His Christmas Bride

by Lara Van Hulzen

  Stay numb. Don’t feel. That was her twin’s mantra in life.

  And it broke her heart.

  It broke their father’s heart.

  “We’d love to have you stay through the holiday.”

  He finished chewing what was in his mouth and took a swig of water. “I’m not here to stay. Gotta get back to Bozeman for work.”

  He had yet to be specific about where he was working, but Erin didn’t push.

  “Are you going to visit Dad?”

  “That depends on you.”

  “Me?” Erin put a hand to her chest.

  This was her twin brother. Her sense that he was up to something was never wrong.

  “Yep. It’s all in your answer.”

  Definitely up to something.

  “What am I answering, Eric?”

  “Rumor has it, the Tanner family is about to come into some money.” He wadded up his napkin and tossed it only his now empty plate. “Seeing as how I’m a Tanner as well, I figure I’m due for some of that.”

  Erin’s heart pounded in her chest. “Eric. There’s no extra money coming our way, believe me.”

  He eyed the papers she’d been looking at while eating her lunch. “If that’s true, then you won’t mind me taking a look at those now, would ya?”

  He reached in front of her but she was faster. She slipped the papers into the folder she’d brought them in and tucked it into her bag.

  Eric’s eyes blazed with anger. “If you’ve got nothing to hide then why be so quick to put those away, huh, sis?”

  “Lower your voice.” Erin darted a quick look around. People were starting to take note of their conversation, her brother having raised his voice a notch.

  “Why? From the way I hear it, that St. Claire wedding’s gonna be the event of the season!” He held up his glass as if to toast the room.

  Most of the diner was looking their way now. Erin pulled on his arm to get him to set down his glass. “Be quiet, Eric. That’s enough.”

  “Oh, I hear we’re getting more than enough from the moneybags on the hill. And I want my piece of it.” He winked, but there was nothing kind about his demeanor or the look he gave her.

  “You okay?”

  Erin sat up straight at the sound of Lucas’s voice behind her. Dear Lord, if only the earth could open up and swallow her whole. He had to have heard what her brother said. No stranger to her brother embarrassing her, she could handle him. But having Lucas aware of just how bad things were in the Tanner family? That she wasn’t ready for, certainly not in front of half the town.

  “I’m fine, Lucas.” She turned enough to see him out of her peripheral vision.

  “Well, if it isn’t the handsome groom himself!” Eric raised his glass again in Lucas’s direction. “’Course, this is just water. We need a real drink for a real toast.” He turned toward the waitress who stood staring like everyone else inside the diner. “You got any whiskey, honey? We need to toast the groom!”

  He tried to spin back around and almost fell off the stool. Lucas moved fast and caught him before he hit the ground. “Let’s take a walk, Eric.”

  Lucas had at least twenty pounds on Erin’s brother, and all of it was muscle. He took Eric by the arm and led him outside. Erin scrambled for her wallet to pay, but the waitress put a hand on her arm and told her Lucas had already paid her bill.

  When in the world had he done that?

  Erin nodded and thanked the woman as she set her purse strap on her shoulder and ran out of the diner, careful to avoid the looks of those she passed along the way.

  Lucas had led Eric down the sidewalk from the diner.

  Her brother pulled away from Lucas’s grasp. “Get your hands off me!”

  “You need to go somewhere and sober up, Eric.” Lucas stood between Erin and her brother with his arms across his chest.

  “Don’t tell me what to do.”

  “Lucas. It’s fine.” Erin came up beside him and put a hand on his arm. He kept his eyes glued to her brother, not turning to look at her.

  “Where are you staying, Eric? I’ll drive you there,” Lucas offered.

  “The hell you will.” Eric took a step toward Erin, but Lucas moved in front of her.

  “What is this? You my sister’s bodyguard or something now?” The look on his face went from anger to mocking. “Oh… I see. You two got a little something going on, is that it?”

  “Shut up, Eric.” Erin’s face burned, anger rising in her as well, along with embarrassment.

  “Your sister’s my friend.”

  “Whatever.” Eric took a step back and stumbled. He righted himself and swore.

  “Eric. Let me take you home.”

  He laughed. “Home. That’s a funny thing to call it.”

  Erin swallowed tears and avoided eye contact with Lucas. He still stood with part of his body in front of her, holding his ground.

  “Don’t worry your pretty little head, sis. I’m staying with a buddy. And I can walk my damn self there… alone.” With that, he turned and walked away.

  Lucas didn’t budge until Eric turned a corner and was out of sight. He faced Erin and put her face in his hands. Lord help her, she didn’t want to look at him, but he tilted her head until her eyes met his. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes. He’s my brother, Lucas. He would never hurt me.”

  “You can’t be sure about that when he’s drunk, Erin.”

  “He’s my twin. I know him better than anyone.” A wave of shame over all that had just occurred washed over her.

  Not only had Lucas heard all that her brother had said, enough of Marietta was in the diner to guarantee the rumor mill was already spinning its wheels.

  She pulled away from Lucas and headed for her truck. While her walk to the diner had been pleasant, filled with thoughts of a merry Christmas despite her feelings for Lucas, now all she wanted was to race to the truck and get home as fast as possible. Away from town and away from Lucas.

  “Erin, wait!” Lucas followed after her, catching up in a few strides, his legs much longer than hers.

  “I’m fine, Lucas. Eric left. He won’t bother me. Even if he does, he’ll come to the house and dad is there.”

  “Erin, stop.” He put a hand on her arm.

  “What is it, Lucas?” She stopped and faced him.

  “Why didn’t you tell me things were so bad?”

  In that moment, all of the years he’d been gone, all the times she’d wanted his shoulder to lean on and it was nowhere to be found flashed before her eyes. And it made her mad.

  “And why would I do that, Lucas? We were friends as kids. Great. Fine. But you left and didn’t look back.”

  He looked at the ground, her words sinking in as her courage grew.

  “You moved on. Did you really expect me to chase after you some lovesick puppy? You have enough of that in your life from what any internet search will tell you.”

  His eyes met hers again. “None of that has anything to do with what my life is really like, Erin.”

  “Fine. If you say so. I don’t know anything about your life. And you don’t know anything about mine.” She started to walk again but his hand stopped her once more. “What do you want from me, Lucas? You want me to tell you that it’s been really tough? That life hasn’t been a picnic with my dad in a wheelchair and my brother an alcoholic and our ranch about to go under?” She spread her arms out wide. “There you have it. My family’s whole truth spilled out for you. My brother just shared it with the town, why shouldn’t I join in the fun?”

  Lucas took a step toward her, but she put up a hand to stop him. “No. If you give me even an ounce of pity, I swear I’ll hit you.”

  He went to say something, but she stopped him with her hand again. “And if you say you want to help, I’ll never speak to you again. I didn’t tell you, because I know you. You’ll want to swoop in and save the day.”

  “Is that so bad?”

  “It is for me.”

  “Why?”
>
  She looked up at him. “Because I don’t want your money and what I want, I can’t have. The sooner I accept that, the better.”

  Spinning on her heel, she headed for her truck wiping tears from her eyes as pieces of her heart chipped away and fell to the ground.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lucas scratched his chin with one hand as he pulled into a parking spot in front of the Graff Hotel. His family still gave him grief for Vanessa not staying at the house, her reason being she wanted to keep things traditional before the wedding. At first, he’d chalked it up to her being independent, but now it irked him, too. Why didn’t she want to be with him leading up to the wedding? She’d been there to decorate the tree and for family dinners, but otherwise spent her time with Cynthia planning the wedding, or working from her hotel room.

  McKenna had given him a hard time about it that morning. They were going to Tanner Ranch to ride horses and while Lucas picked up Vanessa, McKenna was going to meet them there with Annalise. Vanessa had said it would make things easier to have her at the hotel, but it really only put space between them. Between her and his family.

  And his feelings for Erin made his life beyond complicated. Both women played tug-of-war with his emotions. Erin had been clear about not wanting his help. Maybe she didn’t have feelings for him either. Maybe she didn’t want anything from him.

  He looked up to see Vanessa coming out of the hotel. She was dressed the way he’d suggested in jeans and boots with a top she wouldn’t mind getting dirty, but she still looked like she was ready to have her picture taken, like always. The night they’d met, she’d admitted to how tough it was to always have to be “on,” but he had yet to see her shut that off. Sure, in New York it made sense, but in Marietta with no press around, he had yet to see a different side to her. When they were in private she’d let her hair down, so to speak, but he was beginning to question how well he truly knew Vanessa.

  When he’d told her they were going riding, he thought for sure she’d decline to join them. She’d made it clear of what she thought of horses, of animals in general. But she’d said something about checking on things for the wedding as well and he didn’t see any reason to argue the point with her.

  Besides, a part of him appreciated her trying. This was far from the world she was used to and yet she had agreed to have their wedding the way he wanted, for the most part. And despite the not staying at his family’s house scenario, she was making an effort.

  It had been days since he’d seen Erin and her brother at the diner. Days since she’d told him what she wanted, then walked away. He’d turned things over and over again in his mind since then. Erin was right. Why should she spill everything about her life to him when he’d made no effort at all to connect with her since high school? Their worlds were different. He’d chosen one way, she another. Who was he to force his way back into her life?

  As much as he wanted to help Erin and her family, he needed to focus on Vanessa. He wanted to. His head kept telling him that, but his heart said otherwise.

  He came around the truck and opened the passenger side door for Vanessa. She reached up and kissed his cheek before climbing in. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning. You look great.”

  She smiled at him as he closed the door. He settled into the driver’s side and pulled away from the hotel.

  “I’m glad you decided to ride with us today.”

  “Are you?”

  Her question made him turn her way. “Of course. Why would you think otherwise?”

  She shrugged then looked down at her hands folded in her lap. “You’ve been a bit distant lately.”

  “I’m not the one staying in a hotel.” He tried to keep his frustration at bay, but it was needling him.

  “That’s not fair, Lucas. I’ve explained. I can focus on the wedding and work better that way, and it’s more romantic to be apart before, don’t you think?” She took his hand and intertwined their fingers.

  He didn’t think it romantic at all, but he let it go.

  “And things are going so well!” She dropped his hand and reached in her bag for her notebook. She flipped it open and ran a finger down a page. “Cynthia really is fantastic. We’ve got almost everything. We’re flying in the roses from my favorite florist in New York, my final fitting is in a few days, and I’m booking the entire hotel for friends, family, and the press.”

  Lucas’s stomach turned. “What happened to a quiet, country wedding?”

  “It is a country wedding, just like you wanted.”

  “It doesn’t sound quiet to me.”

  She put a hand on his arm. “I told you, Lucas. This is good for us. Good for our families. We’ve talked about this. It’s good for business.”

  Business was a huge chunk of his life already. Lucas wanted something that was his. Was it too much to ask that his own damn wedding be private or did the world have to share that with him, too?

  Erin’s comment about what she’d seen of his life on the internet came to mind. Did she really believe his life was all parties and women following him around? He shook his head. Why wouldn’t she? That was the image portrayed. The one he was working to change by getting married. But was he being just as concerned in his real life about image as he was in public? He looked at Vanessa then back at the road. She had her head buried in her notebook.

  When they’d met, he’d fallen for her assertiveness. Her confidence. Feeling as if he wanted to settle down, she had all the right criteria he’d created in his mind. A solid family so she wasn’t marrying his money, a strong work ethic, similar interests. Those were all good things. Weren’t they?

  They were less than two weeks away from the wedding and he was having more doubts than ever before. Backing out now would only validate his reputation for not thinking things through. But would going through with it be the worst mistake of his life?

  He turned the truck into the drive of Tanner Ranch. McKenna had gotten there before them, she and Annalise in front of the house talking to Erin. Annalise was bouncing up and down. Erin and McKenna were laughing about something.

  A smile lit up Erin’s face.

  As he parked the truck, the truth hit him like a two-by-four across the head.

  The worst mistake of his life had been walking away from Erin Tanner.

  *

  Erin saw Lucas’s truck pull in out of the corner of her eye. She’d been catching up with McKenna when Lucas and Vanessa arrived.

  After the scene in the diner the other day, she’d come home thinking she’d cry a bucket of tears over Lucas, yet again. But instead, she’d found that being straight with him had given her some closure. Some confidence.

  And a hard dose of reality. He was getting married. She was living life as best she could. The past was gone, as was her dream of him ever being a part of her life.

  “You sure you’re good with all of this?” McKenna waved her hand toward Lucas who was opening Vanessa’s door for her.

  Erin knew McKenna wasn’t just asking about horseback riding. Although she’d never flat out told McKenna her feelings for Lucas, his sister had been around them enough to figure it out.

  “Yes. I’m good.” Erin put her hands in her back pockets and smiled as Lucas and Vanessa approached them.

  Erin’s dad came out of the house at the same time.

  “Uncle Lucas! Aunt Nessa!” Annalise ran and vaulted herself into Lucas’s arms.

  At the sound of Annalise calling Vanessa her aunt, some of Erin’s confidence fluttered away. “I’m gonna go check and make sure the horses are ready.” Avoiding eye contact with anyone, she turned and headed for the stables.

  The horses were ready. She’d prepped them herself. But the family scene was one she intended to have as little to do with as possible. She could hear her dad’s voice as he chatted with them.

  With reins in each hand, she led the horses to the large corral just beyond the stables. It was the perfect place for Annalise to ride on Hemingway. Her dad
and the others made their way over.

  Erin focused on Annalise. After Lucas lifted her up onto the horse, Erin got her settled in the saddle and handed her the reins.

  “You’ve done this before. Do you remember everything I told you then?”

  Annalise nodded. “Yes. You said to be my cawmmest and hold the horn.”

  Erin stifled a laugh. “That’s right. Be calm and hang on to the saddle horn. Hemingway knows to walk around the ring and I’ll be right here if you need me.”

  “Okay.”

  She could tell the child was trying to tamp down her excitement so she could be her “calmest,” but as Hemingway ambled along the outer part of the corral, Annalise’s body bobbed with the sway of the horse, the smile on her face a mile wide.

  Erin climbed up and sat on the top of the fence. McKenna stood nearby outside of the corral, Lucas and Vanessa next to her.

  Her dad watched from her other side, grinning as Annalise shouted, “I’m a cowgirl!”

  “Just like you were you were that age, Girl Child.”

  Erin smiled down at her dad then watched Annalise once more. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Lucas and Vanessa. He stood with one foot up on the first rail of the fence. Vanessa had her arms resting on the top of the fence, her eyes following the horse around the arena. No stiletto heels this time. It was the most relaxed Erin had ever seen her.

  Lucas, however, was tense. He’d thanked Erin when he’d helped get Annalise on top of Hemingway, but was quiet otherwise. He wasn’t himself. Something was bothering him.

  Erin took in a deep breath and let it out. Whatever was bothering Lucas wasn’t her concern. Getting past this wedding and moving on with her life was her main focus now. No more looking back. No more wishing for what could never be.

  Once Annalise was done, the adults took a turn. McKenna rode Hemingway while Lucas rode Eight. Even Vanessa rode Hemingway, wandering the meadow with Lucas by her side.

  They came back to the entrance of the corral where Erin and McKenna stood watching. Annalise was inside the house with Erin’s dad having milk and cookies.