Resist Me (Change Me Book One - standalone): McCoy Raven Boys

by A. O. Peart

  “Family then?”

  I hesitated. I’ve never known my biological father. He, most likely, had no idea he had a daughter. I’ve learned all of that from my mom’s journal, which was miraculously given to me, even though at the time of her death I was only three years old. All of my grandparents were long dead. I’ve been raised in foster homes until my amazing guardian professor Tolinski adopted me. But he was gone now too. According to Mom’s journal, I had a great aunt somewhere in Denmark, but I’ve never tried to contact her. She was probably dead as well. “No family.”

  Ethan’s eyebrows knitted together. A deep crease formed between them. He looked away for a moment, as if sinking intensely in thought. “There must be somewhere you can stay. If not, you’re better off with the FBI. They can protect you, take you to another safe house—”

  “No way,” I interrupted. “I can’t rely on them. I…” the tears prickled my eyes, and I felt a sob building up in my chest. Crap, last thing I would let myself do was to cry in front of this guy. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, getting myself under control. “Look, I can handle this.” I had no idea how, but the words of confidence were more for my own benefit than his.

  Ethan ran his hand through his hair, disheveling it even more than it was before. He stood up, laced his fingers at the back of his neck, elbows out and walked around the rig, clenching his jaw. Finally he stopped and looked at the entrance. “Where the fuck is Chris? Wait here.”

  Before I even opened my mouth to say something, he disappeared outside. Chris came back a moment after Ethan stepped out. I suspected she left to give us room to talk.

  “Here, drink this.” She gave me a plastic bottle of water. I thanked her and drank half of it in just a few gulps. I didn’t even realize how thirsty I was.

  “Doing better?” she asked.

  “I guess.” I was becoming numb, which I welcomed with relief. The last few hours killed me—if not physically then mentally for sure. My situation was serious. I had no options. There was no way this attack was random. Someone knew exactly where I was hidden, and such information could be obtained only from one source—from the FBI. There was a snitch, and I wasn’t stupid to hope otherwise.

  Chris made a motion to check my pulse, but I waived her off. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

  She nodded. “Can I get you anything? We don’t have any real food here, but if you’re hungry I can scramble a power bar or two.”

  “Thanks, Chris. That’s very thoughtful of you, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to eat anything.”

  “I understand.”

  I took another sip of water.

  Ethan came back. He didn’t look happy. He said something quietly to Chris, and she responded in low whisper. I couldn’t make out the words, but I had a feeling they were talking about me. Chris gave me a fleeting glance and quickly looked away, nodding to whatever Ethan was murmuring to her. That was unbearable. What the hell?

  “Hey,” I said. “Am I interrupting something?”

  They both turned to look at me. I was pissed and I didn’t make any effort to hide it. What would be the point? Everyone was freaking inconvenienced by my existence. But I was a fighter. I wasn’t done living, regardless of the crap raining down on me. I’ve decided years ago that I’m never going to be a helpless mess, no matter what life throws at me. Although, all that was happening now, could break the strongest. Nevertheless, I pushed that thought aside.

  Wordlessly, Chris left the rig. Ethan crossed his strong arms over his chest. His biceps bulged, and his t-shirt tightened around his pectorals. The guy was gorgeous. I couldn’t deny that despite the situation.

  “So? What’s the story?” I asked. My voice sounded steely and pissed, and that was exactly how I felt.

  “There is someone outside who wants to talk with you,” Ethan informed me.

  He was calm, and I wished I could feel as unruffled. But then again, Ethan wasn’t on a powerful gang’s hit list. I was.

  “Who is it this time? The FBI?”

  “Not the FBI, but they want you to talk with him.” Ethan walked to the entrance, stuck his head out, and motioned to someone to enter then he left the rig.

  Great. What now? I bet they had some asshat here to convince me to stay in the FBI witness protection plan.

  A middle-aged, overweight, bold man with thin wire glasses sitting on the bridge of a big nose entered the rig. His hair was sparse and tied into a long, skinny ponytail at the nape of his neck.

  “Doctor Marc Jones.” He extended his hand to me, and I shook it. “I would like to have a word with you, Miss Glass.”

  No shit. Just as I was afraid. “Doctor Jones, I haven’t had a chance to talk with my lawyer. I’ll listen to what you have to say, but I won’t make any promises and I won’t agree to anything. Are we clear?”

  “Absolutely.” He nodded and smiled. He had a nice, easy smile. A shrink for sure—that smile was well-practiced to put people at ease right from the start.

  As I suspected, Doctor Jones went on to analyze the psychological state I was in, ready to work with me on any trauma resulted in today’s events. Sure I was scared and unsure of where I had to go next, but I wasn’t buying into his attempt of convincing me to stay in the witness protection plan.

  About ten minutes later, I had enough of this conversation. “I think we are done here, Doctor Jones,” I said with finality. I stood up and walked to the entrance of the rig. Ethan stood outside, quietly talking with his Chief and four FBI agents.

  The good doctor tried to persuade me to talk some more, but I put my hand out, cutting him off. I had no intention of continuing this nonsense, even if it seemed rude of me to act the way I did. Screw that. The pleasantries were the last on my mind now.

  Reluctantly, the doctor slid past me and out of the vehicle. I put my hood back on and went to the door. Ethan watched me, his eyes holding mine spellbound. What was going on? I had such a hard time looking away from him. Finally, I motioned to Special Agents Drasco and Cornell to get closer. As soon as they did, I told them that I’m going to call Jessica Leothon, my lawyer to discuss my situation.

  “I’ll let you know as soon as I’m done talking with her.” I took my cell phone out and dialed. I should’ve done that immediately after I climbed out of the panic room, but I kept hesitating. I was afraid she would try to convince me to stay in the program and offer no other choices. So what was the point in dialing her? But it was a necessary and responsible thing to do.

  She picked up on the second ring. “Lis… Gloria. Is everything okay?” Gloria Glass was my under-cover name the FBI assigned to me while in the program. But Jessica knew me by my real name—Lisbeth Anderson.

  She asked if everything was okay, so she didn’t know a thing about today’s events. Nobody contacted her on my behalf just yet. She was based in Tampa. I didn’t know if anyone except myself or the FBI agents who were assigned to my immediate protection and who died in the explosion this morning would call her right away. The thought about Special Agents Vera and Kolaski caused a stab of pain and sorrow in my chest. In those two weeks, since my transfer to Portland from Florida, they became like sisters to me.

  “Jessica,” I tried very hard to keep my voice steady. I didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to appear weak and scared. No matter how scared and unsure of my future I was right now, I had to stay strong for my own sake. That was my only hope to survive.

  I had to remain focused and press forward—just the way I’ve always had while tossed from one foster home to another. “Listen, there was an explosion. Special Agents Vera and Kolaski are dead. I slept in the safe room so—”

  “What?” she yelled. “What explosion? Where… what happened? Are you okay?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. The building was completely leveled.” I proceeded to explain all I knew.

  She listened, and when I said that I don’t feel safe in the FBI witness protection plan, Jessica remained quiet for a long moment. Finally she said, �
��As your lawyer I can’t advise you to withdraw from the protection plan. We don’t know for sure that it actually wasn’t someone else behind the attack. In fact, we don’t know you were the target. I’m dialing the FBI as soon as I hang up with you.”

  I sighed. “Seriously, who else would be the target?”

  Chapter Four

  ETHAN

  The feds were furious with Gloria. They didn’t want her to pull out from the program. They were convinced she wouldn’t make it another day on her own. She, most likely, wouldn’t. Chief Holton pleaded with me to make her cooperate, but I wasn’t going to manipulate Gloria. She had to make her own mind. If she stayed under the FBI’s protection, it needed to be her own choice, although I wasn’t about to voice my opinion and get accused of swaying the witness. Yeah, like convincing her to actually stay in the program wouldn’t fall under that very category. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut long ago, and that wasn’t about to change.

  Gloria made it clear that she didn’t want to see any of the agents right now. Thankfully, they left her alone for a while. But time was running out, and they wanted to take her. So they brought some shrink dude to talk with her. So much for letting her calm down on her own.

  He climbed into the rig. I stayed behind and went to check on my team instead. They were out of the structure already. Fortunately, the fire didn’t spread too much inside the adjacent building, and so they were done fairly quickly. Jack briefed me about the progress: the team went in, secured the area, and checked all the parts of the structure for explosives and more fire. They found none.

  The units were loading equipment onto the rigs. Although I knew this wasn’t the end, since there would be loads of paperwork to take care of and a long process of working with the FBI and the police.

  Jack took his fireproof coat off. “It’s getting fucking hot. I’m gonna find water, bro. You want some?”

  “I’m good, thanks. Had some already.”

  Jack went to our truck. I walked back to the paramedics’ rig. Chief Holton and four agents talked quietly right outside the entrance. I heard Gloria’s angry voice coming from the inside, “I think we are done here, Doctor Jones.”

  A few moments later, the shrink left the rig, passing us on his way out. Gloria stuck her hooded head out. Her eyes found mine, but she didn’t look away for a long while. Finally, she glanced at the two of the FBI suits and motioned to them to come closer.

  Her looking at me like this—with a stubborn expectation—stirred something deep inside me; something different from what my regular reaction to women was. This wasn’t the simple desire to bend a girl over and fuck her senseless until we were both spent and happy. I couldn’t quite understand what I was experiencing. But one thing was for sure—Gloria was able to evoke something else in me than my normal primal desire to have a mind-blowing sex. Or maybe I was going crazy, since none of it made sense anymore.

  I had a feeling she was a strong-willed woman, who knew exactly what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to stand up to others.

  I walked away from the group, not wanting to interact with the feds more than it was necessary. My battalion was getting ready to leave. Jack was taking care of the last preparations.

  He took me aside and, shooting quick glances around, asked under his breath, “What’s the story with that chick?”

  I knew my best friend. He always kept his mouth shut. We went through some hell together while serving in Afghanistan. We trusted each other completely, so I told him about Gloria’s situation.

  Jack whistled softly. “So now what?”

  I exhaled forcefully. “Someone needs to help her.”

  “Meaning who exactly?”

  “Meaning, I might be able to hide that girl for a while, since she’s withdrawing from the fed’s witness protection program.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? What are you? A babysitter?”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “Bro, this is messed up. She’s not some little kid who just needs a place to stay for a bit. She’s the only witness in a murder case,” Jack whispered frantically, still keeping his voice low.

  “That girl needs someone to help her. She’s got no family, no friends to speak of.

  Jack laugh sounded bitter. He shook his head and spat on the ground. “I’m tellin’ ya. This is too messed up.” He looked over to the side and was silent for a few heartbeats. When he turned his face back to me, he said, “You can’t let that go, do you? That Afghan spy girl? That’s what this is about, right?”

  I wanted to punch something. Hard. I didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened in the past; of what had made me leave the service as soon as I was allowed, right at the end of my four-year term. The anguish I had finally managed to bury deep inside my soul had no business to resurface now. My jaw hurt from tensing, but thankfully my self-control immediately kicked in.

  I pushed my hands inside my pants pockets and took a deep, slow breath; then another one; and one more. The crowd composed of spectators, the media, the police, and the fuck knew who else was still swirling around, gaping and pointing. Rescue 12 and 18 were about to leave. Our job here was done. Except it really wasn’t. My job wasn’t.

  I had an obligation I’ve imposed on myself after I let that teenage Afghan girl get captured by the Taliban scum, raped, and beaten to death. It was my fault, no matter what Jack or everyone else said. I could’ve opened fire and dragged her back into the building. But instead, I sat there, watching, because that’s what my orders were—to stay hidden, and under no circumstances reveal my presence, until I was told otherwise. If I went against the orders… yeah, I would’ve gotten myself in big shit, but our team’s informer girl wouldn’t have died.

  So many nights after that morning I would lay in bed, drenched in sweat, with my heart violently thrashing in my chest, unable to get the vision out of my mind. She was barely sixteen—a little, skinny thing wrapped in a black chador. She wanted so badly to escape that life. Her dream was to be brought to America and attend college to earn the nursing degree. A dream that she’d cherished for years, only to have it slayed together with her own life. And I let that happen.

  Her name was Najia. She told me it meant “One Who Is Saved”. How ironic.

  “Ethan!” Jack’s voice brought me back to reality. He shook his head and shoved his hand through his hair. “Buddy, you have to stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t fucking your fault. It just wasn’t. You had orders, we all did.”

  I didn’t comment.

  “So now what? You will go on saving the whole damn world? I know it’s hard, but—”

  “No, but I can try to save that one.” I tipped my chin toward the paramedics rig.

  “That’s guilt talking!”

  I shrugged. I didn’t feel like having that discussion, so I started toward the rig. Jack swore and caught up with me.

  “You made up your mind, huh? No talking you out of this?” he asked.

  I walked fast, without slowing down.

  “Right.” He swore again. “Okay, how can I help?”

  “Stay out of this.”

  “Fuck no! I’m not leaving you alone to deal with this shit, even though you’re a crazy asshole,” he puffed.

  “Runs in the family,” I shot back.

  He smirked. “Yeah, I suppose.”

  I glanced at my best friend. His father and mine were brothers, and so we looked a lot like each other. He often passed for my own brother, especially because I had four of them, and Jack had three of his own siblings. It was damn hard for anyone to keep track of who was who in our large family.

  I grinned at him, trying to ease out his worries. “Don’t you grow a pussy, bro. I can handle this.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Okay, listen. Don’t play a fucking hero, you hear me? I’m here for you. You’re an honorable idiot, but I’ve got your back.”

  “Sure. I’ve learned from the best honorable idiot.” I pointed at him. “See ya at the firehouse.”

  H
e mumbled something, but I was already walking away. I wanted to get the hell out of here. The Chief was waiting for me with Chris by the paramedics’ rig. The feds weren’t there, and I wondered if they, after all somehow managed to convince Gloria to leave with them.

  “Where is she?” I asked in stride.

  “Inside. Ethan, wait…” Chris called after me.

  I turned my head to her.

  “Let’s do this. I’m okay with it.”

  I nodded. “Thanks, Chris.”

  Chapter Five

  ETHAN

  Chief Holton took me to the side. “Ethan, what the hell is going on? The feds are telling me this young lady is withdrawing from their witness protection plan. That wasn’t what you were asked to do.”

  “I can’t convince her to go against her gut. She’s free to do as she pleases,” I told him. “I tried, Chief.”

  He sighed. “Okay, Ethan. I know you did. What’s her plan now then?”

  I glanced around for any spying ears and quietly said, “She’s coming with me. I offered her my guest room in my Lake cabin for a few days while she sorts things out with her lawyer.”

  The Chief’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Are you serious? Ethan, this is… ah, crap.”

  “She just needs to lay low for a bit. She’s scared and, from what I gathered, she has no place to go.”

  He looked at me in silence, his face hard. “Ethan, I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into. I should’ve never asked you to get involved.”

  “Don’t sweat it, Chief. If I didn’t want to help her, I wouldn’t.”

  “Let me know if I can do anything.”

  “Thanks, Chief. I will.”

  “And don’t worry about the incident documentation. I will take care of it all, son.”

  “That would be a big help.”

  Chapter Six

  GLORIA

  Chris was back in the rig. Ethan came back soon after she returned. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. My heart beat a fast staccato in my chest again, and I had to quickly lean with my back against the vehicle wall to keep from falling onto the floor. Black spots clouded my vision. I could hear the blood rushing through my ears, blocking all the sounds.