Jake gave me a smile, but still seemed hesitant. “I just want to make sure that you’re ready . . .” His voice trailed off with uncertainty.
“I am ready, Jake. I’m more than ready. I’m eighteen years old! And you are not just some random guy I’m dating. I’m in love with you!”
“And I’m in love with you,” he answered firmly.
“Then what’s the problem?” I asked, not caring if I sounded like a child.
“It’s just a big decision, that’s all. And I don’t want you to regret it.”
“I’m not going to regret it,” I insisted, grasping his face between my hands and looking him square in the eye. “I’m only going to regret it if I don’t do it. Once you leave for Texas—who knows when we’ll see each other again. If ever . . .” I fought a shiver that threatened to take over my body. I didn’t want to think about him leaving.
My words seemed to resonate with him. His face relaxed and he released a long, drawn-out sigh. Finally, his lips met mine for a slow kiss. I smiled against his mouth as I waited for his next move.
“What’s so funny?” he asked, returning my smirk.
“I’m just excited,” I announced bravely.
“Addison.” He laughed lightly. “What am I going to do with you?”
I raised my eyebrows and laced my fingers through his. “I can think of something.”
Jake led me into his bedroom and closed the door behind us.
* * *
“You’re so beautiful,” Jake murmured, his blue eyes blazing with lust. His fingers worked their way down along the curve of my stomach. Sharp tingles shot throughout my body and spread to my core in electrifying waves. How was it possible to feel scared and exhilarated all at once?
I tried not to let my eyes linger, but I had never seen a naked man in real life before. I’d seen a picture once in a magazine when I was thirteen that Ruby had found from God knows where. I remember we sat there laughing at it for what felt like hours.
I was not laughing now . . .
As we lay in his bed, Jake began to move the soft pad of his thumb in slow circles below my belly button, causing the tingles dancing through my body to intensify. Every part of me was responding to his touch in ways I was completely unfamiliar with. I forced myself to take a deep breath, but it did nothing to calm my nerves.
His experienced hand moved up my body with a slow, languid pace until it reached the swell of my naked breast. When his fingers brushed the sensitive bud, I felt a rush of sensations in lower regions, sensations that were very new to me. I tried desperately to pretend I was the kind of girl who knew exactly what to do in situations like this, but failed miserably when I cried out as Jake lowered his head, closing his mouth around the tender pink tip.
“I love you,” he said quietly, and his tongue continued to torture me. But I couldn’t respond. I let my hands flutter to his hair and tried not to embarrass myself.
After a long moment, Jake let his lips scorch a path upward until they brushed against my ear. “Addison,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “Are you sure you want to do this? We can stop if you want to.”
His words sent shivers up my spine. I wanted nothing more than to surrender to the feelings that were stirring inside me. No way was I turning back now. I moved my head to look at him and our eyes locked. “I’m positive,” I promised.
Jake’s eyes centered in on my lips and he moved his arms around my waist, closing what little distance there was between us. His breath was warm as his mouth pressed against mine, slowly taking its time.
Every inch of my body awoke and all I could do was think about how much I wanted him, how much I needed him. With his gentle kiss, an agonizing warmth spread across my chest and trailed down my body.
Jake released me slightly and reached into the wallet on top of his dresser, removing a small, square package. He brought it closer, releasing the condom that was nestled inside. I tried to quiet my breathing. After he slipped it over his length he moved on top of me, his mouth once again finding mine.
My breaths were ragged as I kissed him back, wondering if my inexperience would ruin the moment. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint him. But the low growl he let escape confirmed Jake was enjoying himself just as much as I was.
Moving his lips along my jaw, Jake traced a fiery path down my neck, and when his mouth found mine again it was more urgent than before. He slipped his tongue inside, exploring every inch. I clung to him tightly as he moved on top of me and I could feel his arousal pressing against my middle. I sucked in my breath, knowing what would come next.
Was I really going to go through with this? You bet I was.
Fire raced through my veins as Jake gently pushed into me. He moved in deeper, then slightly pulled away, raising himself onto his elbow. Jake lifted his hand and caressed wavy strands of hair from my cheek, then carefully brought his fingers beneath my chin, tilting my face up to meet his. Sapphire eyes bored into mine and his expression was so gentle and sweet I could feel my own eyes fill with moisture.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, his eyes never once leaving me.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
Jake captured my lips in a heated kiss as he settled back between my legs. His hand brushed the swell of my breast as it made its way around to the back of my thigh, raising it slightly allowing him to move in deeper. Our hips rocked together, back and forth, finding a comfortable rhythm. I marveled at the shock of pleasure and pain I felt. I’d never really given much thought to how it would feel to actually make love. And that’s what it was. Love.
I let my hands slide up his smooth, tanned skin that stretched over rock-hard muscles, until my fingers tangled into his tousled hair. Electrifying sensations raced through my body, building in intensity toward the center of my core. Jake’s hand was on the move again, making its way up my midsection until it finally found my hand. When our fingers entwined, the connection I felt with him in that moment became so powerful, so real, I had to remind myself to breathe.
Jake’s gaze caught mine and he held it tightly. I was unable to look away. My pulse raced as heat began to build deep inside my stomach. Jake clung to his rhythm and his fingers grasped mine tighter, his breathing becoming quicker, more jagged.
Suddenly, a glorious warmth exploded in my center and rushed through every limb in my body, causing me to cry out at the exact same moment as Jake. We lay together, tangled in each other’s arms, as our breathing began to slow.
Jake had been so gentle, so careful with me, and somehow I found myself loving him even more.
Chapter Sixteen
The next morning I lay in my bed, reminiscing over the previous evening’s activities. I couldn’t help but alternate between a giggle and a blush when I thought of how sweet and gentle Jake had been. It was everything a first time should be, and the butterflies in my stomach were working overtime as I mulled over every last detail.
When I trudged down the stairs for breakfast, I wondered if my parents would be able to tell that my whole life had changed; that I was no longer the little girl they undoubtedly perceived me to be.
But they carried on as if nothing had happened—much to my relief.
“Are you going to the festival today?” my dad asked over his morning cup of coffee.
“I am. Ruby is coming to pick me up soon.”
“Does she have many royal responsibilities today?” Mom questioned with a laugh in her voice.
I smiled and rolled my eyes. Ruby’s imperial position had brought about several new jokes in my house. My parents loved her dearly, but couldn’t resist getting in a good jab every now and then.
“She has some free time until this afternoon,” I explained. “We don’t want to miss our annual pig-out session at the shortcake stand.” Ruby and I had always made it a point to devour as many pieces of strawberry shortcake as we could before the nausea kicked in, forcing us to swear off pastries forever. Or at least for a few hours.
/> “Will you be seeing Jake later?” my mom asked, a tiny smirk playing upon her lips.
The familiar feeling of warmth spread across my face as I forced myself not to throw up. “Yes, I’m going to meet up with him later.”
“You two sure have been seeing a lot of each other lately,” my dad observed, opening the morning paper. I suspected his intent was to sound casual, but thick curiosity laced his voice.
“I suppose.” I shrugged. Maybe they could tell what I had been up to after all? That wasn’t possible, was it? I wanted to die.
“What time is it anyway?” I asked, holding out my wrist to look at a watch that was not there. “I better hop in the shower—Ruby will be here soon!” And I raced off, relieved to be away from their parental scrutiny.
“You didn’t even eat!” I heard my mom call after me.
“I’m not hungry,” I answered. Shutting the bathroom door behind me, I ignored the pains of starvation as I turned on the shower and attempted to drown out my anxiety.
* * *
I heard Ruby honk about an hour later and ran down the stairs, hoping to avoid my parents. Thankfully, they were nowhere in sight.
“I’m leaving,” I called over my shoulder and shut the door behind me.
This would be the true test. If anyone would notice that something had changed with me, it was Ruby.
“Hey, girl!” she chirped, as I slid into her convertible. “You ready to binge on strawberry shortcake?”
“You know it,” I said, smiling back and buckling my seat belt. Ruby acted completely natural, as if she had no idea that my world had been knocked off its axis—in the best possible way.
“So how did the rest of yesterday go?” I asked. “I take it you made it through your many obligations okay?”
“Ugh—barely! I was up to my knees in pig poop and chicken feed!” she exclaimed dramatically. “I swear, I have taken two showers since then and I can still smell their animal stench on me!”
“What’s on your agenda today?” I asked, laughing at her drama-infused tale.
“I get to host the pie-eating contest!” she announced with a smile. “It should be more fun than passing out a bunch of 4-H ribbons, anyway. Plus, Tommy entered it,” she swooned. Things were starting to heat up between Ruby and Tommy Matthews, and I couldn’t have been happier for her. I hated to admit it, but I was shocked that things were going so well. Tommy wasn’t the usual type of guy Ruby fell for. He was much more laid-back and low-key, not her typical crush material. I guessed it was true what they said about opposites attracting, or at least I hoped so for her sake.
Ruby pulled her car into the festival just as the late-morning mob was starting to arrive. Saturday was usually the busiest day, and I felt we were lucky to have found a decent parking space.
The crowd was thick as we made our way through the fair, and we ran into several friends along the way. The atmosphere was relaxed and we were enjoying ourselves immensely, until a familiar voice rang out from the army of festival-goers.
“What’s up, Monroe?” I would recognize that patronizing tone anywhere.
Brett.
“Just ignore him,” Ruby advised, grabbing my elbow and steering me in the opposite direction.
“Hey, you two!” I could tell his voice was getting closer as we attempted to make our way through the horde of people. “Where do you think you’re running off to?”
Before I knew it, he was standing in front of us with his friends, preventing me and Ruby from moving forward.
“Leave us alone, Brett,” Ruby demanded. “Remember what the cops said the last time you got in our way?” It wasn’t so much a question as it was a threat.
A slow smirk spread across Brett’s face as he smugly lifted his chin.
“Oh that! My uncle cleared up that little misunderstanding,” he sneered. “He works for the police department and took care of everything for me. He explained how things were gonna go down to those two rookie cops. They won’t be bothering me anymore.” He nudged his friends and they all began to snicker.
I swallowed hard as I felt a cold sweat come over me. What did that mean? That he could bully me any time he wanted without repercussion? My heart fell into my stomach as I tried to decide how to handle the situation. “I don’t want to argue with you, Brett,” I pleaded quietly.
“Well, I don’t want to argue with you, either,” he said sweetly, but the look on his face said otherwise.
“I just want to go home and pretend like nothing ever happened,” I continued, my voice shaking slightly.
“Go ahead,” he countered. His words didn’t sound menacing, but they came out like a dare.
“Come on, Addy,” Ruby said, grabbing my arm again. She pushed through Brett and his friends and we quickly made our way past them. I wanted to look over my shoulder but fought the urge. We walked for a couple of minutes in silence, then finally I couldn’t take it any longer. I had to know if he was following us. And sure enough, he was.
Brett waved to me as we made eye contact, and I saw him quicken his pace.
“He’s following us,” I said in a panic, looking over at Ruby.
We lengthened our stride as we weaved through the crowd, Brett and his friends hot on our tail the entire time.
“He’s crazy,” Ruby blurted out, but I was too afraid to respond. My voice wouldn’t work. I saw her look behind us again and then she called out, “Come on!”
The fear in my chest mounted, and my only thought was to run as fast as I could.
When the base of the festival came into view, I began to search for Ruby’s car. I turned around one last time, hoping to find that we had lost Brett through the maze of people, but he was still behind us, getting closer.
As we exited the fair, a small noise escaped from the back of my throat, finally breaking the silence. I tried to call to Ruby, but was unable to form any words, yet I could sense that she was running alongside me.
Once the crowd was no longer a hindrance, we broke into a sprint. Relief washed over me when Ruby’s car came into view. We were almost there. I was so focused on our escape that I didn’t see the SUV until it was too late. The last thing I remember was hearing Ruby scream.
Then everything went black.
Chapter Seventeen
“Addy, Jake’s on the phone,” Mags said. She poked her head into my room. Both of my parents were working, so Mags had volunteered to stay with me until they came home.
I looked up at her from my spot on the bed. The same spot I had been lying in for what felt like an eternity. I shook my head and returned to the book I was reading. When I didn’t hear her leave, I cocked my head back in her direction. She was still standing there.
A sad, knowing smile covered her face. “This is the third time he’s called today, honey. Don’t you think you should talk to him?”
I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat, but wasn’t able to speak. All I could do was shake my head again as tears filled my eyes.
Mags was at my side immediately, sitting on my bed and taking me in her arms. It felt so comforting to have her there with me. I realized that I had not hugged her like that since the accident, and I collapsed into her warmth. Suddenly, my turmoil spilled over, bringing with it all of the tears I had been suppressing.
“It’s okay, Addy,” she said softly, stroking my hair. But it didn’t feel okay. Nothing felt okay. Everything felt wrong.
“He’s worried about you. You know that, right?” she asked.
All I could do was nod.
“You’re going to have to talk to him sooner or later.”
“Later,” I cried, my voice muffled against her neck.
She pulled away from me slightly and looked me in the eye, wiping the tears that fell down my cheeks. “You owe him that much, Addison. He cares a great deal about you—and you care about him.”
I hated it when she called me “Addison.” It was her way of saying “and I mean it.” And I didn’t want to hear that, even though I
knew she was right. She gripped my shoulders gently and then trailed downward, her left hand resting on the cast that covered my right arm.
It had been three days since the accident, and three days since I had last seen Jake. I just couldn’t bear to look at him, I was so embarrassed. I knew it didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t my fault that Brett had chased me, or that I had been hit by the SUV. And it certainly wasn’t my fault that I had ended up with a broken arm and concussion. But I felt humiliated all the same.
A lot had transpired in the days following the accident. I ended up having surgery to repair a closed arm fracture and spent the night in the hospital so that the doctors could keep an eye on my concussion. I had to speak with the police—and received an earful from my parents for not having told them what was going on sooner—and then was forced to face the disappointing news that Brett really hadn’t done anything wrong by chasing me. I couldn’t prove that he had ill intent.
My dad did, however, exchange words with Brett’s parents, and I found out from Ruby earlier that morning that Brett had left to stay with his grandparents in Ohio. His mom would be joining him shortly after her divorce was final. I did sigh in relief over that bit of news.
Jake had come to the hospital as soon as he heard what had happened. He stayed all the while I was in surgery and into the night. I barely remember him being there—I was only awake for short periods of time—but the look on his face was seared into my memory. It was a mixture of emotions, ranging from worry and fear to anger and hate. I knew he blamed Brett for what had happened—I blamed him, too. But a lot of good that did me.
I told my mom the following day that if Jake stopped by, I didn’t want to see him. I told her to tell him that I was “too tired” or that I didn’t “feel up to it.” She tried to protest, but I didn’t care what she said—I just didn’t want him there. The thought of facing him was too humiliating.
So, the only piece of unfinished business that remained now was Jake—yet I still couldn’t bring myself to deal with it.
“I know what you’re doing,” Mags said, bringing her hand to my face. Very gently, she tucked my hair behind my ear.
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