Full Circle

by Rosanne Bittner

  “I am glad, Father, but I am not so lonely. Evy is good to me. We are special friends. Is it true you will marry her?”

  Black Hawk glanced at Evelyn, whose back was turned. “Yes, but not for a while. There is much to be settled first.”

  “Are you in trouble, Father?”

  Black Hawk sighed. “Not right now, but if people know about my loving Evy, there could be trouble for both of us. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Father, but it is not right.”

  “No, it is not. Many things are not as they should be. Ever since the white man came to our land, much has changed for us. Nothing is the same, and we must learn a new way. That is why I want you to take the lessons.”

  When Little Fox turned and went into the bedroom, Black Hawk walked to where Evelyn stood. He touched her shoulders, and she turned and rested her head against his chest. “I thought one of you would be killed. I thought for a moment perhaps tonight was an answer to the vision, the worst answer.” She hugged him tightly. “Oh, Black Hawk, all I could see was Wild Horse being shot down in front of me! I knew in that one quick moment that I don’t ever want to go on with life without you.”

  He ran a hand over her lustrous hair, which hung nearly to her waist. He relished its softness, and the feel of her breasts beneath the soft robe. “Nor I without you,” he answered. “But we both know this is not the right time to inform others of our love. I spoke with Night Hunter. I told him I had made you mine.”

  She looked up at him. “What did he say?”

  “He said we should tell no one yet. He will know when the vision has been fulfilled. The spirits will bless us then, and we will be together forever.”

  She closed her eyes, laying her head against his chest again. “Why did you come here? I thought you had gone back to your camp.”

  “I went to see my sister. When I left there… I missed you. I ached for you. I wanted to see you once more.”

  Evelyn knew what he meant by the statement, and her own awakened womanly desires made her glad he had come back once more, no matter what the risk. She wanted him again that way as much as he wanted her. The chance that she could have lost him tonight only made her feel more desperate to have him again, to prove to herself that this beautiful man still belonged to her. She felt like the frightened four-year-old child who saw Wild Horse shot down and stood there crying, wanting to run to him and hug him but afraid of all the blood. Now she clung to Black Hawk. “You must be so careful, Black Hawk.”

  “Not just me, but also you.” He grasped her arms and leaned down to kiss her once more. “I like this kissing,” he whispered. He nuzzled at her neck. “I want to be with you once more before I go, but my son still lies awake. You can come to the shed over by the church. That is where I am. I will go out and search all around the cabin for the sergeant and make sure he is gone, then I will signal you.”

  She knew she should be angry that he was taking it for granted she would come to him, and yet she knew she would do just that.

  “I should have known he was close by when I first arrived,” he told her, letting go of her, “but I am so full of the want of you that my senses were not alert. I will not let that happen again.” He touched her face. “Wait until you hear the sound of an owl. That will mean all is clear.”

  She nodded. “I hate having to share our love this way,” she whispered.

  “It is only for a while. The time will come when we know the vision has been fulfilled.” He turned and left, looking around cautiously before going out and closing the door. Evelyn waited, hating Sergeant Desmond, doubting that he would really keep quiet. After nearly getting in trouble over the whiskey problem, and now the confrontation with Black Hawk, the man would be more determined than ever to find a way to get rid of him; and the only way to do that would be to kill him. She worried what he might think to do to see that that happened.

  She picked up two extra blankets and pulled on a pair of slippers, wondering if she had gone mad. She was preparing to sneak out of her own house to go to a shed and secretly make love to a renegade Indian! She carried a lantern over to check on Little Fox, who was still awake. “I am going out soon to talk more with your father,” she told him. “I won’t be far away.”

  The boy grinned. “I know.”

  Evelyn felt embarrassed, realizing there was no fooling the youngster, who had already told her his father loved her. She carried the lamp back to the table and snuffed it out, then waited at the door. Finally, she heard the hoot of an owl, and she silently went out, clinging to the blankets. She strained to see her way to the shed, and as soon as she walked inside, Black Hawk swept her up into his arms. She put her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder.

  “I have a place ready,” he told her quietly. He laid her into straw that was covered with blankets.

  “I brought more blankets,” she whispered.

  He set them aside, hovering over her in the darkness, and as their eyes adjusted, they could see each other by the light of the bright moon that shined through a small window nearby. “Someday we will do this in the light of day,” he said softly as he untied and opened her robe, “and I will look upon my beautiful Evy and see the true colors of her skin, her breasts.”

  Evelyn wondered at the spell this man could so easily cast over her. She leaned up and met his mouth, again feeling wild and free, this time unafraid of what was to come, aching for it, needing to feel him inside her. They kissed savagely, and he then pulled her to a sitting position and roughly helped her tear off her robe and nightgown. He grasped hold of her drawers and yanked them down and over her ankles, and she opened herself to him, not even wanting to bother with preliminaries. This was Black Hawk, her precious Black Hawk, who moments earlier she feared might die right in front of her eyes. She prayed that was not the meaning of the vision.

  As he buried his hardness inside her, she gasped with the glory of it. He was all power and beauty and gracefulness. He leaned close, grasping her bottom and moving in rocking rhythm, and she met his movements with eagerness, leaning her head back and arching up to him in total abandon. There was still some pain, but now it was a welcome, exotic pain that took her to another realm, away from reality, away from her fears, to a place shared only by the two of them. She ran her hands over his powerful arms and shoulders, and he sat up grasping her hips in his strong hands and pulling her to him. He threw back his head, moving faster. She wanted to scream with the glorious ecstasy of the act, but she knew she dared not make any noise. She could only groan softly, and her nails dug into his arms when finally his life spilled into her.

  He held himself there for a moment, then leaned down and began softly kissing her face, her eyes. “We will do it again,” he whispered. He remained inside her, resting his elbows on either side of her shoulders. “I am sorry, my beautiful Evy, that loving me will make life so hard for you. Perhaps I should go and never come back.”

  She reached up and touched his cheek. “Don’t say that.”

  “Little Fox must stay with you, learn a new way. It hurts my heart to leave him.” He leaned down and touched her cheek. “I know I should stay, but it is hard for me to change my life and live this new way. In my eyes and in my heart you are my wife now, yet I cannot be a true husband to you except in this way. I want to take care of you, protect you, provide for you, but this new life will not allow me to do those things in the Sioux way. I must think about this, go off and pray alone, wait for the vision to be fulfilled, and pray that Wakantanka will help me know what I should do, how I can always be with this white woman who has stolen my heart.”

  She traced her fingers over his lips. “And you have stolen mine, Black Hawk,” she whispered. “But we must be very careful now. If anything happened to you, I would want to die.”

  He breathed deeply, and it seemed to her he was trembling. “Nothing will happen to me, for I know in my heart we are supposed to be together always. Perhaps this is the new way of keepin
g the circle of life. When I lost Turtle Woman and our baby son, and knew that life would never be the same for me, I was sure the circle was broken. You have changed all of that and have shown me that perhaps I can learn this new way and not lose my soul, my connection to the spirits and the Indian way.” He touched her cheek again, and Evelyn was surprised to realize there were tears on his own cheeks. “It is so hard, Evy. Your people do not understand what it is like for a warrior to be imprisoned on a small piece of land and told he can never again…”

  When he could not finish, she touched his hair and kissed his cheek. “It will be all right Black Hawk. I will help you and your people through this terrible time, and you will discover you do not need to lose all that is precious to you. I love you so, just the way you are.”

  “I do not want you to be hurt,” he groaned.

  “No one can go through life without being hurt, Black Hawk. I am not afraid.”

  He lay down beside her, wrapping strong arms around her. “I just want to hold you for a while before I am inside you again. I want to think about what it will be like being able to sleep with you every night, to hold and protect you.”

  She kissed his chest, feeling safe and loved, imagining what it must have been like in the days of total freedom for a Sioux woman to lie in her warrior’s arms and know she was protected from enemy tribes, from wild animals… from soldiers. Jubal Desmond was the epitome of the kind of men who had brought so much misery to Black Hawk’s people. Suddenly she had a keener understanding of the emotional pain Black Hawk and others like him suffered. It was the reason so many of the Indians turned to whiskey.

  “Sometimes it all makes me feel so weary,” Black Hawk told her, as though to read her thoughts.

  Evelyn did not know how to reply. There were no words she could offer that would comfort the one deepest agony she could not fully share with him, for she had never suffered what he had suffered. She could only be there for him, love him totally… and she was determined to do that, no matter what people like Reverend Phillips or Jubal Desmond thought of it. She would stand against the world, if need be, for she loved this man more than life itself.

  Twenty-two

  Seth stood watching out the window. She should be comin’ along anytime now, he thought. He drank down some whiskey and turned toward the parlor entrance to holler for Katy, who was helping Lucille make breakfast. “Get in here quick!” he ordered.

  Moments later Katy appeared, standing hesitantly on the other side of the room. “What do you want, Seth?”

  “Come on over here by the window.”

  Katy swallowed, never sure of Seth’s mood. “Why?” She watched Seth’s eyes narrow with instant anger, and she thought how extra ugly he was in the mornings, unshaven, his clothes wrinkled from sleeping in them, his eyes still full of grit. He used whiskey to wash out his mouth, and she could hardly stand to be close to him when he spoke. His thinning gray hair stuck out every which way. The only thing to be glad about this morning was that last night he had drunk so much he had fallen asleep in his big chair, and neither she nor Lucille had been disturbed all night.

  “Because I said to, that’s why!” he barked. “I ain’t gonna hurt you. Just come over here!”

  Katy approached slowly, and when she got close enough, Seth reached out and grabbed her arm, yanking her in front of the window beside him. “When I give you an order, girl, don’t lollygag around!”

  Katy winced with pain when he gave her arm an extra pinch. She looked out the window, folding her arms protectively in front of her. “What do you want, Seth?”

  “You ever notice that pretty Indian girl that rides by here just about the same time every day?”

  Katy shrugged. “A couple of times. Me and Lucy are usually doing chores in the mornings. We don’t have time to notice people going by.”

  “Well, take the time! She’s just about your age, and she rides a red horse with black tail and mane.” He licked his lips. “Straddles that horse just like a man, even though she’s only wearin’ a tunic and blanket. Her name is Many Birds.”

  Katy frowned. “How do you know all that?”

  “Because I make it a point to know what I need to know, and because I’ve been watchin’ her, every mornin’. I want you to make friends with her.”

  Katy frowned in surprise. “Why should I do that? She’s an Indian girl. You always tell us to stay away from the Indians.”

  “You ask too goddamn many questions for your own good! Now shut your smart mouth and do like I say!”

  Katy looked up at him. “You going to hurt her?”

  Seth took another drink of whiskey. “Hell, no. Do you think I’d risk her relatives comin’ after me? Hell, her own brother is that damn Black Hawk. I just want you to make friends so’s to show that Black Hawk I ain’t got nothin’ against his people,” he lied, knowing Katy always needed a good reason for things. She was harder to control than Lucy. “If we’re gonna stay on here, we gotta get along with the Sioux, maybe start tradin’ with them.”

  Katy pouted. “You said before that you hated Black Hawk. You said you’d like to kill him.”

  Seth controlled an urge to slap her. “A man can change his mind, can’t he? Best way to get Black Hawk to quit makin’ trouble for me is to convince him I ain’t as bad as he thinks. You make friends with his sister, and it might help. She’ll be comin’ along anytime now, on her way to school. You go out and pretend you’re doin’ something in the yard, make her acquaintance.”

  Katy watched out the window. “What if she doesn’t speak English?”

  Seth’s irritation at her questions made him grip the whiskey bottle tighter. “She’s Black Hawk’s sister. Of course she speaks English! He most likely made sure of that as she was growin’ up. He thinks it’s important his people know our language. Besides, you bein’ about the same age, you ought to be able to communicate somehow even if you don’t speak the same words.” He saw someone coming then. “There! That’s her! Go on out there now and look busy.”

  Katy scowled. “I don’t want to, Seth. I don’t know her.”

  He grasped hold of her hair, pulling it painfully and forcing her head back. “Then get to know her, girl!” He released her, giving her a shove. “You do like I say, or it’s Lucy who’ll suffer for it! You want that?”

  Katy glared at him, wanting to shout back at him but knowing better. She refused to let the tears come. “No,” she said quietly.

  “Then do like I say and go on out there before she gets too close. Just take your time. Just say hello or somethin’. Hell, wouldn’t you like to have a friend? You girls are always beefin’ about wantin’ to go to school and meet other kids your age. Go on out there now. You might find out you really like each other.”

  Katy glanced at the hallway, where Lucille stood quietly watching both of them. She met her sister’s gaze, and they shared the same thought. What was Seth up to now?

  “Get goin’, or I’ll take a strap to Lucy!” Seth roared.

  Katy turned and ran, grabbing her flimsy, worn wool coat before going out. Seth looked at Lucille. “What are you lookin’ at? Get back in there and finish my breakfast!”

  “What are you aiming to do, Seth? You better not hurt that Indian girl, or you’ll make big trouble.”

  “I ain’t gonna hurt nobody, and you keep your nose out of it. What’s wrong with your sister makin’ a friend?”

  Lucille gave him a knowing look but said nothing. When she returned to the kitchen, Seth watched out the window as Many Birds rode closer. She was just about the prettiest thing he’d ever seen, except for the schoolteacher. In his estimation, he figured it shouldn’t be too hard getting her into his bed eventually. All he had to do was coax her inside, get her to drink some whiskey. All Indians liked whiskey. They got hooked on it real fast, and once they were drunk, a man could talk them into just about anything.

  “You’ll never feel it, sweet thing,” he muttered.

 
; As the Indian girl came even closer, Seth watched Katy walk to the gate, say something to her. Many Birds halted her horse, said something in return. She smiled. What a pretty smile!

  “Damn cold weather,” he mumbled, upset that the late-October mornings compelled Many Birds to wear winter leggings that covered her pretty legs. “That’s it, girl,” he said to himself then, referring to Katy’s attempt at friendship. “Slow and easy.” He’d have to take his time on this, make sure he had the girl’s full trust, let her and Katy become good friends so that eventually she came inside the house with Katy. Even then he would be cordial, show his good side, let the girl come to trust him. The only way this would work was if she was known to visit several times, willingly. Once she came into the house a few times, no white man was going to believe he’d forced that pretty Indian girl when she was known to frequent his premises of her own free will. Once it was done, she would probably never say anything anyway. She’d be too ashamed to tell her people what had happened, with a white man, no less.

  He licked his lips and took another swallow of whiskey, then turned to see Lucille was watching him again. God, he hated that knowing look in her eyes! If she gave him trouble over this, he would have to knock that cocky look right off her face!

  “Breakfast is ready,” she told him sullenly. “You’d better call Katy and let that Indian girl go on to school.”

  She turned and walked back into the kitchen, and Seth set his bottle aside and walked to the door. Yes, a hello was enough for starters. He opened the door and called to Katy to come and eat, then smiled and waved at Many Birds. The lovely young girl waved in return. She still sat on her horse, unaware of how the sight of her made Seth’s mouth water. She rode on then, heading south toward the school. Katy came inside, and Seth patted her shoulder. “You did good, Katy-girl.”

  She shook off his hand. “She’s nice, Seth. Leave her be.”

  “I’ve got no bad intentions for her. I’ve just decided you and Lucy might as well have a friend. Makes me look better. I don’t want them soldiers comin’ around again, and I want Black Hawk to see me and my girls can be right cordial. You gonna go out and talk to her when she rides back from school?”