The Diary of Professor Gilbert Rasher

by Kalifer Deil

you each have $500 to spend.”

  Tristan: “Where are we going to stay?”

  “Here is a key and the address. It‘s here on campus a short walk from here.”

  Tristan: “Mind if we go there first. We should be back in an hour or so.”

  “I understand. If you need any of us, you know how to reach us.”

  Tristan: “I do have mixed feeling about having a cell phone in my head. I know; I can turn it off.”

  “We debated that one but decided it was too convenient to leave out.”

  Tristan taking Isolde in his arm, “See you in a while.”

  As they walked out the door Gordon remarked, “I'll bet it will be longer than an hour.”

  I countered, “I don't think we will see them until tomorrow.”

  Abe added, “They have all the latest technology. They have twice the strength of a typical human their size and they should last a hundred years without significant repair. Although they have about a quarter of the sensors of a human, they are in some respects better. Their sense of smell doesn't get clogged like the human sense of smell which may be a problem if you are stuck in a smelly environment for an extended period. They will also be able to smell a large variety of chemical smells that humans are not aware of such as distinct human scents, explosives and a variety of dangerous compounds.”

  “You've created bloodhounds?”

  Abe: “Not quite, bloodhounds still are king in the smell department. We are gradually getting there. Maybe in another twenty years.”

  “Won't this be a problem for androids to smell all these things? Food is handled by people so you are going to have people smells in your food.”

  Abe: “Actually, they probably won't smell people smells in the food because the smell of the food handling gloves will probably overpower people smells. Previous tests indicate that the smell of latex will probably be a much bigger problem. Anyway, they can selectively turn off smell sensors that they feel are a problem.”

  “Do they know that?”

  Abe: “I didn't tell them directly but there’s a file in their instruction kit with those details. It explains all their sensory discretionary wiring and sensitivity controls. They brought their kits with them so I'm sure Isolde will look if Tristan doesn't.”

  “That reminds me, their parents will be here again tomorrow. We finished a day early so I hope they don't wear their bodies out before then.”

  Abe: “I wouldn't worry. Their bodies are bulletproof, at least for pistols, although I suppose a high-powered rifle could do some damage. The point is, the ordinary bumps and falls that humans ordinarily encounter are unlikely to do much harm, perhaps only some cosmetic harm that can be easily fixed in a minute or two.”

  “In the virtual environment we didn't do body hair and didn't do hair on the head with great fidelity.”

  Abe: “Neither wanted any body hair and Tristan didn't want facial hair. It made our job a little simpler.”

  “I was thinking about the seams between the subassemblies. In the past they were very visible unless covered with a fine mat of blond body hair.”

  Abe: “That's all history now. The seams are hardly visible and a small cosmetic application makes them entirely invisible. If you saw them nude you would say, even on close inspection, they were fine human specimens, if anything, too perfect.”

  “They will be here for only another week then will be taking off for the Scripps Institute in La Jolla, California where he was formerly employed. Scripps, very open-mindedly, left his job open for his return. They even agreed to change his name to Tristan. He was there for only six months before the accident so he must have mesmerized them through the Web.”

  Abe: “What about Isolde; who did she work for?”

  “I think she was still looking while working through a temp agency. A BA in language studies does not open the door to vast employment opportunities.”

  Abe: “I'm going to write a letter of recommendation for her to a researcher I know at Scripps. It should land her a mechanical engineering job there.”

  “That's a generous thought. I would do the same but I don't know anyone there. However, I will write a letter of recommendation she can attach to her resume. I can't think of a better environment than Scripps for them.”

  Abe: “I can, here at CMU.”

  “Tristan is a molecular biologist. Scripps is an ideal place for him. The weather is also one hell of a lot better in La Jolla than in Pittsburgh. Where would you want to be if CMU had a La Jolla campus?”

  Abe: “It’s a purely selfish thought. I wanted to keep Isolde here. She is learning so fast that I'm sure she would be making major contributions to the department in a week. Maybe in days.”

  “And she's pretty too.”

  Abe: “If she were pretty but didn't have the talent you know I wouldn't be saying this.”

  “I know, maybe you can get her to stay for an extra week or two.”

  Abe: “I cannot make such a request.”

  “Maybe I can. When will the new slicer be ready?”

  Abe: “Maybe a month.”

  “And with Isolde's help?”

  Abe: “That could shave a week or more.”

  “I may need that week or more.”

  Abe: “I understand.”

  Extended Stay

  5.11.2126

  At 9:30 AM the parents arrived and although I contacted Tristan and Isolde at 8:00 AM they haven't arrived yet.

  “I have a hunch they didn't get much sleep in their first night together in their new bodies.”

  Joe Tarrington: “I remember.”

  Joan Tarrington: “Sleep doesn't get sacrificed for love at our age.”

  Mrs. Schumer: “I don't know about that, We've sacrificed it a few times not that long ago.”

  Mr. Schumer: “Where was I?”

  Mrs. Schumer: “Bill is such a joker.”

  “Here come the kids.” I thought just in time. I was sure the conversation was going from awkward to strange.

  They came in arm in arm, all smiles. “We had breakfast at the faculty club using your passes. It took a while but it was wonderful after adjusting our taste and smell receptors,” Tristan remarked. “The smell of latex was overpowering but Isolde read the instructions and we turned that one off and everything was fine.”

  Mrs. Schumer: “Sherral, are you really going to change to that name?”

  Isolde: “I've been reborn, that deserves a new name but you can still call me Sherral and I’ll understand.”

  Mrs. Schumer: “Thank God. When I say your new name it reminds me of an Italian auctioneer that I used to see on cable who would say at the end of a sale 'is-sold-da!'”

  Isolde: “I remember him! His name was Marconi and I called him Mr. Macaroni. He was a little short guy with a big hat. I loved him. He would gesture wildly and talk so fast that I don't see how anyone could follow him. When he would say 'is-sold-da' it seemed as though he was looking straight at me so when I was little I thought he was talking directly to me.”

  Mr. Schumer: “Well, that explains a lot.”

  Joe Tarrington: “It doesn't explain Tristan.”

  Tristan: “Actually, it has a secret meaning.”

  Joe laughed, “And what might that be, you're bedroom trysts while you were in high school?”

  Tristan: “You knew about those? I thought I covered those moves pretty well.”

  Joe: “I pretended not to notice the rubbers missing from my sock drawer and the faint perfume smell in your room.”

  Joan Tarrington: “What are you two talking about?”

  Isolde: “I don't think I know about this either.”

  Tristan: “I was a very horny teen and there were two girls in the neighborhood that had the same interest in sex. There's a big advantage being a latch-key kid. There’re two hours in which you can do anything you want without parental intervention. I regarded it as an important part of my education.”

  Joan: “Joe, why didn't you tell me?”

&
nbsp; Joe: “I knew you would have a fit and I saw no harm while he was using protection.”

  Joan: “It's immoral!”

  Joe: “So is gossiping and you do plenty of that.”

  Joan turned red, tears welled up in her eyes, and her lower jaw started to vibrate. “You've never said anything before.”

  Joe: “It’s not my place to say what is moral and what is immoral. I'm not a beacon of morality myself. What society says is moral and immoral changes with time. Law is so complicated that all of us are sometimes breaking the law. The same is true of our moral code which is as variable as people are different.”

  I decided to turn the discussion in another direction. “What's past is past. I would like to talk about the future. Tristan and Isolde, you were planning to go to La Jolla in one week. Abe and I would like a couple more weeks of your time if possible.”

  Isolde looked at Tristan to answer.

  Tristan: “What can we do?”

  “Abe needs Isolde's help to get the new positioner and slicer built in time. I noticed that you have some computer programming experience combined with a cell biology background. I would like you to help Chuck Kilmer and his feature recognition program and learn how to help Gordon adjust and run all the equipment. I don't have much time left. I need to remember everything I can when I make the transition to become an android.”

  Joe: “I'm very interested in your success so I offer a $250,000 present to the birthday couple to accept.”

  Tristan: “I don't want to lose my job at Scripps.”

  “It's better than that. Not only will you have a job at Scripps so will Isolde.”

  Isolde: “Really?”

  “Yes, you have a job waiting for you as a mechanical engineer working for Dr. Tim Stevens.”

  Tears started