Saving Ayden

by Muriel Garcia

  After getting used to work there, I had the opportunity to keep working there. It would have been great, I knew everybody and wouldn’t have to introduce myself all over again but no, I chose to come back to New Orleans and find a new job. This meant I’d have to get to know new people all over again and try to fit in. Not my strong suit.

  I got a job with Copeland Inc. before I even left New York. I had multiple conference calls with Mr. Copeland, the CEO, to determine if I would be a good fit for their company. In the end, I got hired, but not for the position I wanted. I’m starting as an assistant. Now don’t get me wrong, with the state of the economy right now I’m more than grateful to get a job in a big company. My real struggle is that being an assistant means that I will have to talk to a lot of people, work closely with a lot of them and not look weird or awkward while doing it. I can fake it to a certain point, but it’s going to be really hard. I’m sure with hard work and dedication I’ll get the position I want. I just have to be patient and focus on work. Now that’s something I can do.

  I don’t trust men. It’s a horrible fear to have, especially when you work in a business world filled mostly with men. Even work meetings are a nightmare. I put up a fake persona trying to seem normal, but I’m far from it. I’m just glad I don’t have to work one on one with new clients just yet or it would be a disaster. I’m sure I’ll get there someday, but until that day, I’ll fake it till I make it.

  My job isn’t the most exciting—bringing coffee, filing paperwork, making photocopies. It's the easy but very boring part. What I dread the most are the phone calls I have to make. I hate those, I always sound so awkward. I have to be professional, but it makes me nervous. Hopefully time will help.

  I’m glad my coworkers are nice. I get along well with Marnie, the receptionist. Every Monday, Marnie, Martha, Charline and I go on a lunch date at our favorite sushi place. It’s nice to have girlfriends, such a change from when I was back in high school. Charline was my only girlfriend. I wasn’t one to have loads of friends, be popular and go out. Not that I have loads of them now, just those three and that’s more than enough. They know I’m socially awkward and have come to accept it, they don’t judge me.

  While I was away I cut myself from anyone who was a part of the MC, besides my dad. I changed my number and only gave it to my parents and Charline. I got the odd text here and there from Ant. My dad thought it would be a good idea to give him my phone number. It’s not that I wanted to cut him out of my life. I just couldn’t be around him anymore. It was scaring the hell out of me to even think of what would happen if I were to be around them again. What happened to me had traumatized me enough already. I don’t think I could survive it a second time.

  I was talking on a daily basis with Charline and my mom either on the phone or through Facebook. As for my dad, that’s another story. For the first four years we would talk on the phone once in a while and then it all stopped. At first my mom didn’t want to tell me what happened, but I kept nagging her. She finally confessed that he had been arrested for stealing money from the company. I couldn’t believe it and still can’t. I mean he’s in a MC, when they want something they find a way to get it, not always legally, but sure enough, if he needed money he wouldn’t steal it from the most obvious place. We all know someone framed him, but no one bothered even looking into it because he’s part of the MC and because the cops have been on their ass for a long time trying to get them locked up. They thought with the MC President in prison it would change things, but how wrong were they.

  My father made Ant his VP not long after I left. He always considered Ant the son he never had. He knew he could trust him with the club when the time came. They are all happy with how the club is moving along. They are still very much into the drug and gun trade, but Ant is doing all he can to keep the club out of prison—so far it’s worked pretty well. Even though the club had to deal with some issues: betrayal from a brother who made a drug deal go wrong, causing the club to lose both the rat and a member, gun deal with other gangs, mainly the Bastards from Hell and new members.

  What worries me the most with Ant being the new president is that he is pissed, angry and seeking revenge, both for the club and my father. He’s always been pigheaded and reckless. All of that combined could end really badly for him.

  It was hard to distance myself from the club. On one hand, I just couldn’t be around them anymore for my own safety. On the other hand, I lost all my friends, my family. A part of me will always regret listening to what he said, letting what he did rule and ruin my life, but I did and now I have to live with the consequences. I always tell myself I did it because I couldn’t risk the chance of something falling back on me again. It hasn’t worked yet, but one day, maybe I’ll believe it.

  No one knows what happened. I never told anyone. I’m not planning on ever telling anyone either. It’s too late now anyway.

  I do miss them, all of them, especially Ant. I still love him. I never stopped. I feel stupid for still loving him as much as I do. I can’t help it though. It’s not like you can willingly stop loving someone. Not that I would have done it if it were possible. I just hope one day he can forgive me for leaving.

  I’ve never been intimate with anyone since that night. I never tried meeting someone in New York, it would have just been too awkward and when the time came to be intimate I would have freaked out and been dumped because of it. So really, it saved me a lot of heartache to protect myself. I just couldn’t risk meeting another asshole.

  You’re supposed to live life, party, and enjoy yourself while you’re away for college. I did the opposite, buried myself into my work and studying. It was safe, I knew nothing could happen to me when I was focusing on only one thing, but once I start overthinking things, it’s not a pretty sight. Besides I’m too damaged, no one would want someone who can’t be comfortable in social situations—someone who’s scarred and traumatized.

  These past six months have been awkward to say the least. At first, things were normal both at home and at work. I bought a small house that’s just perfect for me. It’s close to my parents and I love it there. Work wise, I was doing my job and no one was paying me any attention, which I liked. Things changed though after I bumped into Michael, an accountant of Copeland Inc. He’s been quite insistent on taking me out and trying to charm me.

  I’m not going to lie—he’s very good looking. He’s tall with blue eyes and blond hair that’s long on top and neatly shaved on the sides, and nicely built. Most women at work fawn over him. Me? I couldn’t care less—I’m still not ready to date and much less over Ant.

  He’s been quite nice about it though. I mean he could be acting like a dick to me because I never say yes when he asks me, but he’s not. He randomly comes over to my desk, drop off some papers for me and casually ask me out in the middle of the conversation hoping I would say yes without noticing. Good thing I have a sharp mind or I’d have been in trouble long ago.

  It was cute and funny at first, but now? He’s asking me out on a weekly basis, still being playful about it, but it’s getting really creepy. I keep telling him I’m not ready, but he doesn’t get the message that I’m not interested. Surely after six months of constantly getting turned down, you would think he would get the message and move on, but no, not Michael.

  And then there’s Ant. Every time I’m out running an errand or something, I end up seeing him, and the jerk is with a different skank every single time! I know we are not together anymore and that I shouldn’t let it get to me, but it hurts like hell. It seems like he’s moved on and I’m still stuck in the middle of our non relationship. I can’t blame him—I’m the one who left without so much as a note or a goodbye.

  When we were younger he was hot, but now? Now he’s downright sinfully sexy! He’s taller, broader, bronzed skin, messy black hair, equally as messy beard, tattoos and a style that’s just his. Last time I mentioned to him his hobo-like fashion style he laughed at me for a good fifteen minutes, that was si
x years ago. I miss his laugh.

  His style still hasn’t changed. He’ll wear just about anything he finds, even if it doesn’t go together, it will always look hot on him. I don’t know how he pulls it off, he just does. He’s six-feet-four-inches of pure hotness.

  The fact that he’s with a different slut every time I see him should make things better, but it doesn’t. I know he’s using them for sex, something I never gave him and never will be able to give him.

  He’s tried to talk to me a couple of time, but I keep pushing him away. I just can’t face him yet. I don’t want to lose the tiny bit of sanity I have left. I mean the last time I saw him, I almost begged him for forgiveness for leaving him like I did. Well that was until the stupid skank-of-the-day pressed herself into his side and caressed down his chest, looking at me with a smirk, clearly claiming him as hers. But Ant isn’t the kind of man to belong to such a skank, or to anyone for that matter. I hope he hasn’t changed that much. I wanted to smack her right in the middle of the store, but no, I took the cowards way out and took off, running to my car to hide in it until I was sure he would be gone so I could finish my shopping in peace.

  No matter where I go, Ant seems to pop up out of nowhere. It’s really unsettling and doing my head in. I’m not only scared for my sanity, but for my life too. What my captor did and said really messed with my head, not only am I not able to say hi to my once best friend and soul mate, but I’m scared to be seen in his presence for fear that it will fall back on me once again. I don’t think I could survive it again. I barely survived last time…

  Chapter 5

  Anthony

  May 10, 2014

  I can’t believe she is back in town.

  Six. Fucking. Years.

  It took her six years to come back home. I was mad at her for leaving and even madder for coming back. She left without even a fucking note, leaving me to wonder for six-fucking-years what the hell I did wrong. Despite ripping my heart out when she left, my feelings for her are still very much alive. I thought I was over her, how wrong was I? As soon as I saw her they came rushing back, biting me in the ass.

  The first time I saw her, I was shocked. I was coming back from a long run having to deal with the Bastards from Hell. We’ve been dealing with them for a long time, but they are getting too greedy and causing a lot of fucking problems lately. Seeing Ayd both brightened and fucked up my mood even more.

  Ayden is not the kind of girl you can just fall out of love with. She’s your one and only and will ruin you up for any other woman—that is if you were a fool to even think of dating other women. She is, was, and always will be my one and only. I’m still in love with her but what she did, and the way she did it, it’s hard to get over it. Her parents don’t know why she took off so fast either. No one does.

  Six years.

  She never bothered to reply to the few messages I sent her. To this day, I still don’t know what happened. But fuck me if she isn’t even more beautiful than before—curvier, longer redder hair, but her smile is gone. Sure she smiles sometimes, but it never reaches her eyes.

  Everything was fine. We were good, dating for two month—we made plans to make love for her first time. I couldn’t have been happier to be her first, but she disappeared. Her car was in front of her house with her bags in it. Nothing seemed out of place. She was supposed to meet me at the hotel since I was running late because of a deal we had to finish. If I went to her place to pick her up, would the last six years have happened? Would we still be together and happy?

  She disappeared for a week. When she came back it was online to pick up some clothes and leave as fast as she came back. Something bad must have happened to her according to what her mom told me.

  I miss her, I miss my Sweet Cheeks. As pissed as I am at her for ripping my heart out, taking it with her and disappearing without talking to me or leaving a note, I can’t stop the feelings I have for her. I fucking love her and always have been in love with her, but fuck she pisses me off. How in the hell am I supposed to get over her when she is in town and fucking ignoring me? Well, pretending to ignore me. I know she’s seen me more than once.

  I’ve been trying to get her attention or get her to talk to me, but she’s still as fucking stubborn as before and refuses to talk to me or even acknowledge me. Hell, the last time I tried to talk to her, she literally ran away. I’m not blaming her, the girl I was with that day plastered herself on me like a fly on shit. She should know better, she knows she’ll never be old lady material, even less with me! Nobody owns me but Ayden. My heart belongs to her. I just hope she will realize it.

  I don’t know how she will react to everything that’s happened or even if she will give me a chance. We never really broke up—she just never said a word to me after she disappeared. My heart still belongs to her though. I haven’t really been a saint in the past six years. I’ve fucked more women that I can count or remember. They are just to get some release. Call me an asshole, but I never promise them anything. They know nothing more will happen. One fuck, that’s it—I don’t want them to get clingy.

  I became the president of the Last Hangman when Cabe was arrested for embezzling from his company. Which is fucking bullshit! We are still trying to figure out who is after us, taking down our brothers by either sending them to jail, killing them off, or offering them fuck knows what. I hope none of this will fuck up the tiny sliver of chance I have to get back with Ayden. I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt her because of the club, that’s my biggest fear.

  ******

  October 19, 2014

  I’m on a mission. I’ll talk to Ayden and she will listen to me. I’ve been trying for six months to get her to talk and listen to me. I’ve been patient enough but I’m going to win her back.

  I spot Ayden’s Camaro parked by Bob’s Diner—it’s one of the oldest one in the neighborhood, but also one of the best. It’s the best place to go if you want to treat yourself to one of the best burgers you’ll ever eat. They still do them how they used to when they opened back in the 50’s.

  I spot Ayden sitting at a booth in the back, scanning the menu. I stay by the bar, studying her, enjoying this moment to really take her beauty in. I missed her so much… my Sweet Cheeks. I can tell she’s nervous chatting to the waitress—she never used to be nervous talking to people, shy yes, but like this? It’s like she’s a different Ayden.

  When the waitress leaves her after delivering Ayden her food, I walk over and just as she’s about to take a bite, she looks up and we make eye contact. I can’t help the smirk spreading across my face, at the look of excitement, laced with worry, and could it be lust on her face? I don’t know what it is, but I hold her gaze for a couple of seconds before she looks down at her plate, denying me those beautiful jade eyes.

  I sit down across from her in the booth. I can see her squirm, I still have the same effect on her and she still holds the same power over me. I have to readjust myself, my jeans are getting tight.

  “Ayden.” I see her shiver when I say her name. She finally looks back at me.

  “Anthony.” Her tone is clipped. She’s clearly surprised and not very happy to see me.

  “We need to talk Sweet Cheeks.”

  “Don’t call me that. You’ve lost that privilege long ago.” She whispers, she’s getting pissed. Good, at least she’s still affected by my nickname for her.

  “Now, I wasn’t the one running away. I didn’t do anything wrong. I can still call you that if I want to.” I smirk playfully. I’m still hurt, but I don’t want her to run away again.

  “I deserved that. Now if you don’t mind I’m trying to enjoy my dinner.” She takes a bite of her pickle. Fuck me she did that on purpose!

  “I see that.” I steal a piece of bacon from her burger and take a bite.

  “Hey, that’s mine!”

  “Too bad, now it’s mine.” I wink at her and shove the rest in my mouth.

  “Fucker! You don’t mess with a woman’s food!” She’s adorable and e
xtremely hot when she’s pissed.

  “Well looks like I did, now will you listen to what I have to say or not?”

  “Or not.” She takes an angry bite of the pickle again.

  “Kinky.” I smirk licking my lips.

  “Piss off Ant!” She whispers loudly.

  “We’re going to talk Sweet Cheeks, like it or not, we will very soon.”

  “There’s nothing left to say. I know what’s been going on; my Mom’s kept me updated on everything. I don’t need you to repeat it to me, I’m good. We don’t have to act like we are friends.” I know she doesn’t mean it. She’s trying to hold back her tears and her lower lip is quivering.

  “As you wish Sweet Cheeks. But it will happen very soon… you can bet on it.” I look into her eyes. Showing her I’m very serious about this talk we need to have. I want to have our talk now but I don’t want to scare her away even more. The last thing I want is for her to leave town again. It would kill me. “Have a nice day.” I take a sip of her drink, wink at her, and bend down to kiss her cheek—her soft skin is like heaven. I make my way out of the restaurant knowing I managed to get her attention and that she won’t forget I exist anytime soon. I just can’t wait to be able to talk with her and lay it all out.

  I’m still buzzing from my encounter with Ayden. It was good to talk to her and see her up close. I know she didn’t say much and she clearly wasn’t happy to talk to me but it felt good to be close to her again. I’m fucking pathetic, but fuck me I love her. She’s the only girl I want in my life. I want her as my wife, the mother of my kids, and one day it will happen. I just have to be patient and not rush things. The last thing I want is to scare her away and have her pack her bags and take off again.

  I intend to get the truth out of her, as painful as it may be, I need to know. It’s been messing with my head for the past six years. I need to know why she didn’t want us to be together anymore. I just hope we can fix things and get back together.