on the bed side dresser and hit the road. One month later, Kanesha called Mike at his office to tell him she was pregnant. He accused her of trying to trap him and hung the phone up on her. Malisha Nicole Whitaker was now five years old and had never met her father, but Kanesha's mother spoiled the child to no end.

  Cynthia Brooks hated the fact that her other grandchildren spent weekends and vacations with their fathers while Malisha had nowhere to go, so since the day Kanesha gave birth to Malisha, her mother made certain the child never felt rejected. Not long ago, Cynthia confessed to Kanesha that she knew it was wrong to play favorites with her four grandchildren, but she just couldn't help herself.

  "When is Dea coming to get me, Mommy?" whined Malisha.

  "She'll be here any minute, so come and get your jacket on," answered Kanesha. "It feels like the air is changing and cooling down."

  To avoid another disagreement between Percy and her mother, Kanesha decided to wait outside for her to arrive. Malisha and Jordan chased each other in the yard while Kanesha sat on the worn porch steps enjoying the breeze from the cool spring air. Like clockwork, her mother and Jordan's father, Je'Ronn, pulled up to the curb at the same time. Kanesha hugged and kissed her two youngest kids, made small talk with Je'Ronn who always picked his son up for the weekend, but always left him to be cared for by his mother and younger sister.

  After Kanesha made her usual promise to her mother that she would try to make Sunday morning church services, she turned on her heels and went back inside her cramped three bedroom ranch style duplex. As expected, Kanesha found Percy in the same spot, looking lazy. This man has got to go, but not until I get the money he owes me, thought Kanesha. I don't know why he asked me to help get his raggedy car fixed; he never lets me ride in it. He probably just wanted the money for his cigarettes and beer.

  Kanesha plopped down on the couch where she planned on remaining until it was time for her to go to her second job. For the first time since she had gotten home, Percy pried his eyes away from the television.

  "Come here, woman, and tell me 'bout ya day."

  "Not now, Percy. I'm tired. I just want to relax for a minute."

  "You always tired and got something else to do besides take care of me," complained Percy.

  "Whatever. Maybe if you'd help out 'round here, I'd have more time for you." Kanesha couldn't believe his nerve. Not only was he rude and ignorant toward Stephon and Byron, but he sat on his rear end all day, and now he was hinting for sex. "So, you just sat and watched music videos all day?"

  "Wasn't nothing else to do."

  "You should have been looking for work. That was something to do," barked Kanesha.

  "Look, why I always got to repeat myself for you? I done already told you, girl, don't start that mess wit' me. I'll get a job when I get one."

  Kanesha decided she was too tired to argue with Percy and focused her attention on the music video playing on BET.

  "I should have been one of them video dancers. Maybe then I'd be living better," Kanesha unconsciously said out loud.

  Percy laughed at the comment before saying, "Yea, right. Not with that saggy pot belly and all those stretch marks you got. Shoot, girl, you can forget that pipe dream."

  Kanesha's feelings were hurt, and again, the voice in her head spoke to her. 'If any man can't love you, both inside and out, cut him loose,' Cynthia often preached to her only child. With her head hung low, Kanesha sat daydreaming about meeting the right man one day. One that would love, honor and take care of her without any strings attached. Deep in Kanesha's soul, she knew that she deserved better than
what she was used to getting. Her only problem was figuring out a way to get what she wanted from a man without sacrificing her self-respect in the process.

  "So what you cooking fo' dinner?" Percy asked, interrupting Kanesha's thoughts.

  "What?"

  "You hard of hearing now? I said, what you cookin' fo' dinner?"

  "Nothin, you know dog’on-well I don't cook on Fridays and Saturdays because my kids ain't here."

  "Well, your man is here and you'd look good getting up off yo' lazy butt and fixin' me something to eat," demanded Percy.

  "Partner, you don' lost ya darn mind." Kanesha smacked her lips and rolled her eyes at Percy. She couldn't believe he expected her to cook for him after working one part-time job, riding the city bus both ways and the other one hundred and one things she'd done that day. Kanesha had no intentions on lifting a finger until it was time for her to go to work.

  Kanesha heard Percy's stomach growl from across the room, but she still refused to move.

  "Look, girl, I ain't playin' with your stupid tail. Get in that kitchen, now," fumed Percy.

  "You got a lot of nerve to make demands on me. You got me messed up."

  "I'm not gon' say it again."

  "And I ain't gon' tell you 'no' again. If you that dang hungry, you have two options. One; get up off your butt and fix your own food. Or two; get up off your butt and go buy something to eat."

  Kanesha returned her attention to the music videos and tried her best to ignore Percy's demands. What came next happened so fast that Kanesha didn't have time to brace or protect herself. Percy's fist met the left side of her face with enough force to knock her onto the bare hardwood floor.