“What emergency?”
Wei Wen tapped on the window pane to draw his attention to the park. “He is helping out with the set up.”
A glint of suspicion registered in Gimme Lao’s eyes. “Why is Skye involved?”
Wei Wen did not immediately reply. She gently tapped on her mobile phone screen to bring it back to life before handing it over to Gimme Lao. It was a photo of Skye standing next to another man. The two were beaming ear to ear in a seemingly invincible state of bliss.
“That’s Kuan Eng. He and Skye have been together for three years now.”
It took Gimme Lao mere seconds to register the multiple layers of truth and implication. His wife was telling him that his son was gay and had been in a gay relationship for the last three years. That was the obvious. Embedded in this was the incrimination that he was so removed from his only son, he was blind to his affairs. For that he felt a pinch of shame. That Skye trusted his mother more to share the truth with her first did not surprise Gimme Lao. What surprised him was Wei Wen’s betrayal. She knew he was running for election within the next two years. She must surely know it would hurt his political ambition to be seen championing the gay cause? For that he felt annoyed.
“You know I can’t be attending this. I will speak to Skye when he gets home tonight.”
“I know this is a shock to you. And I know Skye should be the one defending himself here. It is unfortunate that he got held up,” Wei Wen continued in her measured tone. “But this event is important to him.”
“I am not saying that I am against it,” Gimme Lao reasoned. “I am just saying it is not a good idea for me to be seen publicly supporting the cause. That will lose me tons of votes.”
“I don’t care what your voters think,” Wei Wen remarked coldly. “I care what our son thinks.”
Gimme Lao was taken aback. It was uncharacteristic of Wei Wen to take on such a resolute stance. “You and Skye have been plotting this for a while now, haven’t you?”
Wei Wen clenched her fist and pressed it against her lips, quivering a little. For a while, neither spoke.
“You can’t drop this on me and expect me to come to terms with it instantly,” Gimme Lao finally said. “I will talk to him eventually. But not here, not this gay pride event. I have to skip this.”
Wei Wen was silent as she locked in her gaze. Gimme Lao knew that meant she was trying to come to a momentous decision. It perturbed him that he had no inkling what was on her mind right now. “What is it?”
“I will make you a deal.” Wei Wen switched back to her measured tone. “If you attend Pink Dot with me today, I promise I will not sabotage your campaign when you run for election.”
“What do you mean?” Gimme Lao felt a chill.
“If I do eventually decide to get a divorce, I will keep my mouth shut when the media come knocking on my door and not mention the name Tan Ai Ling.”
Gimme Lao felt his head spin. All these years sharing a bed and he had no idea she knew.
“That is over,” he muttered weakly. “We are no longer together.”
“I know.”
An awkward silence ensued.
“Why are you contemplating divorce only now, when you have known all along?” Gimme Lao finally asked.
Wei Wen maintained her gaze at the picnickers out on the lawn. “After Skye came out to me one year ago and introduced me to Kuan Eng, I saw in them what we once had. The passion. The romance. The optimism focusing on a future together. We have lost that, Gimme. I don’t look forward to growing old with you anymore.”
Gimme Lao felt shaken. “We can work on the marriage, Wen. There was no woman before Tan Ai Ling and no woman after. I swear.”
“Come to this event with me.” Wei Wen turned to face Gimme Lao. “We can discuss our issue later. Let today be about our son, all right?”
Gimme Lao nodded feebly. The consecutive waves of surprises this afternoon had worn him out.
Skye had reserved a picnic spot near the stage and stood up to wave them over. He was brimming with tears when he went up to Gimme Lao and hugged him tightly. “I love you, Dad. This means a lot to me.”
Gimme Lao felt a wave of emotion wash over him. He could not remember the last time Skye hugged him. As a toddler, Skye was a devoted thigh hugger. Coming home from work, Gimme Lao always looked forward to the toddler shrieking with delight and rushing forth to hug his thigh. He had missed that badly when his son outgrew the phase. This moment, as Skye embraced and pressed himself hard against him, Gimme Lao was reminded of his role. He was, first and foremost, a father to his son, and a husband to his wife. For many years he had relegated his primary role to the periphery as he focused on his secondary roles as a doctor and a politician. Those had brought him prestige and fed his ego. He realised now that he had taken his family’s support for granted. He was so removed from Skye and Wei Wen he had no idea his son was in a committed gay relationship, and his wife was contemplating divorce. Gimme Lao wondered if it was too late for him to salvage his marriage.
“Kuan Eng is manning the sound system behind the stage. He will join us after the event,” Skye explained, his face flushed with the excitement of finally introducing his boyfriend to his father. “You will love him, Dad. I promise.”
The three settled down on the picnic mat as the emcee announced that Pink Dot 2009 would officially begin. The lawn instantly erupted into a madhouse of ear-piercing whistles and celebratory cheers. The emcee introduced the three Pink Dot ambassadors in the line up. He was proud to present the first speaker among them, the resident playwright of The Queer Stage, Mr Hasim Hassan.
Gimme Lao sat up straight upon hearing the name. Surely it could not be the same man? And then Gimme Lao caught sight of him as he strode onto the stage, the teacher he had not seen for close to three decades. The oddity of it all sent chills down Gimme Lao’s spine.
Mr Hasim Hassan had aged visibly. His hair was grey, his goatee was speckled with white and he stooped a little. But as he started to address the crowd, Gimme Lao noted that the man had not lost his fire. Mr Hasim Hassan spoke passionately about his early years struggling with the dichotomy of hiding in the shadows while forging a gay identity he was proud of. He was a literature teacher in a local secondary school. He was known among his students to be upfront and vocal about a multitude of issues and topics. Yet he felt it necessary to hide the fact that he was gay. The school authorities then were not ready to acknowledge the presence, let alone the contribution, of gay teachers. If it were not for a student who publicly outed him in class, he might have continued to be part of the contingent of gay men unable to contribute openly to the gay cause because they felt they could not step out of the shadows.
Gimme Lao blushed as Mr Hasim Hassan proceeded to share, in detail, the episode that was pivotal in his stepping out of the closet. It was deeply traumatic. He tendered his resignation and went into a state of depression. It was his partner’s devotion and support that helped him pull through. His partner rightly pointed out that he had no reason, now he had been outed, to continue with his shadowy existence. In fact, he ought to leverage on the new freedom. That remark turned Mr Hasim Hassan around. He devoted himself to his passion for stage plays and subsequently became the resident playwright for The Queer Stage. It was there that he found his calling.
Mr Hasim Hassan concluded with a personal confession. He used to bear a grudge against the student who outed him publicly. That boy had caused him to be derailed from his career as a teacher. In retrospect however, the chain of events triggered by the outing had actually pushed him to new heights in his journey. Thus he would like to make it known that wherever the boy was today, he wanted to thank him. It was that pivotal push out of the closet that had given him the courage to live a full, open life as a proud gay man.
As Hong Lim Park thundered with applause, Gimme Lao fell into a troubled reflection. He had been vindictive when he outed Mr Hasim Hassan 30 years ago, all because he resented losing Omala to Mr Hasim Hassan
’s camp. It wasn’t till this very moment that he realised how injurious his actions had been. Had someone ambushed his upcoming election campaign and confronted him with his extramarital affair when he least expected it, he would have been devastated.
Gimme Lao remained in a daze throughout the Pink Dot celebration. A part of him wanted to go up to Mr Hasim Hassan and apologise for the hurt and harm he had caused. Yet he could not. Not when he was running for election soon. He had to abide by the stance his political party took on major social issues. He could not be seen advocating for LGBT rights and equality. That would be political suicide.
It was a similar dilemma he had with Skye. Even if he was ready to accept that his son was gay, he knew he would be gunned down by the conservatives for sitting down to an amicable dinner with his gay son and his partner. He had to strike a delicate balance between his public and private stance.
With this thought in mind, Gimme Lao was polite but distant when Skye introduced Kuan Eng to him after the event was over. Skye was disappointed that his father failed to show any warmth, but Wei Wen pulled him aside and told him to be patient. His father needed more time.
The next evening, the three of them arrived on time for their fortnightly dinner with Mary Lao and her husband. Ever since her husband suffered a minor stroke two years ago, Mary Lao conceded that they needed a domestic helper. It was by a stroke of luck that the Javanese help they picked happened to be an excellent cook. Both Mary Lao and her husband had put on considerable weight and were often teased in church for exemplifying the plenitude of God’s grace. The teasing was done in good nature, for Mary Lao had become a respected elder of the church. She sat on the church’s executive committee and gave the occasional sermon. The congregation looked up to her.
Skye waited for dinner to be over and the Javanese help to finish serving them pandan cake and oolong tea before breaking the news to his grandparents.
Gimme Lao was amazed at how composed Skye was. It would appear that his son was completely comfortable in his skin as a young gay man. Wei Wen was the one who was obviously nervous and looked ready to pounce in Skye’s defence were Mary Lao to flare up and attack. To everyone’s surprise, the attack did not come from her.
It was Lao Sheng Yang who exploded.
“Being gay is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord!” was his opening volley, followed by accusations of defilement, condemnations of sexual impurity and a miserable lament that there was a reprobate in the family. The outburst was so uncharacteristic of the reticent old man that everyone at the table sat in shock. Even the Javanese help dropped her dishes and ran out of the kitchen to investigate the commotion.
Skye blushed fiercely. He had been prepared to reason things out with his grandmother, but this unexpected tirade from his grandfather had caught him off guard. He had a pocket full of ammunition against Christian haters who were ever ready to condemn gay men in the name of the Lord, but he held this tongue. This was after all his grandfather. Stealing a glance at his grandmother, Skye was surprised to catch her holding his grandfather in a condescending gaze.
Mary Lao was indeed gazing at her husband with mixed feelings, not the least of which were pity, annoyance and condescension. He had remained the timid man incapable of original thought or personal stance all these years. When they both joined Pastor Kong’s church two decades ago, she saw it as a platform to grow her influence and extend her reach. He saw it as the obedience school he had always yearned for, where independent thinking was removed from the syllabus and strict adherence to the sermons and scripture the only qualifying factor. Lao Sheng Yang was an excellent follower. Back in the era of witch hunting, he would be brandishing his pitchfork right behind Pastor Kong and clamouring for the noose to be tightened. Mary Lao had no illusions about her husband. Neither had she any qualms leveraging on his unquestioning fanaticism to extend her reach in church all these years. But right now, when the family was gathered for a serious discussion, his self-righteous clamouring was simply annoying.
“Leave the room please.”
Mary Lao had not raised her voice, but her husband stared at her with incredulity, as though she had threatened to expel him from church in front of the entire congregation.
“If you cannot behave civilly, leave the room.”
The chair was knocked over as Lao Sheng Yang stood up abruptly. He gave the tabletop a half-hearted bang as he shuffled away. Just before he disappeared round the bend, he glanced back at Skye and hissed with vehemence, “I don’t even want to be in the same room as you.”
Mary Lao looked Skye squarely in the eye and asked, “Are you all right?”
A little taken aback, Skye could only nod.
Mary Lao nodded too. “You know you are precious to me, Skye. This road you have chosen, it is going to be tough. But it has to be your choice. No one else should decide how you live your life.”
Skye suddenly found himself on the brink of tears. He had not anticipated the ready acceptance by his grandmother. “I want Kuan Eng to meet you. You will be so proud of him. He works as a corporate lawyer and does great work for the LGBT community.”
Mary Lao shook her head with a poignant smile. “I will not be inviting him to this house.”
Skye was again caught off guard. “But why?”
Mary Lao sighed. “To you, I am merely your grandmother. To the church congregation, I am their church elder. They look up to me for leadership. I cannot preach against deviant sexuality and yet condone it in my family. I have to align my public stance with that of the church.”
“So you are saying that you don’t accept me and my boyfriend?” Skye asked, perplexed.
“I am saying that I will publicly condemn your behaviour in church, if need be,” Mary Lao explained carefully. “You will always be welcome at my house as a grandson I love very much. But your boyfriend will not be allowed here. I hope I am making this very clear.”
Skye felt Wei Wen’s hand on his arm and turned around to catch her gently shaking her head. Mary Lao had made known her stance. Wei Wen did not want Skye to pursue the matter.
“What about you?” Mary Lao swivelled to Gimme Lao and asked. “The prime minister is fielding you for the next election. If word gets out that your only son is gay, how are you going to handle it?”
Gimme Lao could feel both his wife and his son’s eyes bearing down on him. “I haven’t had time to think it through.”
“You had better,” Mary Lao cautioned. “You never know when they will find out. You do not want to be caught without a ready answer.”
“Dad, you have to lend us a voice,” Skye became alarmed. “Both Kuan Eng and I have talked about it. If need be, we will step forth and be visible in your campaign. 377A has got to go.”
“If your father chooses to champion your cause, there is a very high chance the prime minister will drop him from the election team,” Mary Lao turned to confront Skye. “Is that what you want? Your father’s political career stamped out just so you can get to say your piece? Don’t you think it is a little selfish?”
Skye blushed. He had not looked at the matter in that light.
“There is no need to rush Gimme into a decision,” Wei Wen interrupted. She knew how persuasive Mary Lao could be. “We should leave now. Thank you for the wonderful dinner, Mom.”
Wei Wen volunteered to take over the wheel when they reached the car. She knew Gimme Lao had a lot on his mind and snapped at Skye when he tried to bring up the issue again on the drive home. “Give your dad a break. He’s had enough surprises over the last two days.”
What Wei Wen did not know was that Gimme Lao had received a text message from Mary Lao, which he chose not to share with her. The message simply read, “You are meant for great things, Gimme. Don’t you forget that.”
TEN
THIS WAS TURNING out to be the worst day of his life.
At three in the morning, Gimme Lao woke up abruptly with a squeezing sensation in his chest. For a while, he had difficulty catching his
breath. He reached out to grab Wei Wen’s arm, but there was no one lying beside him. And then he remembered. Wei Wen had moved out three years ago. She did not share his bed anymore.
The tightness soon subsided, and Gimme Lao could breathe again. Was it a nightmare that triggered the response? He could not tell. Gimme Lao could never recall his dreams.
Rolling onto his left, Gimme Lao propped himself up and reached for the glass of honey lemon on the nightstand. This was one of the habits Wei Wen managed to inculcate in him. She used to prepare one each for the both of them before bedtime and would chide Gimme Lao if he left his untouched in the morning. Now that Wei Wen was gone, Gimme Lao had taken to preparing the glass of honey lemon religiously every night. It made him feel as though he was still married and not the 50-year-old divorcee that he had become.
Gimme Lao was grateful that Wei Wen waited another year after he assumed office before filing for divorce. In the cacophony of post-election fanfare, the media did not pick up on the news bite. Except for the cabinet ministers and a select group of parliamentarians, no one else knew about the divorce.
Prior to the 2011 elections, Gimme Lao came clean with Dr Liew Kim Keong. There were two personal issues that might work against him. His wife was contemplating divorce, and his son was in an openly gay relationship. Dr Liew Kim Keong frowned. The Party was fielding Gimme Lao for election under the Bukit Panjang Group Representation Constituency ticket, together with two other new candidates. If any of them came under attack, it would directly affect his chances of re-election.
Dr Liew Kim Keong discussed the matter with his wife Professor Eleanor Moh and came to the consensus that Gimme Lao was too invaluable a candidate to drop. The party had been strategically grooming him since the SARS crisis eight years ago. There were plans to make him cabinet minister further down the road. They would simply have to exercise damage control.
Let's Give It Up for Gimme Lao! Page 25
